Hokage no Isan: Hi no Ishi
by kyugan
Summary: Three years have come and gone...our heroes have grown and matured...now they return...and they're ready to kick some ASS!
1. Prologue

Hey everyone, your humble review-whore Kyugan here.

Now as you know, I"ve been falling behind on my updates and normally I'd make some long ass excuse involving college, a job, G. (Senior AND Junior) or there being too many interesting things on T.V/Internet.

However, I don't think I'll be needing an excuse this time, as, unlike Kakashi here, (Kicks slumbering Kakashi, who is wearing Icha-Icha Boxers .tm, and his mask-bodysuit. ) I have a HIGHLY valid excuse.

Kakashi: -snort- NO Sensei don't touch me there!

Kyugan:...Ooookay...(BOOT TO THE NADS NO JUTSU)

Kakashi: GUAAAARRRGGGGHHHH!!!!! [(Noise he makes in the japanese ultimate ninja games when you beat him) curls up holding crotch] Gai so help me if you did that top challenge me again I'm gonna-!

Kyugan: (Grins down at Kakashi) S'up bitch?

Kakashi: (pales) oh no...nonononononono! You aren't real! You're a hallucination! A genjutsu! (Moulds chakra as Kyugan's ominous laughter fills the room) KAI! KAI! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! KAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!

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Prologue

A shadow flitted silently through the grass, glowing eyes taking in the surroundings, narrowing at the slightest inclination of movement, the barest hint of a sound.

It was being followed, nothing new there, the beast was USED to being followed. Two on each flank, though it seemed that the latest batch of pursuers were a little green however, which presented so many opportunities for it to exploit.

A burst of movement from both flanks and the rear heralded it's own retreat, tearing through the foliage like a streak of copper lightning, even as the pursuers attempted to waylay it.

Forgoing the forest, as it had likely been compromised, the beast leapt into the open air, dodging and weaving through streets, taking routes that whilst easily traversable for something of it's noble size, would hinder and possibly discourage it's larger pursuers.

No such luck. They just kept on coming, tearing through the obstacles with a stubbornness that hadn't tormented it since The Fox had left.

Every beast in the surrounding area knew of The Fox, though none could understand why it had chosen to assume the form of the hairless ones. However, they knew better than to cross it, for none had forgotten the terror it had wrought no more than fifteen years prior, nor did they dare to dream that it had forgotten it either.

Even the other, local foxes steered clear of The Fox, the males because they weren't stupid enough to challenge something like THAT, and the females because…well…everything in moderation right?

But this new group of hairless ones seemed to be taking a leaf out of The Fox's book, though they didn't seem as capable, or as organized.

A shiver raced up its spine as _something _hurtled through the air, cleaving a path of destruction that blocked the way forward. Taking a side route out of desperation, having never come up against something like it before, would prove to be a costly mistake, as it leveled off at a dead end that proved un-scalable.

And so, cornered and surrounded, it turned to face it's apparent tormentors, knowing that it would have to fight it's way out.

Only then, as it counted the forms before it and a shadow descended from above, did Tora realize that one of his pursuers was missing.

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"Yare-yare…" Koganei Kaoru grumbled, watching as Konohamaru tussled with an irate Tora, the Kogon Ankin, in its Mikazuki form, resting over his shoulder; The youth was dressed in a Grey shirt over a Konoha long-sleeve, his shorts replaced with hiking pants hacked off around mid-shin level "How many times does this make it?"

"Fourteen this week." Udon relayed, pushing up his glasses with a sniff, Moegi looking on in concern as the late sandaime's grandson continued to tussle with the vindictive feline Houdini "At least, that's how many times WE'VE been ordered to track him down."

"HOLD STILL DAMMIT!" Konohamaru snarled over the wailing and spitting of his feline nemesis "WE CAUGHT YOU! YOU'RE CAUGHT! BE CAUGHT WILL YA!?"

"You'd think the dumb thing would've learned by now." Kaoru muttered, shaking his head in disbelief "Ah well, better let Ebisu-sensei know…"

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"TORA-CHAAAAAAN!" cheered the corpulent form of Lady Shijimi, the fire Daimyo's beloved wife, as she pressed the resigned, weeping feline to her blubbery cheek "Why do you keep running away? Mommy missed you so!"

"If I were that cat I'd run too." Konohamaru muttered treasonously, earning sage nods from his teammates, and a shocked rebuttal from Ebisu, who tried to hush the youths up before they lost their heads…literally. Though the jounin had to admit he could finally understand why the Fire Daimyo spent so much time in the office.

"But seriously, Iruka-sensei." Kaoru muttered, tapping the Kogon Ankin against his foot irritably "Don't you got any missions with a bit more excitement?"

"Yeah!" Konohamaru agreed clenching both fists in front of him excitedly, as if to emphasize his eagerness "Naruto-aniki went on A-ranks that ended up saving whole countries!"

"BAKA!" Iruka hissed, trying to silence the Sandaime's grandson, though he couldn't help but feel a little proud at the same time. Naruto, the youth he'd put more effort into than anyone else, his little hellion, had accomplished so much since leaving with Jiraiya-sama on his training tip. Countless allied countries of Konoha had sent word forward, extending the hand of thanks for services rendered in the name of the leaf.

He suspected the Godaime wanted to keep the hellion on his toes, whilst limiting the opportunities for Jiraiya to pass on his…less desirable traits during the training. Nano no kuni, Hana no kuni, even as far as Yuki no kuni, word had spread of a redheaded youth that fought with the strength and resilience of a demon, with a heart and smile even a bodhisattva would envy.

Admittedly, having Jiraiya-sama as back up meant a lot of the glory was divided, but the mere fact that the former village pariah was out there making ties that would aid Konoha...

That being said, for all his idolization, Sarutobi Konohamaru was NOT Uzumaki Naruto, just as Koganei Kaoru was no Hanabishi Recca, no matter how similar the two acted to their peers.

"Konohamaru-kun! Kaoru-kun!" Ebisu chastised, hands on his hips as he stood beside the team "You've only been out of the academy for a month at most, D-ranks are the most you can expect!"

"And besides." Iruka pointed out with a sigh "Naruto-kun's missions end up like that because of unexplained variables. When the missions were assigned, they were, at the least, C-class escort missions."

"That's what makes it exciting!" Kaoru teased, a grin on his face that was echoingly familiar of a certain enjutsu-shi "Wouldn't be any fun if everything was predictable!"

"That's right!" Konohamaru agreed, crossing his arms and sitting down, his legs crossed beneath himwith an annoyed snort "After all, I'm the future Nanadaime Hokage!"

"Nanadaime?" Tsunade repeated, blinking out of her bored stupor alongside the other adults in the room as she quirked an eyebrow at her late sensei's grandson "What about Rokudaime?"

The youths grinned, Konohamaru fiddling with his Hitai-ate as he did so. "That title belongs to Naruto-aniki!" he exclaimed confidently, earning looks of surprise from the gathered adults.

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In the forest just outside of Konoha a redheaded teen let out a sneeze that startled every bird in the area to wing. "Catching a cold?" her companion asked, good humor mixing with the maturity in his voice "Or maybe someone's talking about you...an admirer perhaps?"

"Urusei, Ero-sennin." The redhead retorted with a sniff, light glinting off a Konoha Hitai-ate as the tree line gave way to a familiar giant set of gates "We're back."

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(A Dial tone sounds)

(Shadow of Kyuubi roaring in the background, fades to an image of Naruto as we last saw him/her, running in profile.)

_Wanna be the biggest dreamer_

(Zooms out to reveal Recca and Domon as we last saw them, also running, Recca in front and Domon behind Naruto.)

_Zensokuryoku de_

(Zooms out further to reveal the other genin, also running in a V formation)

_Mirai mo…Ima mo…Kake nukero..._

_(The genin turn their heads to look at the viewers)_

**Hokage no Issan:**

(Shows Prankster trio walking away from camera)

_Sou, boku wa ki zuitan da_

(Naruto turns to look back, revealing Konoha, with Tsunade's face on the monument)

_Zutto shukudai wasureteta_

(Kaoru leaps out from a crowd with Konohamaru &co, Fuko is sitting on a telegraph pole and Mikagami is leaning against a wall.)

_Sore wa hitotsu no nazo-nazo-nazo_

(Kagero is feeding doves from the patio with Reiran; looks up as the camera zooms out.)

_"Boku wa…dare nan darou?"_

(The prankster trio hold their fists in the air)

_SURAIDINGU shite surimuketa hiza_

(Camera zooms out to reveal the other genin, plus sand siblings, in similar positions)

_Itakutatte ne_

(Team Eight form rank against a background with a serious Kurenai.)

_Sugu tachiagaranakya_

(Tea Ten form rank against a background with a serious Asuma.)

_CHANSU wa nigete_

(Team Gai form Rank against a background with a serious Gai)

_Yuku, wakatteru sa!_

(Kyuubi-Naruto & Lvl2-Sasuke clash!)

(Recca summons the Karyuu in rapid succession, hiding his form, to be replaced by an older looking Recca in a traditional Hokage ninja outfit)

_Big and Bigger! Biggest dreamer! Yume miru koto ga,_

(Brief image of Sasuke, followed by Domon twirling Kubikiri Houcho whilst Kuchibashi-o snakes around him, Tetsugan activated, replaced with an older Domon in a worn Gi over fishnet, an Oni mask on his face.)

_Subete hajimari, sore ga kotare daro_

(Shadowy image of Kurei's back, followed by Kakashi charging up a Raikiri, his sharingan visible.)

_Dare yori tooku-e tonde miseru yo._

(Kakashi charges at the screen, which zooms in on his Sharingan, which seems to morph before the pupil fills the screen.)

_Subete no. Asu wo. Tsuranuite!_

(Recca, Domon and Kakashi turn their heads towards something off screen, faces serious)

_Wanna be the biggest dreamer! Zensokuryoku de-!_

(Naruto walks towards the screen, drawing a sword from behind, features in shadow.)

_Mirai mo…Ima mo…_

(Shadow fades to reveal and older Naruto, her hair fully red with blond highlights, the shadow of a larger, male figure hovering just behind her, in a similar pose.)

_Kake nukero…!_

A light forms in the background, followed by Naruto (sealed), Recca and Domon walking out side by side, Recca in the middle, Naruto on his left and Domon on his right, Recca holds his Tekko before his face, Naruto moves into a Battojutsu stance and Domon grips Kubikiri Houcho as they make to lunge forward.

**Hi no Ishi**

Coming soon...

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The song used for this opening was the japanese opening to Digimon Tamers, or Season 3 for those that need a little clarity.

Here's the translation:

Wanna be the biggest dreamer

Running Full Speed through,

The Future and the Present.

*

That's right, I just realized,

I forgot to do my homework.

This really is a puzzle, puzzle, puzzle;

"Who am I?"

*

Even if I slide,

And scrape my knees,

I gotta stand right back up,

I know my chance will run away.

*

Big and Bigger, Biggest Dreamer!

Dreams are the begining of everything.

That's the answer,

I'll fly higher than anyone,

Through all the tomorrow's.

*

Wanna be the Biggest Dreamer!

Running full speed through;

Both the future...and the Present!

End song.

Props to , which is where I got the lyrics.

You like? Lemme know!

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	2. Chapter 1

Hey folks, Kyugan here, wanting to welcome you all back to witness the Second series of HnI. I see a lot of old faces out there as well as a few new ones, and I hope you missed me as much as I missed you.

Now before we get started, I just thought I'd clear up a few things for those of you that had questions left over from last time.

First and formost, Naruto, despite appearances is NOT a girl, he's simply stuck in female form because of the sealing madogu Koku crafted for him sealing off the Yang chakra. [For those just signing in, Madogu (Psychic devices/ninja talismans) are tools crafted by the Hokage Ninja clan of Flame of Recca fame. Some grant elemental abilites, others act simply as ninja weapins, and all are weird as hell in appearance.] As such, when in girl form, he will be referred to as she.

Second, No I'm not telling who the father of Anko's baby is, nor will said child be making an appearance for some time. By that point you should have more than enough hints to piece things together.

People that died to move the plot along are STILL going to die. I may hate killing them off, but their death's were instrumental to the main plotline, and a lot of events only occured because of them. (I.e. Shikamaru getting motivated to take down Kakuzu & Hidan and the Sage training saga for Naruto.)

And Finally yes, there will be Kaka-bashing.

Kakashi: (Walking down the streets of Konoha) I got a bad feeling...he let me walk away too easily...

* * *

Training concludes; Naruto's return!

Konohagakure no sato, the village hidden in the leaves. Surrounded on all sides by a veritable ocean of trees that put redwoods to shame, with a mighty mountain range guarding the rear, it stood as a symbol of the dedication and power of the people of Hi no Kuni.

Many were the hardships faced by this village since it's founding, from the Senju-Uchiha conflicts to the third shinobi war, not to mention the now legendary confrontation with the Kyuubi no Kitsune.

The Hokages, the leaders and heroes of the village, were eternally preserved in the monument that loomed over the village, their faces carved from the cliff-face, so that they may forever watch over their beloved home. Recently, a new, fifth face had been added to the monument, the stone features that of a woman of proud beauty, even carved from stone.

The owner of the face, the legendary slug sennin, Senju Tsunade, was currently reading over a set of reports she'd been given with an annoyed scowl. Had anyone laid eyes on her, they'd have assumed she was a woman in her late-twenties, early thirties at the offset, those that took the time to lift their eyes to meet her own that is. Nary a wrinkle showed on her face or brow, the regal, commanding beauty that generals would have gone to war for marred only by the frown as she delicately tore one of the many attempts to subvert her authority into shreds, before tossing it in the overflowing wastebin by her desk.

Needless to say, when the woman's attendant, Shizune, entered with another stack of papers, she was met with a glare that, had she been male, would have shriveled her balls up. As it were, the medic merely smiled reassuringly and placed the stack before her master.

"These merely require a stamp Tsunade-sama." She assured the irate godaime "They're receipts for the debts you've paid off." She chuckled as the blonde's glare intensified, before pulling out a scroll "Also, one of Jiraiya-sama's toads brought this in."

Tsunade blinked, taking the scroll, noting it had already been checked for traps, before biting her thumb and rubbing it along the latch. Security was everything in a hidden village, and private letters between the Kages and the few people they trusted generally had more than one level of protection on them…other than the messenger of course.

Unrolling the seal, and promptly ignoring her old teammate's dramatic introduction, with several attempts to ask her out on a date included, she skipped to the shorter, more important scripts, which contained cliff notes concerning the movements of their enemies, namely Akatsuki and Otogakure, as well as the training of a certain hothead the two had come to regard as their…not quite son.

_'The brat's doing well…TOO well I might say, I swear it's like dealing with Kushina-chan all over again…just the other day he slugged me for something that wasn't my fault!'_

Tsunade HIGHLY doubted that, considering she knew the antics her former teammate got up to on his little romps outside the village, but pressed on with a slight smirk.

_'Anyways, we'll be on our way back by the time this message gets underway, we're not to far so I figured we'd take the scenic route…maybe do a little research…'_

Tsunade bit of a growl at that last part, knowing all too well the type of 'research' the old letch had in mind, before pressing on.

_'…gotta go, the brat's getting impatient again. We should be back in Konoha by the time this reaches you. __Professing his eternal love for you, your loyal servant, the master of toads, the courtier of danger, the-'_

Tsunade snorted, rolling the scroll up, having grown used to her teammate's bravado over the years. It never ceased to amuse her how highly the pervert saw himself, nor how easy it was to knock him off his pedestal. "Good news, Tsunade-sama?" Shizune asked, noting the small smile on her master's face that only two people could rouse, both of which were currently on a training trip.

"Better than good." Tsunade replied, rising from her chair and pulling on her coat with a flourish as she stepped past her confused former pupil/attendant "They're back."

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"Two and a half years…" an aged, yet undeniably jovial voice noted. The owner, a bear of a man with a mane of white hair, walking through the gates of Konoha, smiling as he was absorbed into the crowd, sunlight glinting off a horned headband with the kanji for 'oil'. A backpack landed at his feet, the owner blurring past him, rushing up a post like a streak of lightning. "Heh…Energetic as always I see." He chuckled, eyeing his apprentice with wry amusement from below.

Said apprentice was a red-haired figure wearing what appeared to be a skintight black ANBU leotard with black leg and arm bracers and Konoha sandals. Her form under the outfit was toned yet muscled, her curves drawing attention from several figures below as she ran her eyes over the village from on high. Red hair, tamed by a braid, ran down to the small of her back, leaving a spiky mess atop her head. Full breasts pushed against the mesh shirt of a Chunin vest, rising and falling with her breath. She spread her arms wide, as if to embrace the village before her, the intricately designed tekko on her right arm glinting in the sun, a sheathed Katana hanging horizontal to her waist from the back..

"I missed this place…" the teen breathed, inhaling the familiar smells of home as she stretched her arms out wide, as if to embrace the village, the wind ruffling her hair "There really is no place like home."

She blinked, noting something a little different about the place, before breaking into a wide grin as she espied the latest addition to the Hokage monument. "Well I'll be a tanuki's uncle! Big Booby-neechan finally got round to posing for her statue!" she snickered at the sight "Looks nothing like her, they shoulda done her when she was pissed."

"And here I was hoping you'd grown up a little." A bored voice noted, though there was a hint of amusement in the tone. The redhead turned to address the speaker, only to blink as she came face to facemask with a grey-haired jounin that was reclining on a roof nearby, a hardback bundle of perverseness in his hand. "Yo, Naruto."

"Kaka-sensei!" the redhead exclaimed, beaming at her jounin-sensei as she leapt over to join him on the roof "Man…you haven't changed at all…still a pervert too."

"Why change a winning combination?" Kakashi chuckled, looking his student over carefully with his visible eye "So…still stuck huh?"

Naruto shrugged, having actually grown used to the change during the trip "Meh, no big deal, S'my body whatever way you look at it." she frowned briefly "Though a certain SOMEONE needs to learn the value of privacy."

"A true shinobi never lets his guard down." Jiraiya shot back in a singsong voice, leaning against the pole his apprentice had just vacated, only to receive a tile to the head.

"A true master doesn't ogle his impressionable students whilst training either." The redhead pointed out, smirking as the sennin's curses rose up to them "Oh! By the way…" she muttered, riffling through her equipment pouch "I got you something sensei…I think you'll like it too!"

Kakashi chuckled, closing his beloved signed, first edition copy of Icha-Icha violence, in order to humor his student.

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Haruno Sakura and Sakoshita Yanagi were the only member of Tsunade's new medical corps currently on duty when the Godaime stopped by. The pink haired girl had grown in the last few years, her once scrawny frame replaced by one more akin to a kunoichi, black, fingerless gloves on her hands and the latest medical pack replacing her old equipment pouch. Yanagi, had developed also, standing less than an inch under Sakura's height, with a healthier build than the clumsy, un-athletic girl from two years ago.

While Sakura had forgone her dress in favor of a sleeveless vest, short skirt and shorts, Yanagi wore a more traditional kunoichi outfit, a mesh shirt under a red, sleeveless kunoichi gi, with a short skirt over her shorts. Also, while Sakura had cut her hair over the years, Yanagi still maintained her ponytail, though she'd switched the old band for one with beads.

"Sakura, Yanagi." The godaime called out, drawing their attention from their carefull documentation of medical charts "Care to come for a walk with me?"

"Is something the matter, Tsunade-shishou?" Sakura asked, looking at the medical prodigy in confusion, which only grew as the Godaime smirked enigmatically.

"Nothing serious." Tsunade assured them, a smile on her face as she thumbed over her shoulder "I just figured you'd like to greet our favorite lunkhead."

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"N-NANI-?!" Kakashi exclaimed, his face lined dramatically as he held a disbelieving hand before him, as if to shield him from the sight "You…how did you…? T-this is…!"

Naruto grinned, holding out a little green book with the image of a squatting silhouette of a man in thought. "Yup! The latest edition of the Icha-Icha series to come out in three years!" she exclaimed dangling the book under the trembling jounin's nose, lifting it out of reach whenever he tried to reach for it "It's really boring though…maybe you wouldn't like it after all…"

'Insolent brat…' Jiraiya growled, scowling up at his disciple as the redhead continued to torment Kakashi with the book 'that's an unreleased masterpiece as well, it'll be worth it's weight in gold in a couple of years.'

"Hmm?" Naruto teased, dangling the book out of Kakashi's reach "You want this boring old thing? You really do?" she chuckled as Kakashi nodded eagerly, his visible eye pulling off the 'Koinu-gan no jutsu' the redhead had perfected years ago "well then…what say you buy the ramen at the next team get together?"

Kakashi nodded eagerly, for that was a small price to pay, in his opinion, to simply HOLD the literary ambrosia that Naruto now surrendered to his trembling hands. Hugging it close, resisting the urge to stroke the precious, he instead reached for the hallowed cover, opening to the first page as light seemed to shine from the pages and angels cried out Halleluiah.

'It's so…beautiful…' the copy-nin wept, a single masculine tear sliding down his mask as he let his visible eye roam over that first blessed sentence 'And this is simply the opening credits!'

"Kakashi-sensei…" Naruto called out, waving her hand in front of the dazed jounin's face to now response "Oi…Kaka-sensei!" She sighed when this produced no result, before grinning and sidling up behind the man, making a tiger seal with her fingers.

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The citizens of Konoha blinked as Kakashi's yelp echoed over their heads, watching idly as the copy-nin soared overhead, clutching his abused rear with one hand, the other holding a small green book to his chest as if it were his first born child, turning to protect it even as he crashed into a nearby alley, upsetting dumpsters and stray cats alike.

It was, after all, not uncommon for Jounin to snap in their old age.

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Several minutes, and a couple of well placed glares on behalf of Kakashi, and the group were walking down the streets towards Ichiraku ramen, Naruto singing the stand's name cheerfully while her two sensei conversed a few feet behind her.

"You WERE asking for it." Jiraiya chuckled, eyeing the peeved jounin out the corner of his eye with a hint of mirth "Never let your guard down around the kid…he's all yours now."

"Hai." Kakashi acknowledged, sighing in an attempt to calm himself as he turned the page of Icha-Icha Tactics, all thoughts of gruesome revenge put aside as he focused on his gift, though his ears diligently attended to Jiraiya's words.

"Akatsuki's been to quiet since we left." The sennin continued, frowning at the mention of the group "Knowing them they've gotta be feeling hot under the collar…they could try for Naruto again at any moment." He nodded solemnly "I'm going to see what I can dig up in the meanwhile, but until then-"

The conversation was cut off as Naruto let out a yell of surprise, drawing their attention to a group of three the redhead had spotted, namely the Godaime, with two of her students. "Sakura-chan! Yanagi-neechan!" the redhead exclaimed dashing over and embracing the two in a hug that caused a red stain to form on Kakashi's mask "It's been ages!"

"E-eh?" Sakura exclaimed, staring at the redhead in confusion "I-I'm sorry…do I know you miss?" she took in the features with a blink "Aren't you…from the hospital…?"

"AH! Naruto!" Yanagi exclaimed, returning the hug, inadvertently burying her face in the redhead's ample chest, causing a leer to spread across Jiraiya's features "You're back!"

"N-NARUTO?!" Sakura yelped, eyes bugging out as she stared at the grinning, buxom redhead in alarm, and a little jealousy "But…you aren't…is that a-?!"

"It's no jutsu Sakura." Tsunade assured her apprentice as she walked up "That Tekko reinforces the seal on Kyuubi…but as a result…" she gestured to Naruto to emphasize the point.

'So that time…when the girls got together-!' Sakura realized, before gaping at the decidedly nervous redhead 'She looks…I mean HE looks…wow.'

That was an understatement. Naruto was, in this form, far more appealing than even his Oiroke no jutsu, and that was saying something. Curves that drew the eyes of anyone that looked their way, a lithe, yet toned build that hinted at an active lifestyle, not to mention the fiery red hair and red-ringed blue eyes.

'On top of that…' the pink haired medic grumbled, glaring at the former pariah's ample chest, the exact opposite to her own, relatively flat in comprison, one 'Just what in the hell has he been feeding those things?!'

"Wow Naruto, you're stacked!" Yanagi noted, grabbing a palm full of cleavage through the chunin vest, causing Sakura's eyes to near pop out of her skull "You're probably bigger than Fuko-chan!"

"Yanagi-nee…" the redhead deadpanned, arms at her sides as she shot the innocent blonde a deadpan expression that caused Tsunade to chuckle "You mind?"

Yanagi blinked, before blushing and dropping her hands with a squeak, Tsunade shooting her teammate a glare as she spotted him taking notes and drooling like an idiot. "You've grown gaki." The Godaime noted, bending over slightly to lift up the redhead's Hitai-ate, planting a kiss on her forehead "Okairinasai."

Naruto blinked, before smiling fondly at the woman that had come to be a second mother figure to her "Tadaima…big-booby neechan."

"OIROKE NO JUTSU!"

The group, save Kakashi, who was too absorbed by his book, blinked as a burst of smoke formed not five feet away, only to gape as a curvaceous brunette that bore a passing resemblance to Shizune posed nude in the middle of the street, eliciting a lecherous cheer from Jiraiya, warding signs from Sakura, and deadpan expressions from Tsunade and Naruto.

"Naruto-Niichan!" the woman exclaimed, changing mid-squeal to a familiar, if older, youth with the hereditary Sarutobi crop of spiky hair, his ever-present blue scarf wrapped around his neck "Whadd'ya…think?"

"Konohamaru…" Naruto muttered, looking the genin over with an exasperated expression as he trailed off "That technique's only supposed to be used to catch perverts off-guard." she frowned as the teen continued to gape at her "What?"

"NARUTO-NIICHAN YOU RULE!" Konohamaru cheered, giving the redhead two thumbs up, his eyes white circles "That forms ten, no, a HUNDRED times sexier than the old one! Even with the clothes on!"

Silence reigned as Jiraiya's cackles echoed in the street, Tsunade coughing guiltily into her fist alongside him. Sakura had recoiled in horror at what the youth was insinuating, Yanagi merely looking between the two in confusion as Kakashi, who was still absorbed in the world of Icha-Icha, failed to notice Naruto's face was starting to match her hair…and not entirely because of embarrassment.

"Konohamaru…" the redhead muttered, putting a hand to her forehead in exasperation, before looking the suddenly nervous Sarutobi youth in the eye "Start running."

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"Well…" Tsunade chuckled, watching as Naruto chased her sensei's grandson down the street, Katana drawn and screaming for blood "I suppose it's a small mercy he didn't grow up to be like you."

"Like you're one to talk?" Jiraiya muttered, eyeing a certain pinkette as she joined in the hunt, smashing the pavement in her wake, Yanagi chasing after them in an attempt to calm the pair down.

Tsunade coughed discretely, looking away from the man as he turned his gaze to her. "A-anyway!" she stated, clearing her throat authoritatively before turning to face her former teammate "I see you gave him his vest?"

"He'd more than earned it despite what the few remaining skeptics may say otherwise." Jiraiya assured her, grinning broadly "Not that I handed it over right away mind you."

"Jiraiya…" Tsunade warned, looking the man over with a scowl, not liking that grin on his face any more than she had during their genin days "What did you do?"

"Oh nothing…" Jiraiya replied suggestively, only to flinch under the patented Tsunade glare "Okay-Okay! It was about a year into the trip…"

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_Flashback_

_"EH?!" Naruto screeched, eyes bulging as she gaped at the sennin in disbelief, pointing a trembling finger at him for emphasis "You want me to help write your pervy trash?!"_

_"BAKA!" Jiraiya barked, grinding his knuckles into the teen's skull, leaving a smoking lump behind "I'm just asking you to proof-read my latest work, not add to it!"_

_"Hmmph, like it matters." The currently female genin muttered petulantly, arms crossed under her breasts "From what I've seen I do it better than you do."_

_"THAT WAS A FLUKE!" Jiraiya snarled, throwing his arms in the air in exasperation, his hair spiking up in rage "THERE'S NO WAY A BRAT LIKE YOU COULD SURPASS MY LITERARY SKILLS!" he snorted, seemingly calming down as she shrugged dismissively "Who am I kidding? You probably can't even SPELL literary skills!"_

_"That a challenge?" Naruto growled, eyes flashing red as she glared at the chuckling sennin, who seemed honestly amused with her show of irritation._

_"Ho? You think you're up to it?" Jiraiya scoffed "Fine then, you have until I meet with my publicist in the next big town, if you can even come up with a halfway decent novel, I'll give you your chunin vest."_

_"YOSH!" the redhead exclaimed, pumping an arm, unconsciously giggling her bust in the process "Just you wait and see Ero-sennin! I'll write circles around you!"_

_End Flashback_

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"I don't believe you…" Tsunade grumbled, rubbing her forehead with her fingers as she shook her head in disbeleif "You had him write soft core smut?"

"Nuthin' soft about it!" Jiraiya admitted, earning a look from his teammate that, on any other man, would've frozen their balls off "Erm…that is to say…oh what the hell."

He fiddled with his backpack for a few seconds, pulling out a paperback novel and handing it to her. She frowned, lifting it up with a snort, only to blink at the cover "Tendo Rakuen...Kinda dramatic don't you think?" she asked, pointing at the title.

"Give it a look." Jiraiya offered, crossing his arms with a smirk, the kind of smirk a kindly, perverse grandfather wears knowing his prodigal grandson had taken a step towards matching him "you'll be surprised."

Tsunade scoffed, flipping the book over and looking over the artwork with a half-lidded, deadpan expression. Within minutes, her eyes had slowly widened, a faint blush rising to her cheeks as she gripped the pages with both hands. "Well?" Jiraiya asked, blinking as she gave a startled gasp, clapping the pages shut and turning to face him like a startled cat "Uh…Tsunade?"

"N-nothing!" the godaime coughed, clearing her throat and fighting down the flush "I'm fine, good work with Naruto." She looked at him authoritatively "Let Kakashi deal with him for now, you just worry about Akatsuki and Orochimaru."

"Ah." Jiraiya agreed, nodding solemnly as he turned on his heel, only to pause to find the woman staring at the book hungrily "Um…I'm going to need that back…" he flinched as she hissed at him, pigtails floating behind her "…right…I'll lend it to you for a while…" he muttered, before sauntering off with a grumble.

"Jiraiya!" Tsunade called out, prompting him to turn back to find her looking the other way, a faint blush on her cheeks "…welcome home."

Jiraiya grinned at her and gave a mock salute, before turning on his heel and disappearing via shunshin.

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"Mataku…" Naruto growled, scratching her head with one hand, the other on her hip as she walked down the street alongside Yanagi and Sakura "Konohamaru's really gotta learn to keep his trap shut."

Yanagi giggled, recalling how the youth had promised to never bring up the redhead's form again, though the validity of the statement was skeptical, as he'd been staring at Naruto's bust the entire time. So had Sakura for that matter, though she'd hidden it well.

The pinkette seemed at an absolute loss for words. Sure she could accept the redhead was Naruto, she'd seen the Orioke no jutsu enough times to know the former blonde wasn't a stranger to complete gender-bender transformations. But even so, she'd always managed to buck herself up from feeling inferior by reminding herself that, despite the size of the curves, Naruto was still a undersized kid underneath it all.

Now however, since the seal physically altered his body, the teen stood a few inches TALLER than sakura, half a foot at least, and not only that, had filled out proportionately too. She couldn't even hold her rank over the former blonde, as it appeared he'd advanced through the ranks during their tenure abroad.

"Ano, Naruto-kun." Yanagi asked, whilst Sakura grumbled to herself about the unfairness of it all, arms crossed over her chest "What's with the leotard?"

"Eh?" Naruto replied, before looking down at her attire and chuckling, scratching her head in embarrassment "Er…my old cloche's kinda…fell apart halfway through the trip…this was the only thing that survived."

"Couldn't you have gone clothes-shopping?" Sakura grumbled, glaring at the all-too-revealing bodysuit distastefully, wondering where the hell she'd seen it before.

"With Ero-sennin?" the former blonde deadpanned, earning a sweatdrop from the pinkette "Every time I mentioned clothes-shopping he'd whip out a pile of cosplay outfits and ask me to pose in them for 'research'…" she shivered, tearstains lining the side of her face "So…much…lace…"

Yanagi blushed, covering her mouth in embarrassment whilst Sakura seemed to suddenly burst into flames. 'SHANNARO!' inner sakura screeched 'WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON THAT OLD LETCH I'M GONNA-!'

Fortunately for Jiraiya the intentions of Sakura's 'darker half' would remain within her head, for if they'd been spoken aloud, he'd have probably dropped dead from the chill...or suffer unfortunate shrinkage. As it were, the unlikely trio continued on their way, the two natural kunoichi's trying to wrangle an in depth description of the redhead's training, when she perked up.

"Isn't that…" Naruto wondered, before breaking into a grin as a familiar, bored, mildly annoyed expression became visible through the crowd of villagers "Shikamaru!"

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The Nara scion blinked, looking up from his walk in surprise as a redheaded kunoichi, and a rather buxom one at that, ran towards him, waving and grinning like the cat that got the canary. "Man it's been ages!" the redhead greeted, coming to a halt right in front of the genius, who could only gape at her in confusion "But you're looking fitter than ever!"

Shikamaru shivered as he felt a piercing glare dig into his back, the culprit none other than Temari, the oldest of the sand siblings and one of the scariest women on the face of the earth, and jounin class to boot.

She also happened to be rather possessive and jealous at times, and just so happened to be on good terms with the young man's mother, a scary combination if there ever was one.

"Nara…" the blonde kunoichi muttered, earning a shiver from the henpecked shadow manipulator as her voice dipped into something in the negative degrees "WHO is this?"

"Eh?" the redhead wondered, blinking at the irate suna kunoichi in confusion, before smiling at her in recognition "AH! You're Gaara's big sister! Small world!"

Temari blinked, a little off guard at the woman's familiarity, before shaking herself and looking at her closely "Have we met?"

"What? You mean you forgot this mug?" the redhead grinned, only to blink and look down at herself "Oh…right, you never saw me after the valley."

"Valley?" Shikamaru repeated, his brain torn between keeping his hide in one piece and oggling the redhead in a daze, only for his eyes to widen as he gaped at said redhead in disbelief "Don't tell me…Naruto?!"

"Yep-yep!" the Hanyou chirped, grinning like a loon, hands behind her head, balancing on one foot with the other crossed behind her leg "in the flesh!"

'Naruto…the shrimpy Kyuubi no jinchuuriki?!' Temari exclaimed, eyes widening as she gaped at the snickering redhead 'But…she was…I mean HE was-!'

"I know what you're thinking." The redhead's voice called out, holding up her right arm to reveal the tekko "It's a side-effect of this thing, a little added precaution to keep my demon chakra under control." She snorted "Plus-side, my chakra control and agility goes up." She winced and pushed against her back, ironically pushing her breasts out "Downside…my back's killing me-tebayo…"

Shikamaru choked, face flushing scarlet as he averted his eyes, lest he incur the wrath of his escort, and by proxy his mother. 'He's a guy.' He recited as he fought to banish the images that where cropping up in his mind 'It's just like his retarded Orioke no jutsu…he's really a guy no matter how sexy he is…GODAMMIT!'

Temari watched as the Nara gripped his head and seemed to gyrate on the spot for a few seconds, before walking up to the redhead, almost hesitantly, and poking her in the cleavage "They're really real," She muttered, grabbing a handful despite her distraught escort's squawks "Big too, what the heck are you feeding these things?"

"You mind?" Naruto growled, eyebrow twitching as the kunoichi blinked, as if coming back to her senses, sighing as she backed off with a gasped apology "Mataku…what's so damn fascinating about them? They're nowhere near as big as Tsunade-neechan's."

'No, but they're pretty darn close.' Shikamaru's mind thought treacherously, it's owner's gyrations increasing as this brought on a further influx of images.

He'd definitely need to speak with Ino's old man later. A memory suppression jutsu was in order.

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"Wow…" Naruto breathed, walking alongside Temari as the group moved towards the Hokage tower "So Neji, Kankurou and yourself made Jounin?"

"Pretty much." Temari admitted, still trying to wrap her mind around the fact that the bombshell at her side was the same gaki that beat the living shit out of Gaara, whilst simultaneously beating a bit of human compassion back into him "Wasn't easy lemme tell you."

"And what about Gaara?" the redhead asked, looking over at his fellow redhead's older sister "How's he been doing, he learnt to laugh a little yet? Or did he go back to brooding all the time?"

"Not as much no." Temari admitted, though there was a warm smile on her face all the same "But then again, his serious disposition suits his new position perfectly."

"Eh?" Naruto wondered, sweat dropping at the woman's look of pride "Wait a minute…don't tell me…!"

Temari smirked, nodding her head in admission, feeling another burst of satisfaction at the look of shock in those red-ringed blue eyes.

"Gaara's a Dad?!" Naruto exclaimed, blinking as Temari face faulted so hard she left a pothole in the street, legs twitching in the air, her kimono riding down a little, the view causing Shikamaru to break out in a cold sweat "Temari-nee?"

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"Kazekage-sama?" Baki enquired, looking over at his former student in concern as the teen let out an impressive sneeze that actually caused the wind to increase for a few seconds "Are you alright?"

"Fine." Gaara assured the man, rubbing his nose with a sniff, though internally he wondered what on earth had caused him to sneeze. Any sand or dust particles that came too close were drawn to the sand shield that covered his body like magnets.

"As I was saying." Councilor Yura continued, nodding respectfully at the young Kazekage "The Power of our village has stabilized over the past few years, with foreign relationships with our allies strengthening as a result." He nodded "Also, we've seen impressive results from the training program we adopted from Konoha that was added to our own curriculum."

"The chunin exams are coming up soon." An older council member noted with an eager smirk as he cupped his chin "Can't wait to see the results this time round."

"The closeness of the exams makes my next issue all the more disturbing." Yura replied, drawing everyone's attention to the younger council member "There have been rumors circulating…"

"Rumors?" Baki repeated, raising an eyebrow at the man while Gaara frowned in thought. Yura may be only slightly younger than Baki, but the jounin had known him for some time now. He was a cool, levelheaded shinobi that hardly ever got unnerved, even against overwhelming odds. For something to have unsettled him enough to voice his concerns to the council…it didn't bode well.

"My information comes directly from Jiraiya-sama of the Densetzu no Sannin." Yura relayed, causing everyone to sit up straight, save Gaara, who had never met the man "It concerns an organization called Akatsuki..."

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On the outskirts of Sunagakure, a small sandstorm, more like a strong breeze, had picked up, lifting the sand and carrying it through the air, hindering the visibility of anyone that traversed the desert.

Anyone, that is, except the Suna shinobi that were currently on guard duty at their village's entrance, a crevice in a massive rock formation that protected Sunagakure not only from the harsh desert winds, but their enemies as well.

They were on high alert, and for good reason too, for one of them had spotted two figures drawing close to the village through the sandstorm, without any sign of discomfort.

Two figures decked out in black cloaks patterned with red clouds.

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"Orochimaru's pawns are up ahead…un." The taller of the two Akatsuki noted, his tone deep and mocking "To think he'd leak our info after turning traitor."

"Nothing we can do about it." a deep gravelly voice ground out, the shorter of the two plodding alongside his partner, seemingly walking on all fours "Even I haven't an idea what he's like after using that jutsu." He eyed the small bag his comrade carried inquisitively "Forget that for now, you're sure one bag will be enough? Our opponent Is a jinchuuriki after all."

"Relax-un. My Jutsu are works of art that require the perfect tools and audience to perform." He placed a hand into one of his side packs "That's why I brought along my personal favorite, No.18-un." He chuckled as a chewing noise emerged from the pack "After all…" he withdrew his hand to reveal a mouth on his palm, a tongue slipping out to wash the teeth "our opponent is the Ichibi, wouldn't do to be careless-un."

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And so it begins.

Will the Akatsuki prove successful in their attempts on Gaara?

Will Gaara go down without a fight?

And will Naruto ever figure out exactly what's so damn fascinating about breasts?

Find out next time on Hokage ni Isan: Hi no Ishi!

And now for something completely different:

Kakashi: (Humming to himself as he walkd down the street, reading his Beloved volume of Icha-Icha Tactics) Hoho...Jiraiya-sama hasn't lost his touch...hm?

(Kakashi quirks an eyebrow as he spots a weird seal on the next page, shrigging to himself as he turned the page, only to gape in horror as he discovered the rest of the pages were blank!)

Kakashi: Wha-NO! (He flips the book over desperately from all angles) It can't be! it was just getting-huh?

(A note falls out of the book, addressed in familliar handwriting)

Note: Yo, Kaka-baka, if you want to read the rest of this book, you'll have to take your job more seriously...that means for every time you show up on time, half a page will be added to the book. If you actually do something constructive, a page will be added. See ya Sucka! Kyugan.

Kakashi: (Eye widening in horror/disbelief/primal fury)...FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-!

First true chapter deserves a proper christening, so Read and Review people!

* * *


	3. Chapter 2

Sadly, as a result of a highly negative comment, I shall be discontinuing this work, as it seems there a re some who feel this work isn't any good. I thank you all for your time and support in my previous works, hopefully any future ones I produce will not fall so short of expectations...

This is the end.

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PSYCHE!!!

Seriously folks, you think I'd stop because of ONE lousy flame? Give me some credit here.

Also, to Darkangel65, whoever the hells you are, I suggest you take the time to actually learn how to type, because if I'm going to be flamed I'd like to at least spare the english language any further butchering than it's already endured.

Seriously, I don't know what fics you've been reading, and I'll admit the Hinata-rape ones piss me off as well, but if you were hoping to make an impact with your statement let me just come out and say: GET A DAMN LIFE!

That said, thank you to all those reviewers that sent in their responses, even those that voiced some negative opinions, which seemed to be aimed partucularly at the fact Naruto's danglies have disappeared. Rest assured they will be returning from time to time, and are set for a full return later.

As I said in my profile: I cannot work miracles, if you don't like my work, don't read and feel free not to leave a review, but if you must try to be polite about it.

Kakashi: Remember kids, mind your language and you'll go far!

Kyugan: Aren't you running late?

Kakashi: (Eyes widen and he dashes for the door)

Kyugan: I wonder...did I turn off the traps today? (The sound of machinegun fire, laser cannons and Chainsaws start up) ...meh.

* * *

Akatsuki's move; Gaara's Stand!

"For the last damn time…" Temari grit out, one hand gripping the edge of her battle fan, a vein pulsing on her forehead "Gaara is NOT the father of anyone's child!"

"Really?" Naruto asked, looking oddly disappointed, though her eyes danced with humor "Too bad, I was gonna ask him to name the next one after me."

Shikamaru sighed, watching the sight before him with resigned disbelief. He'd recognize that look in Naruto's eyes anywhere, the former blonde was winding Temari up deliberately, just to see how far she'd go before snapping. He had to admit, the girl looked pretty hot when she was pissed, but at the same time the desire to get as far away from her as possible only seemed to increase along with the beauty.

"Alright pack it up." He muttered, stepping forwards with a groan "Temari, we need to head over to the Hokage's office to finalize the chunin exam details." He turned to the redhead "You coming?"

"Thanks, but no." Naruto countered, shaking her head with a smile "I've been gone for almost three years, I wanna get a home cooked meal into me before I do anything else."

Shikamaru scoffed at the very Akimichi line of thought, before waving over his shoulder at the redhead and leading the seething Suna Kunoichi away before she started a war by killing the Godaime's 'favorite' Shinobi.

Naruto waved at them, turning on her heel to grin at Sakura and Yanagi, the latter of which was giggling guiltily "Yanagi-neechan, wanna head home?"

'Neechan he says…' Sakura deadpanned, watching as Yanagi cheered and walked up to the redhead 'He's almost a half foot taller than me, and she barely comes to my shoulder!'

"Ja-ne, Sakura-san!" the pair called out, snapping the pinkette out of her daze long enough to return the gesture, before making her own way home, coincidentally taking a side-trip to the nearest pharmacist.

It looked like she'd have to restock on aspirin sooner than she'd thought.

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Naruto smiled as the Hokage-clan house came into view, the pristine lawns and rock garden exactly as she'd remembered them, even the Koi in the pond were as lively as ever. "Anything change while I was away?" the redhead asked, looking down at a smiling Yanagi, who was walking with her hands behind her back.

"Not really, Kaoru-kun was assigned to a genin team last month, Kagero-san had the compound officially listed, though under Hanabishi-san's name to avoid confrontation."

Naruto nodded, while Sarutobi had been indifferent to the clan's title, many other members of the council that had learned of the Hokage-ningun had balked and considered the title heresy. The old man had fought to assure the council that the clan wasn't being presumptuous, that they had been referring to themselves as such for generations, but the fact of the matter was that a clan with the same title as the shinobi leader of Konohagakure didn't sit well with the council.

And so, not wanting to antagonize them further, Kagero had the clan officially registered as the Hanabishi clan through Tsunade.

What the council WASN'T aware of was the fact that while the clan bore the mark of the leaf, they answered solely to the Hokage, meaning only Tsunade could command them to do anything. In effect, they were still the Hokage ninja; they just didn't broadcast it to the whole world.

"How is Kaa-san these days?" The redhead asked the blonde healer, only to be enveloped in a maternal hug from behind, only the familliar scent of the assaulter keeping her from drawing her sword.

"Fine, as always," Kagero replied with a chuckle, the immortal Kunoichi ruffling her adopted son's (despite appearance) hair "Better now that you've returned, I trust things went well with Jiraiya-dono?"

"About as well as could be expected." Naruto replied, returning the hug fiercely "Though I had to 'remind' him that peeping wasn't part of the training."

Kagero chuckled weakly, having grown used to the surprisingly high level of voyeurism in Konoha. At the very least, Jiraiya was only guilty of looking; he wasn't anything like Koku who made a point to fondle any woman he landed on.

At that moment, the shogi door opened and a familiar mess of hair came out, the owner struggling to pull on a chunin vest over his traditional shinobi clothes, a tekko on his arm. "Good morning, Recca." Kagero greeted, smiling as her true son came into view "Sleep well?"

"Like the dead." The enjutsu-shi yawned, jaw cracking audibly as he stretched "I swear, the next time that old bag signs me up for patrol duty I'm gonna flash fry her sake supply so hard she'll…"

"Pummel you into a bloody smear on her office floor?" Naruto quipped, grinning as the enjutsu-shi nodded, only to blink and round on her in a hot-headed rage.

"TEME!" Recca snapped, only to blink once more, a look of wonder, recognition, and finally elation spreading across his face as he leapt at the former blonde "Naruto! You're back!"

"Yo, Aniki." The redhead greeted, returning the energetic heir to the Hokage ninja clan's hug with a grin "you're looking good."

"Look who's talking!" Recca grinned, hands on the redhead's shoulders so he could get a look at his Outoto. The Enjutsu-shi had shot up like a leaf over the last two years, and now stood easily eye level with Kurei, just over 6 foot, his ever present plaster on his cheek had been removed, allowing his scar to be visible to all. Aside from the Konoha chunin vest, he wore a more traditional hokage ninja uniform, with his kunai pouch on his right leg and black shinobi sandals.

"Recca came of age last year." Kagero explained, noting the redhead's look towards her son's apparel "That is the traditional garb of the head of the hokage ninja."

"It's pretty light." Recca added, lifting the fabric experimentally with a grin "Tough too, like mesh or something." He looked his Outoto up and down, a frown appearing on his face "But enough about me…what the heck are you wearing THAT for?!"

"Eh?" Naruto wondered, looking down at the black bodysuit under her chunin vest in confusion "This? Gejimayu-sensei gave one to the three of us, remember?"

"That's not the point!" Recca seethed, pointing at the redhead accusingly trying to look everywhere but below her neck "Aniki does not approve young lady!"

"OI!" Naruto snapped, eye twitching as she got up in her Aniki's face, flames dancing around them as they glared at one another "WHO YOU CALLING YOUNG LADY!"

"It's so good to have them home." Kagero beamed, whilst Yanagi giggled at the two as they continued to get in each other's face.

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"Mataku…" Recca sighed, shaking his head as he lowered the ramen bowl "I still can't believe you've gotten used to being…y'know."

Naruto swallowed a mouthful of broth, flagging down another bowl of the liquid ambrosia that was Ichiraku ramen, before turning to her aniki, "Oh would you give it a rest, I thought you were used to freaky madogu stuff."

"Freaky, demonic, bloodthirsty, body possessing madogu yes." Recca countered, shaking his head with a grunt "Freaky, gender bending madogu are something new." He shuddered "Also, of all the things, you had to wear the bodysuit?"

"Would you rather I come in with kitty ears and a maids dress?" Naruto shot back, snickering as her aniki turned magenta and choked on his noodles "And that's only ONE of the things Ero-sennin suggested."

Ichiraku Teuchi shot a concerned look at his best customer, his paternal instincts rising to the fore. He had always considered the blond a type of son, admittedly one he charged money to eat but a son nonetheless, and while the youth had always put himself in danger, he knew he'd just grow stronger for it. Now however, his parental senses were going off like a warning klaxon, and only a warning look from Ayame prevented him from grabbing a carving knife and chasing down a certain Gama sennin in a berserk paternal fury.

As it were, the redhead had decided to humor the enjutsu-shi, and had put on a pair of shinobi pants over the leotard, though not even an act of god could remove the chunin vest from her person.

"So where's everyone else?" Naruto asked, looking over at Recca as he put away his tenth bowl "I come back and you bastards don't even bother to throw a party?"

"Brat." Recca scoffed "Fuko's off on a mission somewhere, Tokiya got promoted to jounin." He snorted bitterly at her look of shock "Yeah, sucks I know, but Haku-chan's been keeping him quiet so no big deal."

"What about Domon?" Naruto asked, having not seen the loveable giant at the Hokage/Hanabishi compound when she'd stopped by "What about him?"

"Eh? I honestly don't know." Recca supplied, looking a little concerned for his giant friend "He got a summons to the Hokage's office about a few months ago, but couldn't tell us what it was about." He slurped his broth sullenly "Haven't seen him for half a year…though it might be because he's pissed Fuko off by forgetting to write."

"That could be it." Naruto noted, the two shivering as they recalled their female friend's infamous temper. They looked up, however, when Shizune peeked into the restaurant, a relieved smile on her face.

"Naruto-kun, Recca-kun." The Godaime's assistant, nodding politely towards Teuchi and Ayame "Tsunade-sama wants to see you immediately."

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"So what's with the check-up?" Naruto repeated, looking over at Shizune as she pulled her chunin vest back on, feeling oddly violated after the check-up, Shizune having checked EVERYWHERE "I don't feel sick."

"Standard precaution for shinobi that return from long term missions," Tsunade assured the redhead from behind her desk, though she shot Shizune a look, one the medic returned without being noticed "However, the reason I asked you to come here is to first congratulate you on your progress with Jiraiya." She smiled a little at this "And secondly, to let you know you will be resuming missions with Kakashi later today."

"Finally!" Recca cheered, a grin stretching across his face, before blinking "Wait…what about Domon?"

Tsunade shook her head "I'm afraid Domon's on a mission right now, the details are classified so don't bother asking." She pushed a scroll towards him "However, if you see Fuko, give this to her, he sent it along with his report."

Recca blinked at the size of the scroll, easily the size of the one Jiraiya carried at all times, outlined with badly drawn hearts, the Fujin mistress' name printed in Domon's messy scrawl at the front. Sweat dropping slightly as he picked the massive thing up, the enjutsu-shi gazed at his Outoto imploringly until the redhead sighed, summoning a kage bunshin to carry the damnable thing home for them.

"As I was saying," Tsunade continued, "as of today, you will resume your duties as members of team Kakashi." She smirked at their looks of confusion "Once a new genin crop graduates, the older teams forgo their numbers in favor of the sensei's name to avoid confusion."

"Makes sense." Naruto muttered, though she was looking a mite perturbed "But Neechan, without Domon we're down to just Aniki and myself."

Recca and Tsunade frowned, noticing that their 'brother' seemed to flinch slightly, knowing exactly what the cause of the discomfort was. "Domon's mission was one only he could carry out, but by no means was it life threatening." Tsunade assured the redhead "However, it is not unusual for teams to proceed without a member, so for the time being you'll have to do without."

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"Good thing he remembered you-un." The taller of the Akatsuki noted in amusement as Yura bowed before them, having just slaughtered the sentries at the village entrance "If he hadn't, I'd have had to use my jutsu." He smirked, holding a hand out, palm up, the mouth spitting out a well chewed lump of clay "Well then…let's begin-un."

He clenched his fist, opening it to reveal a clay eagle, which he tossed casually before him before making a ram seal. It erupted in a plume of smoke, and when it cleared, the Eagle had grown to the size of a small cart, easily large enough to ride on.

"I'll take the village on from the sky." He stated, hopping onto the apparition's back with a smirk, removing his hat to reveal a blonde head of hair, tied up in a high ponytail, a long bang covering half his face. "What do you think, Sasori no Danna…pretty artistic right?"

"Just don't keep me waiting Deidara." The hunchbacked Akatsuki warned, his eyes as cold as ever. Deidara sniffed, before taking to the skies on the back of his creation, reaching under his bang to press the strange device over his right eye.

"Three sentries…watching the sky." He noted, snorting at the sight of them "Not bad, just like the village's design, well worth ruining it a bit." He rummaged through his pouch for some clay, producing three spider figurines "Well then…these should do for now."

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Gaara was going over the latest reports and drafts for the council, his face a mask of eerie calm, though internally, he was quite perturbed. If what Yura said was true, then the Akatsuki would be going after his fellow jinchuuriki…from what he recalled, they had already made an attempt on Uzumaki Naruto two years prior, though fortunately, Jiraiya and superior numbers had driven them off.

He scowled, Shukaku releasing an uneasy growl in their shared mindscape. The insane tanuki had been a lot less restless and demanding as of late, possibly because of the additional wards Jiraiya had placed on the teen some time ago so the Kazekage could get a decent night's sleep. Alternatively, it could be that even a raving lunatic like Shukaku could understand the importance of someone tracking down it's brethren. If such were the case, being the weakest (despite it's protests) of the bijuu, they would most likely attack Sunagakure first.

"**LET THEM COME!"** Shukaku howled within the deep recesses of their shared mindscape **"WEAKEST OF THE BIJUU? I'LL SHOW YOU WEAK!"**

"_Silence."_ Gaara ordered, the tanuki's voice receding with an indignant shriek 'I must remember to thank Baki for those meditation lessons.' The Kazekage noted with approval, only to shiver, his eyes snapping towards the roof.

Something, make that several somethings, had disturbed the thin layer of sand he'd covered the village with, more specifically the sand that covered the Kazekage's tower, and were currently skittering towards his sentries. Turning his gaze to a window, the godaime Kazekage's eyes narrowed as he espied an avian intruder, one that had no right under the desert sun.

Particularly not ones carrying figures with black cloaks adorned with red clouds.

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"Katsu!" Deidara called out, channeling chakra into a ram seal and detonating the spider golems that had clambered onto the startled sentries, effectively blasting them to kingdom come, albeit without drawing to much attention. "Infiltration successful-un." The blonde noted, a smirk on his face as he touched down on the roof of the tower.

"I beg to differ." A cold voice countered, Deidara whipping round just in time to avoid a wave of sand that clutched at his legs, eye flicking to the silent form of the Godaime Kazekage, who did NOT look pleased to see him.

"Ho…" the Akatsuki noted with a smirk, dodging the sand all the while "So you came to meet me did you?" he leapt upwards, aiming to land on the back of his eagle golem, only to gape as a spear came out of nowhere and speared the beast, causing it to explode in mid-air.

"No." the cold voice countered, Deidara whipping round to find another Gaara standing on the rooftop behind him, hand extended from tossing the spear that destroyed the Golem, sand whipping around him in a miniature storm "I came here to kill you."

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"The Kazekage tower is under attack!" Baki called out, gesturing for the troops to get their asses in gear "Dammit! How'd they get in?! What happened to the sentries?!"

"No sign of Yura either." Kankurou muttered concernedly, looking decidedly grim as he sidled up to his former mentor "You think they got him too?"

"I hope not." Baki muttered, features grim. He'd known Yura for years, back in their genin days for that matter. The man was a reliable ally and a good drinking buddy, and happened to owe the former sensei of the sand siblings a few rounds as it stood. "No time for that now, send a missive to Konoha immediately." He ordered a passing chunin "Tell them Akatsuki has made their first move, and that we'll hold them as long as we can!"

"And tell Temari to get her ass back her on the double!" he added as an afterthought "I don't care what she's doing! I want her back in Suna yesterday!"

"DUCK AND COVER!" A random chunin called out, just before a wave of sand lurched to life, lunging towards the tower like a serpent, heeding the call of it's master.

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'He's good-un.' Deidara noted bitterly, leaping around like a demented grasshopper on crack to avoid being swatted by the waves of sand 'He's not giving me time to use my clay.'

"Muda-da." Gaara's voice muttered, seemingly in the blonde's ear, Deidara whipping round to find the Kazekage standing on a pillar not two feet away from his position "You cannot escape."

"Hmmph." The pyrotechnical Akatsuki scoffed, slipping his hands into the clay pouch under his cloak "You talk big…for a failed experiment." He mocked, smirking at the redhead "Oh yeah, we know all about you Gaara, you and your little temper tantrums, you really think you stand a chance against me?"

"You wish to see the scope of the power I wield?" Gaara asked, his tone cold enough to freeze mercury "Here, on the sands of Sunagakure?" he held both palms up to the air, a massive wave of Sand erupting behind him and looming over the startled Akatsuki "My own turf?" The green eyes narrowed "Then experience it with your flesh."

Deidara cursed and pumped chakra into his legs, blasting high into the air as the wave crashed down on the spot he'd just vacated. Summoning an owl golem, the blonde Akatsuki tried to put some distance between them, only to blink as it suddenly got very dark.

'Nightfall? Already?' he thought dazedly, before cursing, urging his mount forwards desperately as the giant wave of sand began to close around him like a ravenous maw.

"SABAKUROU!" Gaara called out, both hands outstretched before him as he manipulated the sand prison with a skill only a master puppeteer could match, scowling as the Akatsuki abandoned his mount, detonating it to stall the closing of the prison. He summoned another in mid leap, this time a pelican-like creature, sending a couple of multi-winged golems, geese-like in appearance, hurtling towards the redhead.

Not even pausing to blink, Gaara's shield of Sand appeared before him, blocking the explosions and hiding the Kazekage from view. Deidara, thinking he had time to recover, cursed as a spear was hurled at him from the right, only to catch it with his left hand and scoff at the sight of it.

"You're taste is something else-un." The blonde mocked, hefting the bizarre weapon critically "Like something out of a horror movie this, a B-movie at that." He scoffed, eyeing the Kazekage mockingly as the sand gathered around the redhead "Running out of ideas?"

"Hardly." Gaara countered, stretching an open palm towards Deidara, whose eyes widened as the spear instantly dissolved into sand, cursing as he recognized the redhead's intentions "SABAKUKYUU!"

Deidara's scream cut through the skies of Sunagakure as Gaara's sand coffin jutsu crushed his trapped limb, the pressure of the sand spraying blood in all directions.

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"He's late…" Sasori growled, his gravelly tone laced with impatience and no end of annoyance "Why the hell did Pain stick this idiot with me? Itachi would never have kept me waiting."

He raised his head slightly at the sight of the massive sphere of sand that was forming overhead, noting with interest that two miniscule dots were hovering nearby, only to growl as the echo of Deidara's scream reached his ear. "Kuso…I knew I should've gone after the brat myself." He glared at the almost imperceptible black dot "Get in gear Deidara…or I'll bury you WITH the village."

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'Sunuvabitch-un!' Deidara panted, lurching to one side as he pulled the tattered remains of his left hand from the sands, the limb dangling uselessly, almost ripped out at the socket, his sleeve torn to shreds 'he's good-un, I may have underestimated him.'

"This is the power of the Godaime Kazekage." Gaara informed the man, his arms crossed before him as he glared down at his attacker with the aloofness of a diety "Surrender now and you may live…at least as long as it takes to get info on Akatsuki's goals out of you."

'How in the hell does he know about us?!' the blonde nuke-nin hissed, his sole visible eye narrowing as he glared at the redhead 'Oh yeah…Itachi mentioned this…Seems Jiraiya's been spreading the word-un.'

"I warn you." Gaara called out, his face set in stone "Any further attempts on my person will be dealt with swiftly." He eyed the man's lifeless arm "Unless you wish to be buried here?"

"In a backwater village like this? HAH!" Deidara scoffed, riffling through one of his hip packs with a smirk "You're strong-un, I'll admit that willingly." He eyed the sand around them warily "And that stuff protects you automatically right? Fighting you in the desert was an error on my part-un."

He smirked as he pulled out a statue of clay, sneaking the last of his homing bird figures into his sleeve as he did so. "Still for all your power, you have one blazingly obvious weakness."

Gaara's eyes narrowed, his face impassive, even as the Akatsuki enlarged the bizarre figure, revealing a teardrop shaped golem with a pair of wing-like arms and a 'scream' face.

"You're strong, I'll admit that-un." Deidara allotted, a smirk on his haggard features "I was definitely unprepared to take you on…" he raised his good hand "Fighting you and your village would be a real pain in the ass-un…" the smirk widened "So let's even things up a bit."

Gaara's eyes widened as he realized the madman's intentions, watching in alarm as the giant golem screeched towards Sunagakure like a missile, the assembled shinobi scattering to get out of the blast range, for all the good it would do. Not even taking the time to curse, Gaara redirected the wave of sand downwards, simultaneously summoning the sand he'd spread over the village proper, the two waves meshing together and condensing into a tightly packed wall half a mile above the village, halting the falling projectile and shielding the residents from the fiery explosion that followed.

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"So quiet…" Sasori noted, running his eyes over the distant architecture of the village from his post at the entrance. Even though he had left it behind all those years ago, he still marveled at how the buildings had weathered the harsh desert climate and wars. "We really knew how to build things that lasted back in the day." He noted with approval, "I wonder how the new generation of puppeteers measure up…"

Shaking his head, the hunchbacked figure growled, ridding himself of such thoughts, as he highly doubted he would get the chance to find out. After all, Deidara was not so incompetent as to draw more attention to their movements than was necessary.

The explosion nearly blew the cloaked nin off his feet, his eyes, shaded by the rim of his hat, widening in disbelief, before narrowing in anger as his bladed, tail-like attachment wrapped around him protectively, warding off the worst of the wind and light as he growled.

"That idiot…" his own voice almost drowned in the echoes of the blast "I knew I should've gone first."

As the dust finally settled he blinked, half expecting to see the village laid to ruin, a small part of him pleasantly surprised to be in the wrong as he espied the cause of Suna's salvation.

"Well now…" he muttered, a hint of intrigue in his tone as he lifted his gaze heavenwards "Isn't he an unusual one…"

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Deidara's thought were of a similar line to Sasori's, eyeing the wall of sand that had shielded the village from his #18 special with a mixture of confusion and stunned appreciation. His gaze turned towards the small dome of sand that was, in fact, the village's savior, the wily jinchuuriki having enveloped himself in his ultimate defense even as he ensured the village was safe.

'This isn't at all like the others-un.' The former Iwa-nin noted, features grim 'Jinchuuriki are usually so wretched and despised the village practically throws them at us, for the love of napalm Kakuzu BOUGHT the six tails for a meal of rice, fish and two pickles!'

Not that the brat had gone down easy mind you, but a little corrective surgery, in the form of Kakuzu snapping and ripping the brats arms and legs off, ensured the trip back was without incident.

'So why's this guy so different?' Deidara muttered, 'I thought he was supposed to be a walking psychiatric failure? The files say he killed anyone that looked at him sideways, or simply because they were there.' He shot the sphere of sand a calculating look 'yet here he is defending them, and unless I miss my guess, they're rallying to back him up.'

"I oughta sue." He muttered darkly, cursing the lack of information that had put him in this mess "Pain-sama and I are going to have a few words-un."

He winced as he noticed how low the sun had set, realizing that his partner must've been waiting for some time now. The last time someone had dared keep Sasori waiting, he had decorated the walls with their innards before marching out of the restaurant in a huff. On the one hand, the man had managed to make the rather macabre decorations quite festive in appearance. On the other, the fact he'd butchered the waitress for taking so long to ask them what they wanted to order was a pretty good motivator to get the job done NOW.

'Good thing I planned ahead-un.' He noted, smirking as he eyed his mutilated left arm, before turning his attention to Gaara, who had left a small section of his shield open to keep an eye on the blonde, not wanting waste chakra by constructing an eye. "Smile for the birdie-un!" he called out, grinning as the redhead finally noticed the miniature bird Golem hopping into the sand shield, the explosion bringing a satisfying smirk to the mad bomber, who felt a slight twinge from his left hand as the mouth on the injured palm mimicked the one on his face.

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'Too close for comfort.' Gaara muttered, the darkness of the sand shield comforting him as he tried to catch his breath 'I knew the Akatsuki would be tough…but this is something else.'

'**LEMME AT 'EM!' **Shukaku howled, the taste of the Iwa-nin's blood having driven the beast to hysterical bloodlust **'HE THREATENS ME ON MY HOME TURF? I'LL HAVE HIS-?!'**

Gaara frowned; the tanuki's sudden silence wasn't normal, especially after sampling blood in such paltry doses. He may have stopped referring to the insane bijuu as his mother, but that didn't change the fact that he knew the creature better than anyone…possibly even Shukaku himself.

'Something wrong?' he asked, looking within his recently reconstructed mindscape, a barren desert with a cage set in a cliff-face, behind which he could make out the faint outline of his burden's form.

'**N****ot feeling…so good…'** Shukaku grumbled, his normally high voice fraught with discomfort **'There's a…rumbly in my tumbly…'** it ignored the sweatdrop on its vessel's astral head **'Something in that bastard's blood…'** The copper eyes widened **'****SHIT! A BOMB!'**

With a strength of will unknown to it's vessel, Shukaku's chakra physically REPELLED Gaara out of the mindscape, the shield of sand spitting him out like a grape seed just as the clay Deidara had mixed in with the sand detonated, shattering the nigh-impenetrable defense even as the dazed Kazekage landed on the roof of his tower, winded but unharmed.

'**Ow…'** the tanuki grumbled, sounding oddly distressed inside the redhead's mind **'worse case of indigestion ever…'**

"Be grateful you're alive to feel it." Gaara muttered, glaring up at his opponent warily as the pelican golem swept ever close 'This is bad…I'm virtually out of chakra…' he glared at the descending threat 'And who knows how many of those bombs he has left.'

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"You're something else-un." Deidara noted with a smirk as he leveled off just out of reach of a jump from the tower "I don't think any jinchuriki's lasted as long as you have." He snorted derisively "That said, even monsters have limits, how much longer do you think you can keep this up?"

"He doesn't have to." A voice growled in the blonde's ear, causing him to leap off his mount as something came at him from behind, barely avoiding losing his head in the process.

"What the hell?!" Deidara snarled, landing on a nearby pole and glaring at the untimely reinforcements "Oh you have got to be fucking kidding me-un!"

"Hardly." Baki growled, standing beside his leader and former ward as he flexed his fingers in preparation for another Kaze no Yaiba "Gaara is the sand's Kazekage." He stated coldly "His enemies are my enemies."

"Baki-sensei…" Gaara managed, gazing at his former mentor with a concerned expression, only for the older shinobi to hold up a hand when he tried to step forwards.

"Relax, you're out of chakra after a fight like that." The jounin instructed, scowling at Deidara "That guy's in the same boat, all he's got left is that pelican, and I doubt he's going be blowing it up."

Deidara, who had resumed his place on the mount, glared at the jounin in annoyance as he got to higher ground "Mataku…this really isn't my day."

"It's about to get worse." A gravely voice called out, just as Baki was sent flying as something slammed into his side, the jounin crashing through the skylight of the Kazekage's office with a grunt, crashing shoulder first into the desk, which collapsed under the weight.

"Baki!" Gaara called out in alarm, only to stagger forwards drunkenly as something jabbed into his shoulder, gaping down at the darts embedded in his skin with growing alarm.

"Your sand is all used up." The hunchbacked figure pointed out in a voiced like sand and gravel, his arm already hidden beneath the folds of his cloak "That means your armor's thin enough to be penetrated by senbon."

Gaara cursed, even as his vision swam and the roof of the tower rose up to meet him.

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At one of the more popular cafes, Temari was just finishing up a meal of dango and green tea, already making her way back to Suna.

Aside from a slight headache from Naruto, she was in a rather good mood. Make that a VERY good mood, as the preparations for the chunin exams had gone off without a hitch, thanks in no small part to a certain Nara. This had left her with pretty much an entire day to recuperate before heading home, a day she'd used rather well…oh yes, very well indeed.

'He's so cute when he's terrified.' The eldest of the sand siblings noted, chuckling as she recalled the look on the Nara's face when she'd cornered him in the office 'Not bad mileage for a slacker either.'

She reached out for her teacup, only to blink as the rim cracked, prompting a frown from the woman as she turned her gaze towards Kaze no Kuni. 'Something's going on…' she muttered, swallowing the last of her dango and flagging down the waiter to pay the bill 'I'd best be getting home…'

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And thus, the invasion of Suna has ended...for now?

Will Sasori and Deidara escape without incident? Or will they have totear through the ranks of shinobi to keep their prize?

Find out next time on Hokage no Issa: Hi no Ishi!

Also, for those that asked: Hi no ishi translates to Will of Fire.

Kakashi: Pretty sure no-one asked.

Kyugan: Who asked you? (pushes a button)

Kakashi: (Winces, only to blink as he realizes nothing happened)...I'm alive?

?: YEEEOUUUHH!!!! (Chainsaw noise!)

Kakashi: (Turns around in alarm, just as Dr. Salvador brings his chainsaw onto his neck) GGGGYYAAAAA-!

Kyugan: (Shielded from the blood by a barrier jutsu) Prompt as always...(tosses him a sack of bullion) Keep the change.

Dr. Salvador: YEEOUH!!! (Cheers with Chainsaw over his head.)

R&R or have an appointment with the good Doctor!

* * *


	4. Chapter 3

Many thanks to all those that sent in their support.

As some may have noiticed, the latest chapter of Gaiden was put up recently. I know it's a lot shorter than what yu all were expecting, but s I said it's been a while and Gaiden was one of my earlier works, and getting back into the flow of things is harder than it looks.

So I'll apologise for anything ou didn't like here, and in my defense: It's most likely Kakashi's fault on some level...stupid lazy bastard with his contagious tardiness.

Rorschach: Man has issues...that means he can be broken.

* * *

Gaara abducted?! Team Kakashi moves out!

Sasori scuttled closer to the prone form of the Kazekage, quirking an eyebrow slightly as he took in the redhead's features, noting various similarities to himself in the youth's age. 'Young…determined…a master of his art…' he snorted 'were it not for the fact he doesn't use puppets I'd have wished to challenge him myself.'

"Heh…thanks for the assist, Sasori no Danna." Deidara offered, the pelican swooping down to hover nearby "Thought I was in trouble there for a moment-un."

"You kept me waiting." Sasori ground out, glaring at the younger Akatsuki in annoyance as he used the tail to lift their prey onto the mount's back "I should kill you."

"Sorry," Deidara offered, a wry smirk on his face "You were right, I should've been more prepared." He eyed the hunchback respectfully "You really know your stuff."

"Outside of formerly being from Suna..." Sasori ground out "I have a decent understanding of all the previous vessels for Shukaku." He glared at the blonde one last time before turning around "I'll see you at the entrance."

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Kankurou blinked as the intruder's bird took flight from the roof, cursing as he realized something must have happened to Baki when he caught sight of Gaara on the golem's back. Barking out an order to the troops, the middle sand sibling leapt after the invader, hauling ass through the village as he made his way to the entrance, only to stare, gob-smacked, at the scene before him.

'No wonder we didn't get any warning.' He thought grimly, face a mask of anger and disgust as he gazed at the fallen chunin and jounin. He'd known some of these guys for some time now. They weren't anything special, at least by Suna standards, but they were good men and dedicated to the village. They didn't deserve to be left like this.

'No time for that.' He muttered, saying a silent prayer on the go as he continued onwards, bypassing all the traps left to slow him down until he cleared the entrance, only to curse as he spotted the beast was already a good march away from the village.

"Hold it!" He snapped, catching their attention, cursing as he realized he was outnumbered "Give Gaara back!"

"God…again?" the blonde one moaned, looking decidedly haggard as he gazed at the kabuki wearing nin "What is up with this gods-damned village-un?"

"That's what you get when you don't plan ahead." The shorter of the two ground out, earning an irate look from his partner as he turned to face Kankurou "Go on ahead, I'll deal with this brat."

"Like hell you will!" Kankurou ground out, removing the scrolls on his back and rolling them out on the sand. A plume of smoke later, and three puppets were clattering around him, Karasu and Kuro-Ari joined by a massive, lizard like puppet, Sanshouo.

"Kugutsu no jutsu?" the shorter noted, actually sounding a little intrigued unless Kankurou's ears were acting up. The taller Akatsuki promptly leapt atop his mount and flew off, clearly not wanting to get caught in the middle of the impending fight.

"Like I'd let you get away!" Kankurou yelled, weaving his fingers and sending Karasu rattling after the man, all the blades extended, only for it to be swatted out of the sky by a metallic, tail-like attachment that seemed to emerge from the shorter Akatsuki's cloak.

"I despise tardiness…in myself and in others." The short Akatsuki growled, his hat having fallen off to reveal black hair done in spikes at the back and a cloth covering the mouth "So I'll finish this quickly."

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Nestled deep in Hi no kuni, Konohagakure was a picture of peace and quiet, in fact, if one listened carefully, they could hear birds singing in the woods around the village.

"YOU"RE LATE!!!"

This ended as a pair of irate voices tore through the air, scaring the bejeezus out of the local wildlife, who promptly made for the hills, as it appeared The Fox was making up for lost time.

And sure enough, Uzumaki Naruto and Hanabishi Recca stood seething at their sensei as he slowly pulled himself out of the wall, having embedded him in it through sheer force of will and lungpower. "Wari-Wari…" the harangued looking jounin offered, a weak chuckled escaping his lips as he waited for the world to stop spinning "I got caught up filing the paperwork for the new teams and-"

"Yeah, yeah heard 'em all before sensei." Naruto huffed, a hand on her hips as she shook her head in disbelief "Mataku…this is the first time we've been on missions together for two years! Show some gumption!"

"Gumption?" Recca repeated, a deadpan expression on his face as he turned to look at his outoto"From Kaka-sensei?" he smirkd, cocking an eyebrow "You're kidding right?"

'I don't get no respect…' Kakashi thought bitterly, blinking as something shot through the sky of Konoha like a greased, feathery lightning bolt, headed towards the Hokage tower 'A messenger bird?'

"Oi! Kaka-sensei!" Naruto called out, snapping the jounin out of his daze as she waved at him impatiently "C'mon! Before all the good missions are taken!"

"Hai-hai…" Kakashi muttered, sighing as he plodded along with his usual slouch, hands in his pockets as the two adopted siblings nattered away about this and that "There goes my peace and quiet."

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On the roof of the hokage tower, the chunin and toukobetsu jounin on duty blinked as an eagle touched down on the stand set aside for their allied village, Sunagakure. One of them, who was most familiar with the desert breed, visibly blanched as he recognized this particular bird as Takamaru, the swiftest of Suna's messenger birds, used only for the direst of occasions, such as a proclamation of war or a request for help.

Needless to say, the contents of the scroll were immediately cracked and read over, before the unfortunate translator was forced to run pell-mell down the hallways in search of the Godaime.

After all, when a shinobi village requests for you, in no uncertain terms, to 'SEND BACK-UP RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!', you don't sit around all day staring at the clouds.

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"Are you freaking kidding me?" Naruto deadpanned, running her eyes over the list of missions currently available, eyebrow twitching erratically as she did so "This is all that are left?"

"You don't like the missions?" Tsunade asked with an annoyed look, secretly enjoying herself as she watched Iruka, Recca and Kakashi cower away from the redhead, lest they be included in her ire. There was just no-one t tease with the brat gone, the others were either to scared of pissing Tsunade off or respected her too muc to giver her any sass.

"Hell yes I am!" Naruto snapped, throwing the list in the air "I was expecting something big to highlight my return debut! Not providing security during the release of Ero-sennin's book's release!"

"What's the matter Naru-chan." The godaime teased, smirking as the redhead began to fume at the honorific "Not MAN enough to handle a little guard duty?"

"I"LL RIP YOU FREAKIN' TITS OF YOU OLD BAT!" the redhead swore, only to be put in a full nelson by Kakashi, her arms waving wildly as she reached for the Godaime, who was likewise being restrained by terrifed Iruka.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING AN OLD BAT?!" Tsunade swore, Iruka wondering why in the hell he'd tried to stop her as she thrashed around in his grip like a buxom anaconda "SAY THAT ONE MORE TIME! I DARE YOU!"

"Hokage-sama!" the messenger yelled, slamming open the door to the mission room, only to blanch as the full force of the Godaime's wrathful gaze switched to her "U-urgent m-message from S-Suna!" she managed to get out, handing the document over before making for the safety of the roof, several stories away from the mission room.

Tsunade, glowering slightly at the threat to her babies, cracked the scroll open and read the contents, her anger giving away to the calm only a true leader can emit as her eyes roamed over the missive.

"Neechan?" Naruto called out, a little unnerved by the look of seriousness on the sennin's face. The redhead knew from experience, admittedly secondhand from Jiraiya, that whenever Tsunade fell silent mid-rampage, it was because there was a bigger problem on the way.

"Kakashi, Recca, Naruto." The Godaime called out, taking her seat once more, much to Iruka's relief "We've recently received information that Sunagakure was assaulted by at least two Akatsuki." He frowned "Their target, the Kazekage…Gaara."

"Say what?!" Recca gaped, eyes wide as he stared at the woman in shock, Naruto stiffening alongside him at the news "What thehell happened?!"

"The report requested immediate back-up." Tsunade replied, a fown on her face as she placed the missive on the table "Obviously, they managed to lay down a successful siege against the village."

Recca swallowed, only to blink as he turned his head to regard his Outoto, who hadn't said a word throughout the entire exchange. The redhead's fists were clenched so tight blood was trickling down them, one fanged tooth piercing her lip as she bit down hard.

"Naruto!" Tsunade barked out, causing the redhead to look up into those disapproving eyes "Injuring yourself before taking on a mission is hardly professional." She smirked at the redhead's look of surprise "Pack your bags Team Kakashi…you're going to Suna."

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"A mission this early?" Kagero wondered, placing a palm to her cheek as she watched her sons dash around gathering their supplies "You just got back Naruto-kun."

"I know, Kaa-san." The redhead agreed, packing storage scrolls into her pack, along with tools and other necessities "But this is personal…I can't…I WONT let them take Gaara!"

Kagero nodded, understanding her adopted son-turned-daughter's reasoning all too well. Gaara was the only one that could understand the grief Naruto had suffered as a child, the crushing loneliness that had come from carrying a burden put on them by others. "Take care then." She asked, enveloping Naruto in a motherly hug that pressed the redhead against her impressive, if not up to Tsunade's standards, bosom, despite the teen's protests "We'll celebrate when you come back."

"Ossu!" the teen cheered, dashing off after Recca, who had received a similar farewell from the immortal kunoichi, as well as a tender father-son punch-up with Shigeo, leaving the elder Hanabishi in the dirt as he raced off towards the village "See you later Kaa-san!"

Kagero sighed, before smiling at Reiran, who nodded and saw to Shigeo's injuries while the Kunoichi set about making the tea, a smile on her face as she eyed a photo on the wall.

It showed the teens as they'd been two years ago: Naruto, Recca and Domon at the front, arms around each other's shoulders, Fuko resting on Domon's head with her arm, and Kaoru standing just in front of Recca, all five making victory signs. Tokiya was standing off to one side, his arms crossed and a slight huff to his features, though it may have had something to do with Haku's arm around his waist, the raven haired medic's smile beaming at the cameraman.

Kagero and Shigeo stood in the center, just behind 'their' sons, Shigeo with his arm on her shoulder and she with her own clasped before her serenely. Yanagi stood at her side, beaming happily, Ganko resting in Reiran's arms as the marionette held her up on Shigeo's right.

The Hanabishi clan, otherwise known as the Hokage ningun to a trusted few that didn't give a crock about the elders' ideals. Her family, her most priceless treasure.

'I will not lose a single one.' She vowed, her heart, long abused by the curse that prevented her from dying, thrumming as she reaffirmed the vow 'Never again.'

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"Well then…" Kakashi noted, eye-smiling at his team as he greeted them at the gates to the village, seemingly having gotten there beforehand "All set?"

"Ready, willing and able!" Recca shot back, smirking as he hoisted his backpack to a more comfortable position on his back. Naruto, who had caught up with the enjutsu-shi halfway, merely nodded and thrust a fist in the air.

"Let's get going!" the redhead called out, waving over her shoulder at Tsunade and Iruka with a grin "Ja-Ne, big-booby-neechan! Iruka-sensei!"

"Naruto!" Iruka sputtered, eyeing the bemused Godaime in alarm as he chastised his favorite lunkhead "Show the proper respect to your elders!"

"What was that?" Tsunade growled, causing Iruka to whimper as she turned her, suddenly not amused at all, glare upon the chunin "Did I just hear you right?"

"I…I mean…" Iruka stammered, waving his arms protectively in front of him, before turning to Naruto in a panic "G-good luck Naruto! Ramen's on me when you get back!"

And with that he made his escape via shunshin, leaving an annoyed Godaime, two cackling former students, and one sympathetic Jounin. "I'll deal with him later." Tsunade promised darkly, though she truly wasn't that offended, turning her attention to the group with a nod "Make haste to Suna, who knows what's happened since they sent that letter."

As one the group nodded, turning round and making to set off, only to be interrupted by a sudden plume of smoke. "Yo…" Jiraiya greeted, looking a little haggard as he stepped out of the smoke, like he'd almost stumbled "Heading out on a mission already Gaki?"

"Ero-sennin?" Naruto wondered, gazing at her sensei for the past two years in confused surprise "You coming along too?"

"Hell no! I hate the desert." Jiraiya countered with a disgusted grunt, scowlng at the very idea "Sand gets in the most awkward places lemme tell ya…place doesn't have a decent onsen either."

"How'd you know we were heading for Suna?" Recca wondered, shivering as the pervert gave him a creepy smile, the kind you get from pedophiles and politicians.

"Never underestimate the Gama-sennin." Said sennin intoned, chuckling to himself as he walked past the mildly disturbed enjutsu-shi to address Tsunade with a frown "You sure this is wise?"

"They're the only team that was available." Tsunade replied with a sigh, thumping her shoulder as she did so, before shootingtheir favourite knucklehad a look "That, and Naruto…"

She didn't have to say anymore. Jiraiya knew all too well how much Naruto and Gaara could relate to one another. Hell, the brat could have very well turned out the same way Gaara had if it hadn't been for Iruka taking an interest in a fellow troublemaker and Kagero swooping in and giving him enough motherly affection to write a million shoujo manga.

"Speaking of which." He muttered, before holding out a hand to Tsunade "I'm gonna have to be taking that off you now." He muttered, face deadpan "I promised the brat I'd take it to my publicist when we got back."

Tsunade grumbled, looking oddly like she had whenever her grandfather would give her a lecture all those years ago, before reaching into her kimono and pulling out the paperback she'd 'borrowed' from her teammate earlier from between her boobs, handing it over with a huff. "Don't worry, he usually puts this stuff out fast." Jiraiya assured his teammate, a grin on his face, having caught a flash of nip when she wasn't looking "The only reason 'Tactics' isn't out yet is because he was swamped with work."

"Like I give a crap about your porn." Tsunade grumbled, though her frown lessened somewhat at the man's reassurances. The sooner that stuff was off the pressesand back in her hands the better.

"Also…Naruto, a word?" Jiraiya called out as an afterthought, drawing the redhead away from her team "I'm sure I don't need to tell you this, but just to be sure, be careful around Akatsuki."

"They're the one's that've been stalking me for the past two and a half years." Naruto growled, earning a sharp look from Recca as he caught the word 'stalking', his left ear large and twitching "This time I'm the one doing the tracking."

"I get that." Jiraiya grumbled, raising a hand for silence as the redhead made tcarry on "But if you let them get under your skin you'll wind up screwing up and falling right into their hands." He snorted "Just like your mother…too hot blooded for your own good."

Naruto fell silent, knowing full well her temper WAS a little notorious. Nowhere near as bad as Tsunade's or Sakura's…make that ANY born-female he knew aside from Kagero, Yanagi and Hinata, but enough that once the fuse WAS lit, things went to pot rather quickly.

"Naruto…" Jiraiya continued, his face solemn as he leaned in, one hand raised to hide his lips from prying eyes "I'm sure I don't need to say this…but even if push comes to shove…try to avoid using THAT."

He accented his statement by flicking his gaze towards the tekko that adorned his student's arm. Naruto followed the gaze and nodded, absently rubbing the sealing madogu as Jiraiya walked away. "Kakashi." The sennin muttered, walking past the jounin towards the gate "I'll leave Naruto to you." he turned his head to address the man "Make sure the brat doesn't do something stupid."

Kakashi didn't miss the sennin's implied meaning. Anyone who'd seen the look in Jiraiya's eyes would've known that if anything happened to Naruto, they had best be on good terms with the nearest medic or Kami. Which put Kakashi in a bit of a quandary, as the nearest medics all reported directly to Tsunade, who would most likely be just as willing to beat him to a bloody pulp for letting anything happen to her 'Outoto', and last he checked he hadn't visited a shrine since…Obito.

'Stop that.' He growled, nodding to Jiraiya to show the sennin he got the message 'Keep that up and you'll start second guessing everything.' He blinked as Naruto's yell snapped him out of his thoughts, sighing as he realized the impatient teens had already set out, waving over his shoulder one last time before heading after them at a slightly faster walk than normal.

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Temari was making her way sedately through Konoha territory, using one of the official paths that lead to Kaze no kuni's borders. She hadn't managed to shake off the feeling of unease that had arisen during her pit stop, if anything it had multiplied with each passing second. Even as she trudged towards Sunagakure, the feeling refused to die down, and she doubted it would until she stood on the sands of her village once more.

'Just what in the hell is going on?' she muttered, wondering if she should have asked Shikamaru if he'd heard any news before leaving, before dismissing the thought.

A rustling in the trees above drew her attention to the arrival of team Kakashi…or rather three fifths of it, descending on her from on high.

Needless to say, the news they brought with them was EXACTLY the motivation she needed to haul ass back to the village, and having a team of allies that she KNEW were competent tag along was an added bonus.

That said, the red-haired, trans-gendered jinchuuriki certainly needed to slow down a bit. Even running full throttle, it'd take them three days to get to Suna.

"Naruto." Kakashi called out, a little ahead of the rest of the troop as he locked onto the back of the teen's head "I know I said we had to hurry, but splitting the team in two is dangerous." He frowned at the redhead's silence "Didn't Jiraiya-sama tell you to keep it cool-?"

"I can't stand it…" the redhead ground out, her teeth clenched as she continued to leap forwards "Those Akatsuki bastards…first me…now Gaara…and who knows how many others that got screwed over…" her anger seemed to grow with each statement "Those bastards only see us for the bijuu inside us…like we're nothing more than glorified cookie jars they can pluck the goodies out of…I hate it!"

Silence fell over the group, mainly because they'd never seen the youth so worked up before, though Temari and Kakashi eyed him with looks of understanding.

"Gaara's just like me…" Naruto continued, her voice grim as she pressed on "But while I managed to find people early on…he was always alone!" her teeth clenched again "He's being targeted just like me…but I'm not going to let them get away with it!" the knuckles joints of her fists popped "I won't let them have Gaara, even if I have to rip the fucking seal off to do it!"

THAT shocked the hell out of the group, who eyed the redhead in alarm. The seal was the only thing keeping the Kyuubi in place, and while Kakashi had been prepped beforehand on the demon's amiability towards Naruto, the same couldn't be said for it's feelings towards the human race in general. Not to mention the removal of the seal would result in Naruto's death, which would almost certainly piss the demon, not to mention Jiaiya and Tsunade, right the fuck off all over again.

"It won't come to that." Kakashi assured the redhead, his voice decidedly firmer than he'd felt a few seconds ago "We'll get Gaara back Naruto…I promise."

"Got that right!" Recca grinned, wiping his nose with his thumb as he leapt through the air "You're not the only one who's been training like mad! I'm gonna really cut loose!"

"Yare-yare…" Kakashi chuckled, shaking his head in bemusement "You two certainly are energetic aren't you?" he eyed the two coyly "But then again…I'm not the same Kakashi as before either."

Temari looked at the trio in surprise, before closing her eyes solemnly, unable to even thank them for reassuring her so well.

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"I've never seen poison like this before…" and elderly voice noted, her tone solemn, though with a hint of pride and respect "That Sasori…he's grown quite a bit since he left…"

"Chiyo-basama…" Baki addressed the elderly woman respectfully, looking down at the unnaturaly pale form of Kankurou in concern "What should we do?"

Chiyo sniffed, looking miffed as she turned to the jounin "Well, the only person whose knowledge of poison treatment surpasses my own…" she sniffed again "Would be the Konoha no Namekuji…Tsunade-Hime." She tilted her head towards Kankurou "You're allies with Konoha now right? Give 'em a holler and ask 'em to send her here."

"But…she's the Godaime Hokage now…" Baki pointed out, a little unnerved at how out of the loop the elder was "Not only is she incapable of leaving the Village as she pleases, even if she sends a team, it takes at least three days to reach Suna from Konoha." He spread his arms wide as she looked at him "We'd already sent for a specialist team from Konoha." He assured her "But it's taking all we have just to wait for them."

"Hmmph…" Chiyo snorted "This is what you get from relying on you treaties with other nations." She eyed the man critically "You slack off on your own training…and this is what becomes of it!"

"We…" Baki stammered, looking surprised at the woman's words "Had no intention of becoming dependent…"

"It couldn't be helped…" Ebizou muttered, standing at the head of Kankurou's cot "It's because he lost his composure due to sibling affection and let them push him this far." He eyed the sickly teen solemnly "Even Shinobi are human…"

"You're relying too heavily on Konoha." Chiyo pointed out to Baki, not willing to let the conversation die now that she'd built up steam "The advancement of Sunagakure's own might should have taken precedence in your mind!" she scowled "Not only that…I just can't STAND that slug-woman!"

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"Tsunade-sama?" Shizune asked, looking up at her master's sneeze in concern, picking up some of the papers that had blown off her desk "Are you feeling okay, Tsunade-sama?"

"I'm fine." Tsunade mumbled, rubbing her nose with a sniff and checking for a breeze in the room "More importantly, where's the team I asked to back up Kakashi's cell?"

"Well…" Shizune flustered, looking at a clipboard carefully as she read over the information "They shouldn't be too long…an hour at most…they DID just finish another mission you know."

'I don't like this…' Tsunade grumbled, sitting against her chair, eyeing the winning lottery ticket on her desk 'I get a sinking feeling every time I win at gambling.' She scowled as she recalled a comment Jiraiya had made years ago that seemed to curse her even today 'Dammit, of all the things for that idiot to nail spot on…'

"Tsunade-sama?" Shizune asked, prompting the Godaime to look up from her thoughts of her perverted teammate "If you don't mind my asking, are you sure one team will be enough support?"

"To be honest? No." the Godaime admitted, biting her thumbnail "However, all other available teams are on missions, and there are few single shinobi that have worked with Kakashi's cell well enough."

"Then perhaps I can offer my services." A polite voice offered from the doorway, the two women looking up in surprise at the figure standing there. "I can catch up to them fairly quickly I assure you."

"You?" the godaime asked, looking at the figure curiously, a frown on her features "I thought you didn't take part in missions? Why the sudden interest?"

"Call it…" the figure suggested, her smile revealing twin beauty marks under her lips "a mother's prerogative."

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"Temari-san?" A spiky haired sand jounin greeted, looking over the ragtag group from Konoha in surprise, they looked half dead as it was, save the redhead in front, who looked ready to rumble "We've been waiting for you all, please, this way!"

"Dammit Naruto…" Recca panted, stubbornly refusing to let his fatigue show as he kept pac with his outoto "Not all of us run on Duracells dammit!"

"Whose cells?" the redhead asked, earning a sweatdrop from the enjutsu-shi as he broke the dimensional 4th wall, not for th first time "Never mind, where's Gaara?!"

"Kazekage-sama was abducted by the Akatsuki." The jounin muttered ashamedly, lowering his eyes as he led them through the village to the hospital "Kankurou-san went after them, but was defeated…"

"Kankurou too?!" Temari exclaimed, alarmed at how badly her family had been hit in one battle, already itching o dish u some payback "What the hell are these guys?"

"S-class shinobi that are hunting down jinchuuriki for their bijuu." Naruto growled, hurrying alongside the blonde kunoichi and shooting their escort a look "Was one of them an Uchiha?"

"Eh?" the jounin stammered, looking confused and a little unnerved by the redhead's equaly crimson glare "Uh no…but then I didn't receive the specifics yet, Baki-sama has the details."

"How bad are Kankurou's injuries?" Kakashi asked, hoping they hadn't screwed the pooch by coming without a medic. But then again, most of the medics were assigned to other teams, Kakashi was pretty well versed in emergency field treatments, but he wasn't so arrogant to believe he could perform life saving surgery on par with trained medic-nins.

"He was poisoned by the Akatsuki that fought him." The jounin responded dutifully "The medics are stumped…we've never encountered anything like this before." He looked downtrodden "I'm guessing none of you are medics?"

"Sorry." Kakashi offered, cursing the fates once again as the man sagged, Temari's eyes filling with despair alongside him 'Dammit, could this get any worse?"

"KONOHA NO SHIROI KIBA! PREPARE TO DIE!" an elderly voice cried out, Kakashi looking up in alarm as a deranged senior citizen descended on him from above like some wrathful goddess of crones. He was so out of it she'd almost clobbered him with a haymaker before Naruto and Recca leapt into the fray, blocking her blows and grunting in pain as she kicked off their chests to put some distance between them.

"What the hell you Baka-Baba?!" Recca gasped as he regained his footing, slipping his trademark gunpowder balls between his fingers "Why'd you jump us like that?!"

"Watch it aniki…" Naruto growled, her palm still tingling from where she'd caught the old bat's boney, vein riddled fist "This ain't no doddering old granny."

"Enemy of my son…" said old woman growled, looking past the chunins towards their alarmed, and more than a little confused, Jounin-sensei with a glare that could set fire to a lake "Konoha no Shiroi Kiba…I shall have my revenge!"

"Whoa-whoa!" Kakashi pled, holding both hands up as he cursed his father's talent for making enemies, as it had once again come round to bite the cyclops in the ass "I'm not who you-!"

"No excuses!" the old bat snapped, lunging forwards with a cackle, only to pull up short as an old man with a bandaged head and owl-like eyebrows stood before her, blocking the way.

"Neechan…" the owl-like senio-citizen chided placatingly, "Take a closer look." he nodded at Kakashi "I'll admit there's an amazingly strong resemblance, but he isn't the Shiroi Kiba…for one thing he's too young."

The crone blinked, squinting her eyes at the visibly unsettled Kakashi, who tried to appear as unthreatening as possible by eye-smiling and holding both hands up placatingly. Her gaze, albeit half concealed by her squint, drilled into the cycloptic jounin like a laser, before blinking and letting out a cackle.

"Just kidding!" she cracked, smiling disarmingly at the group "I was just pretending to be senile!"

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'Talk about Oscar-winning performances.' Recca muttered, sweat dropping along with the rest of the occupants of the room, which he noted included Baki and a set of medics.

"Kakashi." The Suna jounin greeted, his face falling slightly as he realized there was no other help coming, since neither of the remaining group were medics "Can you do anything?"

"Poison isn't my area of expertise." Kakashi admitted solemnly, looking over the rasping Kankurou "Normally I'd suggest bleeding it out, but this late it would've already seeped into his organs and muscle tissue."

"God Dammit!" Naruto cursed, punching her palm in defeat as she glared at the ground in helpless disgust "You mean there's nothing we can do?"

"Even if we sent for a Medic they'd take three days to get here." Kakashi reasoned, head lowered in shame "I'm sorry, I should have requested one be assigned to us…I assumed we'd be walking into a battlefield."

"We underestimated the Akatsuki." Baki admitted with a scowl "Or rather…we overestimated our village's defenses…not only did they get Gaara, but we lost several good men at the gate…and one of the council members has disappeared as well."

"So what?" Recca asked, looking around the room in alarm as evryone lowered their gazes, with the exception of the two elders "You're saying we can't do anything to help?"

"I wouldn't say that." A calm voice countered, causing the Konoha delegates to blink, and the Suna nins to instantly go on edge as a strange, shadow like whirlpool appeared in the air overhead "After all, there's always something you can do if you don't lose hope…ne, Recca? Naruto?"

"Mom?" Recca wondered, a silly grin spreading across his face as the immortal kunoichi appeared, sitting in mid-air, her hands folded comfortably across her lap "Mom!"

"Who are you?" Baki asked, instantly on edge, though he did eye the woman appreciatively behind his piercing glare "And how did you get in here without us knowing?!"

"Please calm yourself Baki-san." Kagero assured the jounin, touching down lightly, her black dress and natural beauty drawing a few appreciative stares "My name is Kagero…though there are those who refer to me as Kagehoshi." She smiled "And as for my being here…well, Tsunade-sama felt Kakashi-san needed some help."

"Good ol' Big booby-neechan!" Naruto cheered, even as Recca let out a cheer, Kakashi sighing in relief at the woman's presence "I knew she wouldn't leave us out to dry."

"So you're going to fight too mom?" Recca asked, looking at the kunoichi in concern. Kagero may have been a fully trained hokage kunoichi with centuries of experience with tactics and madogu, and immortal to boot, but she was still his mother, and no son worth his salt liked the idea of his mother putting herself in harms way.

"For now, I am merely to inform you that back-up is en-route from Konoha." Kagero assured her son, smiling in a way that always seemed to make him flush "However, I believe I can at least provide assistance with Kankurou-san's injuries."

"Back-up?" Kakashi repeated, looking at the beauty before him with wary interest, he'd seen how effective she could be with words alone "How many is she sending?"

"A four man cell." Kagero replied, placing her hand on Kankurou, her cool hands bringing some form of relief to the fever stricken youth "The leader said he'd be here in a day."

"A day?" Kakashi repeated, sounding skeptical "It took us under three days to get here, and that's only because Naruto wouldn't slow down to give us a rest." He shot the embarrassed redhead a bemused look, "Who'd be idiotic enough to think they could make it here in one?"

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"Gai-sensei!" Rock Lee exclaimed, gazing down at the crumpled form of his master and role model. The Taijutsu specialist had been leaping full speed through the trees en route to Suna when he'd been blinded by a massive sneeze, causing him to careen head first into a tree "Are you all right!"

"BWAHAHAHA!" Gai cackled, tossing his head back humorously as he regained his footing "Even a slight fever won't be enough to smother my flames of youth!" he boasted, only to stagger from a mild concussion.

"Mataku…" Tenten muttered, shaking her head in disbelief, a hand on her hip as Lee kept their sensei upright "You should sit down for a few minutes Sensei, you could've cracked your skull!"

It took all of Neji's willpower not to make a snide comment about there being no fear of that. In all honesty, he was far more concerned for the poor tree that the bizarre beast's noggin had assaulted.

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And so the madness continues.

Will Kagero be able to heal Kankurou? Will Chiyo ever get her eyes checked?

Will Gai's concussion keep him from arriving at suna in a single day?

Rorschach: You're posturing, I don't like that.

Kyugan: Meh, the public does.

Rorschach: The Public deservesto know the truth, stop stalling and tell them what they want to know.

Kyugan: God, why'd i ressurect you again? (Eyes the morphing mas) Never mind, go torture Danzo.

Rorschach: Fine (hoists up a metal ppe) ...never liked pedophiles...or would be dictators.

Danzo: (Sitting bound to a char with a sack over his head) What is the meaning of this! Unhand meat once you! (CRACK!) AAAUGH!!!! MY LEG!

Rorschach: (tosing the pipe that shattered Danzo'sknee away) That little piggy got shattered (hoists up an electrc drill over the other knee) This little Piggy's gettng drilled.

Unless you want Rorschach paying a visit...I suggest you leave a review.

* * *


	5. Chapter 4

Well, it seems there's life in this fic yet. Sorry it's been so long folks, but the latest story arcs and revelations from Kishimoto Sensei have probably thrown a lot of people for a loop.

I mean what the hell's with all the dramatic backstory bullshit? And just how is Naruto supposed to beat Pain without killing the guy? Especially with Konan standing right next to him I might add.

That said, at least we haven't had to put up with Sauce-Gay or the Allmighty (Gary Stew) Madara for a few chapters. Seriously, I was never a fan of the Uchiha clan, outside Itachi, to begin with, but Kishimoto has effectively rendered them as the Gary Stew's of Manga/Anime. Time Space ninjutsu my ballz.

Procrastincations aside, here is the latest chapter of Hi no Ishi, enjoy.

* * *

Setting out; Shadowing Akatsuki!

Back in Sunagakure, the medic team was seeing to the last of Kankurou's injuries, waiting for the teen to regain consciousness as Kagero gave instructions. "I still can't believe she managed to heal him with a few pills." Chiyo muttered, eyeing the dark haired kunoichi analytically "Not even Tsunade was THAT prepared."

"I'm well versed in the creation and nullification of most potent toxins." Kagero supplied, smiling at the older, if only in appearance, woman reassuringly to set her pride at ease "Let's just say I had a lot of time on my hands to work out various all-purpose anti-toxins."

'Not to mention the anti-poison madogu we swiped off of Mikoto.' Recca noted, eyeing the pouch his mother had pulled the pills in question out of with a sense of relief 'Her stuff kills you in seconds, the stuff that Kankurou got hit with doesn't have a chance.'

"That's all well and good." Kakashi noted, secretly HIGHLY impressed with the woman's skills "But we need to prepare to head after Gaara, without a doubt they've put some distance between them, especially if they can fly like was reported."

"One of them rode on the back of a flying clay golem." Baki admitted, his face grim with concern for his redheaded charge and leader "The other…is Aka Suna no Sasori."

Kakashi's eye widened at this, regarding the grim features on Baki's face with trepidation "Sasori?" he asked, pulling up what he remembered of the man's bingo book details "The genius puppet master the revolutionized the Suna puppet corps?"

"The very same." The old woman that had attempted to maul the copy-nin earlier acknowledged, a hint of pride in her tone as she did so "And one of the greatest prodigies to come out of our village since Sandaime Kazekage-sama."

"Speaking' of which," Naruto asked, pointing out the window at the windy background that was Suna "where's the Kazekage monument, I thought every village had one for their kage?"

"The wind here would scour the effigies of any statue within a matter of weeks, if not days." Baki provided helpfully "as such, all memorial tablets and the Kazekage statues are kept indoors, the latter actually stand in the council chambers, so I'm afraid you can't be allowed near them."

Naruto pouted, an action that caused several male members of the room to feel slightly uncomfortable due south, including, much to his chagrin, a disturbed Kakashi, who promptly gave himself the mental equivalent of a smack upside the head. "We need to get their scent." The cyclops muttered, already flipping through the seals to summon his hachi-ninken "If you can direct me to where the battle was fought-"

"That will not be necessary, Hatake-san." Kagero assured him, stepping away from the peacefully slumbering Kankurou and reaching into her dress "I can find them quite easily myself."

Kakashi quirked an eyebrow, a little miffed at being denied a chance to shine, as the woman pulled out a black sphere seemingly out of nowhere, her dress certainly didn't look like it had any pockets, holding it up to her face as shadows swam inside it. 'Tomegane no jutsu?' he wondered, recalling the late Sandaime using such a jutsu to check up on the village 'But that's limited to within a set field, even Sandaime-sama could only view within the confines of Konoha territory.'

"I have them." Kagero muttered, tossing the sphere in the air, where it released a beam of light, almost like a projector, the image of two figures in black cloaks making their way through a forest coming into view.

"That's them!" Baki exclaimed, eyes widening as he recognized Deidara immediately, marveling at the apparently high level jutsu the woman had performed "And I know those woods, they're within a days run from here."

"What is this thing?" Chiyo muttered, poking the sphere cautiously only to blink as it floated back to Kagero's hands. It reminded her of old Sarutobi's crystal ball in a way.

"Eikai Gyoku." Kagero explained, placing the sphere into here sphere, "It can scry vast distances and enables me to manipulate shadows, to an extent."

"Hence the name Kage Hoshi." Ebizou deduced from the side, one owlish eyebrow quirked with interest as he regarded the woman with an intrigued air on his face "How did you come across such a thing?"

"It has been in my clan for generations." Kagero replied cryptically, knowing there was NO reference on the Hokage madogu in this world to worry about...unless Kurei decided to start another fight "Kakashi-san, there is no need for me to remain here longer," she admitted "shall I go on ahead to scope them out?"

"Hold on mom!" Recca called out, stepping forward with a frown "If that's the case then take us with you!"

Kagero smiled, placing a hand on her son's cheek as she kissed his forehead "I appreciate the concern Recca." She assured him "But the Eikai Gyoku can only allow one person to traverse shadows at a time."

Recca huffed, turning his head to the side stubbornly, clearly not liking the idea of his mother just going of on her own, even is she WAS a shinobi with centuries of experience. "Alright…" he muttered at length, looking to the side stubbornly "But don't take any risks."

"Of course." Kagero replied with a smile, before promptly disappearing into the shadows on the floor, scaring the crap out of the Suna nins and Kakashi.

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Deidara shivered, looking around warily as they traversed the forest between them and the meeting point that had been prepared beforehand. As a former member of Iwagakure, he had mastered his village's preference of ambushing people, and so knew when to recognize the feeling of being followed.

The only problem was, there wasn't a single creature nearby, no telltale signs of chakra, not even the hard to notice absence of presence that implied a concealment genjutsu. "What's up Deidara?" Sasori ground out, tilting his head slightly to acknowledge the blonde "Someone following us?"

"No…"Deidara muttered, eyes narrowing in suspicion "And that's what bothers me."

Shrugging it off, the duo continued on their way, unaware of a pair of eyes that followed them in the shadows. Kagero frowned as they broke from the cover of the trees, knowing that she'd have to remain concealed is she hoped to track them properly. She eyed the recumbent form of Gaara with concern, desperate to aid him, but unwilling to break cover just yet.

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"You sure we should be heading out sensei?" Naruto wondered, shouldering her pack with a grunt "Okaa-san did say she'd track them down for us."

"That may be so," Kakashi allotted with a nod "but we know the general direction they went in, which means at the very least we should limit the distance between them and us before she reports back."

"That's why you sent Pakkun after Gejimayu's team." Recca reasoned with a nod, shouldering his own pack "They're closer to the forest than we are, so they can try to stall for time."

"Or retrieve Gaara." Kakashi added with a nod, though he was skeptical of that. Only one of the Akatsuki was injured, but even so he'd effectively laid siege to an entire shinobi village, and abducted the Kazekage to boot. 'Not only that, but if Kankurou's report is to be believed, Akasuna no Sasori walked away totally unscathed from their battle.'

He'd never had the misfortune to run into the man, Konoha and Suna had been on good terms by the time Sasori had abandoned the village, and so had no idea of what to expect from the greatest puppeteer of his generation.

'Which leads to our current predicament.' He muttered bitterly, eyeing the wrinkled features of Chiyo warily. The old hag had taken it upon herself to escort them in bringing back the Kazekage. 'Though I suppose it makes sense, when fighting a prodigy, who better to have on your side than his teacher?'

"Let's get going." The old bat insisted, kicking Kakashi sharply in the shins "I may be old but any more of this standing around and I'll start to get cranky!"

'Sounds like a short trip.' Kakashi muttered bitterly, making a note to position her as FAR away from him as possible, preferably at the back of the formation.

"W-wait…"

The group paused, turning along with a stunned Baki and Temari, who'd come to see them off, to gape at the trembling form of Kankurou as he leant against the wall for support. "BAKA!" Temari yelled, dashing to her brother's side as he stumbled "You're still weak! Stay put until-!"

"Not yet…" Kankurou gasped, pushing her aside slightly and looking towards a stunned Naruto, "Lemme…say something first…"

Naruto quirked an eyebrow as Gaara's older brother staggered towards, him, a determined look in his eyes despite his haggard condition. 'Suna Shinobi truly are a credit to the trade' the redhead noted 'even half dead they plow onwards, meeting their objectives before they even think of collapsing.'

"Uzumaki…Naruto…" the brunette rasped, placing a hand on the redhead's shoulder, half out of urgency, half out of a desire to remain standing long enough to say his piece "Please…save my little brother..."

Temari and Baki's eyes widened, the former uttering her brother's name in surprise, even as the puppeteer pressed on. "He always…admired you…" the teen coughed out, "Everything he's become now…he owes it all to you…" he gripped the front of the redhead's chunin vest, teeth grit as he lowered his head "So please…bring him back…"

He trailed off, only to blink as a gentle hand squeezed his shoulder, looking up into a smirking face that, had he not known was actually a guy, he'd have fallen for on sight.

"Rest easy," Naruto assured the teen, smirk widening as she thumbed at herself "I'm the future Rokudaime Hokage, I don't abandon my precious people."

The Suna representatives blinked at this, awe inspired at how a foreign shinobi, albeit one of their allies, would consider one of their own precious enough to risk his life for. True Gaara was the Kazekage, and the mission requirements clearly stated the team had to save him, but the blonde's words made it clear he'd have gone ahead even if the Fire Daimyo vetoed the entire operation.

To Naruto, orders meant nothing in the face of friendship.

"Thank you…" Kankurou whispered, head lowered in relief, even as he slumped forwards, Naruto catching the middle Suna sibling as Temari raced to his side, chastising her brother for overexerting himself. The Jounin cast the redhead a look of gratitude, her professional mask dropped for the barest moment, before turning to help her Outoto back to the infirmary, even as Kakashi gave the call to move out.

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Chiyo eyed the redhead before her with trepidation, her beady eyes calculating and ready for anything. As one of the two survivors of the Sandaime's Kazekage's generation of Shinobi, she maintained the high level of professional skepticism and suspicion that had, until recently, been considered nigh all-important for the preservation of a Shinobi Village. As such, it was quite distressing, and at the same time refreshing to bump into a member of the current generation that lacked these traits, it certainly gave her a lot to talk about.

And then Uzumaki Naruto had appeared on the scene, like some tumultuous, dune-shifting gale that completely caused her to lose her mental footing.

The redhead seemed pensive at times, as if lost in thought, but more often than not her face was either stretched in a warm, open smile or an enraged, humorous snarl, quite unbecoming of a kunoichi in the old woman's opinion. She'd said as much to Baki, only for the jounin to sputter incoherently and insist she not address the redhead as such, whilst spinning some cockamamie story about Naruto actually being male.

'Like that's even possible.' Chiyo muttered, eyeing the figure before her with a guarded sense of approval, like evaluating a stud mare 'Nobody with a figure like that could possibly be male…' she paused in her thoughts, letting her eyes roam over the redhead's form again 'Hmm…lithe frame…decently toned…fashion sense needs a little work but other than that…'

"Chiyo-baasan…" Recca called out, noticing her calculative expression as he leapt through the trees just alongside the old woman "Is something wrong?"

"No problem giving birth with THOSE hips." The old woman noted, causing Recca to blink, only to blanch as he followed the elder's gaze to land on his outoto's rump.

"GAH! Don't talk about my brother like that!" he hissed, praying to whatever Kami was listening that Naruto hadn't heard them.

"Why do you keep calling her that?" Chiyo muttered, shooting a bemused glare at the teen "Is it so you don't see her as a woman? Open your eyes boy! I haven't seen a figure like that since Tsunade and Kushina-chan were on the front lines."

"URUSEI! He's my brother regardless what form he's in!" Recca hissed, too distressed to note the 'Kushina' comment.

"Youths today…so repressed." Chiyo sighed, shaking her head dismissively at the boy's antics "Though it seems she's already won over the Kazekage…methinks a political marriage could be in order."

"Like hell!" Recca snapped, instantly switching to 'Aniki-mode', "That redhead psychopath isn't getting anywhere near my Outoto! I won't allow it!"

"I can hear you back there." Naruto growled, Recca freezing as he detected the faint aura of anger and bloodlust building around the teen.

"N-Naruto…" the enjutsu-shi stammered, honestly a little fearful, Naruto's temper had always been bad before, but ever since the tekko was attached it had gotten worse…particularly at certain times of the month "I..I was just telling Chiyo-ba that…"

"I heard." Naruto growled, shooting a warning glance at her aniki that silenced him instantly, before glaring at Chiyo "There's nothing going on between me and Gaara…or any other guy for that matter."

Chiyo blinked, only for her eyes to widen ever so slightly as comprehension set in "Ah…I see…my apologies."

Recca sighed in relief, thanking Kami-sama that a full-on Naruto rampage had been diverted. Oh he was confident enough that he could weather it, he had in the past, but Domon wasn't around to be used as an emergency meat shield at the moment.

"I'm certain Temari-chan wouldn't be adverse to a union if that's what you wished." Chiyo suggested with a devious look on her face "Same sex marriages aren't as uncommon as you think you know."

The Konoha Shinobi face faulted, which wasn't very smart as they were currently running through the treetops, and the ground was a LOOONG way down. Chiyo, the instigator of the group-facefault, blinked down at the twitching bodies below in confusion.

"Something I said?"

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"Hm? What the hell?" Deidara muttered, turning to eye his captive as the redhead stirred slightly "He waking up-un?"

"No way." Sasori graveled, shooting his partner a look "The drugs I slipped him will keep him down for at least another day…he wont wake up until halfway through the transfer.

"And by then it'll be too late-un." Deidara noted with a smirk, actually looking forward to sucking the bijuu out of it's host, not giving the recumbent Kazekage a second glance, and so failing to notice the trail of blood dripping from the redhead's nostrils.

Kagero, trailing them from the shadows, noted the teen's predicament and was honestly concerned for the youth, thinking he was suffering some internal injury.

Inside Gaara's head however, his drug-induced stupor was filled with a more…pleasing image…

_'…what are these…'_ the redhead wondered, looking around him in confusion as a plethora of redhead beauties gathered close, pressing against him on all sides in a giggling, cooing mass of warmth _'So soft…so warm…'_

Had anyone looked closely at Gaara's face right then, they'd have seen the beginnings of a leer, and not his old 'I'm going to KEEEEL you' one either.

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"Stupid pervy old bat…" Naruto grumbled, leaping at the head of the pack, much to Kakashi's chagrin, as it meant the copy-nin was closer to Chiyo and her senile cackling "Thinking retarded thoughts…are all old people perverts?"

An image of the Sandaime, Koku and Jiraiya flashed through the redhead's mind, followed by a disturbing image of Orochimaru with his tongue lolling, which caused her to shiver. "Naruto…" Kakashi called out, keeping an ear open for the sounds of pursuit "We need to stick together, don't go dashing off like you did last time."

"Warkata Sensei." Naruto shot back, leap-frogging off a branch before her "But that doesn't mean I'm falling back any."

Kakashi flinched at having been caught out, but let it slide, as at the very least Recca was between him and the old bat that was driving them all insane. 'And with any luck,' the jounin thought to himself, guiltily hoping that Recca's hair trigger would go off soon, reducing the old biddy to ashes 'the little fire-starter will get as sick of her as Naruto is.'

"No way!" Recca exclaimed, eyeing the old crone like she was the ninja equivalent of a rock star "You're telling me you took on an entire castle by yourself?!"

"But of course!" Chiyo boasted, her toothless smirk one of pride "My mastery of puppets set the standard for the puppeteer corps, anyone that couldn't master at least one puppet to MY level of ability didn't deserve the right to practice."

"SUGOI!" Recca cried out, his eyes wide with glee at the prospect "Kankurou's pretty badass with those puppets of his, I can't wait to see what you can do!"

"The boy does have talent I'll admit." Chiyo acknowledged "But he lets his pride get in the way FAR too easily. Not that that's a bad thing, but too much pride can lead to a lack of improvement…a FATAL flaw for Shinobi."

'Damn.' Kakashi swore, recognizing the light on Recca's face as hero-worship, something the teen showed to so far EVERY older Shinobi he'd encountered, excepting Kakashi himself 'There goes that scenario…'

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Kagero had managed to tail the Akatsuki duo for the better part of a day now, honestly impressed with their durability, as they didn't stop for a break the entire time since she'd caught up to them. As it was, the two Akatsuki finally came upon a single shrine gate, set near a cliff on the other side of a river. A massive boulder with a seal lay behind the gate, the mass of stone rising to greet the duo as they sauntered in with their prize, unwittingly permitting Kagero to conceal herself in the shadows of the lair.

"You're late." A voice called out, echoing with feedback, as if the speaker was communicating through a radio, and an old one at that. His form was blurry, hidden in shadow and static, like a bad television broadcast, the only visible features being his odd eyes, which caused a shiver to climb it's way up Kagero's spine.

"My apologies, Leader-sama." Deidara offered, dispelling his golem with a one handed seal, dropping Gaara to the ground with all the decorum of a sack of potatoes "The jinchuuriki was tougher than I expected."

"No excuses." The leader cut in, silencing any further protests with a single glare "We're behind schedule, prepare for the ritual immediately."

Kagero flinched as she watched the hazy figure slap a palm into the ground, a massive plume of smoke filling the dark cavern at his summoning, her eyes narrowing as she noticed a massive shadow rising up behind him. The minute she did she felt the blood drain from her face, her eyes widening in horror as she gaped at the grotesque statue towering over Gaara's prone form, like some demon in chains.

'This…this terrible presence!' the immortal kunoichi wondered, eyes widening in disbelief as a feeling of nausea washed over her 'It…it feels like I'm being suffocated!'

"Assemble." The leader ordered, several other hazy figures blurring into existence on the extended fingers of the statue, Deidara and Sasori leaping onto their designated spots, leaving two spots bare "Excellent…we shall begin…as soon as I deal with the intruder."

Kagero didn't even have time to blink before the odd, ringed eyes were staring into her own, the distance between them seemingly negated by the Akatsuki leader's killing intent. "Intruder?" Sasori muttered, looking around the dimly lit cavern warily, "I was certain we weren't being followed."

"This intruder is a little…different." The leader noted, eyes glaring at the spot Kagero had occupied moments ago, the kunoichi having shifted to another stretch of shadow overhead "However, they shall be dealt with…"

Kagero froze as a chill swept over her, only to gasp as something gripped her by the naval, hurling her through the air backwards, only to crash face-first into the river outside. 'A security seal?' she wondered, eyeing the boulder before her with trepidation 'Clever, but it puts me in a bad situation…'

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"Well that was interesting." Deidara noted, looking a little bemused despite himself "To think we could have been followed so easily…quite humbling-un."

"Get your head out of your ass Deidara." Sasori grumbled, looking decidedly none too pleased with the situation "Pain-sama's jutsu has bought us time, but if that spy signals for help, they could have Sunagakure's main shinobi force bearing down on us in less than a day."

"Indeed." Pain, the leader, acknowledged as he took his own spot on the statue "Suna shinobi are extremely diligent…and are not to be underestimated."

"Can we get a fucking move on?!" a crass voice called out, the shadow of a giant, scythe-like weapon hanging behind him "My freaking ass is falling asleep here people!"

"If only your mouth would follow suit…" a large shadow with menacing green eyes muttered, standing next to the crass one. Though from the sound of things he'd rather be anywhere else.

"FUCK YOU KAKUZU!" the crass voice snapped back, his eyes narrowed angrily at his neighbour "You aren't the one that's sitting back to back with a cactus!"

"Silence." Pain called out, his eyes drilling into the group as a whole as he raised his hands in a ram seal "We shall begin now, the process shall take three days and three nights to complete." He eyed the chamber "Everyone, make sure to remain aware of your true bodies," he eyed a large, plant-like figure "Zetsu, use your body to keep lookout, use your maximum range."

"But of course…" the Venus-flytrap ninja acknowledged, the only one whose arms weren't visible in any type of seal.

"Three days huh?" the one addressed as Kakuzu noted calmly "Given Orochimaru's no longer with us, shouldn't we try to pace ourselves just a little? Give ourselves more time?"

"If you want more time then start already!" the foul mouthed one cussed, "I wanna get this over with already!"

The rest of the Akatsuki didn't deign to reply, but immediately fell into an eerie silence, chakra gathering between them as they formed Ram seals, their eyes closed in concentration, save the leader. "Fuuin jutsu:…" he called out, his ringed eyes blazing in the darkness as the scroll that was gagging the statue's mouth fell aside "Genryuu Kyuu Fuujin!"

A ball of chakra formed in the gaping mouth of the statue, streaming outwards in the shape of wraithlike dragonheads that gathered in the air over the prone form of Gaara, illuminating his form for all to see, before crashing into him like ravenous sharks, actually damaging the cavern floor as the chakra surged wildly around him.

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"HEY!" Tenten called out, trailing behind the rest of her team, though not by much, as they dashed through the treetops like energizer bunnies from hell "Slow down will you? We've been running all day!"

"Tenten," Lee noted, smiling at his teammate in an understanding manner that seemed to piss her off a little "You haven't been training enough have you?" He yelped as a kunai with a wire attached nearly took his eyebrows off, eyeing the frowning Kunoichi warily.

"Care to see if I've been slacking off Lee?" Tenten asked, looking a little miffed if she was honest with herself, twirling the recovered Kunai on her finger.

"No…that's alright." Lee assured her, wanting to remain unmarked for the remainder of their trip. Ahead of them, Neji looked up, his Byakugan active as he scanned the area around them "Sensei!"

"What?" Gai asked, looking behind him inquisitively, a big mistake, as it caused him to crash, once again, into a massive redwood, nearly bringing the giant down with him, much to the teams horror (Lee) and exasperation (the rest).

"Energetic as always, eh Gai?" a voice called out, the Taijutsu specialist looking up from Lee's concerned ministrations to espy a Pug perched on the branch beside him.

"Pakkun?" Gai muttered, blinking the spandex wearing Lee Cupids out of his sight with a shake of his head, gaping at the pug in surprise "News from Kakashi?"

"Yup," Pakkun nodded "right now, the Hachi-ninken are following the scent of Kagero-san, who's trailing Akatsuki, in order to provide field support for the teams tailing them."

"Kagero-san?" Gai repeated, blinking at this newest bit of information in wonder "when did SHE get involved?"

"She met up with Team Kakashi in Suna half a day ago." The pug replied, chuckling as Team Gai's jaws hit the ground "I know, she has you beat good." He frowned "But besides that, "We tracked her scent to a place in river country, between Suna and Konoha."

"Which mean's we're the closest team to her position." Neji reasoned with a nod "Seeing as we spent the whole day running for nothing, I think this more than makes up for it."

"But how did Kagero-san make it to Suna before us?" Lee wondered, only to look up as his role-model stood to attention.

"YOSHA! Hang in there Kagero-san!" The Taijutsu specialist bellowed eagerly "The Bizarre Green Beast of the Leaf will rush to your side on the winds of youth!"

"He does know she's seeing Shigeo-san…right?" Tenten whispered to Neji, only for the Hyuuga to shrug, not wanting to think about the firework merchant for too long as they ran to catch up with the eyebrow duo. Few things could throw a Hyuuga off their train of thought, Uzumaki Naruto included, but nothing boggled the mind like Hanabishi Shigeo and his 'Shigeo Dance'.

So disturbed was he by the mere memory of the spectacle, Neji actually failed to notice that their entire conversation had been overheard by a decidedly unnatural growth, not ten feet to their right.

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"The enemy is nearer than we anticipated." Zetsu noted, as the information from his true body was relayed to him "a team from Konoha is close by, led by Maito Gai."

"And just WHO is this…Maito Gai?" the leader queried disdainfully, noting that Kisame's silhouette seemed to go fuzzy for a brief second, a sign of agitation.

"A Konoha Jounin that specializes in Taijutsu." Itachi's silhouette supplied diligently, his tone as impassive as always "He is skilled enough to fight on par with Hatake Kakashi, and so should not be taken lightly."

"The 'Bizarre Beast' huh?" Kisame noted, a leer in his tone that was absent from his shadowed face. The Leader eyed the mist-nin carefully, before nodding his head.

"I'll use THAT jutsu." He called out, not breaking his concentration from the sealing in progress, Gaara's hoarse cries barely even audible over the surging chakra.

"In that case I'll go." The coarse voice suggested, sounding all too pleased at the idea than was considered professional "I haven't been able to track down my Jinchuuriki yet."

"No, let ME go." Kisame insisted, the leer in his tone sounding oddly eager "I have a score to settle with that guy."

"Very well," Pain agreed, nodding at the mist nin "Kisame will go. After all, this jutsu is best suited for one such as yourself, who possess the greatest Chakra reserves out of Akatsuki." He flipped through the seals as the coarse voice cursed petulantly "I'll only need 30% of it though."

"What about the intruder?" Sasori asked, sounding a sore that someone had managed to follow him. Even as a Genin no-one had managed to sneak up on the man.

"A moot point." Pain assured the puppeteer, already prepping for his next jutsu "No one can enter this cavern while my wards are in effect, and even if they DID remove said wards…well, then they will have other things to worry about."

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Pakkun stiffened, a sinking feeling running from his snout to the tip of his tail as he took a wary sniff of the dusty air, the scent he picked up actually causing the hair on his body to stick right up. "What's wrong Pakkun?" Gai called out, looking at the canine in concern, "What's the delay?"

"Someone's coming!" the pug barked, leaping aside even As Neji backed up the claim, his Byakugan detecting a veritable SURGE of chakra coming up from the rear.

Seconds later, something broke through the rocky ground of the canyon, trailing through it like the world's oddest dorsal fin, dirt and rubble flying in all directions as it bore down on them, the group leaping out of the way as an explosion shook the canyon. As it cleared, the Konoha shinobi and nin-ken were met with a most unwelcome sight.

Standing almost two meters in height, his skin a strange, almost pale blue that only proved to accentuate the gill-like marking on his face and the emotionless eyes that leered at them over the brim of his high collar. His Black cloak, adorned with red clouds, billowed slightly in the breeze his entrance had produced, even as he hoisted a large, wrapped, sword-like weapon onto his shoulder with one hand, seemingly unaware of the weapon's weight. "Yo…" the giant greeted, a shark-like smirk stretching across his face, made all the more terrifying by the bloodlust he was giving off "Long time no see…Beast."

"Y-you!" Gai exclaimed, gaping at the man with his eyes wide, a look of pure surprise on his features.

"Gai-sensei…you know this man?" Lee asked, already in a Taijutsu stance as he eyed his role model out the corner of his eye, alongside his teammates.

Gai eyed the giant, a scowl on his face as he matched gazes with the man, the shadows along his face emphasized as a bead os sweat rolled down his cheek. "…who are you again?"

As Team Gai, minus Lee of course, fought the urge to slap their eccentric sensei upside his bowl-cut head, they were snapped out of their thoughts by their assailant's mocking chuckles.

"Well, you're intelligence suits your moniker…" the man chuckled, a smirk on his face as he held his weapon over his shoulders "The Bizarre beast indeed...but don't you worry…" the smirk changed to a full on leer as the bloodlust coming off him amplified many times over, chakra coming off him in waves "I guarantee you'll remember me soon enough."

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And that should be a fine point to cut off for now.

Yes, Chiyo-ba really does think Naruto's a member of the fairer sex, and being the old crackpot she is, isn't likely to listen to reason any time soon, so expect a lot of future crack from now till the saga ends.

Also, to Nero Sparda, The X-over we discussed is well into the Zabuza Saga. Expect a release sometime soon, probably after I complete another few chapters, as I want to give myself some breathing space.

Chiyo: Konoha no Shiroi Kiba! Prepare to die!

Kakashi: HOW THE HELL'D YOU GET IN HERE?! *STAB* SPLEEN!

R&R or we'll sic Granny-Chiyo on ya! And she's off her meds!

* * *


	6. Chapter 5

And so Akatsuki begin to stall for time. Sadly, I won't be deviating much from Gai's fight, as quite frankly the Bizarre Beast had things well enough in hand.

Gai: WHAT?! BUT HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DISPLAY MY BURNING YOUTH IF I CAN'T-?!

Kyuga: (Hits mute button, Gai continues to rant silently) The Itachi fight has been altered though, and expect a surprise twist or three in the telling.

Chiyo: Call me old will ya?!

CRACK

Kakashi: SPINE!

Itachi: We're supposed to be on now you know...

* * *

Demon Shark; Shadow Moon

'What in the hell?' Neji wondered, eyeing the figure before him warily with his Byakugan active, the prodigy nearly wincing from the sheer amount of raw chakra the man before them seemed to possess 'What IS this guy?!'

"Neji?" Lee asked, the gai-clone turning to regard his rival and teammate with concern as the Hyuuga seemed to take a step back from their foe, something he'd never done before "What can you see?"

"This guy has an enormous amount of chakra," the Hyuuga muttered, actually taking the slightest of steps backwards "I've never seen anyone with this much chakra since Naruto."

If any words could've had a sobering effect on the team, it would've been those. Everyone on Team Guy knew that Naruto was in a class of his own when it came to chakra reserves and stamina, even Kakashi admitted that, at his peak, the teen would outstrip ANY of the currently existing Jounin combined. To be facing an opponent that possessed a similar, if not identical, level of chakra at their disposal, was NOT a situation you wanted to be caught in, especially on a rescue mission.

"So this…" Lee noted, shifting backwards slightly as he kept his eyes on the shark-man's frame "is the Akatsuki we were warned of."

At that, the figure abruptly hurled his weapon in the air, the group backing off slightly, not willing to fall for such a blatant distraction, only to curse as they realized he'd played them, watching in trepidation as he clapped his hands together.

"Suiton: Bakusui Shouha!" Kisame called out, reeling back as his cheeks swelled outwards, only to spew out a massive torrent of water onto the valley floor, instantly flooding the area and riding the wave as it bore down on the Konoha shinobi, catching Samehada out of mid-air.

"Here I come!" the shark-man called out in twisted, sing-song manner, his shark-leer showing all his teeth as he bore down on team-guy atop the raging waters, grinning manically as their leader, the one he was searching for, into the air, providing a perfect target for the Kirigakure no Kiishin to exploit. "Miss me?" he cackled, leaping off the tidal wave to hover in the air right in front of Gai, who gaped at him in alarm as Samehada swung round towards the man's unprotected flank.

"KONOHA SHOFUU!" a voice called out, followed by a younger clone of the Bizarre Beast to come completely out of left field, kicking the daitou out of its wielder's hand, following it up with a kick to the ribs that would've damaged more than a few ribs had Kisame not blocked with his arm.

'Dammit!' the swordsman cursed, glaring at the younger version of his opponent in annoyance, swatting him out of the air only for the Hyuuga on the team to return the favor with some sort long-range Jyuken strike that fortunately knocked him in the general direction of Samehada, as the kunoichi on the team was quick to hurl several spiked, explosive nasties his way. 'These brats are annoying.' The Akatsuki growled as he lurked beneath the water's surface, watching the pyrotechnics die down, along with his water clone, rising again once the smoke had cleared, his weapon held at the ready.

"Suiton ninjutsu…and that great-sword…!" Gai called out, his face set in a look of serious recollection as his students scattered about to make it harder for them to be picked off, their guards up and their eyes focused.

"So…" Kisame chortled, walking towards the man with a smirk, Samehada trailing water as he dragged it from the lake, lettingit rest over his shoulder menacingly "You finally figured it out did you?"

"I do have the feeling we've met before…" Gai replied, still as clueless as ever, prompting exasperated scowls from his students, with the exception of Lee of course, and a look from Kisame that practically screamed 'WTF?!'.

"…You're really starting to piss me off…" the shark man muttered, stabbing the tip of his weapon into the water as he spoke "Looks like I gotta bash you around a bit more to get the blood pumping in that thick skull of yours.

That said, he lunged forwards once again, trailing Samehada behind him in a way that produced threatening waves in it's wake, even as Team Gai rushed forwards to meet him.

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"Yo...Kaka-sensei…" Naruto called out, looking over at the cycloptic jounin as she matched his pace easily as they leapt through the trees "Why'd those bastards wait so long before going after the jinchuuriki?"

Kakashi shrugged, a little curious as to that scenario himself. It wasn't like Itachi to just give up in something half-way, he'd known the psychotic little bastard from the time he'd been drum-rolled into ANBU training in his teens, hell he'd been the man's superior before he'd retired to become an active jounin, during which time the prodigy had virtually torn apart his exemplary records to date, with the exception of tardiness.

If anything, Itachi had a habit of showing up for a mission BEFORE his superiors thought to summon him. He was just that good.

"Most likely it's because Jiraiya-sama was with you at all times." Kakashi reminded the redhead, shaking his thoughts back to reality "Though that doesn't explain why they didn't grab the remaining eight in the meanwhile."

"They needed time to prepare." Chiyo supplied, leaping alongside the jounin, much to his ire "The extraction process is a complicated, time-consuming ordeal that would require several Jounin class shinobi to carry out at the very least." She frowned, "Take into account the fact these are Nukenin we're talking about, then it's doubtless they needed time to not only amass resources, but to ensure the extraction sites are secure."

"So basically they were being cautious." Rekka muttered, a frown on his face as he matched paces with the others, just behind Kakashi, but well within reach should Chiyo decide to pull a Hibiki and attack the cyclops again "Man, I hate it when the enemy has time to think things through…"

"My sentiments exactly." Kakashi agreed, eye-smiling at his hot-headed student over his shoulder, though he kept a careful watch on Chiyo as he did so "Though at the very least, it bought us time of our own to prepare."

"Hell yeah!" Recca cheered, his smirk stretching his features tight as he somersaulted through the trees like the demented, pyrotechnical monkey he was "We trained our assess of while you were gone Naruto, you won't believe how much we've changed!"

"You say something Aniki?" Naruto queried, her voice sugar-sweet as she mimicked Kakashi's trademark put-down flawlessly, causing Recca to lose his footing, the enjutsu-shi nearly plowing into a branch from the shock.

'They grow up so fast…' Kakashi sniffed, wiping a tear from his eye as he suppressed the urge to laugh, his facemask hiding his proud smile 'Ah how the years fly…'

So caught up in the moment was he, the copy-nin didn't feel the foreboding chakra until it was virtually on top of them. "Crap! Everyone stop!" he yelled, his lazy-demeanor dropping entirely as he led them to a clearing, his eye narrowing at the figure barring their path, the shadows of the trees doing nothing to hide the red clouds that adorned his cloak, nor the burning intensity of his sharingan.

"Those eyes…" Chiyo muttered, her eyes narrowing in suspicion, her air of genial senility replaced with the wariness of a shinobi that has lived to a ripe old age "To think I'd be facing one of them at my age…"

"It's been a long time…" the apparition voiced, the shifting clouds revealing the lines on his impassive face "Hatake Kakashi."

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"Uchiha…Itachi!" Naruto snarled, her hand instantly going for her sword as she recalled the last encounter with Sasuke's hated older brother, pupils slitting as she looked around warily for his partner, the creepy shark-guy with the dismembering fetish. Recca sidled closer to his Outoto, several gunpowder balls already between his fingers, one of his hands raised in preparation as he glared spitfire at their opponent.

"Itachi…?" Chiyo repeated, leveling a calculative glare at the patricidal Uchiha with her beady eyes, "Hoh…so this is the one that wiped out his own clan." she noted, with something that sounded like approval in her tone.

"You seem to be doing well, Kakashi-san." Itachi noted, his eyes trailing from the jounin to Recca "And you're that youth from before…the Katon user…"

Recca merely glowered, tightening his stance as he fought the urge to look into his opponent's eyes. He hadn't forgotten the training he and the rest of team 7 had undergone to combat sharingan users over the last two and a half years, if anything he and Domon had intensified it, actually demanding that Kakashi use his own when the team sparred to keep them on their toes, something the jounin had been a little TOO eager to agree to.

'Plagiarizing jutsu aside, the sharingan isn't something you can laugh at.' The enjutsu-shi muttered, keeping his eyes locked on Itachi's feet and arms 'Kaka-sensei always managed to drive us into the pavement with his active, but then we could always wear him down eventually since it literally devoured his chakra.' He scowled 'No such luck of that happening here…those aren't transplants he's packing.'

"I don't see Naruto-kun or that hulking fellow with you, Kakashi-san." Itachi muttered, running his eyes impassively over the group "Should I assume then that Jiraiya has yet to release him back into active service?"

"I'm right here you freaking psychopath!" Naruto yelled out, drawing Itachi's attention towards her as she moved into a better stance, only to blink at the look on Itachi's face as he took in her features.

"Impossible…" the Uchiha breathed, his face seeming to pale slightly, a look of haunted wonder spreading across his face as he stared at the confused redhead, his mouth slightly open in awe "Kushina…sensei?"

Naruto shivered, eyes widening at the Uchiha's words, sword hand relaxing in confusion as she stared at the man that had beaten Sasuke into a pulp all those years ago "Sensei?" she repeated, as if trying to make sense of a puzzle "H-hold on…you knew my mom?"

Itachi blinked, as if waking from a daydream, his gaze intensifying as he took in the redhead's features, tomoe spinning around his irises as he checked for genjutsu. "I see…" he muttered, an intrigued tone dominating his normally impassive voice as he took in the whisker marks adorning her cheeks, and the trademark chakra of a seal around the navel "Well this is an unexpected development…I don't recall any Fuuin jutsu that had such an effect on the host's body." He scoffed, so low they almost missed it "Sensei did say she wanted a girl…"

"Answer my question dammit!" the redhead snapped, stepping forward, slapping Recca's hand away when he tried to restrain her "What do you know about my mother?!"

"Calm down Naruto!" Kakashi snapped, holding up a hand to bar her path, glaring at Itachi with his good eye the entire time "He's deliberately bating you on! Remember what Jiraiya-sama said and calm down!"

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Naruto growled, clearly chomping at the bit, her eyes flashing between stormy blue and murderous red, before grunting and slipping into a ready stance, one hand behind her back, ready to draw her katana. "So what do we do sensei?" she demanded.

"Most of Itachi's genjutsu, including the one that he used on Sasuke and myself are Dojutsu unique to his sharingan," Kakashi supplied, slipping closer to his charges as he spoke "So avoiding eye contact is paramount, but then you've known about that for some time now, right?"

"Ever since the mission to Nami no Kuni." Recca agreed, keeping an eye on the Uchiha's feet as he spoke, something Naruto mimicked with equal skill "Not to mention those spars with you back home."

"The Uchiha clan were always a tricky bunch." Chiyo noted, as of commenting on the weather, "Quite frankly I was happy to think we'd heard the last of them, I never thought I'd be facing one again."

"You've fought against the Uchiha before, old mummy?" Naruto asked, only to yelp as she was slapped upside the head by a hand that seemed to be mostly composed of leather and bone "ITE-!"

"Suna and Konoha were not always so…amiable, towards one another." Chiyo muttered, not taking her eyes off Itachi as she spoke "That being said, there are a number of means of battling the Sharingan, outside of avoiding their eyes."

"Such as?" Recca demanded, trying not to scoff at his outoto's pain and failing miserably, earning a pointed glare from the redhead. Either way, both of them paid rapt attention to Chiyo's words, as crackpot or not, she was one of the elders of Suna, and had to have ammassed a wealth of wisdom over the years.

"One on one: run like hell." Chiyo recited, earning sweat drops from the teens "Two on one, take the rear." She smirked "Basically all we have to do is distract him whilst targeting his blind spots."

"I like the way you think Granny!" Recca smirked, a devious grin on his face as he clenched his fist, a slight haze of heat coming over it as he glared at Itachi "And distractions happen to be my forte!"

"That's all well and good for NORMAL genjutsu…" Kakashi interrupted "But Itachi possesses an 'evolved' Sharingan, the Mangekyou." He frowned "Getting caught by its genjutsu can happen in an instant…even another sharingan can't cancel it." he nodded "However…It's not a technique he just throws around, using it once puts a tremendous strain on his reserves."

"As well informed as ever Kakashi." Itachi noted, his tone as impassive as always, even as he turned his attention to the jounin fully "You gathered all that from experiencing my Tsukuyomi once?"

"Itachi…" Kakashi muttered, closing his good eye as he raised his headband, unveiling his own Sharingan for the Uchiha to see "…just how far has your eyesight deteriorated?"

If Itachi's face before had been startled then the only word for his expression now was absolutely gob smacked. Only the neckband of his Akatsuki cloak shielded the full extent of his surprise from being witnessed, before he regained his wits and narrowed his eyes. "Kakashi…" he muttered, and there was a definite hint of a growl in his normally reserved tone "Don't tell me you…?"

"You caught me off guard last time Itachi." Kakashi shot back, smirking at the ire he'd raised in his former protégé "But this time I'm ready for anything."

At that moment, the earth directly under Itachi exploded upwards, startling the crap out of both jounin even as a snarling Naruto rose amidst the rubble, katana flashing in the light as she slashed at Itachi's jugular.

Itachi, his fully matured sharingan reading her movements as if in slow motion, recovered quickly and leant back, his foot coming up and under the redhead's chin with an audible crack, sending her soaring back towards the group. Only then did he see the threat from on high as several boomerang like flames descended upon his form, detonating on contact with the earth around him.

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"Smoked the bastard!" Recca cheered, dropping from his hiding spot in the trees to land next to Naruto, who had landed on her feet and was rubbing her chin tenderly, testing her mouth with her tongue "You okay?"

"Been better." Naruto muttered, spitting out a couple of teeth, new ones already growing in their place as her healing factor replaced the damaged chompers with a speed that would make a shark green with envy "Still, you think we got him?"

"You kidding?" Recca asked, looking insulted that his sibling would doubt his skill, "Even Kaka-sensei didn't know we'd switched with clones," he reminded the redhead, thumbing towards the annyoed cyclops for emphasis "how'd HE be able to notice?"

"I dunno…" Naruto muttered, letting Recca help her to her feet "That all seemed a little too easy for an S-class Nukenin…" she stepped forward, only to blink as Recca's grip on her elbow kept her firmly in place "You can let me go now aniki."

"And why…" Recca asked, his voice warping mid-way through to a cold, semi-bored tone that sent a sliver of ice down her spine "after taking all this time…would I do something as redundant as that?"

Naruto gaped, watching in alarm as Recca's body began to peel away like cheap paint off a figurine, the smirking, scarred cheek replaced with an emotionless scowl, set with twin, spinning sharingan and premature lines. "It can't be…" she muttered, free hand going for her sword, only to find she could no longer move "When did you-!?"

"Did you think simply avoiding my eyes like a dog would allow you to escape me?" Itachi asked, the last remnants of Recca's form drifting away like scorched leaves "Do not underestimate a true master of the sharingan."

Naruto swore, twisting in the invisible grip of the genjutsu, muscles straining futilely, as if every fiber of her being was frozen in place. 'What the hell!?' the redhead growled, 'I didn't look him in the eyes once! When the hell did he have time to nab me with a genjutsu?!'

"Cease struggling and accept your fate." Itachi deadpanned in stereo, a clone of him having replaced Kakashi on her other flank, holding her in place with an equally powerfull grip on her shoulder "You cannot escape us."

"Wanna bet?" Naruto replied, smirking as she finished her one handed seals, her crimson hair spiking out in all directions as she griabbeded the sleeves of their Akatsuki coats in a death grip, holding them in place "Ninpou: HARI SENBON!"

Before either of the Itachi's could blink, several chakra enriched needles detached themselves from the redhead's hair, blasting in all directions, penetrating them with pinpoint accuracy and effectively turning them into human pincushions.

"Impressive." Itachi, or rather another genjutsu clone noted, applauding her creativity as he stepped into view ahead of her, even as the two clones dissolved into a flock of crows, pecking and swiping at the startled redhead "For you to be able to create such a mental defense…Jiraiya-sama has certainly taught you well." He frowned, moving his fingers into a ram seal "However…not good enough."

Naruto cursed as one of the crows morphed into a miniature black shuriken, slicing open her cheek even as countless others lunged at her from all sides. 'Gotta focus my chakra…' she ground out, teeth clenched as she pressed her palms together, drawing as much of her chakra into herself, only to flinch as she felt her skin begin to peel from the cut. 'What the hell?' the redhead stammered, trying to see what was going on, only to choke as her own left hand started to throttle her.

"**Filthy whore…"** a dark, brooding voice growled out, Naruto's eye widening as she realized just who's features were replacing her own **"I should've killed you when I had the chance…"**

"Sasuke…?" she choked out, fighting off the possessed limb even as other lumps began to form on her person like cancerous tumors, their gazes harsh and unforgiving as they formed familliar faces.

"**Why didn't you bring Sasuke back…" **Sakura demanded, glaring at her from the folds of her chunin vest, the medic's eyes red with tears and accusation as she glared up at the redhead **"I trusted you…"**

"**To think I had faith in you…"** Kakashi muttered, his voice laden with disgust and disappointment,his one visible eye half shut as always, but carrying the dismissive look the villagers had long subjected his charge to **"Clearly I overestimated you…"**

"Stop it…" Naruto grit out, clenching her good eye shut as she spoke, trying to focus her chakra, only to find that her control was virtually zero, whatever this genjutsu was, she wasn't getting out of it so easily "Stop it…stop it…stop it…!"

"**Why is it always you?"** Gaara's voice called out, Naruto's eye snapping open in horror as the hand she'd been using to fight off Sasuke's moved by itself, Gaara's green eye and love tattoo glaring at her from the palm **"What did you ever do to earn your good fortune? Why were only you loved?"**

'This isn't real!' Naruto kept reminding herself, shutting her eye, even as the cacophony of voices continued their assault 'It's an illusion…kai…Kai…KAI!'

"**Whore…"**

"**Loser…"**

"**Monster…"**

"**Liar…"**

_"**Feh…Pathetic…"**_

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Itachi's eyes widened as a literal explosion of crimson Chakra and Killing intent washed over him, his apparitions screaming as they were burned away, along with the clearing around them as a vision of death and bloodlust loomed over the Uchiha like the shadow of death. 'What is this?!' he wondered, eyes widening if not with terror then with something akin to it, for even HE did not presume himself to hold more power than the beast sealed in the redhead's navel.

The vision lunged at him, maw gaping with crimson fangs, and the genjutsu shattered like finest crystal, leaving Naruto gasping on all fours and Itachi stumbling away like he'd been struck.

"Naruto!" Recca yelped, crouching down next to his Outoto in concern as the redhead dropped to her knees, before glaring at Itachi as he felt the pain filled gasps wracking through her body "Kisama! What'd you do?!"

"Recca!" Kakashi yelled, stepping between his charges and Itachi lest Recca meet the Uchiha's eyes "Back me up! Chiyo-sama, stick with Naruto!"

Chiyo said nothing, but sidled up behind the redhead, placing a glowing palm on her back to dispel any remaining foreign chakra from a genjutsu, a shudder running through her as she felt some of the Kyuubi's chakra dieing away from her touch. 'It seems the fox is not one to be crossed, even sealed into a host…' she noted, flicking a gaze to the obviously startled Uchiha 'He won't use Genjutsu again any time soon.'

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Recca, his blood boiling from the attack on his adoptive sibling, lunged forwards alongside his sensei, even as Itachi regained his footing, his features slipping back into their emotionless mask as he focused on the task at hand. "Katon:…" the Uchiha called out, rearing back with his momentum, chest expanding outwards slightly before spewing out a gargantuan fireball that bore down on the group like a meteor "GOENKYUU!!!"

"Trying to split from the original huh?" Recca called out, leaping to the fore despite Kakashi's protests and rearing his fist back, flames blazing to life as he smirked in the face of fiery death "Too bad fucker! I wrote the book on Katon innovation!"

Thrusting his fist forward, Recca unleashed a column of fire that absorbed Itachi's jutsu as easily as a sponge absorbs water, before barreling down on the man like a freight train, leaving a path of destruction in its wake. "Hanabishi-ryu Nintai…" Rekka called out, drawing his smoking fist back to his lips and blowing the smoke off it "Hi-Ken."

"Most impressive…" Itachi allotted, rising from the ground courtesy of the Shinjuu Zanshu jutsu having escaped the blaze by tunneling underground "As expected of Naruto-kun…he has comrades as unique as he is."

"You got that right…" Recca smirked, Itachi blinking as he noticed Kakashi was missing, only to scowl as his former sempai burst out of the earth like a gofer attempting Shoryuken, grabbing the copy-nin's arm and dragging him into the range of his ringed fist, Kakashi weaving under the blow thanks in part to his own sharingan, but mostly his experience from sparring with Gai, whose slowest kick was three times faster than this.

'Something isn't right here…' Kakashi muttered, even as he traded blows with his one-time subordinate 'Even up this close…with my Sharingan active…I can't tell if this is the real Itachi.'

He rolled with a punch, his elbow lashing out at the prodigy's ear, only to be blocked, a knife hand strike going for his armpit. 'He definitely fights like Itachi…' he grunted as a near miss clipped his ribs 'hits like him too…and that Goukakyuu-look-alike was definitely something Itachi would muster…' he scowled 'But this vibe…and the directness of the assault…They aren't like Itachi at all.'

Uchiha Itachi, as long as Kakashi had known him, had not been the type to trade fisticuffs with his opponents, preferring to deal out death via the numerous pointy implements he carried about his person, charbroiling his foes with his clan's vaunted Katon mastery, or quite simply raping their minds with Genjutsu whilst looking oh-so-badass whilst doing so. He'd NEVER consider opening a fight like a Mexican stand off, despising dramatics as much as he did fangirls, and NEVER made the first move…at least not visibly anyways. If Itachi had wanted them dead, he could have employed numerous tactics to do so, all of which would've been feasible, understandable, and above all, HIGHLY more effective than what was going on now.

'But instead he stood there in our direct path, as if daring us to challenge him.' Kakashi muttered, running the fight through his mind even as he attempted to snap the man's wrist like a twig with his fist 'Something is definitely fishy about all this…'

The copy-nin's thoughts were cut off as Itachi gripped by the scruff of his neck, bringing their eyes into contact with one another, the world around them dieing away to a black field.

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"Your mastery of the sharingan once again surprises me…Kakashi-san." Itachi noted, his voice flat despite the words of praise as they echoed around the dark landscape he'd imprisoned the man in "Not to mention your skill with pulling off rapid-fire jutsu…following me underground, using your protégé's attack to cover your own actions…as expected of the infamous Copy-nin."

He watched, with idle fascination, as the masked jounin seemed to wave, like a paper doll, feet catching alight as fire began to consume him with agonizing slowness. But rather than the howls of suffering that should have ensued after such mental torture, Kakashi's mental image merely continued to eye him beadily with his own sharingan, headless of the flames consuming it's body, which should have left the man a brain dead husk. In fact, back in reality, Kakashi had actually reached out and grabbed Itachi's sleeve, holding the younger man's arm in a grip that threatened to snap the bones beneath.

"I see…" Itachi muttered, his tone flat, as if this latest turn of events had been scripted and he'd been the only one that read ahead "A kage bunshin…you truly are a credit to your generation, Kakashi-san."

"My Generation is over…" Kakashi shot back, rising from the earth with his eye narrowed, a knowing smirk hidden under his mask that caused Itachi to cock an eyebrow "The ones that you have to watch out for…are right behind you."

Itachi whipped his head round, only to be caught between the Hanabishi siblings, Recca on the right and Naruto on the left, both with dangerous glints in their eyes and both holding spiraling balls of concentrated chakra in their palms.

"…Well shit…"

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Deep within the artificial ocean that was serving as their battlefield, Gai, beset on all sides by sharks composed of Suiton chakra, closed his eyes beneath the waves, earning a smirk from his opponent. "Throwing in the towel are we?" Kisame called out, a smirk on his lips "I don't blame you, after all, no animal can match a shark in the water."

"KAITEN!"

Kisame blinked, whirling around as his water clones, and by proxy, the prisons they were controlling, disappeared in a burst of chakra, glaring murderously at the Hyuuga as he knelt on the water's surface, his teammates alongside him 'I shoulda cut him in half…' he growled, only to yelp as a pillar of water erupted right from under him, launching him into the air, along with the pulped remains of his summons.

Shielding his eyes from the combination of chakra and water, Lee was the first one to espy his mentor and role-model hovering within the water-spout, powering up as much of his chakra through the sixth gate as he could, his fists literally glowing with his ire, before leaping out of the funnel, right into the alarmed features of their Akatsuki assailant.

"Sensei?" Tenten coughed, looking around for their loveable, if eccentric, sensei, only to follow Lee's awe-inspired gaze as the sky lit up like a new years festival.

"**ASA KUJAKUU!!!!!!!**

Lee cheered as Kisame's flaming carcass descended, crashing into the water and sinking out of sight, the water slowly fading away as the chakra maintaining it slowly ran out, Gai dropping down to land before his students with a grunt.

"Are you alright, Sensei?" Neji asked, walking up to the panting jounin and running his Byakugan over him for injuries, only to be waved off as the Taijutsu specialist stood up, looking flushed, but alright.

"I'll be fine…" Gai panted, the sixth gate having drained him considerably as he leant on lee's shoulder to catch his breath, his protoge recognising his fatige better than anyone "More importantly…is everyone else okay?"

"All present and accounted for Sensei!" Tenten chirped, pulling off a cute salute, one hand behind her back as she re-sealed her weapons, what remained of them anyways, back into the giant scroll on her back "But that guy was something else wasn't he?"

"His chakra reserves were insane, even for a missing nin." Neji added, crossing his arms in thought, one hand going to his chin as he frowned, recalling something unusual about the fight that had caught his attention earlier "Still…something doesn't quite add up."

"Neji?" Lee queried, looking over at his teammate and rival in confusion, his bushy brows burrowing together like mating caterpillars as he forwned, earning a gigglefrom Tenten, who always found the sight to be hilarious "Is something wrong?"

"I read the bingo book when I became Jounin." Neji muttered, holding his chin as he spoke "I thought it might be useful, especially seeing as we were attacked a while back." He nodded at the spot Kisame had fallen "I remember seeing him in there…he was registered as an SS-Class, avoid at all costs missing nin."

Lee and Tenten blinked at the Hyuuga's words, only to stumble as the last of the water sank underground, leaving them on relatively dry land again, Gai pushing off his student hobbling towards Kisame to get a better look at their opponent's corpse, only to pull up short. "What the hell?" he wondered, eyeing the broken, bloodied body at his feet "Who in the hell is this guy?"

"Mou…sensei…" Tenten sighed, sidling up to the man in exasperation "you really are bad with names aren't…" she trailed off as she got up close "Hey…this isn't…"

Neji scowled, his Byakugan scanning the corpse for confirmation as he did so "No doubt about it…this guys reserves are nowhere near as developed as the guy we were fighting a second ago…not only that, his weapon's disappeared too."

Tenten shivered, holding her elbows as she gazed down at the corpse of a man that, by all rights, shouldn't have been there "Who on earth…?"

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"Who in the blue fuck is this?!" Naruto gaped, eyeing the cooling corpse, the upper half of it anyways, of what should have been Uchiha Itachi "This ain't Itachi! And there's no way he was a clone this entire time!"

"Yeah, was this thing a set-up the whole time?" Recca wondered, kicking the tattered remains of the torso in annoyance, sorely tempted to just burn the stiff and be done with it "We on candid camera or something?"

"No…" Kakashi assured them, idly wondering what on earth 'candid camera' was "That was definitely Itachi we were fighting a second ago…I wouldn't have mistaken him for anyone else, and my Sharingan would've noticed a henge."

"So how the hell'd THIS guy get here?" Naruto demanded again, pointing down at the remains in annoyance "Did he use Kawarimi at the last second or what? Or some other type of teleportation jutsu?"

"No time." Kakashi countered, nodding towards the teen "You and Recca were right on top of him before he knew you were there." He scowled "That alone should've tipped me off…Itachi NEVER leaves his back unguarded…not to mention the swearing at the end." He added, as it was a little known fact that Itachi, no matter how hard you pressed him, and you'd have to press very hard indeed, would never utter a profanity stronger than 'damn'.

"How on earth…" Chiyo muttered, squinting at the corpse's blood-stained face in abject disbelief, her eyes widening after a few seconds a sshe stood there in shock "That's…no it can't be…"

"You know this stiff Chiyo-ba?" Recca asked, rifling through the remains of the Akatsuki's coat for clues, coming up with little more than a few spare kunai and a money pouch, filled to bursting.

"That's Yura." The old crone muttered, her eyes narrowed suspiciously as she glared down at the man's features she'd seen almost every day at the council meetings "A suna Jounin and one of the members of Gaara's Council."

"So…they had a spy watching Gaara all this time?" Naruto asked, shooting Yura's remains a withering glare, wishing they'd pumped more chakra into the rasengan assault, only for Chiyo to shake her head.

"He's been serving on Sunagakure's council for over four years…" Chiyo muttered, looking down at the bearded man with a suspicious scowl "In that time he's done nothing to suggest anything but absolute loyalty to Suna."

"This is some seriously freaky shit right here…" Recca muttered, kicking a stone out of the way, having rifled through Yura's pockets long enough "He didn't even have any kunai on him…it's like he came here fully intending to die."

"Like a ghost." Kakashi agreed, looking up at the sky in thought, his visible eye narrowing.

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Far away, on some deserted mountaintop, a cloaked duo slowly woke back into consciousness, the larger of the two seeming a little torn between feeling grudgingly impressed and decidedly miffed. "Yare-Yare…they've improved since last time." Kisame muttered, shaking his head ruefully as he got to his feet "Then again…we were just supposed to stall them."

"Never underestimate the Jounin of Konoha." The shorter of the two intoned, eyeing his companion impassively "Even if our 'doubles' only possessed 30% of our power on top of their own, they were still formidable opponents."

"Feh…maybe…" the larger muttered, shaking his head in disgust "But mine trash talked too much, and yours…well, anyone that knows you would know something was off with that one."

Itachi said nothing but it was clear to anyone who knew him that he hadn't approved of Yura's grandstanding. "We should get back to the sealing." He muttered, closing his eyes as he focused his attention elsewhere.

"Gimme a break dammit!" Kisame growled, rubbing the feeling back into his legs "Not everyone likes to sit still for so damn long."

Itachi said nothing, having already filtered back into the cave, his efforts rejoining those of the members still there. "I see the jutsu failed." The leader noted, his eyes narrowing in suspicion "I suppose we're dealing with some highly capable opponents."

"We still haven't dealt with the intruder outside-un." Deidara pointed out, still a little miffed at being tailed so easily and wanting to vent some frustrations on the poor sod "Maybe we should send someone after them."

"No." the leader countered, his tone final "The ritual is more important…and is nearly finished at any rate." He eyed Gaara's limp form impassively "We'll finish up here…and then move on to the next host."

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Unbeknownst to the Akatsuki, Kagero was listening in on their conversations with the Eikai Gyoku, her eyes narrowing as she took in the statue they were perched on.

'This sickening feeling…' she muttered 'This…destructive…EVIL presence…' her lips pressed into a firm line as she fought the urge to try and enter via a shadow portal again, knowing it would prove fruitless 'There's no mistaking it, the Akatsuki's secret weapon…!'

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Just what Has Kagero uncovered about Pain's statue? And will Tem Gai ever get here in time to back her up?

And what about Naruto? Will she determine what Itachi knows about her mother?

Kakashi: You are an evil...Evil man.

Kyugan: I know, that's why I altered the first chapter of your book just now.

Kakashi: What?! (looks back to find the pages are blank, and that the first page is decidedly differnet from the start) DAMN YO...hey...this is GOOD! Better even!

Kyugan: And you can't read the rest.

Kakakashi:...(turned to stone)...!

R&R for more updates!

* * *


	7. Chapter 6

When I first started writing this, I was worried about deviating from cannon, but now, I figure what the hell, this is what fanfiction is all about.

That...and Abusing characters.

Kakashi: *whimper...*

Halibel: Suck it up, pussy.

* * *

Breaking the barrier; The ritual ends!

"Zetsu…" the shadowed form of Akatsuki's leader called out, turning to eye the plant-man on his perch "Dispose of Itachi and Kisame's doubles." He turned his gaze upon the Uchiha's silhouette "Itachi…How many enemies are in the group? And who are they?"

"The squad is a three man cell from Konoha." Itachi responded dutifully, looking into the leader's eyes without fear of retribution, his own sharingan glowing solemnly in the shadows of the cave "The squad leader is Hatake 'Sharingan' Kakashi."

"The Copy-ninja huh?" the massive, Green Eyed figure noted in his deep tone, sounding highly intrigued "There's a hefty bounty on that head...not to mention the price of a fully developed Sharingan."

Itachi said nothing, but had anyone looked closely at his silhouette, they'd have noticed a slight narrowing of his eyes. Kisame's Silhouette shivered slightly, as the air around the Uchiha's body had taken on a decidedly COLD chill. "The rest of the team consists of two chunin, both of which are members of Kakashi's genin cell," Itachi continued "Hanabishi Recca and Uzumaki Naruto, the latter is the Kyuubi no Jinchuuriki." He paused "Also, I recognized Chiyo-dono, an advisor of Sunagakure, who makes up the fourth member of the cell."

Sasori twitched at the mention of his paternal Grandmother, turning to regard the Uchiha warily, only for the Leader to draw their attention back to him. "Kisame," the man demanded, unusual eyes decidedly cold "what about your group?"

"Another four man cell from Konoha." Kisame reported dutifully, anything to take his mind off the chill Itachi was giving off "This time led by Maito Gai. It consists of a weapons specialist, Gai's Protégé, and a Hyuuga."

"What the fuck?" the crass sounding shadow wondered aloud, tilting his head down at Gaara's unresponsive corpse in disbelief "Just what the hell's Konoha gonna gain from rescuing this stiff?"

"Konoha and Suna have been allies for some time now." Sasori supplied, though he didn't sound like he approved of the fact one little bit "It stands to reason they'd send someone to help out their comrade."

"Fucking retards the lot of 'em." The crass shadow scoffed, several of the other members sharing his view but not saying anything. Itachi's eyes, however, seemed to become a fraction more emotionless at the man's words, something only Kisame, who had worked with him longest could possibly notice, but the shark-man was currently focused on draining every last drop of chakra from Gaara's corpse, well, that and keeping warm.

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"This is disastrous…" Kagero muttered, trembling slightly as she tried to make sense of the vast, roiling chakra she'd gotten off the giant statue, recognising the vile presence for what it truly was "How can a madogu if that calibre exist in this world? And WHY have I never heard of one such as this?"

As the sole surviving Kunoichi of her era, Kagero had ensured that what few documentation there had been on the madogu were preserved and kept from unwanted eyes. Oh a few scrolls had been stolen in the fall, but the methods for creating them had long been lost to the sacred fires of the Hokage elders, an act she suspected Ouka had a part in. Be that as it may, she knew the inner workings of all the Madogu produced by the clan, or at least those that had been in service during her era, as the elders controlled their use with an iron claw.

So the fact that not only was there a Madogu in THIS world, despite there being no histroy of the Hokage Ningun, not to mention one that gave off such an oppresive, EVIL energy, through her for quite a loop.

"Kagero-san!" a voice called out, the immortal kunoichi turning just as Team Gai and Pakkun arrived, looking slightly winded, or VERY winded in the case of Tenten, but otherwise unharmed from their encounter with the false Kisame.

"Yo." Pakkun greeted the woman, the leader of the hachininken nodding respectfully as he stepped forwards, nodding his head towards the group "Gai's team was closer, so Kakashi sent me to lead them here."

"It is good to see you, Kagero-san." Gai greeted, earning shocked looks from Neji and Tenten at how…formal, he sounded. Hell he didn't even raise his voice! "What's the situation inside?"

"The Akatsuki are using a sealing technique to extract Gaara's bijuu." The immortal kunoichi reported, earning a few shocked looks from the younger shinobi, and a dark frown from Gai, making a note to keep the specifics to herslef until she could back up her theories "However, only two of them are actually in the room, the others are using some sort of long range astral projection jutsu."

"Sounds like a variation of the Yamanaka clan's hijutsu." Gai noted offhandedly wishing that Inoichi, or even Ino, was here to confirm it. Taijutsu virtuoso he may be, but as a jounin he could appreciate a fellow comrade's knowledge, especially if it was their area of expertise.

Neji, without having top be asked, activated his Byakugan, using the Dojutsu's piercing vision to scope out the enemy's chakra, only to gape at the sheer well of power emanating from inside the cavern. "Neji?" Lee asked, looking over at his rival and teammate in confused concern as the Hyuuga started to sweat slightly at the sight before him "what's happening in there?"

"Words can't describe it…" Neji muttered, shaking his head in sheer disbelief "What on earth…such twisted chakra…"

Gai scowled, having heard enough of his student's words to set his resolve, the Green Beast charging at the boulder blocking the entrance, delivering a punch that, while not up to Tsunade's caliber, could have leveled a three story house, and the one behind it at the obstacle. However, rather than sending shards of rock flying in all directions, preferably perforating the enemies inside, there was a dull tome, like a temple bell being struck, and the air just in front of the boulder rippled, the man's fist halted scant millimeters from connecting. "A barrier…" Gai muttered, glaring at this new obstacle in distaste "And a fairly powerful one at that…"

"But of course." Kagero reasoned, walking up to the boulder with distaste, runnign her eyes over the rippleling chakra "Were it not for this, I would have already infiltrated the chamber with my Eikai Gyoku."

"One of those madogu you spoke of?" Gai queried, earning confused looks from his pupils. And with good reason, after all, even in Konoha, the Hokage ningun's talismans were kept a secret…not even Tsunade had any written documentation on them.

"Indeed." Kagero replied, pulling the sphere out of her sleeve and holding it up for the jounin to see "I've been trying to enter the shadows of the chamber, but to no avail" she smiled as the shadows within were replaced by a dull glow "However, the scrying abilities seem to be working just fine."

"Sugoi…" Tenten breathed, having never seen a ninja tool of this caliber before. It seemed to incorporate ninjutsu into it's use, but to a weapons user such as herself it was a treasure to behold.

"Ano…Kagero-san?" Lee spoke out, addressing the mother of two of his rivals respectfully, and a little shyly, as he had never forgotten how kind she had been to him back when he'd been injured "What is a madogu?"

"A talisman crafted by my clan centuries ago." Kagero replied, smiling at the Gai-clone in a manner that earned a blush from all the teens, though Neji covered it up well "They granted the user abilities similar to ninjutsu, such as control over shadows, or other elements, or could be used as weapons, much like Domon-kun's Kuchibashi-o or Tokiya-kun's Ensui."

"So they're like ninja tools with jutsu sealed into them?" Tenten asked, her eyes widening excitedly at the concept as she imagined some of the ninjutsu she'd gone up against at her disposal "Sugoi! I wish I could try one!"

"They do indeed sound right up your alley Tenten!" Lee agreed, his own eyes beaming at the thought. After all, Taijutsu often incorporated weapons, such as gauntlets, staffs or nun-chucks for added damage, and for a ninjutsu deficient shinobi such as himself, the idea of having a weapon that could fill in for this weakness was most appealing.

Neji, while not outwardly impressed, was nonetheless curious as to the methods behind the creation of such artifacts. Some of them, particularly the Eikai Gyoku, sounded dangerously similar to certain Clan's Hijutsu. He didn't doubt that if word of the talismans spread, it'd cause a free for all that could rip Konoha apart…let alone what their enemies would do to attain them.

"So you'd like to try one would you?" Kagero chuckled, promptly reaching into her robes and pulling out what looked like an ordinary glass sphere "This is a storage madogu called, it functions in a similar manner as your storage scrolls, but is less cumbersome."

Tenten's eyes sparkled at the sight, promptly scooping the little sphere up and testing it out on the giant scroll on her back, channeling a little chakra into the sphere and watching in awe as the scroll vanished, only to reappear when she focused on it.

"Sugoi!" Lee thrilled, watching as Tenten continued to play with the sphere like a child with a new toy, his eyes burning with eagerness, literally, as he turned to face the Hanabishi matriarch "Kagero-san! Might I try as well?"

"So adorable…" Kagero chuckled, earning a disbelieving look from Neji, who once again wondered how such a woman could give birth to anyone like Hanabishi Rekka.

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"I have a sudden urge to flash fry someone…" Recca muttered, leaping through the trees as his ears burned. The enjutsu-shi didn't know who or where, but someone was talking smack about him, and if he found out who it was they were in for a Hanabishi style hotfoot.

"Save it for Akatsuki." Kakashi shot back to the teen, holding the lead and shooting concerned looks over his shoulder at Naruto, the redhead was lagging slightly behind, Chiyo shooting her concerned looks from time to time, in case she was still suffering for Itachi's genjutsu.

'At least he didn't whip out the Mangekyou…' Kakashi noted with relief, recalling his own encounter with that nigh-undefeatable dojutsu 'Though considering the risks involved I'm not surprised…'

Blindness was a handicap even the most elite shinobi had trouble adapting to, and to an Uchiha, especially one that had fully developed their sharingan, the idea of losing their sight was unthinkable, and they took extra care to avoid injuries to their face as a result. For a prodigy like Itachi, who even without his sharingan had been a force to be reckoned with in the Konoha ANBU, blindness would be an unacceptable hindrance.

Kakashi was shaken out of his musings as Naruto surged past him, teeth clenched and pupils little red slits, leaping well ahead of the group in her ire. "Yare-Yare…" the jounin sighed, shooting a long-suffering smile towards a curious Chiyo "That boy will be the death of me."

"Boy?" Chiyo repeated, wondering if perhaps the White Fang's son had developed senility early on in life, only to shake her head and mutter about the follies of youth. The man clearly didn't want to think of his charge as a woman, so who was she to question his ethics?

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"It seems to be quieting down out there…" the leader muttered, looking over his shoulder at the boulder that blocked the cavern off from the rest of the world. 'That's strange…could they be waiting for additional backup? Or has only one team arrived thus far?'

"Didn't you say there was another jinchuuriki assigned to the rescue team?" Sasori spoke out, his eyes locking onto Itachi's hazy silhouette with a chuckle "Kukukuku…No hard feelings Itachi…but first come first served right?"

Itachi said nothing, but his sharingan seemed to glow a slightly deeper red for a few seconds, Sasori averting his eyes from them with a grunt of annoyance.

"Hn?" The leader muttered, looking up inquisitively as Gaara's body trembled slightly, despite the fact it should be immobilized by the jutsu "What the devil? Keep focusing!"

The group, as one, snapped their attention back to the sealing, Gaara's struggles ceasing after another minute, only his faint, rasping moans as the chakra was extracted remaining.

No one noticed the faint sliver of sand that was slowly creeping its way into the cracks in the ceiling.

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"This is so cool!" Lee gushed, looking down at the rings that he'd slipped over his bandaged fingers in jubilation, a small boulder several feet away having been reduced to rubble "Thank you so much, Kagero-san!"

"Think nothing of it, Lee-kun." The Hanabishi matriarch chuckled, smiling as she watched the Gai-clone and Tenten gush over their gifts, before turning to look at the reserved form of Neji, who was standing with his arms crossed "Are you certain you don't wish to try one?"

"No. Thank you." Neji offered sternly, but undeniably politely, shooting a look towards the jubilant form of Lee as the chunin danced around kicking his heels. He idly wondered if it was a side effect of the madogu, and wanted nothing to do with the things if it was.

"In any case…" Gai muttered, looking over his team with a serious expression, honestly wishing he could give the madogu a test drive himself, but deciding to play the adult and get everyone back on track "we need to break through this barrier."

"How are we going to do that, Sensei?" Tenten enquired, Lee halting his cavorting to regard his role-model with a concerned expression "None of us have training with Fuuin or barrier jutsu."

"That's where 'I' come in." a familiar voice called out, the group whipping round as Team Kakashi, and Chiyo of course, arrived with the cyclops' usual stylish tardiness, the two chunin of the team grinning at them "Yo.".

"Hmph…" Gai scoffed, eyeing his rival with a bemused smirk as the jounin straightened from his landing on the water, looking none the worse for wear from his battle with the faux-Itachi "You're late Kakashi…as always."

"Well you know how it is," Kakashi sighed, shrugging offhandedly as he walked up to his 'eternal rival' with his usual slump, seemingly unconcerned with the present situation "We ran into a little trouble along the way."

"Yo! Lee!" Recca called out, grinning at the bowl-cut sporting chunin with infectuous good cheer, Lee returning the greeting as they knocked fists, before patting each other on the shoulder "Still keeping fit I see."

"But of course!" Lee exclaimed, clenching his fist to his face with grandeur, as if insulted that the enjutsu-shi would think otherwise of him "To slack off in ones training is to stifle your flames of youth!"

"Same old Gejimayu." Naruto chuckled, looking over at the redhead with a smirk, drawing confused stares from team Gai as she walked over to the Gai-clone "And Neji! Heard about the promotion! You see what you can accomplish when you're not stuck in the past?"

"N-Naruto?" Neji stammered, his byakugan eyes literally bulging out of his head, taking in the redhead's figure, visible even despite the chunin vest, with a sense of bewilderment as he looked her over.

"No way!" Tenten gaped, looking the redhead once over in amazement, unable to believe this was the same Naruto that had finally smacked some sense into Neji's head "How did…wait, is this one of those 'gender-bending' henge Sakura was telling me about?"

"'fraid not." Naruto muttered, shaking her head with a sigh as she held up the tekko on her arm "This thing helps seal off the excess Yang Chakra I get from the Kyuubi." She explained, quite used to these expositions by now "But the side-effects…well…" she gestured to her figure.

"No way!" Tenten marveled, stepping forwards and grabbing a handful of cleavage, much to the assorted males shock, and Kagero's bemusement "Hey! They're really firm! Neji come check this out!"

"I MOST CERTAINLY WILL NOT!" the Hyuuga exclaimed, his face assuming a shade of magenta a that, prior to this moment, only his cousin had been able to achieve. Behind him, Gai was trying to rouse Lee, the poor chunin having passed out from the sight, blood trailing from his nostrils, muttering something along the lines of 'too…youthful…' every now and again.

Kakashi sighed, resisting the urge to chuckle at the predicament, knowing Naruto was likely to murder the first person that did so. Except for Kagero of course, but then the cyclops was pretty damn certain Jiraiya hadn't raised a brat that would willingly raise a hand against their mother. "When you're QUITE finished, Tenten?" he quipped, the weapons mistress blinking, before letting out a shocked gasp and backing away from Naruto, offering the redhead an embarrassed apology. "As I was saying," the cyclops continued "this is a Gofuukekkai, meaning there are four other 'Kin' seals sustaining it, no doubt scattered around the area." He looked up at the sole tag on the boulder blocking the entrance to the cave "Naturally, the barrier won't disappear until we can destroy them."

"You mean we gotta search for tags as small as that in the woods?" Recca muttered, glaring at the area around them warily, shaking his head in disbelief "Wont that take for ever? Can't I just torch the place?"

"Let's not go that far." Kakashi muttered, the group eyeing the pyromaniac with trepidation as he allowed a small gust of flame to appear in his hands "For one thing, a forest fire in this neck of the woods could start another Shinobi war.

Recca frowned but conceded, extinguishing the flame and crossing his arms as he looked up at the boulder in annoyance as Kakashi asked Neji to locate the other tags with his Byakugan. "I have them…" the Hyuuga reported after a few minutes, the veins in his eyes bulging as he held his Dojutsu active "North East, 500m, on top of a boulder." He tilted his head slightly "South-East, 350m, on the trunk of the tree rising from a river." Again he turned "North West, 650m, on a cliff-face. The last one is at the center of a small grove, 800m South West of here."

"That's well within Radio distance." Gai noted with a smirk, pulling several wireless headsets and neck-radios out of his pack and handing them out to his cell and Kakashi, "My Team's fastest, and we work well together, so our timing's perfect for the other tags."

"I agree." Kakashi conceded with a nodded, strapping his own communication set into place, adjusting the frequency to the groups' as Tenten finished adjusting the settings "Everyone ready?"

"YES!" Lee saluted, unwittingly setting the volume on his mic at the absolute highest setting, which was akin to sending a needle of pure sound directly into the ears of his team "HUH? EVERYONE? WHAT'S THE MATTER?"

"L-Lee-!" Gai yelped, gesturing to his own mic, praying to whichever God that might be listening that his protégé got the message. Kakashi, who's hearing was notably sharper than even a regular jounin's, was slowly slumping to one side, his eye a little white circle as he teetered slowly to the side.

"HUH? AH! FORGIVE ME SENSEI!" Lee's amplified voice cried out, the apology meaning nothing to the convulsing victims as the needle was jabbed further and further into their brains "I APPEAR TO HAVE SET THE SPEAKER TOO HIGH!"

"JUST FIX THE DAMN THING ALREADY!" Tenten snapped, covering her ears, slumping against a confused Rekka for balance as her inner ear took another dose of her teammate's voice at point blank range. Neji was in a similar position, though he'd inadvertently stumbled into Naruto, accidentally brushing up against the redhead, his back snapping ramrod straight at the feel of her…assets, beneath her chunin vest.

"You okay Neji?" the redhead asked, a sympathetic look on her face. Due to the changes brought on by being a Hanyou, which included enhanced senses of smell, hearing and so forth, she could understand the kind of agony the group was going through. Lee's voice was loud enough at times WITHOUT additional help.

Neji, offering the redhead assurances that he was fine, stepped away and fought to compose himself, sending a murderous glare at Lee as the bowl-cut teen finally managed to adjust the mic to the right volume, smiling sheepishly at them the entire time. The Hyuuga would be having a few words with the chunin for this, of that he was certain.

Well…unless Tenten beat him to it first that is. Humiliation aside, there was no way Neji was standing between Lee and the pointy implements their teammate was so fond of using.

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"Sasori and Deidara will dispose of the people loitering outside." The leader instructed, shooting the only two Akatsuki physically in the chamber a look "It goes without saying that I want the jinchuuriki alive." He made it quite clear that, beyond this, he didn't care what state the vessel was in "The rest of you, resume your duties."

"Itachi…" Sasori growled, turning to the Uchiha's silhouette, beady eyes narrowing behind his cloth "The Kyuubi Jinchuuriki…what does he look like?"

Itachi's only response to the older shinobi's query was silence, his sharingan spinning idly as he regarded the puppeteer with his usual opaque stare, earning a growl from the hunchback as a face-off began.

"You will answer him now." The leader's voice cut in, his tone brooking no argument, his ringed eyes locking onto Itachi's sharingan with an authoritative stare.

Itachi held his silence for a few seconds longer…before closing his eyes, apparently conceding defeat "The one who will charge straight at you with fury and hatred in his eyes at the offset…" he offered cryptically, his silhouette vanishing just before Deidara and Sasori could request a better description from him.

'Uchiha's…' Sasori growled, glaring at the spot the prodigy's silhouette had occupied moments before with decidedly more venom than normal at the man's attitude 'Worse than cats the lot of them…'

"I'll be waiting to hear from you." The leader stated, his tone making it clear that failure would NOT be looked upon favorably, not that it ever was, only to blink as a faint cracking sound filled the chamber "What?!"

Sasori and Deidara, the only two physically in the chamber, looked up in alarm as a rumble sounded around them, leaping off the giant statue just in time to avoid being skewered by various falling projectiles. "What the hell-un!" the demolitions expert screamed, a stalactite nearly impaling his shoulder "I thought this cave was secure!"

The leader, his silhouette unharmed by the falling debris, sent a suspicious glare towards Gaara's corpse on the floor, just as once of the falling lumps of stone crashed into the statue, a gout of chakra escaping like steam from the resulting crack before he dispelled it with a curse, leaving his subordinates to take care of themselves.

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"Whoa! You feel that?!" Recca yelped, struggling to keep his footing as the water of the river rippled with the minor earthquake, sending waves crashing against the canyon walls "What's going on in there?!"

"Looks like a cave in…" Neji reported, his eyes narrowing as his Byakugan pierced through the wards "But the giant chakra from before is gone…not to mention most of the other signatures…I can only see two people in there…a short one and a tall one."

"Most likely Sasori and his accomplice." Kakashi deduced, his eye narrowing in concern as he looked up at the boulder, noting the barrier was still in place "Perhaps something went wrong with the sealing?"

"Forget them!" Naruto snapped, grabbing Neji by his robes, much to the Hyuuga's alarm, her red-ringed blue orbs flashing in concern as they locked onto the older teen's active Byakugan "What about Gaara?!"

"I can only detect two…" Neji began, only to pause, shaking the redhead off and focusing his attention on the cave once again "…there IS another signature…but it's weak, and getting weaker by the second."

"That'll be Gaara then." Chiyo muttered, shaking her head at the situation "the sealing takes everything from the vessel and leaves them an empty husk…I'd doubt he'd last more than ten minutes longer."

"Then we'll bust him out in five!" Lee swore, clenching a fist and nodding to his teammates "No! make it two!"

"Stop saying ridiculous things!" Tenten sighed, looking at the Gai-clone in exasperation, only to shake her head in defeat as her team scattered, putting as much distance between the first seal and themselves as possible.

"Yosh…" Kakashi muttered, leaping up onto the boulder and perching next to the first tag, his fingers gripping it in such a way that the sheet of parchment would come right off when tugged "Recca, I'm going to need a few seconds after I rip this off…" he called out, eye smiling down at the teen "After that though…just remember Gaara's in there too, ne?"

"Not gonna be a problem Sensei!" Recca assured him, flames forming at his finger tips as he drew a blazing kanji in the air "Ryu no En; Sanshiki: HOMURA!"

The flames that erupted from his right arm condensed into a flaming pillar, which in turn assumed the form of a beaked Karyuu with an additional maw. The creature roared once, a living signal fire to anyone watching, before rushing down to encircle Recca's arm like a blazing coil. "KAKASHI! WE'RE IN POSITION!" Gai's voice called out over the speaker, the Taijutsu specialist having just checked in with his team, all four ready and waiting.

"Yosh, Let's go for a button hook entry!" Kakashi yelled, ripping the tag off the boulder at the exact same moment as team Gai dealt with theirs, before leaping as far away from the boulder as possible "RECCA!"

"KNOCK-KNOCK, BITCHES!" Naruto's adoptive aniki yelled, charging the obstacle with his fist surrounded by the strength enhancing flame of Homura, "Homura: BEN EN!"

The teen's fist smashed into the boulder, the strength enhancing aspect of Homura's flame driving the blow deep into the obstacle, while the drill-like bands wrapped around the limb promptly tore away at it's insides. The boulder cracked, an audible grinding noise filling the air, before exploding inwards from the blow, pelting the inside of the chamber with flaming debris.

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"Sounds like it worked." Gai noted, hearing the distant sound of the boulder's destruction with approval from his perch on the cliff-face. The Taijutsu specialist was just about to head on back when he caught something out of his peripheral vision, a growing bulge rising out of the mountain-side, laced with an unusual chakra. It felt similar to a Doton Bunshin, in that the earth was assuming a humanoid shape, but it didn't feel like any ordinary bunshin…the chakra coming off it was too different for that. "Neji…" the beast muttered, tapping his com-link in concern as he watched the bulge take on a familiar shape.

"I'm seeing the same thing here, sensei." The Hyuuga reported, his own eyes narrowed in suspicion as he faced off against his own opponent.

"What on earth is this?" Tenten wondered, her voice carrying a tint of fear, though it was mostly lined with awe as her opponent stood before her, brown eyes locking onto her own.

"No doubt one of the enemy's traps." Lee deduced, the very fact he wasn't yelling giving away the serious of the situation as his opponent moved into a ready stance that mirrored his own.

"So that's how it is…" Gai muttered, walking towards his mirror image, the doppelganger's features bereft of emotion as it mimicked his actions "So this was the enemies countermeasure to prevent us from taking advancing once the barrier dropped." He chuckled, moving into a ready stance "Still! There is nothing more challenging than the battle against oneself! Come my youthful copy! Let us exchange our blows in combat!"

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"Holy!" Naruto whistled, looking over the destruction with wide-eyed approval, shaking her head in disbelief as Recca straightened up "That's almost as good as one of big-booby Neechan's punches Aniki!"

"Still got a ways to go, I know." Recca admitted with a chuckle, dispersing the flame around his arm as he shook his head "Plus this would'a been a lot easier if ol' Franken-dick were here…for one thing I could've followed him up with a rapid fire technique.

"Beggars can't be choosers." Kakashi opined, dropping down from the wall and landing between his charges, "Now then…what say we go introduce ourselves? We did let our selves in after all."

"And me without my cheque-book." Recca quipped, smirking at his sensei cheekily as he stepped forwards, rotating his shoulder to limber up "You think they'd accept a Hanabishi hot-foot as compensation?"

"Mah…let's find out shall we?" Kakashi shrugged, wondering what in the hell was taking Gai so long reporting in. 'Maybe he's trying to imitate me?' he wondered idly 'Wouldn't be the first time…'

Brushing those thoughts aside, the cycloptic jounin led the way into the cave, his experienced eyes detecting no additional traps laying about, only to pull up short with a frown as he caught the telltale feeling of killing intent bared at him like fangs. 'Still alive and kicking I see…' he muttered, only to flinch, his eyes catching sight of the duo squatting before them in the middle of the rubble, or more, accurately, the thing they were squatting ON '…oh hell…'

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"What the hell-un?" Deidara muttered in annoyance, the haggard looking blonde with the Iwagakure Hitai-ate running his eyes over the intruders "First a cave in and now this shit?" he scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief "We better be getting overtime for this-un."

"For once I agree with you." The hunchbacked figure next to him graveled, his eyes locking onto the group from behind his face-cloth "This has been a VERY taxing day," his eyes locked onto Chiyo's, who was standing solemnly just behind Kakashi "and I don't think we're out of the woods yet."

'Sasori…' Chiyo muttered, gazing at her prodigal grandson with a hint of sadness in her eyes. Traitor or not, missing nin or not, he was still her family, and that didn't make what she was about to do any easier. 'I'm even co-operating with the son of his parent's murderer…' she noted, shooting Kakashi a neutral look out the corner of her eyes, never taking them off her grandson's for a second. After all, she'd taught him better than that.

"You bastards…" a low voice growled out, the Suna elder's eyes widening as she felt an upwelling of killing intent that made her hair stand on edge "What the hell do you think you're sitting on?!"

The elder turned, eyes wide to find Uzumaki Naruto glaring at her grandson and his accomplice, the redhead's eyes flashing between red-tinged blue and murderous red, the pupils animalistic. And Chiyo, despite all her years and experience, despite being the one to have sealed Shukaku into Gaara, despite witnessing countless atrocities during the shinobi wars, was forced to back up a step at the sheer amount of killing intent in those eyes.

"Hn?" the blonde Akatsuki wondered, looking down at his impromptu seat, which Chiyo finally recognized as a person, if only because she spotted the telltale mop of red hair, which was partially covered by the man's cloak "You mean this? Just some garbage that was more trouble than it was worth dragging here." He smirked at the group "So then…Sasori-no-Danna…" he nodded at the hunchbacked figure "Which of them do you think is the Jinchuu-?!"

A wall of killing intent blasted the two Akatsuki off their feet, their eyes wide as the room took on a reddish tint, rolling with the flow and gaping at the entrance of the cave, where the rest of their opponents were recoiling in shock from the source of the wave.

"You bastards…!" Naruto snarled, fangs lengthening as she drew her sword, the blade shining as it edged out of it's sheath "I hope you washed your necks…because I'm taking you down to hell myself!"

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Hell hath no fury...

Naruto: You finish that sentance and I'll de-ball you.

Kyugan: Yes MA'am.

Naruto: GRRRAGH!!!

Halibel: *Watching Nauto beat up Kakashi, who is dressed up as Kyugan* you're evil.

Kyugan: I know.

Yes, Pein's Rin'negan allowed him to unearth a giant, evil madogu when he freaked out at Yahiko's death.

Two guesses what it is...

R&R!

* * *


	8. Chapter 7

This chapter's up a little earlier, just because I got such lovely reviews last time.

Halibel: Review whore.

Kyugan: I can't help myself it's a sickness!

Kakashi: I say the same thing to my psychiatrist, she never buys it.

Kyugan: Kakashi, why're you here?

Kakashi: You promised you'd give me more pages if I did stuff...I fought off Itachi for crying out loud! Now GIMME!

Kyugan: You fought an Itachi COSPLAYER, that doesn't count.

Kakashi: But...but...!

Halibel: Apache, Mira Rose, Sun-Sun.

Fraccion: Halibel-sama?

Halibel: Remove him.

Fraccion: At once!

Kakashi: Now wait just a-ACK NO! Not the-THOSE ARE MY PANTS!

Kyugan: (listening to the screams) They saw the picture of him without his mask didn't they?

Halibel:...yes.

Kyugan: You're sexy when you're evil...roll camera!

* * *

Naruto's Rage! The Artisan duo!

"…I'm guessing that's the one?" Sasori muttered, quirking an eyebrow at the sight before him as he continued to brace himself against the redhead's killing intent. 'A little too temperamental for my tastes…but quite a figure she's got for her age…'

"No shit, un." Deidara chuckled, a little caught of guard by the sheer level of killing intent being leveled at him from a girl that looked no older than fifteen "But I thought Itachi said the Jinchuuriki was a guy?"

"It's not uncommon for demon vessels to change." Sasori countered, knowing from experience that some vessels' lives were shortened purposefully for that reason "However you're right…Itachi needs to learn not to mess around with intel…" he growled in annoyance "Uchiha's…WORSE than cats I swear."

That was as far as they got before being forced to roll out of the path of several fireballs and stiletto knives, Sasori's tail dragging Gaara's limp form after them as they turned to face their attackers.

"Oi, oi…" Recca called out, a dark smirk adorning the enjutsu-shi's lips as he summoned a small flame to his hands, highlighting his features eeriely "Who do you think you're ignoring? You're the ones that invited us here after all."

"Brat…" Sasori growled, before leveling his eyes at the woman that had hurled the knives, taking in her regal appearance with approval 'Now there's a beauty that should be preserved.' He opined, chuckling at his thoughts 'I wonder how she'd look as a puppet.'

"Invited you?" Deidara repeated, his tone mocking as he stood atop a pillar, lip curling in disdain as he sneered at the youth "The hell you talking about brat? I don't recall asking for a bunch of call girls and their pet monkey."

"Shut your mouths Deidara." Sasori warned, looking up at the blonde with one eye "It's that attitude that cost you your arm back at Suna…or do you want something else chopped off?"

Deidara frowned but conceded to his partner's logic leaping down to crouch next to him, trying to put off a stalemate for as long as possible. He was injured after all, and the sealing had taken a lot out of him as it was. At most he was running on just over a quarter of his chakra, more than enough to take on a few chunin, but dangerous territory when facing off against a shinobi of Kakashi's caliber.

'And then there's the Kyuubi brat.' He noted, turning his eyes to the explosive redhead, who was being restrained from advancing by Kakashi's outstretched hand 'Hn, pretty nice figure for a teen…she'd be a real blast in a couple of years-un.'

"Enough prattle." Sasori muttered, looking over at their opponents analytically, as if taking them apart in his mind "I've got this one…that jinchuuriki clearly wants this guy back." He deposited Gaara's still form on the ground "I'll make her work for it before I reel her in."

"Hn…this might annoy you a little, Sasori-no-Danna…" Deidara scoffed, not taking his eyes off the redhead, who was glaring at the hunchback for his comment "but why don't you leave this Jinchuuriki to me...un?"

"…The assignments are one man to a beast." Sasori reminded the blonde, shooting Deidara an annoyed glare, which was all the warning you usually got before he got…creative, with your corpse and vital organs "Don't push your luck."

"Come now," Deidara scoffed "If an artist doesn't encounter higher levels of inspiration his skills will rust." He smirked at the redhead, who returned the look with a scowl "That being said, this little bombshell seems pretty strong-un."

"You call those explosions of your art?" Sasori scoffed, a hint of mockery in his gravelly tone as he regarded his partner with a mocking stare "True art is something that endures for all to see," he leveled a look at Kagero "Eternal Beauty...THAT is art."

"I can respect your opinion." Deidara assured the older shinobi "After all the means are the same, however, in MY opinion, True Art can be found in that single, transient moment of expression that only an explosion can embody."

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'The hell?' Recca deadpanned, watching the two break into a heated discussion over why the other's 'style' sucked donkey balls compared to their own 'THIS is the Akatsuki? They argue like an old married couple!'

Kakashi was thinking along the same lines, but was a little tied up making sure Naruto didn't rush in headfirst, his grip on her braid holding her back from charging straight in head first. The last thing he needed was the redhead getting her head cut off rushing two S-class missing nin in a blind rage. Naruto, however, suddenly clapped her hands together, pulling out a seemingly featureless sphere from her pocket, the oversized marble glowing slightly, before depositing a Fuuma Shuriken in her hand, which the redhead hurled at the conversing duo with a snarl.

"Shuriken Kage Bunshin no jutsu!" the redhead cried out, slapping her palms together as the number of shuriken multiplied from one to up to fifty, only for Sasori's tail to lash out, seemingly of it's own accord, swatting them out of the air, dispelling the clones and cracking the original in half, without the man turning his attention from his conversation.

"Are you trying to piss me off, Deidara?" the suna traitor growled, shooting his cohort a dangerous glare, killing intent rising off him in waves that made even Kakashi pause for a second, internally grateful he hadn't come up against the man in his youth.

"Yare-yare…" the blonde sighed, seemingly unperturbed by his near impalement seconds ago in favor of looking at his partner in exasperation as he got to his feet "I did say it might annoy you. After all, to me, explosions are true works of art…" he smirked at the puppet master "far more lively than your little puppet shows."

Sasori said nothing, but his tail lashed out with the savageness of a viper, aimed at his partner's face. Deidara leapt out of range with a smirk, Gaara tucked under his good arm as a giant, pelican shaped golem of clay swooped down, the blonde landing on it with a chuckle. "Ja-na, Sasori-no-Danna!" he called out, waving over his shoulder as he flew out the cave "I leave the rest to you!"

"Like hell I'd let you get away!" Naruto snarled, spinning on her heal and rushing off after the airborne Akatsuki, "Come back here with Gaara's body you fucker!"

'Dammit Naruto!' Kakashi swore, spinning round to halt the former blonde, only for the Hanyou to disappear through the opening 'Always letting his emotions lead him…just like his mother…'

"Naruto and I will handle the one outside!" he called out, sending a look to Recca and Kagero, who returned it with confident nods "Recca, Kagero, hold this one off as long as possible…but until Gai's team calls in do NOT push yourselves!"

"Who you think you're talking to sensei?" Recca shot back with a smirk, popping his knuckles audibly as he grinned at the scowling form of Sasori confidently "We'll put this freak show out to pasture and catch up before ya know it."

"Do not concern yourself with us, Kakashi-san." Kagero assured the jounin, not taking her eyes off Sasori, who was glaring at her son for his insults "We will hold the line."

Kakashi nodded, before leaping after Naruto, tapping his com-link to enquire after Gai's whereabouts, only to curse as he got nothing but the sound of intense, hand to hand combat from all four members of his rival's cell. 'Looks like I can't afford to hold back here.' The copy-nin muttered, hoisting up his Hitai-ate, allowing his Sharingan to lock onto Deidara's smirking face with a glare.

"Hm? Another one followed the jinchuuriki out?" the blonde demolitions expert noted, quirking an eyebrow in distaste as he instantly recognised that spiky gray hair and facemask from the legends amongst the Iwagakure version of the Bingo Book "And a troublesome one at that…"

"So glad to be acknowledged." Kakashi called out, looking up at their foe impassively with both eyes "Truth be told, Naruto himself is more than enough for you as you are now." He smirked internally at the look of annoyance on the blonde's face "But I'm not one to give you Akatsuki more openings than you deserve."

"Three's a crowd un." Deidara shot back, smirking at the grey haired shinobi mockingly as he hovered outside of jumping range, idly wondering who the man was talking about "Though since I'll be giving you a demonstration of my art…I suppose the more the merrier."

"By all means…do try." Kakashi shot back, his sharingan's tomoe spinning slowly as he narrowed his eyes at the man "Just to warn you though…I'm a dangerously fickle critic."

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Back in the cave, the group of three surrounded Sasori on all sides, the hunch-backed Akatsuki not moving from where Deidara had left him, his gaze flicking between them like a hawk's, resting mainly on Chiyo and Kagero, for different reasons. 'Such a fearsome presence…' Kagero noted, a shiver washing over her that she'd long ago associated with experienced killers 'There's no doubting his battle experience…or the sheer number of kills he's made over the years.' She chuckled to herself 'Were I the same Kagero from before the fall of the Hokage clan, I'd be missing Reina about this time.'

"Leave this to me." Chiyo called out, her tone authoritative as she stepped forwards, drawing Sasori's attention to herself. The elder separated her hands from her sleeves, revealing several Kunai dangling from a thread that, to the expert eye, was clearly laced with chakra. The blades hovered, aimed at Sasori like strung arrows, even after Chiyo had spread her arms, removing the thread and dropping it to the ground.

The old kunoichi's fingers blurred in that second, like she was playing air-piano, and the blades hurled themselves forwards without being thrown, their points aimed directly at her grandson's face, only for his tail to once again lash out, deflecting the strikes as casually as if he were swatting flies. But like flies, some of the kunai changed direction mid-flight, curving round the tail to deliver blows that ripped the man's cloak to shreds, though to the shock of Kagero and Recca, no blood spurted from the wounds.

"Damn…" Sasori grumbled, hunching over further as an audible clacking noise filled the air, his tail lashing out again, sending strips of cloth flying as he ripped his cloak to shreds "If you're my opponent, then I suppose I've no choice but to be serious." He muttered, glaring at his grandmother as he spoke, squatting on all fours, one of his arms replaced with a strange spiked gauntlet, as his cloak was shredded, revealing the giant, mask-like armour on his back, from which extended his tail "Why don't I have the three of you join my collection, Chiyo-ba?"

"W-what the hell!?" Recca yelped, looking at the bizarre, misshapen figure before him in abject disbelief, thrown completely for a loop despite having seen freakierthings in his time like Genjuro's lion-man or Mokuren turning into a human tree "What on earth's wrong with his body?!"

"That's not his body." Chiyo replied, her eyes narrowing in confirmation of her suspicions…or one of them anyways, as she nodded towards her grandson "It's Hiruko, one of his puppets…one of his favorites actually."

"But then where the hell is he?!" Recca yelled, looking around in annoyance for the concealed puppet master inthe boulder strewn cavern "I mean, even if he IS a Kugutsu master, he can't stray too far from his puppets right?!"

"That's the thing about Hiruko." Chiyo admitted, not taking her eyes off the misshapen effigy of a hunchback for one second "He's Sasori's favorite, so much to the point he hates letting it out of his sight." She nodded at the figure "So he's most likely inside Hiruko, operating the mechanisms from inside. In this way, the puppet becomes a suit of armor that negates chances of being taken from behind."

"A little unorthodox for a Kugutsu master…" Kagero muttered, having read up on the Suna puppet corps during her stay in Konoha "Placing himself on the front lines alongside his puppet would put him at dangerous risk, even more so since he's inside it."

"Sasori knows the risks," Chiyo snorted, a hint of pride entering her tone "And quite frankly he doesn't think much of them. A true master of puppets doesn't limit himself to long to mid-range. So long as we can still move a finger, we're more than a match for anyone."

"Aptly put…Chiyo-ba." Sasori growled out, a grinding noise emanating from his throat that the mother and son duo dimly realized was his attempt at chuckling "But then again, I did learn from the best..."

"So what, we gotta pry him from outta there like an oyster from it's shell or something?" Recca asked, looking over the grotesque imitation of a human being with a hint of eagerness, miniature flames already snapping at the air around his fingers.

"To an extent, yes…" Chiyo agreed, though her tone was laced with a hint of uncertainty as she looked towards their opponent "But it seems Sasori's modified Hiruko since the last time I saw him…" she nodded at the puppet "That shell on it's back's new, and mostly likely boosted his defense." Her gaze traveled to the bulky arm "and I've never seen that left arm before." She snorted "And if he's anything like I taught him, he'll have changed the inner workings of Hiruko since he left the village."

"So we're basically fighting a completely different puppet than what you're used to?" Kagero noted grimly, while Recca's ears spouted smoke from his brain overheating "If that's the case, what should we do?"

"Who do you think I am?" Chiyo chuckled, quirking an eyebrow as she undid the bun in her hair, letting it trail down her face in an unruly mop as she locked gazes with Hiruko "I may be an old bat, but in my day I was the undisputed master of the Sunagakure Kugutsu corps, I taught this little brat everything he knows." She frowned at the steaming form of Recca with a quirked eyebrow "However, I have to admit when it comes to brute strength, your boy has me beat."

"Recca-kun was always a strong boy." Kagero chuckled, maternal pride at her son's many achievements beaming off her in waves even as the teen snapped out of his confused daze at the mention of his name "Still, I think it would be best if he provided back-up, I'm better suited to handling poison either way."

"Those little pills of yours?" Chiyo noted with a grunt, honestly a little professionally annoyed at how easily the ebony haired woman countered her grandson's latest toxin, though hardly enough to jade her opinion of her "You should take one now to be safe."

"No," Kagero countered, shaking her head with a grim look on her face "The pills can be quite potent in themselves, without a toxin to combat they would turn against the users own cells and literally tear them apart from the inside."

"Fight poison with poison eh?" Chiyo cackled, a twinkle of amusement in her eyes as she nodded in approval "That'd be motivation enough to avoid getting hit in the first place sure enough." She shook her head "Yosh, the two of us will handle Sasori head-on, the brat can hang back and learn a thing or two."

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"Who you calling a brat, Baba?!" Recca snapped, only to yelp and leap out of the path of Hiruko's tail as the puppeteer sent it clacking towards him. Enemies or not, Sasori wouldn't tolerate anyone else insulting his grandmother. It was a family only privilege after all.

The puppet master's attention quickly returned to said family member as she and Kagero rushed him, Chiyo's hands hidden by her suna robes while Kagero charged him, several stiletto knives slipping into her fingers as she advanced on him, a cold glint in her eyes.

Ripping aside Hiruko's face cloth, revealing the gaping, segmented grin of the puppet in all its unnatural glory, Sasori promptly fired a salvo of shuriken and senbon at them at speeds comparable to a machine gun, only for Chiyo and Kagero to weave out of the path of the projectiles, their eyes never leaving the puppet's as Kagero hurled her knives at it, Sasori deftly deflecting the tagged blades with a casual flick of Hiruko's tail, before launching his left arm between the two with a snort.

"Die."

The spike-like protrusions on the arm shot out, separating in mid flight and spewing even more senbon in all directions, the duo, caught mid-dodge, narrowing their eyes as the wall of pointy, poisonous death bore down on them like a wall. But unlike a wall, there were several, nigh imperceptible gaps between each senbon and it's brothers, gaps that Chiyo and Kagero used to their advantage as they weaved between the darts with a grace that, on anyone else, would've been unnatural.

As it were, Chiyo had the natural experience to pull off such a maneuver, and Kagero looked good doing ANYTHING, even if it was simply sitting on the porch feeding the Koi.

Of course this was lost on Sasori, who was more concerned with figuring out how in the hell the two of them had managed to not only come out of the assault without a scratch, but where the hell the upstart brat had gotten off to.

"Incoming Pinocchio!" came the response from on high, Sasori looking up to see Recca descending on him from above, having apparently leapt off the ceiling to add to his momentum, Homura's flame already wrapped around his arm as he reared back with a fierce haymaker.

"Brat…!" Sasori growled, Hiruko's tail lashing out to intercept, only to pull short and drag slightly to the side allowing Recca to lunge past it unmolested 'So that's it!' Sasori realized, Hiruko's eyes snapping onto Chiyo with a glare that was equal parts annoyed and bemused as she smirked at him 'You slippery old bat!'

Of course, at that moment, Recca's fist smashed into Hiruko's shell like a fiery comet, sending chunks of burning wood and gears flying in all directions as a cloaked form leapt from the wreckage, landing in a heap a good distance away from his attackers.

"That's Chiyo-ba for you…" the puppet master chuckled, his voice decidedly less gravelly than before, as Hiruko's voice modulator had been destroyed along with it's body "Not only did you control that beauty's movements with Kugutsu jutsu, you also managed to attach them to Hiruko's tail without me noticing." He snorted "No doubt it was that initial Kunai assault you hit me with."

"And I'd even suppressed my chakra to make the threads invisible." Chiyo added with a wry smirk, looking the cloaked form over coyly, keeping an eye out for any tricks he might pull "But you still worked it out."

"But of course..." Sasori snorted, rising from his crouch to stand tall, reaching up to grasp the cloak covering him "Just who was it that taught me to play with puppets? The master and the student are not so different."

"Maybe so…" Chiyo allotted, narrowing her eyes at the figure as he slowly dragged off the cloak, Recca sidling up next to Kagero, the two of them eyeing their enemy warily "But I think playtimes over, don't you?"

"But of course…" Sasori responded, tugging off the remnants of the cloth to reveal a young face with bright red hair and a relaxed expression, his lips curving slightly as he took in the look of shock on his grandmother's face "but don't think it'll go so easy for you…Chiyo-ba."

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"Fuuton: Tachi Kaze!"

Deidara swore and steered his mount out of the path of the severing blades of wind the redheaded jinchuuriki had leveled at him with a single slash of her Katana. For a moment, he almost considered her to be a double from suna, as they were quite famous for combining Fuuton ninjutsu with weapons techniques, but passed it off as a passing fancy, as the redhead was clearly too hotheaded to be from the disciplined nation of the sand.

'Polar opposite of the Ichibi's host…un.' He noted, smirking down at the fuming redhead and Hatake Kakashi as they leapt after him in dogged pursuit 'He was a redhead too, but he was so calm it made him look like a statue at times.'

His Pelican golem had morphed mid-flight, the body reshaping itself for speed, rather than comfort, as Deidara had recovered a good deal of chakra while he lead them away from the cave, occasionally dropping some of his prepped explosives to force them to expend more of their own to dodge.

'I'm over half-recovered now…' he noted with approval, creating several small, C-1 explosives in the shape of spiders and dropping them as he passed over some trees, the little critters placing themselves in the perfect spots to ambush his pursuers 'Still not what I'd prefer, but if I can wear them down a little more…'

"RYUUTSUISEN: ZAN!"

Deidara yelped and performed a barrel roll, his eye widening in panic as another redhead shot past from on high, the point of her katana stabbing downwards to fill the spot his head had previously occupied, a savage glint in her eyes as she realized she missed.

'That one's like a crate of faulty fireworks.' The explosive expert muttered shakily, shivering despite the day heat as he urged his mount to higher ground, making a note to keep a closer eye on them in case the redhead tried to pull another Kagebunshin Kawarimi combo as a few locks of blonde hair drifted down after her 'Get too close and you'll lose a limb…or worse-un.'

He shot a wary glance towards Kakashi, who had caught the redhead before she hit the water, the two resuming their heated pursuit without slowing down 'And then there's Kakashi to consider…even Itachi holds that one in high regard…' he snorted 'If Kakuzu were he he'd have ryo signs in his eyes, hell that sharingan alone would fetch several million ryo-un.'

"Shuriken Kagebunshin no jutsu!" the jinchuuriki roared, sending a wall of sharp, pointy implements towards Deidara's mount, only to be fended off by a few hastily thrown flying bombs and the golem flying higher, out of range "Dammit! Give Gaara back you freak!"

"I swear, first in suna and now you." Deidara scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief, earning a heated glare for his trouble "I'd heard that jinchuuriki were moody, spiteful beings because of their treatment from other people. Hell most of the time they're feared as much as they're despised." He snorted derisively "So far my fellow Akatsuki have captured two other jinchuuriki…well, I say captured, but in truth they were all but gift wrapped and handed over without a fuss." He smirked "Hell, we actually BOUGHT one for the price of a meal. One container for the price of a fish, some rice and two pickles."

He sighed, shrugging in mock helplessness as they duo continued to glare up at him "I suppose that's why you're fighting so hard to stick together, you monsters are the only ones that give two-shits about one another." He shook his head "but the Ichibi was already extracted, you're little pal's little more than a corpse." One blue eye gazed down at the redhead, who's head was lowered, hiding her eyes "And you're next, hot stuff."

What followed next could only be described as an explosion in the most literal sense of the word. The air rushed, sonic booms tearing through the canyon as the waters raged around them. Deidara fought to keep his footing, only succeeding by flying well above the epicenter of the storm and gaping down as the raging red chakra surged about like raw lightning.

"...Kill you…" Naruto growled, gripping her tekko in her free hand, eyes blazing a murderous crimson as she undid the clasp, releasing another burst of crimson chakra that whipped the air around her in a gale "I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!"

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"What the hell?" Rekka blinked, looking over the relatively young form of their opponent as he stood before them "THAT'S Sasori? He doesn't look any older than Kakashi-sensei! Hell he looks YOUNGER!"

"Chiyo-basama?" Kagero called out, looking from the unnervingly emotionless redhead to his grandmother, only to find the normally confident woman gaping in abject shock at his youthfull appearance.

"What is this?" Chiyo wondered aloud, the old woman's eyes actually opening all the way as she rean them over her Grandson's form in disbelief "He's the same…as the day he turned his back on the village all those years ago!"

"Wasn't that back during the last Shinobi war?" Recca asked, shivering slightly as he looked the unnaturally calm man over, it was like his face was carved out of wood or something "That'd make him OLDER than Kaka-sensei, right?"

"Indeed it was." Sasori called out, his tone, like his aloof features, never changing even as he addressed them, pulling out a scroll from behind him "In fact, why don't I show you a little something I picked up at that time?"

Recca flinched, wondering just what the hell the freak show was about to pull out next, only to blink as the kanji for 'san' became visible. "Killing him for my collection took forever," Sasori admitted, channeling chakra into the storage scroll, a plume of smoke obscuring their vision of him, even as an audible clacking filled the air "But then I suppose that's why he's my favorite."

"Oh joy…" Recca deadpanned, staring as the smoke cleared to reveal a rather large looking puppet with pretty impressive sideburns "Another mutant puppet, seriously pal try something else, like maybe some elemental ninjutsu, cause this is getting BORING."

"It can't be…" Chiyo breathed, backing up half a step as she gazed upon her grandson's favorite puppet in disbelief, and not a little fear, her hand going instantly to her hip pouch, as if to pull something out "how did you…?"

"You okay old hag?" Recca asked, looking over at the suna elder in concern. So far she'd proven to be pretty cool, what with out smarting Sasori and giving him the opening he needed to rip Hiruko apart, all the while keeping a reserved, almost mocking smirk on her face. But now she looked as if all the ghosts of her past had risen up and squeezed her heart, her face paling rapidly as she stared at the clacking effigy before her.

"That puppet..." Chiyo stammered, gaping at the newly summoned automaton in horror "Is the Sandaime Kazekage!" she exclaimed, earning surprised looks from mother and son alike as they whipped round to gape at the puppet.

"Chiyo-basama…" Kagero spoke up, looking from Sasori to the shaken elder in concern, and not a little trepidation by what she'd just discovered "What's the matter? Why do you act so concerned?"

"Ten years ago…" Chiyo explained, her tone of surprise slowly fading away to cold understanding "The Sandaime Kazekage suddenly disappeared from our village without a trace." She glared at her grandson accusingly "Sasori…don't tell me you-!"

"Didn't I already say he took forever to kill?" the redhead countered, his tone smug as he crouched beneath the puppet "Besides, just what can a withered old hag with a foot in the grave think she can do about it?"

"Whoa-whoa, hold up!" Recca stammered in alarm, making a 'time-out' gesture with his hands as he looked between the puppeteers in alarm "You're telling me that mutant mannequin is the Sandaime Kazekage's BODY?!"

Sasori's answer was to flick his fingers, sending the former sandaime flying towards the teen, catching him off guard even as a giant claw erupted from within the confines of the red cloak it wore, the tips drenched in poison. Recca braced himself, already flipping through the seals for Madoka, cursing himself for having to call out another dragon so soon, only to yelp as he was hauled backwards by Chiyo's chakra threads, Hiruko's tail coming between them to fend off the blow, though it shattered under the assault.

"Not bad, Baa-chan." Sasori applauded, a cold smirk on his face, having known that the old bat wouldn't have given up such a useful thread so soon, even as the sandaime's other arm separated to reveal several storage seals "Try this!"

Several thousand puppet arms erupted from the seals, the wall of clacking joints racing towards Recca, who grit his teeth even as Chiyo manipulated his body to avoid the grasping hands. "Ryu no en;" the hotheaded teen growled, landing in a crouch even as flames ignited from his forearm, Chiyo and Sasori's eyes widening at the sight "Ni-shiki: SAIHA!"

Sasori blinked as the gout of flame temporarily took the form of a spear headed dragon of flame, before solidifying into a blade of flame that flowed from the teen's tekko. 'A new Kekkei Genkai?' he wondered idly, watching on as the teen made short work of the arms reaching for him 'Interesting…he'll make a good addition to my collection after all.'

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"How d'ya like me now, gramps?" Recca snorted, smirking at Sasori coyly as he stood amidst a forest of severed arms "I don't know if it's just a puppet or not, but that thing's got NOTHING on old man Sarutobi!"

"Perhaps…" Sasori acknowledged, Recca's hackles rising as he leapt back to avoid two poisoned Kunai as they launched at him, only to blink as they circled back to bind him tight, pinning his arms in place "But then how about this?"

Recca cursed as a pipe extended from the mass of limbs, spewing a dark, poisonous fog towards him even as he felt Chiyo trying to tug him free 'Dammit!' he swore, even as a thread wrapped around his waist 'If I could just arrange Saiha right!'

Several stiletto knives severed the bonds even as Kagero, swooped in from the side, catching her son as he fell, hurling tagged kunai into the fog and flipping through a series of seals. "Ninpou: Bakuretsu Fuusen!"

The tags exploded, creating a miniature maelstrom between them and the poisonous fog, sending it back the way it came towards a scowling Sasori, who instantly cut off the stream and directed the Sandaime puppet to stand before him, the mannequin sucking the gas back into itself. "You've got some good allies there…Chiyo-ba." The redhead Akatsuki applauded, eyeing Kagero as she landed gracefully, a struggling Recca held under her arm, still bound by the ropes "Better than I expected at least."

"Why thank you." Kagero offered, not taking her eyes off the man, ignoring her son's feeble protests for the moment as she slipped another stiletto knife into her hand "Still, I'll thank you not to be so rough with my son."

"MOM!" Recca yelped, face redder than a baboon's ass as he struggled to escape his bonds. Not that he didn't appreciate her coming to his aid, but he'd never live it down if anyone found out his mother had come to his rescue. He could just hear Fuko, Kaoru and Domon's laughter, and then there'd be Mikagami's high and mighty attitude.

Sasori quirked an eyebrow, the scene before him stirring up more than a few memories from his past in Sunagakure, before his eyes hardened, fingers dancing as he activated yet another salvo of Kunai and Shuriken at them, catching Kagero off guard with the sudden ferocity of the attack, only for two blurs to intercept them, deflecting the wall of steel from their targets.

"A gentleman never interrupt a woman when she speaks." Chiyo pointed out, standing behind the mother and son, two open scrolls in her hands as she glared at her grandson "I raised you better than that."

"Oh?" Sasori noted, standing upright, a hint of intrigue in his tone as he looked upon the newly summoned puppets his Grandma commanded with interest "So you brought those two with you?"

"Indeed…" Chiyo muttered, a look of sadness on her wizened features as she gazed between the puppets to her Grandson, Recca and Kagero looking between them in awe "The first puppets you ever made…'Mother' & 'Father'"

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And that'll be all for now.

The next chapter will focus mainly on the battle against Sasori, without any of the cutscenes involving Naruto and Kakashi's game of 'keep away' with Deidara.

Also, some of you might notice the little joke I played with this chapter, more specifically the name of a certain attack.

Halibel: For those who did, Well done.

Apache: (In bakground) TAKE IT OFF!

Kakashi: But I don't wanna! (Whipcrack, girlish scream) MA BALLZ!

Sun-Sun: Call me queen...

Mira Rose: (Nervous) You're getting a little too comfortable with that thing...

R&R For the puppet show of the century!

* * *


	9. Chapter 8

To be honest, i didn't think this chapter was going to get posted anytime soon...but I've been wrong before!

Halibel: But of course, your human.

Kakashi: (off-screen) THAT'S AN OUT HOLE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-!

Kyugan: (flinches) Yeesh, what have you been teaching those girls?

Halibel: I despise weaklings, and the only ones stronger than me are Barragan and Stark.

Kyugan: ah...the crochety old man and the bleach version of shikamaru...wonder which one has a harder time getting it up...

Halibel: Besides, Tousen is obviously gay for Aizen, Gin's smile is just plain creepy and Aizen...

Kyugan: Narcisists, who needs 'em?

Kakashi: (Whimpers in background) this can't possibly get any worse.

Apache: Tsukiagero...CIERVA!

Mira-Rose: Kuichirase...LEONA!

Sun-Sun: Shimekorose...ANACONDA!

Kakashi: (gazing up at the shadowy, leering forms of the released Fraccion)...mother...

No cyclopses were harmed during the making of this opening statement...just manhandled by three VERY frustrated arrancar women.

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White Versus Red; Dueling Treasures!

'Mother and…Father?' Kagero repeated, looking from the backs of the two new puppets Chiyo had summoned to the scrolls the elder was tucking back into her sleeves 'Does she mean-?'

"So you took 'Mom' and 'Dad' out of mothballs, Chiyo-ba?" Sasori asked, looking between the wooden effigies of his parents with a bored expression "You've got a lot of nerve, challenging me with puppets I built myself."

"Whoa wait, those are your folks?" Recca stammered, looking between the puppets in alarm, before glaring at the man with his teeth clenched so tight they almost cracked from the preassure "You sick piece of-! Turning your own parents into-!"

"Sasori's parents…" Chiyo cut in, not taking her eyes off her grandson for a second "My son and his wife, died during the second Shinobi world war…the one prior to the last." Her eyes narrowed "His father was killed by the Konoha no Shiroi Kiba," At this Recca's eyes widened "And his mother passed away from grief shortly afterwards."

'So that's why she jumped at Kaka-sensei…' the enjutsu-shi realized, looking up at the old crone, a feeling of understanding washing over him 'If it'd been me and mom…man…good thing Mikagami ain't here or the angst would suffocate me!'

"Such a dreary old tale." Sasori muttered, looking thoroughly bored as he spoke "I hope you're not still carrying a grudge? It was a war, Father was good, but Hatake Sakumo was considered the equal of the densetzu no sannin." He shrugged offhandedly "It stands to reason he'd lose going up against someone like that."

"Teme!" Recca snapped, glaring at the man in anger that earned looks of confusion from the suna representatives "That's your own father you're talking about! Can't you show a little emotion!?"

"What's it to you, brat?" Sasori shot back, his tone decidedly bored "You aren't even of Sunagakure, if anything you should be agreeing with me. Sakumo was a Konoha shinobi after all."

"I could care less if he was from Suna, Konoha or the land hidden in my asshole!" Recca snapped back, earning shocked looks from the two kunoichi behind him as he got to his feet "I don't give a rats ass about who killed who! But what I won't stand for is you badmouthing your own father, who died fighting for what he believed in!"

Sasori's eyes widened, looking the foulmouthed youth over in alarm, for once in his life completely lost for words, having never encountered a situation like this in all his years as a Shinobi. True, he'd never voiced his opinion of his father's death before, as quite frankly he didn't believe it was anyone else's business how he coped.

Chiyo, being his grandmother, had of course showed him love and affection, and he'd never forget her for doing so, not to mention her introducing him to the family art of Kugutsu-jutsu, one of the founding arts of Sunagakure. There were other Kugutsu specialists in the village, but his family had created the technique, and their puppets were considered the finest around.

His father, though not in Chiyo's league at the time, had been considered one of the finest Kugutsu masters of his generation, and had actually written up several innovative new ideas for the puppet research bureau that would've made him famous, had he not gotten it into his head to challenge the legendary 'White Fang' to field test them.

And Sasori's mother had been a beauty, even now, staring at her effigy before him, the Akatsuki member couldn't help but note that it was far from doing her justice. The lifeless puppet was lacking the essence of the woman it had been based on, the warmth in her eyes that had always made him feel safe, just as 'Dad' lacked the calming presence that would lull him to sleep as he rested between them.

He snapped out of his daze with a curse as the puppets, their palms resting against one another's, lunged at him at Chiyo's behest, filament wires extending from their fingertips as they severed the remaining tubes and arms from his sandaime, forcing him to pull back and deploy several bladed, close range weapons to fend off the attack from his 'parents'.

What followed next could only be described as poetry in motion, as the two Kugutsu masters dueled it out between themselves, the two Konoha shinobi looking on in awe as they manipulated the puppets with little more than a flick of their fingers, the 'Parent' duo clashing repeatedly with the larger, stronger 'Sandaime' in a blaze of sparks and clashing metal.

When Kugutsu practitioners battled, blood was only spilled when the loser's puppets were completely destroyed. Anything less than absolute destruction could leave you opponent with a weapon to stab you in the back. But between master class practitioners, you never knew how many puppets you'd be up against, let alone how many weapons each puppets had one them. And it was a common trait to completely change the less effective armaments around to keep with the element of surprise.

Which is why, after a good five minutes of battle, both sides reeled in their respective puppets, Sasori scowling as he noticed the Sandaime's close range weapons had been completely thrashed, even if the 'Parents' weapons were in no better shape.

"This is getting us nowhere fast." the traitorous puppet master muttered, moving his hands in a specific matter as the Sandaime's mouth opened with a clack, a thick metallic cloud exiting its mouth "Time to get serious."

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"What the hell is that stuff?" Recca wondered, aloud, inwardly marveling from the sight of the high-speed puppetry he'd just witnessed, but snapping alert as the cloud grew thicker "Looks like…black sand?"

"I suspected as much…" Chiyo muttered, glaring at Sasori's puppet with grim confirmation lining her wrinkled features "That puppet can use the Sandaime's jutsu."

"It's been a while since you last laid eyes on it, hasn't it Chiyo-ba?" Sasori called out, a small smile on his face as the clouds continued to form from Sandaime's mouth "The Jutsu for which the Sandaime Kazekage was considered the strongest of all."

"What on earth?" Kagero muttered, looking at the gruesome puppet warily, not taking her eyes off it for a second "Chiyo-basama, what is he talking about? What is that Black cloud?"

"The most feared jutsu ever created in Sunagakure…Satetsu!" Chiyo explained, her eyes hardening at the sight "It was created by the Sandaime Kazekage, who based it on a jutsu the previous host of Shukaku used. The sandaime's body had special physical traits, allowing him to grant his chakra properties similar to magnetism."

"Whoa-Whoa! Hold the phone here!" Recca stammered, looking at the old woman in alarm as he made a 'time-out' with his hands "I thought that thing was made from the Sandaime's body! How can a corpse use Ninjutsu!?"

"Because he DIDN'T make it from a corpse." Chiyo replied darkly, glaring angrily at her grandson as she spoke "He turned the Sandaime into a puppet while he was still alive using a kinjutsu called Hitokugutsu. It's a forbidden technique that imbues a puppet with all the chakra the victim had while they were human."

"Are you serious…?!" Recca stammered, his face filling with horror as the implications of Chiyo's words washed over him "Are you telling me that you puppet masters can actually do that?!"

"No, only Sasori knows the mechanics behind Hitokugutsu," Chiyo assured the enjutsu-shi, though she didn't take her eyes off Sasori "he designed the technique after all."

"Then should we assume… Kagero stated, locking gazes with the redhead as she got to her feet, stiletto knives slipping between her fingers as she braced herself "That Sasori can access all the jutsu of those he turns into puppets through this technique?"

"Indeed." Chiyo admitted with a scowl, realising just how serious the situation had become with a grimace "And that, more than anything else, is what makes his Hitokugutsu so dangerous."

"Of course," Sasori cut in, a cold smirk on his admittedly handsome face as he looked his opponents over "Seeing as he's part of my collection, his jutsu aren't the only things you have to watch out for."

"You sick fuck!" Recca snapped, clenching his fist and stepping forwards, ready to flash fry the freak, only to blink as Kagero stepped between them.

"Stand back, Recca." The immortal Kunoichi ordered, her tone commanding, brooking no argument from her son "While I can understand your desire to punish this man, we need to at least try and take him alive for interrogation." She shot him a concerned look "Besides, in your state, the Karyuu would run amok."

Recca blinked, before looking down in shame, gripping his tekko to calm himself, even as Chiyo shot her fellow kunoichi an approving look. 'If we can catch Sasori and drag him back we can probably get a better understanding of the enemy's objectives.' The old woman noted, looking from Kagero to her grandson 'Though it still doesn't change the fact we're going up against the Sandaime and his Satetsu…'

Chiyo, as one of the few surviving veterans from the Sandaime Kazekage's era, had had the honor of fighting alongside the man on more than one occasion, and so knew the full scope of his genius, and the devastating effect of his Iron Sand. Quite frankly, the idea of being on the receiving end of it made her more than a little nervous.

'And knowing Sasori…' she muttered, shooting the puppet of the Sandaime a wary glance 'He's no doubt laced the Iron Sand with poison, just like any other weapon on his puppets.' She snorted 'Not that knowing that is going to make dodging any easier.'

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"Do you really think I'd let any of you escape?" Sasori called out, waving his arms, the Sandaime's Satetsu whirling around him, reshaping itself into small, iron pebbles "Satetsu Shigure!"

Like bullets fired from a Gatling Gun, the iron droplets launched themselves at the group, Chiyo promptly sending 'Mom' to carry the brat out of harms way while 'Dad' took up position between her, the beauty and the iron hail, the puppet fending off the assault with a chakra shield it deployed from it's arms.

"I see, so you've been tinkering with them have you?" Sasori noted, smiling in approval as the dust settled, revealing 'Dad' crouched between him and his targets, the red-haired puppet trembling as it's joints filled with iron sand "but you seem to have forgotten that this Jutsu can't be blocked, only avoided." He snorted "Got caught up saving the brat?"

"NADARE!"

A wall of iron sand, eerily similar to Gaara's regular defensive wall, formed between Sasori and the fireballs that Recca launched at him from the side without the Akatsuki member even turning to face him. "Muda-da." He intoned, a cold smirk on his face "As Chiyo-ba explained, this was based off the previous host of the Ichibi…that includes the automatic defense-!"

He leapt back as a blade of fire lashed out at him, his eyes widening as he followed it back to Recca's arm, the teen lashing it out like a Kusari-gama.

"Kusari-en!" Recca yelled, twirling the flame like a bola, before hurling it at the Akatsuki, the blade slicing through the air with an audible hiss of burning oxygen "Don't count me out fucker! That sand of yours may react like Gaara's, but I'm guessing you can't make more of it as fast as he can!"

Sasori cursed, as the hothead actually had a point. The difference between the Shukaku hosts and the Sandaime's versions of this technique was simple: Chakra capacity. Kage class shinobi generally had tremendous reserves, enough so that facing one in battle was considered folly by even jounin class shinobi. But a jinchuriki's reserves, even the Ichibi's, outstripped even that by a greater margin.

Even when he'd been alive the Sandaime couldn't create more iron sand without a bit of a delay, it took time to convert the chakra into the necessary state, whereas Shukaku's host at the time had merely had to use the surrounding sand to his advantage. Still, it was a window of no more than ten seconds, far to little for some stripling to take advantage of.

Chiyo, however, was another story, and she made it painfully clear to her grandson that she not only knew of this weakness, but that she could still react quick enough to take advantage of it, as 'Mom' swooped in and delivered a devastating blow that would have severed the Sandaime's head had he not seen it coming and leapt out of danger, dragging the puppet after him, though it lost an arm in the process.

"Stupid." He called out, as he watched the effigy of his mother tremble, before falling bonelessly to the floor "Simply brushing against the Satetsu is enough to clog the joints." He smirked "Now you're out of chakra shields…how are you going to dodge now?"

"Who says we have to?" a cold voice asked from behind, Sasori leaping back to avoid a stiletto knife to the throat as Kagero somehow popped up right behind him, the raven haired beauty rushing after him with a ferocity that surprised even him.

"Such savagery…" the puppet master noted, weaving under her strikes, unable to bring the Sandaime to bear due to the closeness of his opponent "Yet I find they do your looks all the more justice, woman."

"Flattery will get you nowhere." Kagero informed the redhead politely, leaping back as the Sandaime slashed between them, Sasori's eyes narrowing as he caught the telltale wisps of chakra thread on her, making it clear who had saved her from the ambush.

"A shame." He noted, tossing a kunai at Recca, cutting off the enjutsu-shi's assault as he tried to sneak up from behind "I was hoping to preserve your beauty for when you join my collection…" his eyes narrowed as the iron sand converged overhead "but then I suppose I can simply work out the damages later…SATETSU KAIHOU!"

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"SHIT!" Recca swore, leaping back as several, vein-like spears of iron sand erupted from the converging mass above, crashing down on the ground below, only his sharp reflexes saving him from being impaled by the poisonous barbs "MOM! OLD HAG!"

"Who are you calling old?!" Chiyo snapped, twisting and turning in mid-air to avoid the barbs like a shriveled old monkey, shooting a glare at the enjutsu-shi as she took shelter from the worst of it behind a boulder "You should respect your elders sonny!"

"If you rate a nickname that's a sign of how much I respect you!" Recca shot back with a grin, only to yelp as an iron spear came DANGEROUSLY close to un-manning him "SHIT! MOM! WHERE ARE…?!"

Chiyo frowned, looking from the paling face of the enjutsu-shi to the mess of spikes before them, her eyes widening as she caught the reason for his horror as she lay there, a giant spike sticking through her stomach. "No…"

"Too bad…" Sasori noted, shaking his head in mock depression as he looked over the scene like a conductor in an opera "Still, she knew the risks when she got involved, and at least this way her face wasn't damaged." He snorted "She'll make an excellent addition to my collection."

"STAY AWAY FROM MY MOM YOU FREAK!" Recca roared, lunging straight at the redhead, heedless of danger, even as the sandaime appeared between them, iron sand shaping itself into spears as he hovered in mid-air.

"Naïve." Sasori called out, even as more iron sand converged around his puppet, resisting the urge to smirk at how easily he'd played the brat, it was almost TOO easy "This is why I threw my emotional ties aside long ago." He hurled the puppet at the teen, a cold smirk on his face as he looked him in the eyes "Regret your mistake in he-!"

A stiletto knife launched itself at him, stabbing the puppet master in the hand and causing the sandaime to pull up short, even as Recca leapt right at it, fist blazing with fire and a cocky smirk on his face as Homura's flames whirled around him.

"BEN EN!"

Sasori cursed, leaping back to avoid the flaming debris as Recca's blazing fist smashed through the Sandaime like a battering ram, sending parts flying in all directions, the redhead looking on venomously as his favorite puppet was reduced to so much kindling, the section that had housed the Sandaime's chakra dissipating into nothing more than smoke and burning flesh. "How…" the redhead demanded, glaring not at the crowing form of Recca, though his desire to turn the teen into a puppet was replaced with one to mount his head on a wall, nor at Chiyo, who was smirking at him in a way that had ALWAYS gotten under his skin, but at the source of his distraction, as he pulled the stiletto out of his hand.

"There is a reason I volunteered to come on this mission." Came the response, the cause of his distraction, slowly peeling herself off the dissolving spear of Iron Sand as the chakra sustaining it faded away, leaving a gaping hole in her torso that, to Sasori's disbelief, was slowly healing up "And it was to ensure that my sons weren't rushing into danger without someone to watch their backs."

She sighed, tossing her hair over her shoulder as her wound sealed up, the fabric of her dress following suit as she smiled at the stunned redhead disarmingly, the hokage clan symbol visible on her hand. "After all," Kagero opined, "Is it not a mother's prerogative to protect their children?"

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"I'm hardly a child mom…" Recca deadpanned, shooting his mother a pleading look to stop embarrassing him in front of Chiyo, as the old woman looked ready to burst out into maniacal cackles at any minute. The ribbing he'd receive from Fuko and the rest was bad enough, he didn't need the old bat chipping in her two cents as well.

"No matter how old you become you'll ALWAYS be my baby, Recca." Kagero assured him, proving that no matter their age or profession, all mothers live to embarrass their sons in public as she beamed at him in a way that always elicited a blush, and it didn't fail now.

"How?" Sasori called out, startling the group out of her daze as he glared at her suspiciously "How did you negate the poison on that attack? No, How did you even SURVIVE being hit like that?"

"To answer your first question, I didn't." Kagero shot back, earning a startled look from Recca as she matched Sasori's heated glare with a cool look of her own "It's simply that no matter how strong the poison, it will have next to no effect on my body." She stepped forwards, her eyes hardening as she slipped stiletto knives between her fingers "And as for the latter, only one person has the power to kill me…" she didn't even look up at Recca's involuntary flinch "and you are NOT him."

Sasori backtracked, his eyes widening at the sheer strength of the woman's stare, feeling for the first time in years a type of awe and terror that he'd long since forgotten, the same fear he'd felt as a child when he'd witnessed a shinobi battle raging through the streets of Sunagakure.

'Those eyes!' he marveled, gazing into Kagero's black orbs with wonderment 'Such strength! Such emotion!' he felt a shiver wash over him, his eyes widening ever more as he watched the woman advance on him like death itself 'I've never seen such eyes…'

"Beautiful…" the redhead breathed aloud, only to shake himself out of his daze, eyes hardening as he gripped the collar of his Akatsuki cloak, undoing the buttons as he spoke "I give you credit woman…it has been a long time since I've seen such resolve…" he narrowed his eyes "and longer still since I've been made to feel FEAR." He snorted, dropping his Akatsuki cloak to the floor, smirking as he shook his head at their looks of shock "I haven't been pressed this hard since I joined Akatsuki…"

Stepping onto a length of coil that extended from his stomach, the redhead looked down upon the stunned onlookers in disbelief, shaking his head in bemusement as the steel wings unfurled on his back.

"I wonder…Just how long has it been since I used 'Myself'?"

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"He turned HIMSELF into a puppet?" Kagero breathed, looking on disbelief as Sasori stared down at them from atop his perch, unable to comprehend why somone would go so far to further themselves.

"So that explains it." Chiyo muttered, not looking all that surprised as she gazed upon her grandson's puppet body with a frown "The reason he hasn't aged a day since he abandoned the village…He used Hitokugutsu on himself to preserve his youth."

"Freaky son of a bitch…!" Recca managed to get out, shivering slightly as he looked the man over "Man, this guy'd fit right in with Mori Kouran."

Kagero said nothing, recalling Kurei's foster father, and his sick obsession with eternal youth and life with decidedly LESS than fond memories. Quite frankly she doubted any of the survivors from the Urabatosatsujin tournament would ever forget the corrupt business mogul, or the menagerie of freaks he'd hired to do his bidding.

But that was all the time Sasori seemed willing to give them, as he promptly launched a gout of flame at them from his palms, Kagero and Chiyo leaping back, while Recca lunged to the fore. "You got balls challenging me to a fire fight!" the teen called out mockingly, rearing his fist back with a grin "Nintai: HI KEN!"

"Orokana." Sasori mocked, cutting off one of the flame throwers and pointing the nozzle at the teen, sending a blast of high pressure water at him that cut through the approaching pillar of fire, Recca stumbling out of the way as it continued to drill through the surrounding boulders "Don't underestimate me."

"Shit!" Recca swore, hurling gunpowder balls at the man, only for the wings on his back to rotate like buzz saws, deflecting them and blowing the smoke they produced out of the way "Fight fair ya mutant Pinocchio!"

"Shinobi battles are never fair." Sasori shot back, crouching down before straightening up and launching the coil of metal rope at the teen, the bladed point clipping Recca on the flank as it continued on it's path, pinning Kagero to the wall through her stomach once again. "Die!" the redhead yelled, reeling himself towards the woman, the buzzing of his wings tearing through the air as he decided to get rid of the most troublesome member of the group first.

Of course Recca was having non of it, and before the automaton got within a foot of his target he was forced to swerve out of the path of several explosive boomerang flames, only to curse as he realized Recca was descending on him from on high.

"Nintai:" the enjutsu-shi called out, thrusting his hand out in a knife strike, aimed directly at Sasori's back "MAOU EN!"

A gargantuan fireball descended on the puppet, blinding everyone as it exploded on contact with the color of the destroyed cavern. Kagero making her escape before the shockwave incapacitated her. As the smoke cleared, it was to find Sasori lying in several pieces, scattered all across the crater that had formed beneath the technique.

"Did that do it?" Recca asked, landing awkwardly and crouching down to catch his breath, only to scowl as the pieces of Sasori picked themselves up and hovered towards one another in mid-air "Right…stupid question."

"You're young," Chiyo quipped, sidling up behind the teen as Sasori pulled himself together "It's to be expected you'd ask stupid questions, it gets them out of the way for later."

Ignoring the heated look the enjutsu-shi sent her way, the elder puppeteer pulled a faded scroll from her pouch, unraveling it to reveal ten symbols on the worn parchment. "Don't you worry though…" she assured the teen, as ten plumes of smoke erupted around them, clearing to reveal ten white clad, humanoid puppets "with this, the final curtain falls!"

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"Impressive as ever, Chiyo-ba." Sasori applauded, looking over the assembled puppets with a sense of pride "it is said that a puppeteer's strength is measured in the amount of puppets they can control at once." He smirked at the old woman "One finger for every puppet, it's said you once brought down an entire fortress, walls an all, with it." he shook his head in approval, ignoring Recca's look of shock "Shiro Higi: Jukki Chikamatsu no Shuu…" he scoffed "And not only that, you're using the first Kugutsu master's, Chikamatsu Monzaemon's ten treasures."

Kagero said nothing, too torn between marveling at Chiyo's ability to control so many puppets and staring at the Ten Treasures themselves. Each one was decked out in a flawless white robe, a contrast to the black of the standard Suna puppeteers and the red Sasori apparently garbed all his works, and each, while clearly a manmade construct, gave off a feeling of realistic beauty that even Sasori's Hitokugutsu couldn't match, even though most of them looked anything BUT human.

"Truly, you've assembled the very finest class of puppets." Sasori allotted, only to snort as he pulled a scroll of his own from his back, unraveling it in midair as he opened a section of his chest, from which emerged countless chakra threads "however…with these at my control…" he intoned, as an army of crimson clad puppets appeared over head "I took down an entire COUNTRY."

The group gaped at the sight, Recca's eyes widening until they bulged out of his skull, the enjutsu-shi nearly falling on his rump as he took in the sheer amount of foes they had to face, only to look back as Sasori's chuckling reached his ears, the redhead lowering his face and running his hand through his hair, as he chuckled self-mockingly.

"Though I really can't believe it." the redhead admitted between scoffs, shaking his head in disbelief "To think that an old hag at death's door, a hotheaded chimp and his mother could force me to play my final hand…" he looked up, and the group shivered at the coldness in those eyes "as a reward, let me show you my ougi; Aka Higi: Hyakki no Souen."

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"Okay…this is bad…" Recca deduced, backing up so he was standing next to his mother, shooting one of the Ten Treasures a wary look as he did so "You got any more puppets in that scroll of yours old hag?"

"Even if I did it wouldn't matter." Chiyo muttered solemnly "I can only control a maximum of ten puppets at a time, and I doubt he'd give me the time to pull out anymore with THAT bunch looming over us." She smirked "But don't you worry kiddo, the Monzaemon's Ten Treasures are more than a match for any puppet created in this era."

"Famous last words." Sasori opined, even as his army of puppets launched themselves at the group, joints clacking loud enough to deafen, and poisoned blades screaming out for blood.

Recca swore, leaping in front of his mother and flipping through the seals for one of his strongest attacks despite her protests "Sorry ma, but at this rate it's do or die!" he insisted, even as flames gathered around his feet "Besides, If I can get them in mid-air it shouldn't affect him as much!"

Sasori scowled, wondering what on earth the brat was mouthing on about, only to blink as a pillar of fire erupted around him, convalescing into a giant, one eyed dragon with a gaping maw 'What on-?!'

"KOKU!" Recca roared, pointing at the rushing wall of puppets with a glare as a ball of fire formed in the one-eyed dragon's gaping maw like a miniature sun "HADOU EN!"

"**But of course!"** Koku agreed, the eldest Karyuu all too eager to comply after being cooped up for so long, launching the mother of all laser beams at the mass of puppets, blasting through their ranks, reducing all in it's path to kindling, before blasting out the back of the mountain and into the distance.

'What power!' Sasori marveled, eyes widening in disbelief as over half his puppets were annihilated in the blast 'And those dragons…could Konoha have more than one jinchuuriki at their disposal?!'

Whatever the redhead's thoughts on the matter were, he didn't have the time or liberty to pursue them as Chiyo, who was quite used to the little pyromaniac's antics by now, promptly brought the full strength of the Ten Treasures to bear on what remained of the hundred puppets, and with the odds reduced to less than five to one, it was clear that Monzaemon's masterpieces weren't considered the finest of their kind for nothing.

During all this time, Recca and Kagero weaved between the dueling puppets, Recca flash-frying the constructs with his flames while Kagero fended off their attacks, the two of them working their way towards Sasori, taking out as many of his puppets as they could to take the heat off Chiyo, though that simply meant Sasori turned his attention towards THEM.

"SANBOU KYUUKAI!" Chiyo called out, three of the Treasures forming a pyramid, a vacuum forming between them that sucked up the puppets that were trying to sneak up on the mother and son duo from behind, shredding them to pieces within the confines of the vortex and dumping them on the floor behind them, little more than scraps of wood and metal.

"Old Bitch!" Sasori ground out, sending the largest of his troupe after the woman, only for it to shatter under the punch of the first of the treasures, the ox-horned puppet seeming to glare at the redhead for daring to assault his master "I'll have your-!"

"Incoming bitch!" Recca snapped out, Sasori cursing, dragging one of his puppets into the line of fire, leaping back as Recca reduced it to kindling with a blazing fist, only to blink as he realized that was just what the duo had been waiting for as Kagero launched a ball of chakra in the shape of Shukaku's head at him, the treasure that had bequeathed it to her kicking aside one of his puppets to give her the chance, Sasori's eyes narrowing as the toothy maw drew closer.

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"Bulls-eye!" Recca cheered, watching with glee as Sasori's body was slammed into the wall, a sealing array forming around him as the Shukaku-head's teeth pinned him to the wall "Nice pitch mom! You should try out for the majors!"

"I don't think they'd hire me on account of my age." Kagero quipped back, smiling at her son serenely as she rolled her shoulder "That, and I don't think they play baseball in this world."

"Then maybe I can introduce it!" Recca suggested, holding his chin and smirking "Yeah, I can see us doing away with the chunin exams in favor of sports, be a lot less messy for one thing."

"I never agreed with the chunin exams to being with." Chiyo opined as she shuffled up to them, a wry smirk on her face as the Ten Treasures remained on guard "Letting enemy shinobi into your walls is as bad as putting a knife to your own throat."

"Don't we know it," Recca muttered with a flinch "You guys and Orochimaru sure did a lot of damage two years ago, not that we're pointing fingers or anything."

"I consider it a compliment." Chiyo shot back with a cackle, earning a glare from the hothead for her daring, which she ignored "It means that the next generation has less growing up to do than I thought!"

"Well, that's always cause for celebration." Kagero agreed with a smile, earning a shocked look from her son at how well she was taking the elder's sass "Maybe next time they'll win?"

"I doubt there'll be a next time." Chiyo sighed, though she didn't sound too apologetic about it "For one thing, from what I can tell the current Kazekage has strong ties with Konoha…with a certain redhead we both know so well."

"Ah…I take it you mean my son, Naruto." Kagero noted with a nod, smiling slightly at the memory of the last time the Kazekage had visited Konoha "Gaara-kun was always asking about him during his trip with Jiraiya-sama."

"Why does everyone insist on referring to that girl as a boy?" Chiyo demanded, squinting up at the woman in annoyance "I'm old woman, but I'm not so old I can't see a pair of tits and hips that many a girl would kill for back in the day."

"Yes, well…" Kagero noted with a cough, smiling as Recca blushed beetroot and started banging his head against a rock to get rid of the images the old woman had conjured up "Its all a very funny-ABANAI!"

Chiyo blinked, only to curse as Kagero pushed her out of the path of a katana that would have stabbed her in the back, the blade slicing over her arm as the raven haired woman took the blade herself as she grabbed hold of Sasori, for indeed it was him, and held him in place.

"And to think I'd made the switch without being noticed." The redhead muttered, twisting the blade of his poisoned katana viciously, earning a grunt of pain from Kagero, who merely tightened her grip on the man "You're proving to be more of a nuisance than the brat."

"I'm a member of the Hokage ninja clan." Kagero admitted with a calm smile, despite the blood trailing from her mouth from the injury "We have a history of getting in the way of people we don't agree with."

"Quite." Sasori noted, suddenly leaping back, revealing a hidden blade attached to the joint of his puppet body, leaving the startled Kagero with the Katana in her stomach as he rushed in, only to be cut off as two blades pierced the exposed piece of his chest that was all that remained of his original body. 'How…' he wondered, looking into the puppet features of his parents as they embraced him, the blades of the katanas in their hands piercing his core, eyes widening as he realized he'd been set up.

_------------------------__------------------------__------------------------__------------------------__------------------------__------------------------__------------------------__------------------------__------------------------_

"You let your guard down Sasori." Chiyo muttered, looking equal parts disappointed and saddened as she looked upon her grandson, trapped between the first puppets he ever created in a twisted mimicry of parental affection "No matter how many puppets, how many bodies you create, in order for you to retain your ability to create and use chakra, a part of you must remain flesh." He eyes saddened as blood trailed from the puppet's mouth "That's the one weakness of your Hitokugutsu, it's why there was always one part of your chest that was cut the same, it's so the mechanical bodies of your puppets could house your true form…your HEART."

Sasori snorted, looking over his paternal grandmother with a hint of sarcasm in his eyes, only for Recca to deck him right in the jaw, his head spinning around like a propeller from the blow. "Teme!" the enjutsu-shi snapped, glaring spitfire at the puppet master "Where in the hell do you get off acting so smug!? You want me to burn you?!"

"Not really." Sasori muttered, looking at the teen impassively despite the sizeable crack the youth's blow had left on his face "Not that it'd do any good, this body doesn't feel pain so either way I wouldn't know the difference from being burned alive or drowned."

"You freak…" Recca growled, rearing back for another blow, only to pause as Kagero laid a claming hand on his shoulder, the stab wound in her stomach already healing over as she stepped up to the Redhead.

SMACK!

Recca and Chiyo gaped as the immortal Kunoichi slapped Sasori, knocking his head to one side, the redhead's eyes widening in shock and, to his own disbelief, pain.

"Don't stand there and say you can't feel anything." Kagero stated calmly, her hand still raised from the blow "I saw your eyes as you came up behind Chiyo-basama…if you'd wanted to you could have stabbed her and none of us would've been the wiser." He gaze softened "But you waited until I met your gaze, you DELIBERATLY gave yourself away before making the final move."

"Sasori…?" Chiyo muttered, looking between Kagero and her estranged grandson in confusion, meeting the redhead's gaze for several precious seconds, before the man scoffed and looking away derisively.

"Feh…I guess I really am a bigger failure than I thought…" Sasori muttered, a cold, self-mocking smirk on his lips, "I couldn't even finish off an old hag with one foot in the grave…"

"You couldn't kill your HEART." Kagero insisted, drawing the man's attention back to her again "You strove to gain an eternal body by becoming a soulless puppet, but your own, human heart prevented it." she smiled at him "You didn't just preserve it to maintain your ability to use chakra…you couldn't completely abandon your past as a man."

Sasori eyed the woman in silence, his cold eyes locking onto Kagero's warm ones for what felt like an eternity, before snorting and looking down "Just like a woman…prattling on about meaningless things that make no sense…" he scoffed "but then I'm not much better…seeing as I'm about to say something pointless too…"

He looked up, meeting the groups gaze with his own "You mentioned Orochimaru before?" he asked, continuing unbidden "Well ten days from now, at mid-day, a spy I planted among that serpent's underlings was to meet with me at Tenchikyou Bridge in Kusagakure…" he smirked at Recca's look of shock "It'd be the best chance you have to flush the snake out."

"Why are you telling us this?" Kagero asked, looking the man over in confusion, only to blink as he smirked sardonically, causing the crack on his cheek to widen proportionately.

"Like I said…no reason at all…" Sasori muttered wryly, before looking over towards Recca with an unusual stare "That said…that redheaded chick that went after Deidara…she does know the host's…dead already…right?"

"He's alive!" Recca countered, glaring at Sasori coldly as he spoke, matching the impassive stare with his own, fiery gaze "He's alive and we're gonna save him before his chakra runs out!"

"That so…?" Sasori asked, a hint of disbelief in his tone, before snorting "Well…if that's the case…then I guess…it's alright…" he smirked at Chiyo, who blinked in confusion "After all…it just didn't sit right…killing my own grandson and all…"

And with that, Akasuna no Sasori closed his eyes, the sight of their shocked faces forever seared into his soul as he closed his eyes and drifted into his final rest, secure in his parents embrace.

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_PLOT TWIST!_

Kyugan: Bet you guys weren't expecting THAT!

Halibel: It makes sense, in a really twisted way.

Kyugan: Nothing phases you, does it, Halibel-sama?

Halibel: No (tilts her head offscreen) might want to go easier on him...he's up next.

Apache: (panting) Hai...Halibel-sama...

Mira-Rose: (Panting) We'll...take that...into...consideration...

Sun-Sun: (Even breathed, but flushing) although...he has lasted rather well...

Kakashi: I CAN'T FEEL MY CROTCH!

Kyugan: Let it never be said I did nothing for Kakashi...nothing GOOD that is.

Halibel: You call making him go at it untill It falls off a good thing?

Kyugan: Hey, I never said I'd be NICE about it...

R&R for more, plot twisting goodness!

* * *


	10. Chapter 9

Man, so many plot twists recently...I had that samurai guy pegged as Madara because of his wrinkles at one point.

Halibel: Do not judge based solely by appearance.

Apache: The grey one just left, Hsalibel-sama.

Kyugan: Time to earn your porn, Kakashi...(notes Sun-Sun smiling) Hm?

Sun-Sun: (Holds up pilfered Tactics) He'll have to come back for it.

Women are scary, make note.

* * *

Mangekyou Kakashi; Deidara's Big Crisis!

"Did…Did he just say what I THINK he said?!" Recca gaped, the enjutsu-shi's eyes widening as he stared at Sasori's silent corpse, the fallen puppet master lying between the equally still forms of his 'Parents'.

"I assure you he did." Kagero spoke up, reassuring her son that his hearing hadn't been on the fritz, and that Sasori's last words had indeed not been a flight of fancy "Does this mean…Chiyo-basama?"

"How can this be?" Chiyo muttered, looking over the silent form of her grandson in disbelief, her face one of absolute shock from this latest bombshell "How could he have sired a child without me knowing?"

"Perhaps he didn't want to risk losing them as he had his parents?" Kagero opined, looking over the still form of the master puppeteer solemnly "Or perhaps he just didn't want them following in his tracks?"

"It'd explain why he went so easy on Kankurou." Recca spoke up, blinking in realization as he recalled the middle sand siblings description of the battle "I mean, he purposefully challenged him instead of teaming up with that Dei…something or other guy."

"All this time…" Chiyo muttered, looking down at her grandson's wooden remains in disbelief "I had thought my grand child was a traitor to our village…now I learn that I have three more…"

"Old bag?" Recca queried, looking over as Chiyo slumped, his eyes widening as he noticed the cut on her shoulder "Shit! Mom! The poison!"

"Chiyo-basama!" Kagero called out, scooping one of the anti-poison madogu pills out of her pouch and holding it up to the elder's mouth, looking alarmed when she refused to loom up at her "Please, eat this!"

"I'm okay…" Chiyo assured them, though she did accept the pill, looking up to reveal tears streaming down her cheeks in rivulets "I'm just…so sad…and happy…" she snorted mockingly "I must be getting old…I've never been so worked up before in my life…"

"Family will do that to you." Kagero agreed, recalling the first time she'd laid eyes on Recca since sending him into the future, the joy and tears she'd shed at seeing her son, alive and healthy, after centuries alone "But this isn't the place for this, we should regroup with the others first."

"Yeah," Recca agreed, looking around the battlefield in distaste "No offense, but this place reminds me WAY to much of the House of the Dead."

Chiyo snorted, before popping the pill into her mouth and swallowing it, rising to her feet with a little help from Kagero, the ten treasures whirling over her head as she tossed their scroll in the air, resealing them back into it with a flourish, before tucking it away about her person. "Let's go." She ordered, stepping away from Kagero with a confident air "I have a Great-Great Grandson to rescue!"

"What about…" Recca began, tilting his head towards Sasori and his 'Parents', which were lying where they'd left them. Chiyo looked back, a look of sorrow crossing her features at the sight, before sighing and shaking her head.

"Leave them be…" she stated calmly "they're together again…at last."

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'Holy Freaking Sheep Shit-un!' Deidara yelped, leaping out of the path of yet another frenzied strike as the redhead Jinchuriki's sword missed his neck by a scant millimeter, a small scratch lining his cheek 'This ain't no firecracker! She's like a crate of Nitro!'

"COWARD!" the fiery redhead snarled, rising up in the blonde's face again, blade singing for blood, only for Deidara to fly out of reach once more, losing nothing more than an inch of forelock to the strike "FACE ME!"

'To hell with that!' Deidara countered, visibly shaken from the sheer amount of killing intent the redhead had leveled at him 'This is bad, I'm practically out of explosive clay…' he glared at the pursuers 'Normally Sharingan Kakashi would be my primary concern…but the Kyuubi jinchuriki's some sort of monster!'

It had all gone to hell when the redhead had released that burst of crimson chakra from her tekko, blinding everyone before leaping up into Deidara's face and nearly cutting his head off in the process, despite his mount being well out of range of a chakra propelled leap.

'Should've figured a monster would have monstrous strength.' He reasoned, suppressing the inexplicable sense of fear that had washed over him from the feeling of the Kyuubi's chakra seeping out from the brat's tekko 'That thing must act as a seal…she only opened it for a second and all that chakra just burst right out at me.' He smirked 'Which means she has next to no control over her chakra.'

Not that this was a lot of comfort, while his golems tended to be self-sustaining unless he detonated them, they still required him to direct them with Chakra, otherwise they just lay there like decorative paperweights, albeit paperweights with the force of C1 explosives.

'As it stands my chakra's already pretty low to be taking on a jounin even Itachi respects.' Deidara muttered, grimacing at the mention of the taciturn Uchiha, who he just plain didn't like, but respected for his skills and ability nonetheless 'But if I can goad them on just a little further…'

He smirked as the Kyuubi brat tried using a kage bunshin to leap up at him, only to fall short by about ten feet "Almost, un." He called out, smiling mockingly as the brat glared spitfire at him "Keep it up why don't you? Maybe you'll get lucky in another…ten years or so?"

The roar of rage from the riled up redhead was well worth the gash he received on his cheek from the kunai she'd hurled at him as she fell. But only just.

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"Naruto!" Kakashi snapped, leaping up alongside his charge as she came down from her fall, gripping her shoulder tightly despite her attempts to throw him off, his sharingan glowing as he forced her to look at him "CALM DOWN!"

Naruto snarled, actually moving as if to draw her sword against the jounin, only to blink as the subliminal order from Kakashi's sharingan took effect, the redhead shaking her head with a grunt as the battle frenzy faded to nothing.

"That's better." Kakashi offered soothingly, though he breathed a sigh of relief. The second the crimson chakra had exploded from Naruto's tekko, the jounin had instantly gone on edge, waiting for his chance to leap in and calm his students without drawing the Hanyou's murderous attention towards himself. "That was a close one, wasn't it?" he asked cheerfully, keeping his grip on the redhead's shoulder as he guided them to a protruding tree trunk just below their opponent's mount.

"Y-yeah…" Naruto muttered, a little shakier than normal as she caught her breath, glaring up at Deidara, who had come to a halt just out of reach as usual "Bastard's trying to wear us down isn't he?"

"Yeah." Kakashi allotted, patting his student on the shoulder and turning to regard the annoying Akatsuki that had been leading them steadily away from the hideout "He's low on Chakra, my Sharingan can read next nothing from him, so it's clear he's trying to buy some time to recover while his partner handles the others."

"Where the heck's Gejimayu sensei's team?" the redhead muttered, teeth clenched in concern for the older shinobi's whereabouts "They shoulda been back well before now!"

"That they should have." Kakashi agreed, his eyes narrowing in concern for his annoying 'eternal rival', as believe it or not he DID care about Gai. When Rin and the Yondaime had passed away, leaving Kakashi the sole surviving member of Team Minato, Gai had been a lifeline that had kept the jounin from going mad with grief, as it was hard to stay focused on moping when a man in day-glow green spandex keeps popping into your life to challenge you to asinine contests of skill.

'He still hasn't figured out how I'm able to beat him at janken.' The jounin chuckled, as Gai had a nasty habit of always leading with rock no matter who he was up against, likely a result of his always clenching his fists before a match 'But that doesn't help us now…'

"Naruto…" he called out, not taking his eye off the Akatsuki as they leapt after him, bringing his hands into a ram seal as he closed both eyes "Keep an eye on him for me…I'm going to try something."

"Kaka-sensei?" Naruto wondered, looking over at the jounin on confusion, only to blink as she noted the small smirk under the man's mask.

"C'mon…" Kakashi chuckled, looking at the redhead with an amused twinkle in his normal eye "didn't I say you weren't the only ones that have gotten stronger these past two and an half years?" he smiled and turned back to the task at hand "Lemme show you…this old dog ain't out of tricks yet…"

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"Konoha REPPU!" Lee yelled, spiraling upwards to collide with his double's own attack, following it up with an axe heel kick that was promptly mimicked and turned aside "You're tenacious!" he applauded, flipping away and landing on his feet in his ready stance, the double mimicking him as always "I can see that the Akatsuki are truly something to be feared if they can deploy diversions such as this."

The double said nothing, merely charging towards him with a Gouriki Senpuu that rather than blocking, lee ducked under, rising upwards in a Konoha Shou Fuu that clipped his double on the jaw, sending it sprawling backwards "Gai-sensei!" he called out, tapping his radio in the short break "Are you alright?"

"BAHAHA!" came the man's jubilant reply, having just finished another brutal exchange of blows with his equally tenacious double "I HAVEN'T HAD A CHALLENGE LIKE THIS SINCE KAKASHI AND I SPARRED LAST WEEK!"

"He's fine…" Neji's voice muttered over the line, the Hyuuga's tone as dismissive as ever, though he sounded like he was breathing harder than normal "That said, the Akatsuki know their stuff…these things aren't regular doppelgangers."

"Strength, Speed, Technique…" Tenten listed, her voice filled with awe "Hell mine even has it's own weapons scroll, and my weapons too!"

"Weapons?" Lee muttered, blinking as he looked down at the rings he'd placed on his fingers from Kagero "Tenten, what about the madogu we got from Hanabishi-san?"

"No, it's pulling things out of my old scroll." Tenten muttered, confused at her teammate's question as she looked at her double, only to blink "Wait…you don't think?"

"Let me try something…" Lee muttered, turning to face his opponent, the Lee replica charging him with an unnaturally impassive face, the original's eyes hardening as he clenched his fist, focusing his fledging chakra capabilities on the rings Kagero had given him as he thrust a fist out at the double with a yell "KUU DAN!"

A blast of concentrated air pressure flew from the teen's fist, crashing into the double and sending it flying into a tree trunk, bringing the whole thing down on top of it with a crash of falling timber. Lee, unwilling to let up for a second, charged the double before it could regain its footing, leaping into the air and delivering a second blow, this one smashing it into the firmament like an iron spike.

"How do you like that?!" he demanded, landing in a crouch nearby, ducking under a retaliatory kick from the double as it rushed him, looking decidedly battered but still going strong "Still limiting yourself to Taijutsu…" Lee muttered, his eyes narrowing in confirmation of his suspicions "that proves it!"

Ducking under a punch that, from experience, could have pulped his skull flat, Lee promptly opened three of his inner gates, his skin turning crimson as his chakra skyrocketed, a howl tearing from his lips as he delivered a punch of his own to the double's midriff, the sound of shattering bones promptly being followed up with a point-blank air hammer from his other fist, the blow literally punching through his double's chest, sending it flying backwards to land in a boneless heap, slowly resorting back to a lump of lifeless wooden pulp.

"Tenten!" the bowl-cut sporting teen gasped, collapsing to one knee as the inner gates shut themselves once again, leaving him winded and sore, but otherwise all right "They can't replicate Madogu!"

"I know!" Tenten agreed, her voice sounding oddly chipper despite her exhausted pants for breath "I trapped my double inside the sphere Kagero-san gave me…" she revealed, the smirk on her face carrying over the radio waves to her teammates "I think Tsunade-sama'd like to examine it later."

"As expected of my youthful disciples!" Gai cackled, even as he backhanded his own copy into a mountain "Neji! We cannot let ourselves be outdone! We must let our youth explode to defeat these foes!"

"I've already finished mine off." Neji countered, his voice haggard, but otherwise as infuriatingly calm as ever "Gai sensei, you're the only one still fighting."

Gai's world went grey as he froze, tearstains running over his form for a scant second, before he snapped to attention, his eyes igniting with righteous flames as he pumped his fist "YOSH!" he roared, opening six of the gates as he spoke, knocking his double of it's feet once more as he unwittingly backhanded it again "I CANNOT SET A BAD EXAMPLE FOR MY STUDENTS! I WILL DEFEAT MY YOUTHFULL, HANDSOME OPPONENT IN THE NEXT TEN SECONDS OR I WILL CARRY EVERYONE TO KONOHA ON MY BACK!"

"There he goes again…" Tenten sighed, even as the sounds of the greatest act of self-mutilation in the history of mankind echoed through the air, despite the distance between them "He does know this isn't a contest, right?"

"Neji! I defeated my opponent before you!" Lee crowed, sounding oddly ecstatic, even as Tenten face faulted from the sheer stupidity "Yosh! I will etch this moment in my memory forever!"

"Idiot…" Neji muttered, not quite scoffing as he put down his energetic teammate, Tenten thanking the Kami that at least ONE member of her team was sane "I defeated mine the very moment you opened your gates."

'Fuck you Kami-sama.' Tenten muttered, pounding her head into the ground even as Lee's vows to surpass the smug Hyuuga clashed with the sound of Gai-sensei tearing himself a new one 'Fuck you very much…'

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"Kaka-sensei…" Naruto muttered, her tone growing more impatient by the second as she glared up at the airborne Akatsuki, who was hovering above them just outside her jumping range, almost tauntingly "I know you asked me to wait, but if this takes as long as you normally do-!"

"Patience is a virtue, Naruto." Kakashi quipped, smirking to himself as he felt the redhead glare at him "Still, I suppose it's more than I should expect from my cell, but that's not a problem…" he opened his Sharingan eye, Naruto blinking as she noted the transplanted organ was different from before "I'm ready now."

"Kaka-sensei…?" the redhead stammered, blinking in confusion at the sight of the three, sickle-like blades of the pinwheel that spun in place of the traditional Sharingan tomoe she'd come to recognize "Is that what you meant by…?"

"Yep," Kakashi admitted, regarding his unpredictable student with both his eyes as they leapt along "I did some work with my Sharingan while you were gone…this is the result."

Naruto said nothing, recalling the tales of Itachi, and his so called advanced Sharingan from Jiraiya, wondering just what type of training Kakashi had undergone to awaken his own, before looking up at their prey with a growl "Kaka-sensei…" she muttered, teeth clenched "If anything happens…I'll finish it."

"By all means." Kakashi chuckled; turning deadly serious as he turned his eye upon the airborne foe "If you get the chance that is…" he added as an afterthought "but for now…hold back and give me room." His brows narrowed authoritatively "Trust me…you DON'T want to get caught in this."

Naruto blinked, surprised by the dead certainty in the jounin's tone, before nodding and falling back slightly, out of Kakashi's field of vision but close enough to leap in should he need a hand.

"Here goes…" the Copy-nin muttered, the eye Obito bequeathed him focusing on his airborne target with hawk-like intensity "MANGEKYOU SHARINGAN!"

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Deidara, soaring overhead and wondering what the hell was taking them so long to make their next move, flinched as a peculiar sensation washed over him, akin to being dumped in the middle of the ocean during a storm, only without the water.

'What the-?!' he wondered, looking around in alarm as the air itself seemed to distort, as if caught in a heat haze, looking down at his hand in disbelief as it warped like superheated metal 'WHAT THE HELL IS THIS UN!?'

He paused in mid-freak out as a section of the distortion focused on his heart, the air around it seeming to compress, like it was pulling in on itself 'Don't tell me!' he swore, the lens of his eyepiece clicking away as he focused down on the advancing copy-nin, his visible eye widening as he espied the exposed, eerily familiar pinwheel sporting Sharingan glaring back at him 'Dojutsu?! SHIT!'

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Kakashi swore as the bastard swerved in mid-air, making it hard to focus on his main body for the desired length of time 'Not good…' he muttered, 'He's figured me out…making his body a moving target.'

Not giving up in the slightest, he kept up the assault, closing his normal eye to enhance his concentration of his acquired dojutsu, the spatial distortion of the space before him intensifying, as if light itself was being refracted and sucked into the spot his pupil rested on, which just so happened to be Deidara's right arm.

'Gotcha!' the Hatake grit out, his eye widening as he pinned the limb down, Deidara gaping in alarm as the distortion refused to release it's hold, a small, black hole appearing in the center that sucked the surrounding light into it.

With an audible sound of tearing flesh and bone, a portion of Deidara's arm from the elbow to forearm vanished, his severed right hand falling to the ground even as the distortion shrank to the size of a pinhead and vanished.

'Still can't fully control the size and position of the barrier space.' Kakashi noted with a grunt, even as he covered his Mangekyou with one hand, the strain of using the dojutsu like a searing migraine. Gritting his teeth beneath his facemask, the Hatake pushed the pain aside, using it as a focus for his second attempt as he leveled another glare at the crippled Akatsuki shinobi, who apparently was to focused on the pain in what was left of his arm to focus, as his mount had started to drift lower.

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'Son of a bitch-un!' Deidara gasped, gritting his teeth to keep from screaming in agony as he knelt atop his golem, the bleeding stump of what used to be his right elbow and lower arm staining the flawless white of his clay a dull crimson 'Why the hell weren't we warned about him having a dojutsu of that caliber?!'

He shivered, shaken out of his desire to blast Itachi to kingdom come for his negligence as the peculiar sensation washed over him again, this time centered on his face. Letting out a curse and ducking to make himself a smaller target, the crippled nin realized that, in his agony, he'd allowed his golem to drift lower than was safe, meaning the copy-nin had a better targeting range.

'Not this time!' he swore, using the bare minimum chakra to remain planted to his mount as he commanded it to swerve out of the range like a kite in a breeze, only to curse as the distortion followed him at a doggedly faster pace than before 'Damn!' he muttered, crouching as low as possible to his mount in an effort to hide 'Gotta get to higher ground before-!'

Something in his peripheral vision, a flash of blue and red, caught the nin's attention, his head snapping to the left just in time to see the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki bearing down on him with a spiraling sphere of concentrated chakra in hand, her eyes glowing a murderous red as she reared her arm back to ram it into his face.

'Not so fast there hot stuff-!' the blonde pyrotechnic countered with a smirk, leaping back to put some distance between them, only to blink as the redhead smirked at him knowingly, before drawing her katana with one hand and swiping at him as she let the chakra sphere die out.

"Fuuton: Tachi Kaze!"

Deidara, caught mid-leap and off guard by the jinchuriki's switch from short to long range combat, nonetheless managed to use the wing of his mount as a springboard, kicking off it as it descended and dropping out of the attack range of the severing wind, even as said wing was reduced to so many lumps of clay.

'Using a dojutsu like that as a distraction…' Deidara muttered, landing awkwardly on the branch of a tree in the woodlands below, wincing as the landing jarred his wounded arms 'If they'd mistimed it by one second, the two of us could've been sucked up together…' he smirked as he caught sight of another clone helping a haggard looking Kakashi 'Yare-Yare…no wonder Itachi had a hard time of it three years ago…not only was he up against someone with a dojutsu on par with his…' he turned his head heavenward, where the real redhead was severing his golem's head from it's falling body " but the Kyuubi's host is turning out to be a real is a monster, un.'

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"Gaara!" Naruto yelled, pounding on the severed head of Deidara's golem, summoning a Kage bunshin mid-freefall to help steady the thing as they landed on a tree branch, unaware that Deidara was watching them not fifty feet away "Can you hear me?!" she roared, digging into the surprisingly malleable clay and opening the contents into the sunlight "Gaara!"

Inside the hollowed out chamber of the golem's skull, bathed in the beams of light that her opening that slipped past her head lay the silent form of Gaara. The Kazekage's eyes were closed, and the armor of sand that covered his face was riddled with cracks and holes that normally wouldn't have been tolerated by Shukaku, who despite the seal keeping him from tormenting Gaara in his sleep, could at least maintain a constant guard over his host's defenses as he rested.

"Hey…" Naruto urged, reaching into the clay prison and shaking the redhead's shoulder desperately "C'mon man…" she stammered, eyes widening as flecks of sand armor fell off the prone teen from the motion "Quit goofing off!"

"It's useless you know." Deidara called out, figuring he should get his last digs in before high tailing it to a safe point to signal for back up "He's dead-un…has been since the cave."

Naruto froze, looking down at the still form of Gaara with wide eyes, teeth clenching as she gripped his shoulder, only to release him, bangs covering her eyes as she stood up, her clone looking up at her in trepidation. "No he's not." She muttered, her voice unusually cold as she raised her tekko sporting arm to her face "Gaara's not so weak he'd let a pussy like you beat him."

"Yeah-yeah…" Deidara shot back, internally pissed at the 'pussy' comment, but already making preps for a get away "Sorry if I don't feel like duking it out with you at the minute hot stuff, but I'm afraid letting a woman take the lead ain't my stile." He smirked at her back "But trust me…once I'm back to full strength, I'll gladly take you on."

With that he leapt off the tree, only to be sent crashing into the ground as a fist smashed into his face with the force of a meteor, sending him plowing through several trees before leaving a trench twenty feet long in the dirt below.

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'Fast!' Kakashi gasped, eyes widening as he gaped down at the equally gob smacked Deidara, who simply laid where he'd fallen at the end of the trench 'I didn't even catch the attack with my Sharingan active!'

"Kaka-sensei…" the Kagebunshin Naruto had sent to assist him called out, Kakashi blinking as he noted the fear in the clone's tone, looking up to see her trembling, hand clenching her sword as if preparing to draw it "We gotta run!"

Kakashi, wondering just what could unnerve the clone so much, could only hold onto the branch for dear life as a wave of killing intent washed over him, dispelling the clone and forcing him to look back towards the battle field in alarm 'That's-!'

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"Neji!" Lee yelled, falling back to kneel beside his teammate, gripping his shoulder in concern. The team had reformed after Gai sensei finally stopped wailing on his opponent long enough to realize it was already dead, and had been making their way back to the cavern when Neji, who had been using his Byakugan to scout ahead, had collapsed on the ground, covering his eyes with a scream.

"I-I'm fine…" the Hyuuga stammered, panting for breath like he'd just run a marathon, tears streaming from his eyes as he blinked up at them "That chakra…so intense…almost blinded me…"

"You serious?" Tenten gasped, looking over the Hyuuga in concern as he allowed lee to help him to his feet. The fact NEJI accepted help from ANYONE was a shocker in itself, but it only went to prove how serious the situation was.

"Was it…Akatsuki?" Lee asked, looking towards the woods in concern, only to blink as Neji shook his head.

"No…" The Hyuuga muttered, his face decidedly more calm than it had been a second ago as he looked them all in the eyes "I can't believe it myself…but it was NARUTO."

Gai, who had been silent throughout the entire exchange, grimaced as his students gaped at one another in shock, understanding all too well what those words implied. "We're speeding up." He ordered, his tone clipped and authoritative as they turned to address him "Neji, avoid using your maximum range in case of another surge, but keep a lookout nonetheless."

'Kakashi…' the green beast muttered, resuming his race towards his rival's position with a determined gait 'Hold on until I get there!'

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'W-what the hell!?' Deidara stammered, his eyes wide with disbelief as he tried to sit up, a difficult task without arms to support him, only to find his world go wobbly, as his inner ear had apparently been rattled from the blow 'Who…What…?'

"Where do you think you're going?" a cold voice called out, Deidara whipping round just as a foot snapped out to kick him in the face, sending him crashing into another tree trunk, falling with a gasp of pain onto the floor below.

"Who…" the blonde Akatsuki panted, rolling over to glare at the tall, muscular figure that was walking towards him, features hidden by the shadow of the canopy above, save for a pair of murderous red eyes and a mane of crimson hair "Who are you?!"

"You thought you were so smart..." the red-eyed specter growled, walking towards the downed nin even as it dropped something from it's hand, Deidara's eyes widening as he recognized the tekko the jinchuuriki had been wearing "Hovering out of reach like a damned mosquito, leading Kaka-sensei and me around by our nose hairs just so you could waste our time…"

The figure came to a halt, standing over the terrified Akatsuki like some wrathful deity, the sunlight forming a halo behind his head, even as it raised a hand to it's face. "And unfortunately for me, time isn't something I can waste on garbage like you." The figure muttered, clenching his fingers in front of his face, the crimson eyes blazing as he glared down at Deidara angrily "So I'm pulling out all the stops."

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"Holy Shit!" Rekka yelped, watching in disbelief as a section of woodland between them and Kakashi's supposed location exploded up ahead "We walk into a shinobi war or something!?"

"That Akatsuki fellow Sasori was partnered with used explosives according to Baki's report." Chiyo opined, a frown on her face "But that didn't sound like a bomb…if anything it sounded like those times that slug woman would go on a rampage."

"Tsunade-sama DOES have a temper." Kagero agreed, recalling how countless advisors had fled the godaime's office for disturbing the woman's naps, those that were fast or smart enough to avoid her first blow that is "However…I get the feeling that this is something else-!"

She trailed off as the branch she was standing on trembled, her eyes widening as the entire tree tilted sideways from a blow that had uprooted it like a sapling in an earthquake, only a quick use of the Eikai Gyoku saving her from a fall to the forest floor below. Recca, like the monkey he was, flipped in mid-air and landed on a different branch, while Chiyo used her chakra threads and kunai to correct her fall.

"What was that?!" the suna elder muttered, gripping the trunk of the tree for stability as she gazed down into the dust below with a suspicious squint "Is there someone down there?"

The Mother and Son duo looked followed the wrinkled woman's gaze, squinting into the cloud of dirt with kunai in hand, ready to let fly if Sasori's partner reared his blonde head, only to blink as the dust cleared, revealing a large, almost six-foot figure with wide shoulders and a main of spiky red hair.

His back, which Kagero noted was decked out in a Konoha Chunin vest, was turned to them, and in one hand he held the battered form of Sasori's accomplice, who was looking like he'd been put through a meat grinder, his Akatsuki robes reduced to shreds, both arms and one leg torn off and dripping blood.

But what drew Recca's attention was not the utter savagery of the Akatsuki's beating, but what the redhead held in his other hand, namely a familiar. compact ball of violently rotating chakra that released a distinctive hum.

"That's a rasengan!" Recca yelped, eyes widening as he recognized the technique, despite it's crimson colour, gaping down at the stranger in confusion "But…the only ones that know that are me, Domon, Naruto and Ero-sennin! Who is that guy?!"

"I wonder…" Kagero muttered, her eyes narrowing as she stared down at the figure from on high, eyes narrowing as she caught a flash of a sadistic smirk on his lips.

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Who is this mysterious stranger? How does he know Rasengan? Will Deidara make it out of this alive?

Is it really that hard to guess?

Tune in next time to find out!

Leave reviews in the usual spot, flames will be used to boil ramen.

* * *


	11. Chapter 10

Picking up where we left off, We get a sneak preview of Naruto's true form. You'll have to wait for the Sasuke ark to see it full on.

Halibel: Why isit taking so long?

Kyugan: Pedo-Hebi wanted to get his hair done.

Kakashi: *Busting on the scene* WHERE IS ZE PRECIOUSSSSSS?!

Apache: *Holds up papers* Right here big boy, come and gettim-!

Halibel: *Quirking eyebbrow as kakashi pounces on her Fraccionne and starts tearing into them like a rabid wolverine*...

Kyugan: Amazing what men will do for Pron.

* * *

Blast! A Dream becomes Reality!

Deidara's world could only have been described as one of pain at that moment.

For what had felt like a good ten minutes, this redheaded monstrosity, which had apparently popped out of thin air, had been smacking him around the woodlands like an abusive husband on a bender. The few times the blonde had tried to put up a defense, such as the time he'd tried to kick out at him, the redhead had voiced his displeasure by ripping said limb off and beating him with it till he got the message.

He'd lost count of the amount of trees he'd been used to knock down, but was pretty damn certain that it was a good thing there wasn't a preservation society in this neck of the woods.

"You're pretty durable…" the redhead muttered, a smirk on his face as he held Deidara up against the trunk of yet another tree with one hand, the other holding a whirling sphere of crimson chakra that didn't exactly fill the battered nin with hope for a painless death "Not to shabby for a crippled roach running on empty." His eyes narrowed as he tightened his hold "But this is it…"

"Th…think so…un?" Deidara gasped, coughing up blood as he smirked wryly, chuckling at the redhead's annoyed, curious scowl "Itachi was right…" he coughed, smirking at the redhead with mocking disdain "you really are a monster…"

"Monster?" the redhead repeated, face impassive for a split second, only to be replaced with a cold smirk "I suppose your right…" he muttered, before ramming the crimson sphere into Deidara's chest, teeth clenched as he forced it all the way through "GUREN RASENGAN!"

Deidara baulked, eye widening as the crimson sphere drilled through his stomach, only to smirk at his killer, the redhead's eyes widening as the Akatsuki nin's features faded, revealing him to be nothing but a clay bunshin. "SHIT!" the crimson haired figure roared, whipping round with a snarl to glare at the surrounding undergrowth in a rage "WHERE ARE YOU?!"

"Naruto!" Kakashi's voice snapped out, the redhead snapping his head to the right just as the copy-nin landed in a crouch before him, his student's tekko in one hand and a desperate expression on his masked face "The seal! It's been almost been ten minutes!"

"Fuck…" the redhead muttered, gritting his teeth in annoyance as he shot the undergrowth a parting glare "lost track of the time while I was wailing on him…" he muttered "didn't even see him make the switch."

"I saw him." Kakashi assured the teen, tossing him the tekko as he pointed to his sharingan "He made the switch when you smacked him through the tree, he's been making for his golem since then, keeping low."

"Fucking snake…" the redhead muttered, slipping on the tekko with a grunt, the aura of killing intent settling down as he clipped it into place "Orochimaru was bad enough, if it turns out the rest of the Akatsuki like to cut and run like he does I'm gonna get pissed off."

"To be fair, you WERE tearing into him pretty hard." Kakashi offered with a weak chuckle, turning his head towards the path of destruction that the redhead had left in his wake "Anyone would've run from that."

"Flattery will get you nowhere sensei…" the redhead muttered, his voice changing mid-way through from a deep chuckle to a feminine snort, Kakashi averting his eyes respectfully as Naruto, once again female, re-zipped her chunin vest over her damaged shirt "Damn…Gotta look into something more durable." She shot the jounin a concerned look as she finished "Where's Gaara?"

"Your clones carried him off before you went berserk." Kakashi assured her, looking up just as said bunshin descended, apparently having followed him once the coast was clear "And unless I miss my guess," he muttered, tilting his head upwards and eye-smiling "we have some additional company."

"You could say that…" Kagero agreed, touching down before them with the grace of a silken handkerchief, a grinning Recca and a calculative Chiyo landing behind her as she smiled at her adopted son and his sensi.

"Mom! Recca! Old hag!" Naruto cheered, grinning excitedly at the trio, only to yelp as an irate Chiyo launched her puppet arm at the redhead like a rocket, catching the teen in the face and sending her to the floor, cursing like a sailor.

"Who're you calling old bag?" Chiyo muttered, glaring at the redhead rolling on the floor as she reeled the arm back with a snort, a stunned Recca eyeing her in trepidation "If you hadn't just saved my Great-Great Grandson from that thug I'd clobber you."

"You already did hit me!" Naruto snapped, covering her bleeding nose with an irate glare, two seconds away from skinning the hag, only to blink as Chiyo's words sank in, her eyes going wide as she gaped up at the crone "Wait…did you just say-?!"

"No time for that…" Kakashi muttered, though internally he was a little intrigued himself, shrugging it off as the sounds of clashing metal filled the air "From the sound of it, our Akatsuki friend just bumped into Gai's cell."

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'Where in the hell are all these leaf nin coming from!?' Deidara swore, fending off Tenten's projectiles with a kunai held between his teeth, making due note to stay well away from the other members of the cell, as Kisame's intel had made it clear that they were all close range combatants with next to no long range skills.

Or so it had seemed, until the younger version of the eyebrow duo launched a blast of air from his fist, sending him flying backwards through the air, only to be sent towards the ground as the Hyuuga followed it up with a pal thrust that had a similar effect, only a quick, seal-less Kawarimi with a log saving him from falling into Gai's follow-up Gouriki Senpuu.

'Dammit!' the blonde Akatsuki swore, even as Tenten kept up the assault, not giving him a chance to make his escape while the getting was good 'If I could just reach my golem-!'

He trailed off, eye widening behind his bang as he caught sight of the beheaded corpse of his mount. Grinning around the kunai, he kicked off the branch, idly noting that Kakashi and the rest of the group from the cave, including the female jinchuuriki, were racing after him from below.

'Hard to believe Sasori-no-Danna lost.' He muttered, knowing from experience that his fellow artisan was anything but a pushover 'Ah well, so much for eternal beauty.' He shrugged, making sure to position the golem between his foes and himself, eagerly dropping the kunai and biting off as big a mouthful of his mount as he could, smirking as his opponents, likely warned of his ability from Kakashi, pulled up short as he stepped out to face them.

"You leaf nin really are a dedicated bunch…" he muttered, swallowing his mouthful of clay and smirking at them as his body began to bulge and expand erratically "I think I'll reward your efforts by letting you witness my ultimate art…" he grinned manically as his face bulged to grotesque proportions "You'll get a real BLAST out of it!"

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'This is bad!' Neji swore, his active Byakugan allowing him to watch Deidara's chakra while everyone else was gaping at the nin's grotesque, and rapidly becoming more so, form 'His chakra's concentrating itself on a single point!'

"Everyone run!" the Hyuuga jounin yelled, spinning round and dragging a startled Tenten, who was beginning to look a little green around the gills, with him, holding onto the collar of her shirt in a death grip "He's going to blow himself up!"

"Are you serious!?" Tenten yelped, turning in Neji's hold to gape at him before leaping off of her own accord, Gai and Lee catching up to them in record time as they made for Kakashi and the others, even as Deidara released an ear shattering scream.

"KATSU!" the deformed blob of flesh cackled, his body vanishing in a giant blaze of fire that was rapidly expanding, the searing heat of the flames practically licking the heels of the panicked team Gai as they raced away, looking over their shoulders in terror as they realized they weren't going to make it.

"Goshiki: MADOKA!"

A wall appeared between the startled team and the explosion, several miniature balls of fire connecting the panes of the otherwise see through barrier of deceptively thin Chakra. But Madoka wasn't known as the king of the impenetrable barrier for nothing, and even as the blast crashed into the barrier, it held firm, holding it back and allowing Gai's cell to put some distance between them.

But while it couldn't get blast the barrier, neither did it show any signs of stopping any time soon, the group looking on in horror as the ball of destruction simply continued to expand, as if trying to take the entire forest with it. "Shit! Everyone bail!" Recca yelled, gritting his teeth as he focused on keeping the barrier in place long enough for them to get clear "At this rate the whole forest's gonna go up!"

"Not if I can help it…" Kakashi muttered, crouching next to his hotheaded student, hands held in a ram seal before his face, sweat sliding down his brow as he concentrated "Recca…when I give the word…drop the barrier and pull back…"

"Are you nuts?!" the enjutsu-shi yelled, looking down at the jounin like he'd just pulled out a ring and proposed to him "I do that and we're toast! That thing don't look like it's letting up anytime soon!"

"Just trust me!" Kakashi ordered, his eyes narrowing as his Mangekyou swirled back into view, his breath hitching as pain spiked through his brain, like a red hot poker drilling between his eyes and out the back "Do it now!"

"Damn it!" Recca swore, dropping the barrier and getting ready to summon Koku should whatever Kakashi was trying to pull failed "Fine," he muttered, already writing the seventh dragon's name in the air "but like hell I'm leaving you here!"

"Nice to be wanted." Kakashi quipped, before focusing his eyes on the nigh imperceptible form of Deidara at the very core of the explosion, the missing nin's core still providing the necessary chakra for the explosion, and this time he wasn't a moving target "MANGEKYOU SHARINGAN!"

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The fiery ball of death, no longer impeded by Recca's barrier, barreled towards them like a meteor, growing larger and hotter with every second, almost blinding the shocked onlookers as they yelled at the duo to pull back.

Gai, heedless of Lee's calls for him to come back, had turned around and was racing to rescue his, clearly suicidal, eternal rival and Recca, already prepping to open as many of the gates as he could handle in his exhausted state, only to blink as the wall of fire halted, scant millimeters from Kakashi's nose.

Before their shocked eyes the fiery explosion seemed to freeze for a moment, as if some wall was holding it back. Then with starting speed the flames began to pull in on themselves, rushing backwards towards their point of origin in a manner not unlike an imploding star, the last of the smoke and flames disappearing into a small, black hole that was growing steadily smaller, disappearing without a trace, leaving only a giant crater where Deidara and his mount had once stood.

"…What on earth?" Tenten muttered, looking over the scene before her in alarm, her brown eyes wide with confusion as she turned to Neji, who merely shook his head in disbelief. The hyuuga had no clue what had happened either.

'As expected of my Eternal Rival…' Gai muttered, smirking as he met Kakashi's eye, the masked jounin smirking at him from behind his mask, both fingers raised in an exhausted victory sign, before collapsing backwards, only Kagero coming up behind hi keeping the man from cracking his head open.

"Kakashi-san, are you alright?" the immortal kunoichi asked, heedless of the look of jealous, impotent rage on Gai's face as he noticed his rival's head resting on the imortal Kunoichi's breasts "What did you do?"

"I'm fine…" Kakashi admitted, his breath haggard as he looked up at her with his normal eye, having tugged his headband down to conserve chakra "I teleported him and the explosion to another dimension…" he revealed, inwardly preening at the looks of shock he received from everyone other than Naruto, who'd seen the jutsu before "but enough about me…" he muttered, looking over at the duo of clones that were supporting Gaara "We have more important things to deal with first…"

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The group had moved to an open field not too far away from the forest, not wanting to take the chance of an ambush from Akatsuki or whichever shinobi border patrols river country sent out to investigate the disturbance.

"This isn't good…" Kagero muttered, kneeling next to Gaara's still form, her hands glowing with green medical chakra as she tried to evaluate his condition "His body's too far gone for medical ninjutsu…"

"His Chakra's so weak it might as well not be there…" Neji agreed, his Byakugan deactivating as he finished his own, more in depth analysis of the Kazekage's body "it's like the dying embers of a long-banked, dying campfire."

"But he's still alive now, right?!" Recca insisted, looking between the group in desperation, his hands wide at his sides as he tried to make them see reason "I mean, can't we do a chakra transfer jutsu or something?"

"Those Jutsu require time to set up and carry several risks." Kagero countered, her face solemn as her son turned to look at her in confused desperation "And for another thing, we don't know Gaara's chakra alignment…"

"Earth and wind." Chiyo muttered, speaking up and surprising everyone with the revelation "Gaara's natural elemental affinity is Wind, but coupled with Shukaku's Earth mastery, which it uses to control the sand around it's host." She snorted "Either way it doesn't matter…I've just the jutsu for situations like this."

"Chiyo-dono?" Kagero wondered, looking over the older, if only in appearance, woman with confusion as she knelt next to her leader's still form, the immortal kunoichi's eyes widening as she noted the nature of the chakra the advisor's jutsu gave off "Masaka-!"

"Kagero…" Chiyo spoke up, cutting the immortal kunoichi off mid gasp, "You've raised yourself some fine boys..." she smiled as she looked down "a little rough around the edges, but then it's a mother's job to put 'em in their place after all."

"Old bag?" Recca wondered, looking down at the elder in surprise, a little caught off guard by how…Lucid, she sounded. Naruto, who had been surprised at being referred to as 'boy', was gaping at the old woman in surprise, and a little suspicion.

'Medical Ninjutsu?' Neji muttered, his Byakugan activating covertly as he looked on in wonder, only to frown in surprise, and sudden realization 'No…that chakra flow…such a jutsu would require-!'

"No…" Chiyo muttered, her voice low and weak as she grunted, the glow around her wrinkled hands fading as she started to pant, distress evident in her voice as she pressed on regardless "Not enough chakra…"

"Use mine then!" Naruto insisted, crouching down next to Kagero, across from the startled Suna advisor "I have Wind chakra alignment too!" the redhead revealed, holding up her hands for emphasis "and if this Jutsu just needs chakra to power it then I'm your best shot!"

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Chiyo gaped at the young woman…young MAN she corrected, that knelt before her, all her suspicions as to the gender of the Kyuubi container shot to hell by the memory of the figure she'd seen in the dirt, of the aura of power that had washed over her, not unlike the time she'd sealed Shukaku into Gaara's mother, all those years ago.

But it was not that which shocked the advisor, as she'd seen jinchuuriki come and go over the years, and had played a part in extracting Shukaku from it's previous host, long before she'd seal it into Gaara. No, it was looking into those eyes, those blue orbs ringed by a red halo, and seeing the concern and desperation in those eyes for her village's leader and former weapon, that stunned her to her core.

"_Naruto, being a jinchuuriki himself, understands Gaara better than anyone else…even his fellow shinobi in Sunagakure."_ She recalled Kakashi telling her, as they'd raced onwards from their battle with Itachi _"The treatment of Jinchuuriki is pretty much the same wherever you go…which is why Naruto's trying to save Gaara."_ She recalled how the jounin had appeared to smile then _"To Naruto…things like which village your from mean nothing."_

"Place your hands on mine…" she ordered, Naruto nodding and doing so, pumping as much of chakra as the two of them could handle at once into their link, the glow from the jutsu growing brighter than ever before, even as Chiyo smiled ruefully.

"This world of Shinobi we live in…" she muttered, not diverting her attention from the task at hand as she spoke "in this world of strife which was created by the whims of old fools, I'm glad young people such as you have appeared." She chuckled wryly "Up till now my life has been nothing but a slew of mistakes…each worse than the last…" she smiled "But now…I think I have a chance to make things right…"

"Chiyo-dono…" Kagero muttered, looking on solemnly as the old woman pumped more and more of her life into Gaara, understanding all too well, even without a Byakugan to tell her, what the old woman's jutsu entailed.

"Suna…and Konoha…" Chiyo uttered, a smile on her withered lips as she beamed at a confused Naruto "With you and Gaara at the helm…I know the future will be better than it was in my time." She chuckled at Naruto's look of confusion "Your sensei was right you know." She admitted with a smile "That special gift of yours…will undoubtedly help to change the future…as a Hokage that surpasses all those before you."

"Chiyo-ba…" Naruto muttered, eyes wide with shock at having someone so high up in the suna Hierarchy, albeit one that was retired, recognize the dream many had scoffed at in the past without question.

"And as for you, sparky." The old woman quipped, earning a glare from Recca as she smirked at him out the corner of her eye "Don't you let your Outoto keep running off into danger on his own."

"Like I need an old hag like you to tell me that." Recca muttered, though it was with a genial smirk on his face as he rubbed his nose, heedless off Lee's affronted stare. The Taijutsu specialist wasn't one to tolerate rudeness towards the elderly.

"Brat…" Chiyo chuckled, glaring half-heartedly at the enjutsu-shi out the corner of her eye before sighing and turning back to the job at hand "Naruto…" she spoke up, drawing the redhead's attention back to her with a blink "do this old woman a favor would you?" she asked, a sad smile on her face "You and Gaara are the only two that can comprehend one another's suffering to any extent…without coming off as hypocrites."

Naruto blinked, eyes widening as Chiyo looked up, locking gazes with the old woman, whose face had gone decidedly solemn.

"Please…" Chiyo begged, her tone tired and insistent "Please look out for one another."

Naruto, too stunned to utter a reply, merely focused her gaze and nodded, before turning her attention back to the task at hand.

'Gaara!'

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_'…Who…?' Gaara wondered, his eyes stirring open weakly, as a patch of light shone down on him, severing the darkness of his eternal rest '…who is…calling me…?'_

_A hand appeared before him, the former Kazekage staring at it impassively, wondering whom on earth it could belong to, only to come to the stunning realization that it was his own._

_'Oh…' he muttered, gazing at his palm as if in a daze 'just my hand again…' he sighed, only to frown as something at the back of his mind sparked '…my hand…?' he repeated, looking at the limb with growing clarity '…Mine…?'_

_Staring at that hand, even as his frame was slowly enveloped in light, the Kazekage felt an unnerving feeling of self-awareness wash over him, as if waking from a dreamless sleep._

'_I am…me…' he realized gazing at his hand in wonderment 'But…who am I?' he wondered, even as the air within the pillar of light took on the dry, dusty feel of the desert winds, the sounds of a child sobbing reaching his ears as he gazed heaven ward, the image of himself, standing alone in the barren wastelands of Suna, filling his heart with lead 'Why would I want…to return to that…?' he wondered, his eyes closing as he fell away from the light once more._

"_GAARA!"_

_Gaara blinked, his eyes snapping wide as a hand clamped around his wrist, looking up in wonderment at the whiskered face of the man before him, wondering why he seemed so eerily familiar as that grip kept him from descending deeper into the darkness. "Who?" the Kazekage wondered, looking up at the man in confusion, only to blink as several other hands reached out to him from behind the figure, each one attacked to a smiling face._

"_The hell're you doing lying on your ass for?" an older boy with his face adorned with kabuki make-up asked, smirking wryly as he wrapped his own, gloved hand around Gaara's wrist "S'not like you to sleep on the job."_

"_C'mon, up and at 'em!" a young woman with her dusty blonde hair done up in pigtails urged, her tone kind but authoritative as she grinned down at the stunned redhead "A Kazekage has to set an example for his people!"_

"_As our leader I've sworn to follow you till the end of days." A man with half his face obscured by a cloth admitted, the smile on his face warm and trusting "But as your teacher, I cannot allow you to die before I do!"_

"_Gaara-sensei, Ganbatte-ne!" a young woman cheered, her short brown hair framing a face that showed nothing but devotion and care for the man she was pulling out of the darkness "You promised to spar with me whenever you had time!"_

"_Kankurou…Temari…" Gaara breathed, eyes widening as the names rolled off his tongue, the memory of their faces returning in a torrent of emotions, as he gazed up into the light shining behind them like a beacon "Baki-sensei…Matsuri…"_

"_C'mon man…" the whiskered man from before urged, tightening his grip on the Kazekage's elbow with an encouraging smirk "Let's head on home…this place doesn't look very fun."_

_Gaara blinked, recognizing that mocking tone even if the face that possessed it was hidden behind a wall of light, his eyes softening as he clasped the man's wrist, holding onto it as if for dear life as he allowed himself to be pulled towards them, the hands of his friends and family clasping at him with gentle, loving hands as they dragged him into the light…_

"_I'm-!"_

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Gaara's eyes snapped open, the redhead sitting upright with a gasp, his hand reaching out to grasp the hands of his loved ones, only to blink as it encountered a strange, rather plump, mound of flesh and cloth. "What…" he rasped, blinking as he looked around, gaping at the sight of the people standing around him, some of them, Konoha shinobi judging by their headbands, were gaping at him with their eyes bulging out of their skulls and jaws wide open, the others, mostly Matsuri and several of her fellow kunoichi from Suna, gaping at him with looks of shock, distress, and jealousy.

"Gaara…" a deadpan voice muttered, the Kazekage blinking at its closeness to him, turning round to gape at the annoyed features of the whiskered redhead before him "Let go. NOW."

Gaara blinked, looking down to see just what it was he'd grabbed onto, his face turning scarlet as he released the redhead's breast with a gasp, almost falling backwards were it not for Temari, who had been crouching next to him the whole time, leaning in and supporting his back with her hands. "What…" the Kazekage muttered, looking around at the assembled shinobi forces, noting that most of them were composed of teams he himself had sent out on missions of great importance to Sunagakure, which by all rights should NOT have been there due to the distance between them and the village at the time and the edict of Suna that the mission took precedence above everything else "What is this?"

"Exactly what it looks like." Naruto, for indeed the annoyed redhead was his trans-gendered friend, offered with a smirk, kneeling next to him and patting him on the shoulder "We all came running to your rescue." She smirked at him "Had us worried for a second there too."

"Got that right." Kankurou muttered, walking over to the redheads with a scoff, his Kabuki war paint back in place, though he'd forgone his usual cat hood "Mataku…what a troublesome Outoto I've been stuck with..."

"Look at you mouthing off." Temari scoffed, helping her brother sit upright while shooting the other two a mocking glare "Gaara's the Kazekage remember? So quit running your mouths off, brats." She turned her attention to said Kazekage, missing the annoyed glares from Naruto and Kankurou as she did so "Gaara, are you alright?"

Gaara grunted, trying to rise to his feet, only to collapse as his body refused to move properly, Temari holding him down with a hand to his shoulder. "You shouldn't try to move just yet…" his sister urged, her voice lined with concern "Your body still hasn't recovered from the rigor mortis."

"Technically he wasn't dead yet." Recca pointed out, only to flinch away from Temari's Glare of Sisterly Wrath "My mistake." The Enjutsu-shi muttered, earning a chuckle from his mother at her antics, which never failed to amuse.

"Gaara-sensei!" Matsuri yelled, rushing past the group alongside her friend and fellow kunoichi, Sari, the two of them sending Naruto sprawling as they shoved the redhead, a little harder than was necessary, out of the way "We were so worried about you!"

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"Girls…" Naruto muttered, her face deadpan as she lifted herself off the grass with a grunt, shaking grass and leaves out of hre hair with a disgusted grunt "There's just no figuring them out…even like this."

"Amen brother…" Recca chuckled, crouching next to his Outoto, the two of them looking on as Temari stood before her brother, arms outstretched and a protective glare on her face a she held off the groupies like Moses parting the ocean "But man, hell of a way to thank us huh? S'like we aren't even here."

"Don't feel so bad." Kankurou offered with a chuckle, squatting down next to them as he watched the scene unfold before him with wry bemusement "Girls are always attracted to the cool, elite types."

"Don't we know it…" Recca muttered, shaking his head in disbelief, "Back in Konoha there wasn't a day that went by without us getting ambushed in the streets by fangirls looking for us to pass on their love letters to-!" he slapped a hand over his mouth, eyes widening in alarm as he turned to his Outoto.

"It's alright, Aniki." Naruto offered, a sad smile on her face as she sat there, watching Gaara as he slowly flexed his fingers and toes to get the blood flowing again "We sure did have some good times back then…didn't we?"

Kankurou, who knew just who the duo were referring to, since he'd been on the relief team sent to back up Konoha almost three years ago, looked over the redhead teen that had sacrificed so much for a guy everyone else had brushed off as a traitor from the mission report and felt his respect for the teen increase all the more. "Thanks…Naruto." The middle sand sibling muttered, earning a look of confusion from the teen as he turned to regard his younger brother.

"Save your thanks for that old Hag, Chiyo-ba." Recca insisted with a smirk, earning a confused look from the black-clad puppeteer "She used this kick-ass medical jutsu to kick-start Gaara's ticker!"

'Chiyo-ba?' Kankurou muttered, turning his head to the side, where the woman herself lay in the arms of a solemn faced Kagero, an equally solemn Ebizou standing over his sister like a statue 'Don't tell me she used THAT jutsu…?'

"But it's just like her to pass out afterwards." Recca muttered, shaking his head in disbelief at the old woman's antics "Man I just know she's faking it so she can have one of us carry her back to Suna…"

"No…" Kankurou muttered, his tone devoid of anger, as he understood the fact that Recca hadn't a clue as to the consequences of the jutsu "That wasn't a medical jutsu…that was a TENSEI ninjutsu…" he lowered his gaze reverently "Chiyo-ba is dead…"

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Naruto froze, Kankurou's follow-up explanation about how the puppet corps had attempted to bring their creations to life washing over her head as she gaped at the still form of Chiyo, the old woman's last words rising to the fore of her memory as she recalled those sad, desperate eyes and the smile on her face when she'd agreed to her request

"You're really something else…Naruto." Temari noted, causing the redhead to look up at her in confusion "before you came along…Chiyo-basama claimed she didn't care about the future of the village…and she certainly wouldn't have done something like this for Gaara." She smiled sadly "But now she's entrusted that selfsame future to Gaara and you…and died a death worthy of a Shinobi."

"Yeah…" Naruto agreed, a sad smirk forming on her face as she stood up, looking down at the small, wrinkled form of the old woman with respect "Just like Sandaime-jiji…I understand now, what she wished for."

Gaara, who up till this moment had been listening silently to the conversations around him, suddenly moved to get to his feet, earning a look of concern from Matsuri as he struggled. "I'm fine…" he muttered, only to blink as a hand caught him under the elbow, looking up to find Naruto smiling at him in understanding, the two of them walking over to Chiyo's frame with solemn expressions. "Everyone…" Gaara called out, his soft voice carrying over the wind to the assembled shinobi as they lined up behind him "Say a prayer for Chiyo-basama…"

"I ain't dead yet…" a low voice growled out, everyone's eyes flying wide, several shinobi falling on their asses as Chiyo's deadpan glare looked up at them with annoyance "Typical youngsters…" the aged councilor muttered "can't even let an old woman get her rest for all the noise your making."

"But…the Tensei ninjutsu!" Kankurou stammered, pointing at the woman in disbelief, his eyes bugging out of his skull as a growing wet stain appeared between his legs "It's supposed…your supposed…why aren't you dead?!"

"When did we say she was dead?" Ebizou asked, the old man's voice laced with amusement as he chuckled mockingly at the traumatized teen "I only commented that she looked so peaceful in her sleep."

"I'm not shifting off this mortal coil just yet!" Chiyo cackled, smirking up at the stunned Gaara and his siblings with glee, "I've got seventeen years of tormenting my Great-Great Grandchildren to make up for!"

The sand siblings, as one, shivered in mutual terror, wondering just what on earth they'd walked into now, as Chiyo's cackles carried over the wind into the distance.

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Well, that's a wrap for now.

Apache: So...full...

Mira Rose: Every...angle...

Sun-Sun: Four...hours...

Kyugan: Wow...he really wanted that book back, huh?

Halibel: *Eyes glowing* Get him back here...NAOW!

R&R for more trauma!

* * *


	12. Chapter 11

Whoo...Been a while hasn't it? Sorry it took so long, I was distracted by the...festivities.

Halibel: *Walks in, ressurccion form, looking...satisfied* Morning Pervert.

Kakashi: *From Bedroom* MY CROTCH!

Kyugan: Hey, *eyes bedrrom door* He still breathing in there?

Kakashi: *FRom Bedroom* THE TEETH!

Halibel: *Smirks...displaying a mouth of shark teeth that weren't there a second ago*

Kyugan:...Moving on!

Naruto and FLame of Recca are the property of their respective Manga-Ka, this is a work of pure fanfiction, No Jounin's were horribly mauled through Kinky Arrancar Sex in the production of this chapter.

Kakashi: HE LIES!

* * *

Shifting Sands; Return to Konoha!

"**Sounds like there's a witch nearby…" **Zetsu muttered, the Venus-Fly trap like Akatsuki member shuddering as the echoes of the laughter faded away on the wind _"Don't be silly," _he contradicted himself in a calmer tone _"There aren't such things as witches."_

"I found it!" A jubilant voice called out, the two-toned Akatsuki member turning to face an energetic figure in a black shinobi suit, his face concealed behind a swirling orange mask with one eyehole, concealing his entire face with the exception of his short, spiky black hair "I found it, Zetsu-san!" the man cheered, holding up Sasori's ring between thumb and forefinger "You think I can become a member of Akatsuki now?" the figure asked, sitting down and flicking the ring in the air, a slightly menacing air coming over him "After all…there's an opening now…"

"**Baka…" **Zetsu's black half muttered, glaring at the annoying, energetic figure in annoyance as the masked lout continued to flip the late Puppet master's ring in the air like a coin **"It's not that easy to get in!"**

"Why not?" the white half countered with a complacent, almost mothering tone, once again playing 'Good Cannibal' to his other half's 'Bad Cannibal', as he was prone to doing "Let him join. After all...Tobi is a good boy…"

"That's right!" Tobi insisted, the masked figure moving his hand to catch the ring as it fell past his eye, only to blink as he missed, dropping the ring into a crack in the ground "Oro?"

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"Well now…" Tsunade muttered, a content smile on her face as she listened to the mission report Kagero had just supplied her with, the immortal Kunoichi having teleported in from Suna before returning to check on her sons "It's unusual for a mission of this caliber to end without any casualties."

"It was a near thing apparently," Shizune reported with a nervous expression on her pretty face, still unused to Kagero's mode of transportation "Apparently, if they had gotten to Gaara even one second later, Chiyo-basama's jutsu would have killed her to bring him back."

"Well at the very least Naruto hasn't inherited any of Kakashi's traits." Tsunade quipped, smirking as Shizune suppressed a chuckle with a cough "That said, the brat's come a long way…and this will certainly throw a wrench in Akatsuki's plans…whatever the hell they are."

"Tsunade-sama…" Shizune spoke up hesitantly after a minute's silence "Even though this mission went off without consequence, I still agree with Jiraiya-sama that it was inadvisable to intentionally send Naruto-kun into the very lair of those hunting the bijuu and their containers." She continued at her master's silence "Even with former ANBU captain Hatake Kakashi as his commander, why do you insist on taking such risks with him?"

"BECAUSE he's a jinchuuriki." Tsunade explained, silencing Shizune with her words, even as she smirked knowingly "The only people that can understand the pain and loneliness of a jinchuuriki, are other jinchuuriki." Her smile widened a she touched the part of her neck where her Grandfather's precious necklace once dangled "And besides…he has that that unusual gift…that makes you want to put your faith in him."

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"So this is the Kazekage monument…" Naruto muttered, looking up at the statues of Gaara's predecessors, the Kazekage himself standing at the redhead's side in the loose, light resting clothes favored by all of Sunagakure "Pretty cool…so that one's your old man?"

"Yeah…" Gaara muttered, looking up into the carven features of the Yondaime Kazekage with a slight flinch, recalling the pain and suffering he'd had to endure from his early childhood because of the man "It's strange though…" he muttered, looking up at it alongside the redhead "But if it weren't for him…we might not have met."

"World's funny like that." Naruto admitted with a snort "I mean the two of us both got screwed over by our respective Yondaime's…" she recalled the talismans resting in her backpack with a sad smile "but at the same time if it weren't for them, we wouldn't be standing her talking to one another."

Gaara nodded, before turning on his heel as the sentry at the door coughed just loud enough to be heard "We have to go." He stated "Kazekage I may be, but even I don't feel like putting up with the paperwork of bringing an outsider into the inner sanctum if the old buzzards find out."

"Did you have to use the 'P' word?" Naruto muttered, shivering as he recalled the stacks and stacks of paper that Sarutobi had him help carry out of his office all those years ago as punishment for one of his pranks "When I'm Hokage, I'm gonna pass a law that sentences anyone that increases the workload on my desk unnecessarily has to file it out for me…with their FEET."

"That…actually sounds pretty good." Gaara admitted, wondering if his friend would mind if he borrowed it, deciding to wait until he and the others were back in Konoha before he put it into action, just in case "You should see the amount of crap I have to deal with…even with Baki-sensei there to screen all the useless things from the relevant documentation it's rare my desk remains clear."

"And then there's the damage papers from the Akatsuki attack to fill in." Baki opined, leaning against the wall of the inner sanctum with his eye closed, the better to claim he didn't see Naruto coming out of it "They really did a number on us."

"Oh c'mon!" Naruto exclaimed, the redhead looking up at the jounin in disbelief, a look of exasperation on her face "Gaara's only just come back from the dead, sorta, doesn't he get a week at least to recover?"

"A Kage's time is not his own." Baki countered authoritatively, though he did wink at his pupil as he did so "Though it's hardly my fault if our leader takes his time to…THUROUGHLY examine the relevant documents in the privacy of his own office."

Gaara smiled up at the man, nodding his head in thanks as they walked down the hallway towards the academy, as Naruto had expressed an interest in touring the village while they were waiting for clearance to head back.

"You call yourself a Kugutsu-master?!" a familiar voice cried out, the group looking out a window to see Chiyo, who was looking as cranky as ever after less than a day of rest, standing over a panting, haggard looking Kankurou "Pitiful! In my day we used to practice till our fingers bled!"

"Gimme a break...Chiyo-basama!" Kankurou implored, the kabuki-sporting middle sand sibling looking up at the evil old woman as she towered over him, panting desperately for breath "I only got outta the hospital earlier today!"

"If you were healthy enough to go running after your Kazekage like a true Shinobi your healthy enough to train your with your Great-Great Grandmother till your cleared for active duty!" Chiyo countered, cracking him upside the head with a cane she'd taken to carrying around, simply for the purpose of smacking her heir apparent it seemed "Now once again, from the beginning-!"

"I still can't believe it." Gaara muttered, watching on as his brother, comical tears ruining his kabuki paint, set about moving his puppet using only his index fingers, a complicated exercise that had been brushed under the carpet years ago "To think we had a surviving family member…"

"It WOULD explain why the late Yondaime bequeathed Kankurou with Sasori's puppets." Baki noted, having wondered where on earth their slain leader had gotten his hands on such masterpieces for his otherwise ignored children "I always assumed he'd pulled rank and had them dusted off."

"No such luck." Temari muttered, recalling how her father had been decidedly frugal with their upbringing " He didn't believe in coddling, so much so that if Kankurou and I got into fights he demanded that we not stop till the other brats ran off crying."

'Explains why she's so tough.' Naruto muttered, a bead of sweat sliding down the redhead's forehead as she gaped up at the blonde, pigtailed kunoichi with newfound sense of respect...and wariness.

"Anyways, your mother sent me to get you." Temari stated, turning away from watching Chiyo beat the finer points of Kugutsu-jutsu, literally, into her younger brother, to regard Naruto with a nod "Said they're getting ready to head out."

"I better get going then…" Naruto muttered, turning on her heal and dashing off towards the hospital, where Kakashi had been resting for the trip back "I'll see you guys later!"

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Several hours later, as Kakashi's release papers from the hospital had mysteriously gotten lost, and the group from Konoha was assembled outside the entrance to Sunagakure, the Sand Siblings, with Kankurou looking quite glad to have escaped the attentions of his satanic Great-Great Grandmother for a few precious minutes, assembled to see them off.

"You take care now, y'hear?" the puppeteer muttered, crossing his arms in an attempt to look cool, but was actually a means of comforting his aching ribs "The Akatsuki probably won't try anything so soon, but better to be safe than sorry."

"You don't gotta tell me twice." Naruto assured the teen, pulling off a cheeky salute that made her breast bounce, much to Kankurou, Lee and Neji's distress "And thanks for the desert gear!" she insisted, fingering the cloak Temari had give her to cover up "S'pretty cool considering how hot it is!"

"It's standard Sunagakure gear for long term boarder patrols." The eldest sibling explained, nodding in approval as the cloak served the additional purpose of covering up the redhead's lack of feminine modesty "Most of our ANBU division use it too."

"So cool!" Naruto cheered, grinning foxily as she pulled it tighter around her "Arigatou, Temari-ne!"

Temari blushed, looking away with a cough at being addressed as such, muttering something along the lines of 'No problem', whilst sending a glare towards the smirking Kankurou "Say hello to that lazy bastard when you get back would ya?" she muttered, after slugging her brother in the jaw for his mirth "Tell him he better not be slacking off."

"Will do." Recca offered with a salute, poking a twitching Kankurou with a stick, much to the amusement of everyone else.

Naruto, shaking her head at her brother's antics, turned to face a solemn Gaara, the two staring at each other for a few seconds, before Naruto looked away in embarrassment "Heh…I guess this is where we're supposed to shake hands or something…" the redhead muttered, rubbing her nose with her free hand "I'm not really good at these kinda things so maybe we should just…!"

She trailed off, eyes widening as Gaara held his hand out to her, a small smile on his lips as she gazed at him in shock. Unbidden, her right hand moved of it's own accord, Naruto's eyes widening as she realized there were several wisps of sand lifting the limb upwards, even as she smiled and closed the distance herself, the two jinchuuriki clasping hands before their approving audience.

"Take Care…" Gaara urged, the Godaime Kazekage looking his first, closest friend and inspiration in the eyes as he tightened his grip on her hand, green eyes locking onto red-ringed blue, as if to pass on a message "If you need anything…"

"I know." Naruto cut in, squeezing Gaara's hand in return, heedless of Gai and Lee's waterworks at the emotional scene "Just make sure you get your rest…can't have the Kazekage owe me a favor if he puts himself in a coma."

Gaara snorted, the two of them shaking each other's hands one last time, before separating and turning on their heals, setting off back to their respective homes, their bond reaffirmed once again.

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"Kazekage-sama…" One of the advisors greeted as the redhead sauntered into the council chambers, not even an hour after the Konoha rescue team had departed "We thought you were resting?"

"How can I rest when my village needs me most?" Gaara cut in, earning looks of surprise from the old men and approval from Baki and Kankurou, "There will be time enough for me to rest once several issues have been addressed."

"Issues, Kazekage-sama?" One of the older members of the council asked, an intrigued note in his voice as he looked the young man over with new respect. 'He almost seems like the Sandaime…'

"Firstly, we need to spread the word highlighting the importance of tracking and hindering the Akatsuki to the other Shinobi nations." Gaara stated, earning a row of mutters from the councilmen "Jiraiya-dono's information might have allowed us to put up a defense, but it's clear that simply hunkering down and waiting for them isn't going to cut it."

"I agree…" another council man, the one that had spoken of the chunin exams at the last meeting opined "We almost had a repeat of the Sandaime incident within our very walls…who knows what these people plan to do with the Bijuu once they have them all."

"All the more reason to make tracking their movements top priority." Baki opined, nodding his head for emphasis as he ran his sole visible eye over the group "All in favor?"

The ayes could be heard even outside the walls of Sunagakure.

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"You hear something?" Recca wondered, looking over his shoulder in confusion as the group trudged onward to Konoha at a sedate pace "…probably just the wind.' He titled his head back to regard Gai and Kakashi, who were lagging behind because of the Copy-nin's condition "Yo sensei! Quit dragging your heels!"

"Mou! You're so slow!" Tenten complained, hands on her hips as she turned to regard the rivals, "I know I'm all for asking you to slow down but at this rate we'll be older than Chiyo-basama before we get home!"

"Sorry about this, Gai." Kakashi offered with a weak chuckle, noting the irked expression on the Taijutsu specialist's face at their words "Using the Mangekyou takes a lot out of me…gonna be a while before I can recover…"

"Then it's a good thing Gai-san is here to help you out." Kagero opined, the immortal Kunoichi looking completely unfazed by the scorching desert heat despite her unpractical, if fetching, jet-black dress "You're such a good friend, Gai-san."

"HAHA!" Gai crowed, seemingly rejuvenated by the compliment, "What kind of man would I be if I left my Eternal Rival in his hour of need!" he grinned suddenly, hurling the startled Kakashi in the air, the copy-Nin's limb waving manically as he fell, before catching him on his back, piggyback style "Just watch me! I'll carry him all the way back at top speed!"

"They're such good friends." Kagero noted with a chuckle, watching as Gai disappeared in a burst of sand, Kakashi's weak complaints completely ignored as the copy-nin flailed behind the deranged Taijutsu Specialist like a rag doll in a wind tunnel "It's so good to see two grown men work so well together."

"You're evil…" Tenten muttered, eyeing Recca's mother with a deadpan expression, even as Lee chased Neji around the desert, trying to convince the stoic Hyuuga to let him carry him piggyback, while Recca and Naruto laughed their arses off.

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"Alas, Deidara, I knew him well…" the masked nin known as Tobi recited, gazing down at the blonde's severed right arm alongside a silent Zetsu "Well not really, but who's gonna tell?" he chuckled as he knelt next to the arm, poking the exposed tongue with a twig "Still…kinda ironic that he'd blow himself up…" he noted, lifting the limb up between thumb and forefinger "think there are any more body parts lying around, Zetsu-san?"

"Hands off, moron." A voice growled out from the foliage, Tobi lettling out a terrified squeal while the half-bemused, half annoyed Zetsu turned, just as Deidara, looking battered and dusty but alive, stumbled out from behind a tree trunk.

"Well my taste-buds do betray me! Your alive!" Tobi noted, the masked nin looking the annoyed blonde over in apparent surprise as he stumbled over to them "Need a hand?" he offered cheekily, waving the limb for emphasis.

"**What happened to the Jinchuuriki?"** Zetsu graveled, drawing Deidara's glare away from the orange masked nin, in an attempt to get a grip on the situation, and preserve Tobi's life for a few seconds longer "_Did you lose it?"_

"Hey! My quota's finished-un." Deidara reminded the plant-man defensively, the demolition's expert shrugging his shoulder dismissively, an awkward sight to behold considering his lack of arms below the elbow "What do I care what they do with his corpse?"

"Wow, they really did a number on you Deidara-san." Tobi noted, the masked nin's voice laced with good-natured humor as he looked the man over "But at least you came out of it unharmed…or not as the case may be…"

"Tobi…" Deidara muttered, walking towards the idiot with a deadpan expression on his already irritable face "Even Buddha's patience has it's limits…one more word and there'll be no doubt as to the cause of your death-un."

"Ulp!" Tobi stammered, looking decidedly panicked, before apparently realizing that Deidara was, for lack of a better word, disarmed, and decided to press his luck "L-Lemme guess…death by bombing?"

"**That's three…" **Zetsu muttered, even as Deidara leapt through the air like a certain warrior princess, including the high pitched yell, the blonde Akatsuki clamping his legs around a terrified Tobi's neck and began to squeeze the life out of him.

"DEATH BY SUFFOCATION-UN!" the volatile blonde snarled, even as Tobi's bleats for help tore through the forest, sending birds flying for the sky.

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Back in Konohagakure, hidden from the public eye in a series of tunnels that even the ANBU knew nothing of, an old, grizzled war hawk in a black robe hobbled down a walkway, his one visible eye shut, as always, to hide his emotions.

"I have already made the necessary arrangements to have you assigned to Team Kakashi." He muttered, turning to address the young man kneeling before him, "Not only are you of the same age as Uzumaki Naruto and his so-called brother…" he scowled at the mention of the Enjutsu-shi, and his ever more so elusive mother "but you are also stronger than your peers, and your talent with the brush is unsurpassed." He nodded, leveling his cane at the youth "From this day forward, until you complete your mission, you will refer to yourself as 'Sai'."

"…'Sai'…" the youth repeated, as if tasting the word to get a feel for it, only to look up at the old man, a smile on his face that most would consider charming, as was the chipper tone he spoke with "As you wish."

Danzo, however, was not like most people, and even though his features remained as impeccable as always, the air around him grew ever so much chillier "Never address me with that fake smile on your face." He ordered, tapping his cane on the walkway for emphasis, earning a bow from the still smiling youth.

"My apologies, Danzo-sama." The youth offered, smile still in place "The texts you had me study mentioned that one of the first steps towards gaining a person's trust is a smile." He opened his eyes, the smile gradually fading, to be replaced with an emotionless look that even an Uchiha would be hard pressed to beat "I've been practicing diligently…" he admitted, his tone now flat and lifeless "but I guess I'm not that good at facial expressions."

"Forget about that for now." Danzo muttered, his tone authoritative "Team Kakashi and Team Gai were sighted entering the village borer several hours ago." He frowned, recalling how the Godaime had blatantly ignored his warnings to keep the Jinchuuriki confined to the village, but shrugged it off "I'm going to speak with Tsunade to finalize the placement…" he stated, nodding his head at the youth he'd dubbed Sai, "while I'm at it, I want you to keep an eye on Naruto…"

"Understood." Sai noted with a bow, even as he blended into the walkway like a phantom and disappeared.

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"How certain are you of this information?" Tsunade muttered, leaning against the railing of the Hokage tower as she listened to Kagero's report on Sasori's informant "To tell the truth, the idea of Akatsuki having a mole in Orochimaru's organization seems a little too good to be true."

"I have to agree…" Shizune spoke up, standing across from the Hokage on Kagero's left, her face lined with suspicion "Akatsuki could be using Orochimaru's name as bait to lure us to Tenchi bridge for an ambush."

"I had thought of that…" Kagero admitted, her arms crossed, hands on her elbows as she regarded the two before her solemnly "However, it's the first solid lead we've had to Orochimaru's location in years, even Jiraiya-dono has only been able to trace out a few abandoned hide outs since he left."

"And on top of that…" Tsunade muttered, frowning in discomfort "Kakashi's condition means he'll be out of commission for over a week," she grimaced as she recalled the additional wounds the jounin had suffered from being carried by an overly enthusiastic Maito Gai at top speed "and there's only six days left before the deadline." She shook her head with a sigh "The only foreseeable conclusion I can see is to assemble a new team."

Shizune, who had been listening to the conversation with a solemn expression on her face, chose that moment to speak up "Tsunade-sama…" she called out, drawing the Godaime's attention to her "If that's the case, why not simply deploy a different cell?" she tilted her head towards Kagero "Even if Kagero-san or Recca-kun were to be assigned to the cell, I feel Naruto-kun should be excluded from this mission."

Tsunade and Kagero regarded the younger woman solemnly, taking note of the earnest concern in her eyes, the godaime shaking her head with a sigh as she prepared her next words carefully.

"Shizune," she uttered, looking up at her onetime apprentice and assistant solemnly "You are one of the few shinobi that I trust implicitly…a trust I bequeath to only a select few, of which I consider Kagero also a member." She smiled as the Hanabishi matriarch bowed her head slightly in thanks "However, even if she wasn't already heading out on a mission of diplomatic importance, I would have sent the remainder of Kakashi's cell anyways."

A little caught of guard by Tsunade's public admission of how highly she valued her trust, Shizune nonetheless strengthened her resolve "Don't you feel my cell can handle it?" she asked, internally itching for a chance to take down Orochimaru's partner in crime, Yakushi Kabuto, on top of her desire to protect the youth that had done much to bring her master back to their home.

"Frankly? No." Tsunade opined, internally smirking as she watched Shizune slump from the mental blow "This is more than just a mission for Team Kakashi." She explained, looking the confused medic in the eyes "It's PERSONAL. Sasuke wasn't just a teammate to them, despite their differences, there was a bond of friendship within that cell that nobody else could understand…especially between Sasuke and Naruto."

Kagero nodded at this, recalling how, despite their jeers and taunts and general riling of the Uchiha scion, the group had nevertheless stood together when needed. The one time someone had bad mouthed the Uchiha in front of Domon and Recca during Naruto's absence, the duo had been forced to spend time in lock-up for putting the man in hospital, though they were released soon enough after Ibiki pulled rank and got them out.

"I can understand that…' Shizune spoke up, the medic's words snapping the immortal kunoichi out of her musings as she looked up, pretty face set in a determined frown as she continued to plead her case "But I still think Naruto…"

"Tell me…" Tsunade cut in, the buxom Hokage leaning back on the railing with a wry, relaxed smile as she looked up at the roof of the Hokage tower "What do YOU think we should do…Naruto? Recca?"

"Ain't it obvious?" an amused snort came form on high, Shizune and Kagero looking up to see the brothers themselves smirking down at them from the upper railing, Naruto sitting with one knee bent and the other leg dangling down towards them, Recca standing atop the railing with his arms crossed. "We gotta wrangle us up some new teammates!" the duo called out, before flipping down, landing on either side of a bemused Tsunade, before leaping off into the village with a yell.

"Impetuous brats…" the Godaime sighed, the Shodai's grand-daughter shaking her head in disbelief at the adoptive siblings, whilst an amused Kagero tittered at her sons' antics, watching as they roof-hopped into the village proper "I hadn't finished yet…"

"Well I'd best be off." Kagero sighed, stepping away from the wall with an apologetic smile as she inclined her head towards the Hokage "I'll have to head out early if I'm to complete my assignment on time."

"See to it." Tsunade asked, nodding respectfully at the woman as she sank into a shadow and disappeared, smirking as Shizune shivered at the sight before stepping away from the railing herself "Shizune, assemble a list of people that can fill in the remaining…"

"Tsunade…" a voice called out, the godaime blinking as she turned to face Utatane Koharu, one of the council of elders and a member of Sarutobi Hiruzen's former genin cell, who had apparently walked in on the scene just as the Kagero departed "We need to talk."

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"Yo!" Recca cried out, the enjutsu-shi bursting into the Hokage, or rather, the Hanabishi clan complex, he and Naruto having split up earlier in order to cover more ground "There anyone in here?!"

"DERA BEPPIN!" a loud voice yelled out, Recca looking up in alarm just as Hanabishi Shigeo, his face a mask of rage, leapt out of thin air and delivered a perfect 'Shining Wizard Attack' to his son's head, sending him crashing into the Koi pondwith a yelp of 'Gen-san?!'

"You ingrate!" the Hanabishi patriarch called out, steam rising from his bandanna as he watched his son floated to the surface of the lake like the deadbeat he was "You run off after beating up your old man?! I didn't raise no coward boy!?"

"Who ran off?!" Recca roared, rising out of the pond like Godzilla with a hangover, a large Koi biting him in the head as he leapt at the man and began a quick exchange of fists "I had a mission old man! Mission!"

"Mission Shmission!" Shigeo countered, sweeping Recca's feet out from under him and putting him in a headlock "I didn't raise no ingrate that'd run off without facing the consequences of sucker punching his old man!"

"Gah!" Recca gasped, his nostrils flaring from the smell of his old man's B.O as he fought to extract himself from the surprisingly strong hold the fireworks merchant possessed "You reek old man! Shit! You're sweating!"

"Of course I am! I've been working out for five hours every day just so I could be ready for you when you came back!" Shigeo cackled, his face lined with madness as he proceeded to grind his son's face into his armpit "FEAR MY DEADLY ARMPIT BEAM!"

"Ah! Recca-Aniki's back!" Koganei cheered, the gaming-otaku turned gennin walking into the adjoining corridor with his Kogon-Ankin slung over his shoulder in it's 'Kiba' form "How was the mission? Did you kick ass?"

"Koganei!" Recca gasped, the struggling enjutsu-shi's hand flailing wildly as he reached desperately for the youngest combat member of the old Team Hokage, his eyes boring imploringly into the younger teen's "Tap out! Tap out!"

"Uh…" Kaoru muttered, looking on as Shigeo's cackles grew decidedly more inasane, sweat dropping at the look of maniacal glee on the elder Hanabishi's face and wanting no part on it "I think I hear Reiran calling me…"

"TRAITOR!" Recca swore, his fingers, once reaching imploringly, now clawing after the boy, as if to drag him back, as he sauntered off around the corner, whistling far too innocently for anyone with half a brain to believe him "I'LL REMEMBER THIS!"

"So noisy…" an annoyed voice called out, Recca and Shigeo looking up just as a shogi door opened to reveal a regal looking figure in the standard Konoha Jounin garb, his light blue hair trailing down his back in manageable spikes, like a frozen river "But then I suppose a monkey takes after his parent."

"WHO YOU CALLIN' A MONKEY TEME/BRAT?!" Father and son roared in tandem, their earlier fight forgotten as the got up in the newcomer's, none other than Mikagami Tokiya, face, unnerving him enough to take a step backwards.

"Good grief." The Hyomon-ken practitioner muttered, shaking his head in disbelief as he watched them simmer down "And to think I actually thought the Dessert would have taught you to cool your head."

"Yeah I missed you too teme." Recca snorted, looking up at the former rival for Yanagi's affection with a cheeky snort "So how're you and Haku doin'?" he asked pointedly "Should I start stocking up on baby powder?"

"Haku and I have been…careful, in that regard." Tokiya muttered with a cough, glaring at the leers on both Hanabishi male's faces "Not that it's any of your business." he pointed out, in a tone that made it quite clear that pressing the issue would result in a severe case of 'Blue Balls'.

"Business! That's right!" Recca recalled, the enjutsu-shi slapping his forehead with disbelief at how easily he'd forgotten his objective "Listen Mikagami, are you and Fuko free for a mission?"

"I am," Mikagami admitted with a nod "However, Fuko and Sakura have been drafted to help out during the Chunin Exams, and Yanagi-san is currently training hard at the medical corps main building." He quirked an eyebrow "Why?"

"Well, my cell's prepping to go out on an intercept mission to snag an Akatsuki spy that's infiltrated Orochimaru's base." Recca explained, earning a grim look from his former rival and father, as this was heavy stuff "Thing is, Kaka-sensei's out of action for a week, and with Domon off doing Kami knows what, it's just me and Naruto, and the basic requirement is for a four man cell at least."

"I see." Tokiya muttered, running the idea over in his mind and nodding in understanding, "Not only that, but without a jounin leading the cell, the odds of you being sent out at all would be next to none."

Recca, who had forgotten that little detail, flinched as this meant he'd be literally serving under Tokiya, as like it or not the pretty boy HAD been promoted ahead of him again.

"I'll put in a request to take part in the mission with Shizune-san." The Hyomon-ken practitioner allotted, looking up at the Enjutsu-shi with a frown as he sat down on the porch "Though I hope you know that the odds of me being selected are low."

"What do you mean?" Recca asked, looking over at the bluenette in confusion, sitting down cross-legged on the porch while Shigeo sauntered off to the kitchen, doubtless attempting to sneak snacks before dinner while Kagero was out of the house.

"The council has been acting…odd of late." Tokiya muttered, looking around to check that they weren't being overheard "Nothing big, but it's clear that Homura-dono and Koharu-dono don't approve of Naruto being sent out on your last mission."

"Those two old fossils that were glued to Saru-jiji's hip?" Recca wondered, recalling them from the time he was promoted to Chunin a while back, even as Shigeo's scream tore through the air, as Kagero had left Reiran EXPLICIT instructions regarding Fridge Raiding "What's their beef? We succeeded didn't we?"

"It might have to do with Naruto's status as a 'jinchuuriki'." Tokiya admitted with a scowl, not liking the derogatory term any more now than when he'd first heard of it "Generally, according to what I've managed to gather on the subject, villages tend to keep containers where they can keep an eye on them…" he frowned "And with this 'Akatsuki' lot running around…"

Recca scowled, one part of him understanding the elders' desire to keep Naruto safe, the other half not liking their reasons for doing so. "I'll keep that in mind." He muttered before shaking his head with a smirk "But I don't think Tsunade-baba's the type to bow down to those of old farts..."

"I ONLY WANTED A COOKIE!" Shigeo wailed from the Kitchen, even as Reiran continued in her attempts to turn him into a human pretzel "GAH! THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BEND THAT WAY!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And that seems as good a place as any to leave off, don't you think?

Yes, Shigeo IS lots of fun to watch, isn't he? the man didn't get enough screen time in my opinion, but the few times he WAS in the limelight, he stole the show.

Well, we can all guess what's coming up on the horizon right? What changes will happen to Team Kakashi?

Halibel: By the way...where is the slacker?

Kyugan: Recovering in the hospital...why?

-Konoha Shinobi Hospital, in a room the staff jokingly refer to as 'Kakashi's Lovely Suite'-

Kakashi: *Eyes snap open in fear, eyeing the shadows as several female giggles fill the air*

Kakashi: Oh no...not here...not again!

*The bedsheet rises, Kakashi's eyes widening as he rips the cover back to find Sun-Sun smiling up at him in her resureccion form*

Apache: *In ressureccion form* Hey there *Smirks as Sun-Sun coils her tail around his legs, even as Mira-Rose holds down his shoulders* Round two cyclops.

Kakashi: I NEED AN ADULT!

R&R or no Sai for you!

...wait...

* * *


	13. Chapter 12

Normally, by this point, I'd have brutally maimed kakashi in several sordid, crowd pleasing ways.

But he's still...attenting...to Halibel-sama's Fraccionne, and I'm not getting in the way of their Nookie.

Let's just say there's a reason Nnoitra's wearing that eyepatch...and it's not entirely because of his hollow hole.

Halibel: Too right, that's for my eyes only.

To summarize: I won nothing, there, happy now?

* * *

Tsunade's dilemma; The New Teammates!

"I refuse!" Tsunade stated, her tone making it clear to all those that knew her that she was absolutely NOT willing to back down on the matter, and that any attempt to force the issue would be dealt with, painfully.

Those she was addressing, namely Utatane Koharu and Mitokado Homura of the Konoha Council of Elders, simply sighed at the bull-headedness of their teammate's student and current Godaime, as they had likely been expecting her to be difficult.

"Tsunade," Homura beseeched, the bearded man trying to make his sensei's Great-Niece see reason, though he knew he was in for a long fight, as the Senju clan were just as renowned for their stubbornness as they were their physical prowess "you have to understand that Naruto, while an exemplary young man, is nonetheless a Jinchuuriki." He nodded as the godaime calmed slightly at his acknowledging the boy's worth "Normally, we would never have allowed him to set foot outside the village, and he'd have been under constant surveillance even within our walls." He nodded again, as if to emphasize his point "By asking that you only keep him from taking part in missions that might lead to confrontations with Akatsuki, and that you assign two accomplished Jounin to his cell at all times, we feel we've offered you quite an agreeable compromise."

"I'm all in favor of the four man cell idea." Tsunade stated, nodding her head to show that she HAD been listening to the old man and that she did see the benefit of his wisdom "But I cannot impose any more restrictions on Naruto. So long as he remains in one place all of Konoha would be in danger, as Akatsuki will come for him sooner or later." She crossed her legs with a nod as the old farts took that in "And then it'll be like Sunagakure all over again," the old buzzards suppressed a flinch at that point "at least while he's moving around he's harder to locate, which is why we must keep Naruto in the field as long as possible." She looked them in the eye "That boy has the ability to become a true asset to Konoha someday."

"And that's your argument, Tsunade?" Homura asked, looking the Godaime over with a calculating frown on his weathered face "That he 'someday' may prove of use? Is that really the kind of position a Hokage should be taking?"

"Look!" Tsunade snapped, slamming her feet on the floor and slapping a hand onto the small table that was all that stood between her and the old councilors, a fact that they were fully aware of "I'm trying to compromise here as well old man!"

"You speak of 'compromising'," Homura cut in mid-rant "But simply 'compromising' will not be enough to protect the citizens of Konoha should the Akatsuki get their hands on the Kyuubi." He looked the blonde in the eye at her silence "Tell me, Hokage-sama, what guarantees can you give that such a tragedy will NOT come to pass?!"

Tsunade was silent a moment, her natural pride stemmed by the weight of the Hokage mantle, reminded, once again, of just how heavy a burden she'd taken up. It had been one of her reasons for refusing the mantle in the first place, as she, who had let her loved ones slip through her fingers, wanted nothing to do with the extra burden of weighing the lives of countless villagers with her every decision.

But for a certain loud-mouthed group of brats, she would have never have considered setting foot near her birthplace again, let alone accept a position of authority. And one of those brats, who even today managed to bring out both the best and worst in her, had been paramount to making her decision, as he embodied all the values that her loved ones shared, and more. "Naruto will not fall," she intoned, her voice low, but laced with the same certainty that the sun would continue to rise in the east "I have faith in him."

"And if you are mistaken?" Koharu asked after a moments silence, surprised by the solemn, reserved tone of the normally outspoken Hokage. It was almost as if the councilor was speaking with the Shodai Hokage again "What then?"

* * *

"I know we said we should ask around to see who can help…" Naruto muttered, walking along with her arms crossed, one hand on her chin as she went over the short list of people that would be willing to help out. "But who'd be a good choice?"

"Long time no see…Naruto." A low voice called out, the redhead turning to find a figure in a heavy raincoat with a high-collar cloak underneath concealing his features leaning against a tree she'd just passed.

"Do I…" she began, only to blink as her advanced hearing picked up the telltale sounds of insects rustling emanating from the teen's form, her eyes widening as she gaped at him in surprise "Shino?!"

"You remember me…" the Aburame noted, his usual monotone sounding oddly pleased at the achievement as he stepped out from under the shadow of the tree "It's good to see you haven't forgotten your old comrades.

"Your kinda hard to forget there pal." The redhead pointed out snidely, walking up to him with a slight smirk on her whiskered face "Still, you're not doing yourself any favors, hiding your face like that."

"It's the standard garb of the Aburame clan." Shino pointed out flatly, though he clearly didn't take offence to the redhead's criticism, as it was the standard of everyone outside the clan to think so "We believe in not standing out."

"And you do it a little too well!" a loud voice called out, Naruto looking up in alarm, only to yelp as a large form descended from on high, landing on all fours to reveal a giant, wolf-like hound with an equally wolfish teen riding bareback on it "You're pretty early there Shino! Trying to sneak a quick peck from your girl before we head ou-YOU?!"

"Kiba?" Naruto stammered, the stunned redhead recalling the last time she and the Inuzuka Kiba had met with LESS than fond memories, gaping at how cool the Inuzuka looked in his new leather duds.

"S-stay back!" the Inuzuka ordered, covering his groin with one hand and waving a the other to ward her off "I not interested in…huh?" he trailed off as the wind shifted, carrying the redhead's scent towards him "Ramen and…fox?" he blinked "No way…Naruto?!"

"It took you over two years to figure it out?" Naruto deadpanned, looking down at the gaping Inuzuka in disbelief, honestly considering crotch stomping him a few times until the OTHER ball popped "Shino knew it was me from the get go."

"My Kikaichu aren't like Kiba's nose." The stoic Aburame pointed out, Kiba glaring at his teammate, recognizing from the slight change in tone that Shino was laughing his arse off on the inside "your chakra signature hasn't changed, even if your scent has."

"Speaking of which what gives?" Kiba growled, looking the redhead over with confusion, sniffing carefully "I mean I've heard puberty changes people but last I checked we were all guys last time we went down to the old swimming hole after class."

"I'd forgotten about the old swimming hole." Naruto admitted, smiling at the time he, Kiba and Chouji, back when they were starting at the academy, had tried to see who could make the biggest cannonball, Chouji won obviously, almost drowning Shikamaru, who'd been reclining on the sidelines, since taking part would've been too troublesome "And to answer your question it's because of the seal on this thing." She held up her tekko "Plus side, my chakra control's finally somewhere near 'tolerable'," she made air quotes while mimicking Iruka's lecture voice "Downside…well you get the picture."

"Harsh…" Kiba muttered, his desire to get even with the redhead for the thrashing he'd gotten two years ago vanishing as he winced in sympathy. At least he still HAD his package after all...even if he HAD required an icepack stapped to it for a week.

"But enough about me." Naruto muttered, the redhead looking over the Inuzuka's shoulder at the massive hound that was panting idly behind him in the day heat "Don't tell me that big guy over there's…?"

"Akamaru? Well who else would it be?" Kiba asked, looking over at his partner with a proud smirk as the ninja hound walked over to be scratched behind the ear eagerly "He's not changed that much has he?"

"Not changed?" Naruto repeated, the redhead gaping at the Inuzuka with an incredulous look on her face as she pointed at the massive canine "Are you blind?! He used to look like he was humping your head!"

"No he didn't!" Kiba snapped, the outraged Inuzuka's face turning magenta at the very idea that someone would assume such a thing "Shino!" he bakred, rounding on his stoic teammate for support "Back me up here would'ya!"

"Naruto has a point." The Aburame stated, earning an incredulous look from Kiba for the betrayal "Most members of your clan would never have carried their companion in such a manner…your sister actually made a similar comment once."

"That she has." A familiar, soft voice chuckled, Naruto looking up from pointing at Akamaru to find a effeminate face smiling down on him from the branches of a tree "It's been a while, Naruto-kun."

"Traitors the lot of you." Kiba growled, though it was with a good-natured tone as he slugged the Aburame in the shoulder, shooting Saicho a wry snort as the effeminate origami master dropped down with the grace of a cat to shake Naruto's hand, before looking around inquisitively "By the way," the Inuzuka asked "have you seen Hina-"

"NARUTO-KUN!!" an ecstatic voice called out, splitting the heavens as a dark haired blur barreled Kiba over and body-tackling the startled Naruto, sending them crashing to the floor in a tangle of limbs and dust.

"…ta…?" Kiba finished lamely, having crashed headfirst into the pavement, Saicho covering his mouth in bemusement, Akamaru standing over his fallen master in concern as Shino's body shook with the strain of restraining his laughter, several-thousand miniature sniggers escaping from him nonetheless.

* * *

"H-Hinata-chan?!" Naruto stammered, the redheaded hanyou looking down in alarm at the ebony haired beauty that was cuddling her to death, the air knocked out of her from the chakra enhanced tackle-glomp "I-is that you?!"

"You're back!" Hinata cheered, hugging her beloved close, pressing their breasts together in a way that caused Kiba's nose to bleed whilst Shino merely took candid shots with a hidden camera "You're really back! And you've grown!"

"I've grown?" Naruto stammered, pushing the Hyuuga heiress back to get a better look at her "You're one to talk! You're, you're-!"

Beautiful was the word Naruto would have used if he'd been daring enough, but despite years of being a smart-mouthed brat and training under three (Iruka counted) perverts, he couldn't find the nerve to voice his opinion of how much the girl who loved him had blossomed.

Her hair, a slightly darker shade of the blue-black he remembered from two years ago, now ran down her back like a silken waterfall. She still wore a coat over her frame, but it was open, revealing her chain-mail vest and black T-shirt, which the redhead noted was straining to contain the large _'she's bigger than me!' _mounds of her breasts.

From the waist down she wore the traditional Shinobi pants, but had added to the with a type of mini-skirt that covered her just up to her knees, and was open at one side for increased mobility, revealing her kunai holster and, to his surprise, several Senbon packets.

"Like what you see?" Hinata asked, smiling as her beloved turned an adorable shade of red that, not so long ago, she'd have worn herself "Should I take that as a yes?" Before Naruto could stammer a reply she seized his lips with her own, hugging the startled redhead tight as she put over two years of pent up longing into the kiss, the result of which caused Kiba to keel over backwards, a perverted grin on his face, and Shino to somehow pass out while standing upright, the lenses of his sunglasses cracking as Saicho and Akamaru calmly averted their eyes, though the former had a slight flush and the canine was sporting a knowing grin.

After what felt like an eternity, Hinata released her beloved's lips with a loud, audible pop, allowing the dazed redhead to breath as she smiled down at him. "You've been practicing." she noted with approval.

"No!" Naruto yelped, the stunned redhead looking both startled and guilty at the same time, before averting her eyes from her girlfriend's knowing stare "Well, I mean there was this one time…and this other…I mean it was just an act but…"

"If you are referring to the kiss with Fuun-hime, I'm well aware of it." Hinata chuckled, earning a look of shock from Naruto and causing Kiba to sit up straight with a look of alarm as Saicho's blush deepened "It was one of the best scenes in her new movie…though I think she enjoyed it a little TOO much to be considered professional."

"Well she hadn't got in on for a while and Ero-sennin told her to just let go and-WHY THE HELL AM I TELLING YOU THIS?!" Naruto stammered, looking up at the giggling Hyuuga with wide eyes "And why aren't you angry?! Sasuke's fangirls used to pummel me just for looking!"

"I'm happy to say I have never, EVER, considered myself a fangirl." Hinata stated primly, though there was a small smile on her face as she continued to straddle the redhead. Which was technically true, as she'd always known, even if he never returned her affections, that Uzumaki Naruto was the only man she could ever love.

It wasn't the same as Sakura and Ino's blind devotion, though Ino and Chouji seemed to be seeing a lot of each other of late outside of missions, as she was quite content to simply watch Naruto grow without having to step in and introduce herself. No, Naruto was her guiding light, whereas many kunoichi strived to be like Tsunade-sama or other female role models, Hinata, who hardly believed herself worthy of such a legend's image, was content to model herself after the daring, unwavering outcast that never let anything get to him, who laughed off the words of hate and disdain and set about proving them wrong.

And it had worked, she had grown more confident, enough so that Neji had to actually pull out the stops whenever they sparred, that whenever she and Hanabi sparred more often than not her sibling was the one picking herself off the floor. Even her father, who had always been distant and reserved, now spoke to her as he once had, when her mother was alive, and while it was still with the authority of her clan head, he nonetheless allowed himself the smallest of smiles whenever they talked.

It was like water on a stone, Naruto's 'never say never attitude', which even now continued to wear away at people's perceptions of him, had actually managed to help the Hyuuga heiress get her life under control, and reclaim the family she'd thought all but lost.

"But enough about that." Hinata stated, placing a finger to her beloved's lips to stall the redhead's sputtering attempts at contradiction "Is there a reason you're just walking around?"

* * *

Several minutes, gropes, kisses and scratched ears later saw a flushed, embarrassed Naruto walking down the street, rubbing her cheek as she tried to remove Hinata's lipstick and Akamaru's drool, the two having left parting gifts before the team had left for their next assignment.

"Yo! Naruto!" a voice called out, the redhead looking up just in time to see Recca jogging towards her, the enjutsu-shi and current head of the Hanabishi clan waving his arm over his head "Any luck your end?"

"Naw, Team Kurenai are already out on a mission." The redhead muttered, deciding it'd be best that the enjutsu-shi never learned of the encounter with Hinata. As it were the redhead was in dire need of a cold shower, which she suspected Hinata had known all to well as she'd walked off, a teasing look in her once timid eyes.

"Damn…" Recca sighed, scratching his head as he fell in line next to his adopted sibling, his features grim "The same for me, though Tokiya said he'd look into getting assigned to the mission."

"Least then we'd have someone we trusted with us." Naruto muttered, not liking the idea of being assigned a jounin that would hold them back or order something retarded like 'Kill the Uchiha on sight' and honestly expect them to just go along with it because of his rank.

"Yeah…better the prick you know than the ones you don't." Recca muttered, still rankled by how Mikagami would technically be their superior, being a jounin and all "but we still need at least two more people…so I suppose the only other people we can ask are…"

* * *

"You don't listen very well do you?" Shikamaru muttered, looking over the siblings in annoyance as they stood outside the office of the chunin exam planning committee. "I already told you, it might be a major pain in the ass, but I'm on the staff for the chunin exam." He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as they slumped "I mean I know we go way back, and believe me, I DO wanna help out, but I'm not in a position to just do as I please." He shrugged offhandedly "Plus it's the Godaime's orders, and I get enough nagging from my mother as it is without pissing HER off."

"Big-booby ne-chan's sure got everyone running ragged." Naruto muttered with trepidation, looking the Nara scion over warily, as if expecting him to suddenly start quoting Gai "I mean, if she can even get YOU to work…"

"Aho…" Shikamaru muttered, though it was with a bemused snort as he shook his head, as he had no shame at all in being a slacker…after all this SLACKER was the only chunin on the Sasuke retrieval team two years ago "But either way, there's nothing I can do, sorry."

"Then how's about I lend a hand?" a friendly voice called out, the group looking round as a large brunette in red and gray armor rounded the corner, a bento held in one large hand and a packet of potato chips in the other "Hey Shikamaru," the large teen greeted "Your mom asked me to bring your bento over since she knew you'd forget it."

"Chouji…" Shikamaru muttered, even as the Hanabishi brothers beamed at the Akimichi, patting him on the shoulders as he sidled up to them "Don't you already have an assignment with Ino and Asuma-sensei?"

"Well, yeah I suppose." Chouji admitted, nodding his head as he smiled down at Naruto, his big friendly smile reminding the redhead of a bear for some reason "But we can't just leave Naruto hanging right? I'll talk to Asuma-sensei, see what he says."

"Mataku…" Shikamaru muttered, looking over at his best friend as Naruto and Recca actually hugged the Akimichi, singing his praises "I'm telling you, asking Asuma-sensei's no good, Tsunade-sama's still his superior and…you're not listening are you?"

"Man Chouji…" Naruto muttered, chuckling to herself even as she watched the Akimichi munch away at his beloved BBQ flavor chips without a care in the world "I always figured you were a big guy, but I didn't think I'd live to see you get as big as Domon…" she snickered "Been putting on the pounds since I-WHAT THE-!?"

"GET DOWN!" Shikamaru yelled, tackling the redhead even as Recca and Chouji blurred into action, Chouji expanding his entire left arm to five times it's normal size as Recca summoned Saiha, the blade of flame flaring to life as they bore down on their opponents, giant, black and white monsters that looked like oil paintings come to life. One of them, the one that had been rushing up from behind the redhead, was met head on by Chouji's fist, the Akimichi's blow reducing it to so much black ink while Recca, who had used the large teen's shoulder as a stepping stone, slashed the aerial threat to ribbons, the ink catching fire and burning away before it even touched the ground.

"Look there…" Shikamaru muttered, getting into a crouch and glaring down the street the attack had come from, where a pale, almost unhealthily so, teen in black clothes was perched atop a rooftop, Naruto's enhanced vision enabling her to catch the teen's Konoha Hitai-Ate "I dunno who he is…" the chunin muttered, his shadow lengthening before him as he put his clan's jutsu to work "But someone like that you capture first…and then leave to the torture and interrogation corps!"

"You won't hear any refusal from me!" Naruto snarled, the enraged hanyou racing toward the bushwhacking bastard, a hand going to the katana tied to her back "But I can't promise I'll leave him able to talk!"

* * *

Tsunade, unaware of the ruckus being kicked up not one block away from her tower, had been silent for the past few minutes, running through the list of worst case scenarios that could happen if Akatsuki got their hands on Naruto, and believe me, there were a LOT of them, and not one of them was pleasant. "If Konohagakure and Hi no Kuni are endangered because of my decisions." The godaime spoke, her tone laced with ironclad resolve and determination "Then I shall use my own life to protect them, as the Godaime Hokage."

Silence reigned in the meeting room, the councilors, the Hokage, and a smiling Shizune mulling over Tsunade's words, the look of resolve on the legendary medic's face reminding the councilors not only of her relatives, the Shodai and Nidaime Hokages, but also of their teammate, Sarutobi Hiruzen, who had inherited the will of his predecessors.

'And clearly has seen fit to pass it on to at least ONE of his disciples.' Homura noted approvingly, before sighing in resignation and nodding his head "Very well, a compromise it is." He agreed, looking up at Tsunade "To honor your faith in Naruto, we shall allow him to remain on active duty." His eyes hardened slightly "However, WE are to select the additional Shinobi, that are to compose his four man cell."

"Five." Tsunade corrected, earning a cocked eyebrow from the councilors "Team Kakashi was, originally, a five man cell," she let them stew on that for a second "However, as no members of the cell were versed in medical jutsu, I saw fit to assign one to the team prior to the meeting."

"A wise precaution." Koharu noted with grudging approval, as she didn't like the idea of Tsunade making decisions behind her back "And having another shinobi on hand to guard him will make all the difference." She looked up with a nod to the door "Danzo, enter!"

Tsunade startled slightly at the name, only to scowl as the bandaged man hobbled into the room on his cane, his face as emotionless as ever. "Greetings, Tsunade-Hime." The old war hawk greeted, though from the inflection of his tone he may as well have been reading off a script "It's certainly been a while."

'Not long enough…' Tsunade grumbled, before turning her head to regard the former rival of the Sandaime carefully "If you're here…" she noted "then that means one of the new team members…must be from 'Ne'…the very foundation of the ANBU division."

"But of course." Danzo supplied, hobbling over to stand before the councilors and Tsunade, earning a wary glance from Shizune, who hadn't heard of the war hawk's involvement "You can rest assured that I have selected one of the finest from the group, those that are of the same age as Naruto that is."

'Don't want to risk exposing your more experienced members I see.' Tsunade muttered, glaring angrily at the old man while listening in on the conversation between him and Koharu 'I just hope that Naruto and Recca keep their guard up."

* * *

"Well now…" the pale skinned youth noted, smiling disarmingly at the volatile redhead as he held her off with his weird sword, although judging from his trembling muscles, it was doubtful he could do so for much longer "Such strength and ferocity, are you sure you're a girl?"

"I'M A MAN JACKASS!" Naruto snarled, leaping back, putting some distance between them before slamming her sword into the roof tiles, sending them flying towards the smiling prick in a hail of flying, jagged shrapnel "DORYUUSEN!"

"Temper, temper!" the pale teen chastised, that damnable smile still adorning his face as he calmly flipped over the hail, pulling out a scroll and pen in mid-air "There'll be time enough to get better acquainted at our next meeting, Naruto-kun."

"Who the hell are you?!" Naruto snarled, glaring up at the freak as he vanished in a swirl of ink, cursing as her sense of smell and hearing failed to detect him 'Damn…whoever he is, his shunshin is almost as good as Kaka-sensei's.' the redhead noted, slowly sheathing her katana behind her as she stood up 'Can't smell a thing, and from the looks of he isn't anywhere nearby.'

"Who the heck was that guy?" Shikamaru muttered rising to his feet with a scowl, having missed his chance to snare the prick when he'd noticed the shadows reaching out for him "I don't recall seeing him around, but he knew about my shadow abilities…and he's wearing a Konoha Hitai-ate…and he called Naruto by NAME."

"Chouji!" an irate voice called out, the boys turning to find Yamanaka Ino, who'd clearly developed over the past two years, walking up to her teammate with an annoyed frown on her face "How'd I know I'd find you here?" the Yamanaka muttered, looking up at the big lug with a sigh, offering a polite hello to Recca, who reciprocated "C'mon, quit distracting Shikamaru from his job," she insisted, tilting her head over her shoulder back the way she came "Asuma-sensei's looking for you."

"Sorry," Chouji offered, the portly Akimichi looking over at his teammate, and apparently a little more if rumors were correct, in apology as he turned to face her "We just got attacked by this weird guy a few seconds ago and…"

"Weird guy?" Ino repeated, looking past her teammate's considerable bulk to squint at the distant, redheaded figure on the rooftop "Isn't that…yeah! The girl that almost neutered Kiba!" she cheered excitedly, waving a hand "S'up Girlfriend!"

"Ino…" Chouji muttered dismally, a bead of sweat sliding down the groups collective foreheads as they watched the blonde medic-nin/Interrogations & Information gathering minor wave energetically at the distant teen "Don't tell me you haven't heard…?"

"Hmm? Heard what?" Ino asked, the unchallenged queen of the Konoha gossip grapevine looking around in confusion as her teammates shook their heads in exasperation "What? What're you all looking at me like that for?!"

Needless to say, after a brief re-introduction and explanation, the supposedly unopposed queen's throne felt a little less secure.

* * *

'Damn those old farts…' Tsunade grumbled, glaring at the list of ANBU that had had the Sandaime's complete trust she'd compiled herself, not trusting anyone else to do so at the minute. Shizune's expression when she'd snatched the documents out of the medic's hands without a word had been hurt and dismayed, even more so when Tsunade had coldly ordered her out of the office, but considering how the medic had gone behind the Hokage's back, albeit with the best intentions, the Godaime wasn't about to pay that any mind now.

After all, even the Buddha had his limits, and Tsunade was sure as hell no saint.

'What I AM is the Hokage.' She muttered, nodding as her eyes landed on one file in particular, nodding in approval as she read the operative's details over carefully, noting a few, interesting tidbits that made him more than qualified 'And it's time those old farts and that war hawk knew who they're dealing with.'

"You wished to see me?" a polite voice asked, Tsunade not reacting to the shadow that had formed behind her, as she was used to the more…eccentric habits of the ANBU by now. They took the whole, 'living in shadows' thing to heart.

"I did." She replied, watching as the shadow faded, even as the tiger masked ANBU rose out of the hardwood floor before her "I have a mission for you…one that requires you fill in for your predecessor."

"Kakashi-sempai?" the masked nin queried, a hint of intrigue in those polite tones, as well as a hint of eagerness unless Tsunade's ears were playing tricks "Those are some pretty big shoes to fill, I'm honored you think so highly of me."

"Understand that this is NOT an ANBU mission," Tsunade informed him, looking over the figure before her regally "As such you will remove your mask, and for the duration of the assignment be assigned a codename." She nodded as the ANBU proceeded to so, revealing a man slightly younger than Kakashi, with short, spiky brown hair and black eyes that seemed oddly wide "Your codename shall be: Yamato."

"Understood." The recently renamed ANBU captain confirmed, smiling slightly as he lowered his mask from his face, revealing unusual black eyes and a face that was probably only slightly younger than Kakashi's, only to pause as his leader regarded him "Hokage-sama?"

"One other thing…" Tsunade muttered, her solemn tone revealing just how on edge she was to the unmasked ANBU captain "A member of 'Ne', the foundation of the ANBU division, has been assigned to team Kakashi…" she narrowed her eyes "Watch him carefully…Danzo PERSONALLY selected him for the assignment, before I'd even gotten round to it."

"Might you be over-reacting, Hokage-sama?" the ANBU captain queried, though he knew from his own time in ANBU just how underhanded the former director could be…especially since the Sandaime passed away.

"Probably…" Tsunade allotted, looking behind Kakashi's stand-in as the door to her office opened, a smile forming on her face "But better to be safe than sorry…especially considering who the final addition to your new, five man cell, is."

"I…understand." The captain muttered, though quite frankly he didn't see how this so-called 'final addition' required his special attention. Or even why she'd been assigned in the first place if he was completely honest with himself.

"Are you ready for this?" Tsunade asked, looking over the new arrival with a stern, albeit concerned frown "Truth be told I'd rather assign Sakura, who's been through my personal regimen longer than any of her other trainees…"

"I'll do my best!" the arrival chirped, pulling off a cute salute, only to yelp as she put to much effort into it, stumbling backwards and tripping over one of the many stacks of paperwork that had built up in the absence of Shizune to organize them "Kyah!!!"

'On second thoughts…' Yamato muttered, sweat dropping along with the godaime as the girl knocked the whole, infamous stack over with her antics, several documents fluttering idly in the air like leaves. It seemed there was a reason for him to watch out for the girl after all.

* * *

And thus my 'Devious Bastard Syndrome kicks in, requiring that I take my daily perscription of reviews before continuing any Fiction-related activities.

Halibel: You review-whore.

Kyugan: Guilty, as charged.

Kakashi: THAT'S AN OUT HOLE! AN OUT HO-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.............(sound reaches a pitch beyond human hearing)!

Sun-Sun: Oh my...he was right.

R&R for the new team kakashi, now with 40% more artists!

No peniz jokes plz.


	14. Chapter 13

Kyugan: To celebrate Sketchfan's Outoto's birthday, we're having an update!

Halibel: Haven't you done this already?

Mira Rose: Hear that girls? It's a special occasion!

Apache: Birthday roudn everyone?

Kakashi: It's not my birthday!

Sun-Sun: Let's see...Going by the Age-Round ratio...

Kakashi: *late thirties* Weep...

* * *

To Tenchi Bridge; The Neo Team Kakashi!

"This is the place we were told to meet up." Recca muttered, looking around in annoyance at the deserted street outside an old, seemingly abandoned building that, according to info received from a heavily sloshed Anko, was actually used as a meeting point for ANBU when they wanted to drown their sorrows "But looks like we're the only ones here."

Naruto, who'd been quiet the whole way here, suddenly scowled, her nose twitching as she sniffed the air, lashing out with her Katana at a patch of shadow, only to encounter a familiar, cut-off blade.

"We meet again." That deceptively pleasant voice called out, the pale, smiling face of their attacker from earlier beaming at her as he materialized out from the shadows "I must say, your women's intuition must be pretty sharp if you can tell where I was."

"You reek of ink and death," Naruto countered, internally wondering just how strong the teen was, as he didn't seem to be struggling to hold her off despite the size and weight of her Katana compared to his own weapon "that said, I can smell an EMO from across the village, and you weren't even trying to hide."

"That isn't very ladylike of you," the pale teen pointed out, his eyes closed in that perpetual, irritating smile that seemed so inexplicably false to the Hanabishi brothers, "You'll never find a husband like that."

"And in a few minutes you're never gonna have children…" Naruto growled, her tone going decidedly feral as her eyes flashed a dangerous red for a split second, her grip tightening around hr sword as she prepared herself to make good on that threat.

"That's enough of that." A calm, but decidedly firm voice called out, the group looking up to find a jounin with dark brown hair and a Hitai-ate that framed his face, much like the Nidaime's had back in the day, as well as a facemask that receded under his jacket like Kakashi's, but seemingly only went as far as his chin.

"Who're you supposed to be?" Recca muttered, the enjutsu-shi looking around for Tokiya, only to scowl as it seemed the mystery duo were the only two that were waitng here "Don't tell me you guys…?"

"I'm afraid so." The jounin offered with a chuckled, scratching the back of his head nervously at the enjutsu-shi's deadpan expression, only to clear his throat pointedly, breaking up the stand off between Naruto and the pale youth before turning to face them "Right then, my name is Yamato." He greeted, nodding as they stood in line before him, though Naruto was still glaring at the smiling teen "And as of today I will be temporarily filling in for Hatake Kakashi as jounin commander of this five man cell."

"Sir?" Recca asked, knowing from prior mission experience how to address a higher ranked Shinobi, not that he did it often mind you "There's only four of us here…" his eyes danced eagerly as an idea formed "Has Domon-?!"

"I'm afraid not." Yamato countered with an apologetic shake of his head, "Though I do not know the specifics, Ishijima Domon has yet to return from his current assignment." He noted the slight slump of the Hanabishi siblings and relented "However, he still sends in regular reports, so he's clearly not in any undue trouble…for now."

"Oh I ain't worried about the big gorilla." Recca assured the Jounin, covering up his relief with a cheeky grin that Naruto matched perfectly "That guy's a bad thing that happens to everyone else after all, I'd be more worried about whoever's standing between him and Fuko."

Yamato, not having anything to say to that, merely nodded and cleared his throat again to stand them at attention once more "Now then, as a result of Ishijima-kun's absent status, and due to the high risk factor of this mission, Tsunade-sama has assigned a qualified medic-nin to our cell."

"Shizune-neechan's coming with us?" Naruto wondered, only to be shot down again as Yamato shook his head with an internal wince, as it was doubtful, according to rumors on the ANBU grapevine, that the Godaime would even tolerate being in the same room as her former apprentice at the moment.

"No," he countered, shaking his head "however I've been assured that the medic assigned to us is highly capable in her own right…" he looked around in confusion "Although…I could've sworn she was right behind me…"

"WAAAAIIITTT!"

Naruto and Recca, instantly recognizing that plaintive wail, turned and gaped at the blonde figure racing towards them in a familiar red Kunoichi gi, a medical pack on each hip and an over-stuffed backpack that looked ready to burst.

"HIME!" Recca cheered, his face going ecstatic as his love, HIS MASTER he mentally corrected himself, stumbled towards them only to gape as she fell flat on her face, the contents of her backpack spilling everywhere "HIME! Are you alright?!"

"Owie…" Yanagi sniffled, the blonde, healing princess sitting up with a whimper as she rubbed her nose tenderly, sniffing up a drop of blood as she wiped the dirt from her face tenderly, tears in her eyes "That hurt…"

"You're a clumsy one aren't you?" the smiling youth offered in a cheerful tone, earning a murderous glare from Recca and a warning one from Naruto, who while not as overly protective, did NOT enjoy seeing his friends teased.

"Yup!" Yanagi agreed with her usual inability to see the worst in people and overall naiveté, which had miraculously remained intact despite being apprenticed to Tsunade of all people "At least I wasn't carrying something this time, Shizune-sempai still won't let me near the needles without being watched!"

* * *

The assembled males, as a whole, shivered at the image of sweet, unintentional Yanagi running around with a tray of VERY pointy inoculation needles, some of them used, losing her footing and sending the whole tray flying in all directions. Even the pale youth's bastardized facsimile of a cheerful smile dimmed slightly for a second.

"Right…" Yamato muttered with a cough, watching idly as Recca helped sort out Yanagi's things back into her pack "now then, since we're going to be deployed pretty soon anyways there's not much time for you to socialize." He nodded towards the group as they lined up before him "So why don't you just go around and introduce yourselves?"

"I'm Sakoshita Yanagi!" the blonde healer chirped, raising her hand in the air like a good girl and beaming up at Yamato, who found himself smiling in return "I like drawing and sweets! I'm training as a medic with Tsunade-sama and-!"

"Cliff notes version please." Yamato interrupted with a slight chuckle, smiling apologetically as the girl pouted, clearly upset at the interruption "As I said, we don't really have time to socialize, so just keep it as short as possible." He nodded to Recca to continue.

"Hanabishi Recca." The Enjutsu-shi introduced, smirking and letting a little candle flame ignite on the tip of his index finger, blowing it out with a flourish "When it comes to Katon, you're looking at the best."

"That's a bold claim to make considering you're a chunin in Hi no kuni." Yamato noted with a slight chuckle, having already been debriefed on the Enjutsu-shi's abilities prior, not to mention his having been on duty for the teen's fight with Gaara, before nodding to Naruto.

"Uzumaki Naruto, ward of the Hanabishi clan." The redhead supplied, knocking fists with a grinning Recca before continuing "I've spent the last two years studying with Jiraiya of the Sannin…or Ero-sennin as I like to call him, and my kenjutsu's top notch." She glared at the perpetually faux smiling figure on her right "And despite my form at the minute, I'm a GUY."

"If you're concerned for your virtue, please rest assured that I have undergone the appropriate psychological training to remove my interest in the opposite sex." The smiling youth assured the redhead, who sputtered incoherently while Recca suppressed the urge to snort, Yanagi flushing at his use of the 'S' word "As for my name, you may call me Sai."

"Right then…" Yamato managed to get out around his attempts at disguising his amusement, deciding to break up this little tantrum before Naruto exploded from rage or mortification, whichever came first "Now that that's out of the way, let me explain our mission."

The group instantly snapped to attention, even the usually gentle Yanagi's features managing to school themselves into an attentive gaze. Apparently Tsunade's teaching methods hadn't slacked off any in the years since she'd wandered off.

"The five of us will head out to Tenchi bridge;" Yamato stated, running his eyes over the group with his hands on his hips "once there, we will capture the Akatsuki spy that has infiltrated Orochimaru's organization and bring them back here." He nodded at them "I'm sure I don't need to tell you this, but this is our best chance to gather intelligence on Orochimaru and Uchiha Sasuke…" he noted a slight twitch from the Hanabishi siblings but carried on "information that will go a long way towards carrying out Orochimaru's assassination," he leveled a look towards Naruto "and Sasuke's retrieval."

Naruto met the jounin's eyes head on, her red-ringed blue matching Yamato's black look for look, earning yet another notch of approval from Kakashi's replacement, though he didn't show it.

"Once everyone's gear is prepped and secured we'll rendezvous at the main gates." Yamato stated, breaking eye contact and regarding all four of his subordinates with a commanding tone "We'll set out from there."

* * *

"Hey…aniki…" Naruto muttered, rifling through her pack, tossing out the sand and grit that had somehow managed to cram itself inside from their previous mission "What do you think of the new guy?"

"A real weirdo…" Recca muttered with a snort, going over the seals on a set of Katon scrolls he'd taken to keeping on a scroll rack in his room to make sure he memorized them "Dunno what rock he crawled out from under, but I'm surprised he's not sporting one of Pedo-Hebi's curse brands…he seems like the fucker's type."

"Pale…unsociable…lousy people skills…" Naruto agreed, scowling at the memory of Sai's last comment at the redhead's expense "And what the hell did he mean by psychological training? We never covered stuff like that in the academy."

"Sounds like something ANBU would use." Recca agreed, his frown deepening as he looked up from the scroll in thought "Come to think of it…other than Hime, I don't recall seeing EITHER of those two at the mission center…EVER."

Naruto frowned at that, filing it away for future reference. For while Konoha was a big village, even by the standards of the five big nations, the number of jounin ranked Shinobi within the village at any time could be counted on two hands, almost. This was mainly because of the requirements for attaining jounin rank, which consisted of completing A-rank missions and serving time as an ANBU, a hazardous position in it's own right, and the sheer fatality of Jounin missions, which were usually Solo, and rarely below A or S-rank, even on a slow day.

That and the fact that for Jounin, the amount of time between missions was subject to perpetual change, at least for those not assigned to a genin cell, which was the reason many jounin applied for the positions. After all, even jounin needed downtime, right?

As such, even if a shinobi HAD been on a long term mission, it was nigh-impossible for them to have not set foot in the mission room at some point, and since Recca had been pushing for promotion, and thus taking on as many missions as he could, he'd gotten to know a vast majority of the jounin populace in some shape or form.

"You don't think…ANBU?" Naruto asked, the redheaded hanyou looking over at the enjutsu-shi with a suspicious frown, only for the scarred teen to shake his head in uncertainty, his features grim.

"Sai for sure," Recca allotted, recalling the teen's faux smile with distaste "That guy practically SCREAMS he's in ANBU, the whole 'psychological training' thing was going too far, even the academy never covered that."

"Coulda done Sasuke's fangirls some good." Naruto noted with a mocking snort, recalling those days with LESS than fond memories "Hell if it'd been up to me, those classes woulda been mandatory." She scowled and tossed another set of shuriken into her pack "But that's not gonna do us any good now is it?"

"None at all…" Recca agreed, the enjutsu-shi putting away the last of the equipment and weapons he was bringing along into sealing scrolls and tucking them into the backpack "Let's just check up on Hime and-!"

"Recca-kun!" Yanagi called out, the healing princess startling the enjutsu-shi, Naruto having heard her coming but kept silent, as she skipped into the room, a beaming smile on her face as she waved at him "You ready to go yet??

"Just about, Hime." Recca replied with an eager smile, the two of them laughing with one another, even as Naruto scoffed off to the side, the Hanyou blinking as she noted something a little unusual about the girl.

"Yanagi-neechan..." The redhead muttered, her face deadpan as Recca followed her gaze to land on something large and ominous just outside their bedroom door "Is that…what you're bringing with you?"

"Yup!" Yanagi chirped pulling in a massive rucksack that was apparently filled to bursting, "I couldn't decide what was necessary, and Tsunade-sama wanted me to keep up on my medical skills while I was away and-!"

"Hime…" Recca interrupted, the Enjutsu-shi sweat dropping at the girl's naivete and chuckling weakly as he ruffled her hair comfortingly "Maybe we should go through it with you…it'll be too heavy otherwise."

"No it isn't!" Yanagi assured him, lifting the massive rucksack onto her back with apparently little effort, Recca and Naruto's eyes bulging out of their sockets at the sight "Tsunade-sama put us all through her personal training regimen!" her face took on a haunted, yet still smiling look "This is nothing compared to that!"

'What in the hell did that woman do to them?!' the brothers wondered fearfully, noting how, despite the girl's smile, she looked like she was about to pass out from terror.

Needless to say, the contents of the rucksack were filtered carefully, in silence.

* * *

"Right," Yamato greeted, looking over the assembled team with a hint of trepidation, particularly since two members were regarding the fourth with looks of hostility, whilst the last looked like they were going on a field trip "lets go, Team Kakashi."

The cell voiced their compliance, some more eagerly than others, before falling into step behind the jounin. The day was clear but not too hot, a perfect send off that many a team would kill, and had killed for.

So it stood to reason, not ten miles outside the gates of Konoha, that problems arose in the ranks.

"What is it?" Sai asked, the pale skinned teen smiling politely at Naruto, who'd been eyeing him suspiciously the whole time since they left, not liking the similarity to a certain avenger, or his blatently obvious connection to ANBU "Do you find me attractive?"

"LIKE HELL!" Naruto spat, the redhead's hackles rising as she leapt back, giving the insufferable little prick the finger, all similarity with Sasuke and trepidation regarding his origins washed aside in her anger.

"A shame, I really don't have anything against you." Sai offered, his perpetual false-smile in place as ever "I'm simply testing out a personality type, it seems to ingratiate females more than men, right, Sakoshita-san?"

"Right!" Yanagi chirped, the innocent blonde healer smiling up at the pale boy happily, her hands on the straps of her rucksack "Naruto-kun, you shouldn't be so mean," she admonished gently, looking concerned "Sai-san's our teammate after all."

"But Yanagi-nee," Naruto whined, anger deflating in the face of the healer's optimism "I really don't like this guy! He's slimy, suspicious, shifty…" she pointed a finger at Sai's face "And that smile of his is giving me the creeps! Like I'm walking next to a serial rapist or something!"

"I thought I'd assured you that I have no interest in your virtue, Uzumaki-san." Sai explained, his tone perpetually genial despite the irate look the redhead shot him "You really aren't my type to begin with."

"You are really starting to grate on my nerves pal…" Naruto snarled, only Recca's hand on her arm keeping her from drawing her katana, though it was a near thing "Why in the hell'd we have to get stuck with you…?"

"Naruto, calm down." Yamato called out, his features stern "For the moment, Sai is your teammate, so even if you don't particularly like him, you're going to have to find a way to trust him." he sighed and shook his head "I know Kakashi-sempai taught you better than this, so please, for the sake of the mission…"

"Oh I'll work with this stand in, Yamato-Taichou." Naruto growled, not taking her eyes off of Sai as she spoke, though Recca had released her arm "But let me make one thing clear right now: the fifth member of Team Kakashi is Uchiha SASUKE." She glared at Sai, who stood there, expressionless "So don't get comfortable…as soon as we get him back…hell as soon as Domon gets back from wherever, you're outta here."

"Fine by me." Sai offered, pseudo-smile returning as he placed a hand on his hip "The last person I'd ever want to be compared to is some traitorous cockroach or a shaved gorilla, who abandoned their teammates for their own reasons."

Yamato's eyes narrowed as two bursts of focused killing intent kicked off, noting with apprehension the waves of red chakra wafting off Naruto, as well as the sudden heat haze that formed around Recca. 'Not good…' he muttered, flipping through the seals for his Shichuurou in his mind 'I'm going to have to-!'

Before anyone could do anything however, Yanagi walked up to Sai, her features hidden by her hair, catching the pale teen by surprise as she pulled up in front of him, the smile on her face contrasting with the vein bulging on her cheek.

KER-SMACK!

Recca, Naruto and a gob-smacked Yamato could only gape in shock as Yanagi bitch-slapped an equally stunned Sai across the face, sending the pale teen flying ten feet back the way they'd come, before rolling along the ground to his feet in a crouch, his pale cheek now marred by a glowing red handprint.

"Sai-san…" Recca's normally cheerful master called out, her tone and features surprisingly stern "I might not know Sasuke-san all too well, but I won't have you insulting Domon-kun like that for any reason." She rubbed her hand tenderly "He's our friend, he'd never abandon us without reason."

Sai said nothing, reaching a hand up to his tender cheek, a calm, analytical smile creeping across his face "Ah, I see, so you're not just a bubbly airhead."

"Oi…who're you calling an airhead ya damn mime?" Recca growled, snapping out of his daze at how, commanding, his hime had been, stepping in front of Yanagi as the girl blinked at his choice of words "You want me to mar the other cheek for ya?"

"SHICHOUROU NO JUTSU!"

The group staggered, turning around only to gape in alarm at the giant wooden cage that was apparently growing out of the ground behind Yamato, who was shaking his head in annoyance.

"Listen…" the brown haired Jounin muttered "We've only got three days to get to Tenchi Bridge before the deadline…but if you lot keep this up you'll spend the entire trip in a cage."

* * *

'What the hell!?' Recca gaped, the startled enjutsu-shi eyeing the giant, wooden prison behind the annoyed jounin in alarm, wondering if he was still daydreaming 'Where in the hell did that come from!?'

'**It grew out of the ground…'** Koku's voice opined from deep within the enjutsu-shi's soul, the one-eyed Karyuu's voice sounding intrigued of all things **'It would seem that Yamato fellow can use Mokuton.'**

'Mokuton?' Recca repeated, wondering where he'd heard that term before, Yamato's speech about his approach to teamwork washing over him completely 'Waitaminute…isn't that the Kekkei Genkai that Tsunade-baba's grandfather was famous for?!'

'**It is indeed.' **Came a different, yet nonetheless familiar voice **'Hashirama-dono's prized bloodline that was never successfully passed on. It ran strongest in the firstborn males of the clan, though it was sporadic at best.'**

'If that's the case, then how'd THIS guy manage to get a hold of it?' the enjutsu-shi asked, shooting Yamato, who had his back to the teen, a suspicious look 'You think he's like an illegitimate child or something?'

'**Look at him, baka.' **Koku muttered in annoyance at his landlord's lack of common sense **'He's no older than Kakashi, younger at best, how could he be one of Tsunade's, who's the Shodai's Granddaughter, siblings?'**

'Good point,' Recca muttered, the enjutsu-shi wincing at his stupidity as he held his chin in thought, his brows furrowed as smoke began to rise from his head 'Tsunade-baba doesn't strike me as the mothering type either…so how does he-?!'

_"**Are you paying attention…Recca…?!" **_a dark, haunting voice demanded, the enjutsu-shi snapping out of his thoughts, only to shriek and fall on his ass at the sight of Yamato's demonic visage._** "Good…**_" the jounin muttered, switching back to normal with a sigh "in that case, let's head for the inn!"

"Sweet Shitake Mushrooms that was scary…" Recca muttered, the enjutsu-shi wiping cold sweat off his chin as he gaped after the Jounin's retreating form, his heart racing a mile aminute in his chest.

"Tell me about it…" Naruto muttered, trying to coax a terrified Yanagi out from behind her, to little effect, the healing princess' eyes little watery pools "Though not as scary as Tsunade-Baachan when she's in a mood…"

Yanagi, who apparently agreed with this statement, gripped the redhead's shoulder even tighter, earning a yelp of pain as her newfound strength almost crushed the muscle.

* * *

"Ah!" Yamato sighed, the Jounin stepping into the bathing area with smile on his face as he pulled on his towel, having dropped off his belongings in the washroom "Nothing like an onsen for a little male bonding…_**wouldn't you agree?!"**_

"YES!" Recca yelped, the Enjutsu-shi holding up his bathing bowl to hide his face, cursing as this caused his towel to drop around his ankles, giving the bath attendents, peeping through a hole in the wall an eyefull 'Sweet mother this guy's creepy!'

"Huh." Came an intrigued snort, Recca turning round to find Sai smiling at him, the pale teen's features as unreadable as ever, despite him wearing nothing more than a towel "Bigger than I expected."

"WHAT THE HELL'RE YOU LOOKING AT YOU FREAK?!" Recca swore, now holding his bowl over his privates as he chased the faux-smiling teen out to the onsen "COME BACK HERE AND TAKE IT LIKE A-!"

"Yo! Aniki!" Naruto called out, the enjutsu-shi pausing in his bid to smash Sai's head in, eyes bulging out of their sockets at the sight of the redhead sitting in the water up to her bust line, waving at him cheerfully "C'mon in! the water's great!"

"B-BAKA!" Recca swore, red in the face and trying to look anywhere but directly down, his bowl held securely in place as he shook his hand over his head for emphasis "THIS IS THE MEN'S BATH YOU IDIOT!"

"Your point?" Naruto demanded, shooting her aniki a deadpan expression that spoke volumes of the type of minefield he was entering at the moment "You'd rather I go into the women's bath? With Yanagi-nee?"

Recca shivered at the prospect, before sinking into the water with a resigned sigh, pointedly averting his eyes from his 'Outoto', after all, a guy had to have limits if he wanted to look himself in the mirror.

"You really don't have any feminine modesty, do you?" Sai noted, the pale skinned teen smiling at the redhead as he sat down on her other side, ignorant of the heated glare he was getting from Recca.

"Why in the hell would 'I' have feminine modesty?" Naruto deadpanned, the redhead shivering slightly under the teen's perpetually smiling gaze "And quit smiling like that, you're giving me the creeps."

"Really? I thought I'd pulled it off rather well." Sai noted, his smile remaining in place, though he opened his eyes a crack to regard the duo "After all, 'The best way to defuse a troublesome situation is to smile'. Theoretically, even a fake smile should have put you both a ease…" his smile disappeared fully, his features emotionless once more "I guess I'm just not convincing enough."

'What the hell?' Recca muttered, eyeing the pale teen in confusion 'First he attacks, then he teases us, insults us and peeks on us…' he quirked a brow in confusion 'and thinks he can cover all that up with a smile?'

'**That's Danzo's training methods for you…'** the hauntingly familiar voice opined, his tone clipped and filled with solemn anger **'He either adopted or abducted children during the war, teaching them to be without emotions, to follow orders to the letter, turning people into weapons that would serve their master diligently.'**

'Weapons huh…' Recca muttered, recalling the back of a certain Kirigakure no Kijin, a massive Zanbatou over his soulder, the images of Naruto and Gaara forming alongside it 'Man…these old types…'

"STOP STARING AT THEM TEME!" Naruto snarled, startling the enjutsu-shi out of his daze as she chased after Sai, rasengan in hand, a panicked Yamato trying to calm them down without directly looking at the buxom redhead's bouncing assets "RASENGAN!"

Recca would later be dragged out of the women's pool and carried back to their room, the women there voicing concern at how he'd apparently injured his nose during the freak accident.

* * *

While Recca was being seen to by the Inn's physician, the nurses giggling as they snuck peeks at the enjutsu-shi's toned body, Yamato slipped into the changing room, seeking out Sai's clothing and adding something to the teen's pouch, before slipping out and making his way to the kitchens.

"Pardon me, chef-san." He called out, catching the head chef's attention and smiling politely "But I'm with the party of five from Konoha that came in this evening, I was wondering if you could send our meal up to our room now?"

"Not a problem sir!" the chef answered with a smile, the large man stacking several bowls and plates of food onto a tray "We'd just finished it actually, just as you asked when you booked in at the till."

"Domo…" Yamato bowed, smiling at the chef and slipping out of the kitchens, his smile replaced with a serious expression as he made his way back to the room they were all staying in.

Ensuring that there was no one around, Kakashi's stand-in made his way over to a small writing desk that had been set up in the corner, pulling out his belt pouches and two scrolls, setting them on the table alongside a tiger ANBU mask, which he still carried with him despite regulations.

'So far so good…' he muttered, pulling out an ink brush and scribing a report to Tsunade regarding the current status of the mission 'Whatever Sai's objective is, he doesn't seem to want to risk it by aggravating the team too far.'

While it had been subtle, Yamato had noted the pale youth's ability to manipulate the other three's emotions, more specifically, his ability to rouse Recca and Naruto to anger with his comments and apparent lack of tact. Yanagi's outburst aside, Sai had manipulated his encounters with the rest of the cell with the air of a pro, clearly a sign that Danzo had spared no expense in regards to training, if even a grunt could act so well.

'That aside, it doesn't make determining his objective any easier.' Yamato muttered, recalling the contents of the youth's pouch with a scowl 'A decoy, filled with standard chunin tools and equipment, not something any self respecting ANBU trainee would carry even under orders.'

His brow furrowed as he reread the instructions the godaime had sent with him, not liking the scenarios that his mind called up should even ONE of their suspicions regarding the late Sandaime's fiercest political opponent proved to be true. Danzo had always been Sarutobi Hiruzen's foil, opposing the sandaime in all fields, except, surprisingly, in the man's support that Uzumaki Naruto should NOT be hang, drawn and quartered for containing the fox.

Of course, this support was tempered by the war hawk's insistence on having the then blonde drum rolled into ANBU training, to ensure that the leaf's 'secret weapon' didn't stray into enemy hands.

'A great change is on the wind…' the ANBU captain muttered, his face grim as he finished off the report, making a quick seal to encode the missive, before rolling it up and placing it in a carry case, tucking the metal tube into the fold of his robe and clearing the table as the hotel staff entered, bearing the evening meal.

He'd wait until later this evening to send it off, for now though, he had to keep Naruto from eating all the dumplings.

* * *

lol, I'm such a stinker.

Halibel: Indeed you are.

Kakashi: I'm abstinant! I'M ABSTINANT!

Mira Rose: So? WE Aren't!

Kakashi: (Girlish scream)-!

R&R for more from Neo-Team Kakashi!


	15. Chapter 15

Aaaann we're back!

Halibel: (Wearing new years kimono) Happy New year (bows)

Mira rose: (Smirking) He lasted pretty long this time

Apache: You'd have thought going at it till the countdown would've been too much.

Sun-Sun: Men do rise to the occasion occasionally.

Kakashi: (A dried out crush) My...youth...

Gai: (thousands of miles way) Youth senses...tingling! Someone has lost their Youthfull fire!

Lee: Gai-sensei!

Gai: Lee!

Kyugan: For the Love of God, Cut the cameras now!

* * *

Spy Catchers; Get to Tenchi Bridge!

"Mmmm!" Yanagi sighed, stretching like a cat as she climbed out of her sleeping roll, completely refreshed from yesterdays bath, the following meal, and a good night's sleep "Hm?" she wondered, blinking at the sight of a black speck on the dock outside her window "Sai-san?"

Indeed it was Sai, fully dressed already, and judging from his pose and activity, he'd apparently been up for quite a while, apparently focusing on a sketch. So focused was he, in fact, that he didn't sense the healer coming up behind him until she was leaning over his shoulder.

"Wow! You're pretty good Sai-san!" Yanagi marveled, looking over the artistic rendition of the wind moving through the trees across from them with a hint of jealousy "I didn't know you liked to draw."

"Looks can be deceiving." Sai offered, the pale skinned teen more than a little unnerved at how easily the blonde had managed to sneak up on him, barely suprressing his inbred instinct to stab her, making a note to be more attentive in future "Have you been up long?"

Yanagi shook her head, smiling all the while "I just got up a second ago and saw you through my window." The healer chirped, sinking down next to the pale teen, riffling through her backpack as she spoke "This is great! I've never gotten another artists' opinion before!"

"You draw?" Sai queried, his false smile forming as he feigned interest, though internally he was rather intrigued that someone shared his...hobby "That's certainly a coincidence, though I'm hardly the best judge of character."

"Please take a look!" Yanagi begged, the energetic blonde healer holding out her one of her infamous sketchpads for the teen to peruse, beaming excitedly all the while "I'd really value any opinion you have!"

'What the hell is this?' Sai wondered, a bead of sweat actually sliding down his head as he gaped at the childish scrawl of a title that was Yanagi's handwriting 'I've seen chicken scratch that made more sense…'

Shrugging it off, he dutifully opened the page to examine the work, only for the sweatdrop to multiply, like horny ninja bunnies, as he got a first hand look at Yanagi's dreaded art-style, which had driven grown men to tears.

"It's the latest in my series!" Yanagi admitted with a smile, beaming as she completely missed the look on the normally unexpressive teen's face "Iruka-sensei lets me read it to the new students during break time, he said it really helps to calm them down!"

"I…see…" Sai muttered, honestly unable to say anything else as he flipped through the sketchbook 'Where did this girl learn to draw?' he wondered, actually feeling affronted at how childish the sketches were 'She hasn't even colored inside the lines! And there's signs of erasing all over the place!'

"Yanagi-san…" he muttered, closing the book after a few minutes and leveling a calm look at the girl, his false smile no longer in place as he gazed into her eyes "Have you honestly ever learned how to draw?"

"Eh?" Yanagi asked, her bubbly smile fading as she took in the teen's somber expression, the hint of tears forming at the edges of her eyes as she held her hands to her chest "You mean…it's bad?"

"They say criticism is the source of improvement." Sai muttered, unaffected by the girl's waterworks as he flipped through the book again with a solemn expression "As such, I must say that if is your best, you have a long way to go."

"I…I see…" Yanagi mumbled, looking hurt, sniffling a little as she looked down at her hands. Recca and the others had always applauded her work, well not really, but at the very least they never said anything bad about it. It was kind of refreshing to get an honest opinion.

"For starters, I can tell just by looking you're using the wrong type of pencil." Sai continued, startling the girl as he pulled two different types out of his case "See, this type is better suited for sketching, whilst the one you use is better suited for writing, note how the tip differs?" he tapped one of her sketches "Secondly, you need to try and work on the actual shapes themselves. Look at this…bird?" he grimaced at the image of an avian with a girl's head "The wings are angled wrong, and the feet are little more than sticks…"

* * *

Several hours later and Recca, who had woken up and been scared witless to find Yanagi absent from their room, was confused to find the girl deep in conversation with the pale youth regarding the finer points of sketching.

"See, using a finer pencil works better for shading, but you need to keep your mind on the task at hand." Sai explained, his features as expressionless as ever, making him look more like an art instructor than anything else.

"What the heck?" Recca muttered, a bead of sweat sliding down his head as the duo turned to look at him, the enjutsushi looking between them, frowning suspiciously at Sai, who promptly adorned his pseudo-smile "Hime, you were here?"

"Ah! Recca-kun!" Yanagi chirped, the healing princess dancing over to her friend, and not-so-secret crush, holding out her sketchbook excitedly "Look! Sai-san's giving me tips!"

Recca winced, having had prior experience with his Hime's…UNIQUE style of artwork, and the punishments she could dish out for implying it was anything short of masterful, only to blink as he noticed the notable improvements to her latest work "Hey…not bad!"

"It's all in the technique." Sai explained, the pale teen packing away his things as he spoke "Sakoshita-san simply needs to practice a little more, though I don't see how she can with Tsunade-sama's training."

"That's okay!" Yanagi chirped, hands held behind her back as she beamed down at the teen reassuringly, leaning back on her heels "Tsunade-sama's always telling us that indulging in one's pastimes makes the training all the sweeter."

"That's just Big-Booby-Neechan's excuse to skip out on doing the paperwork to get sloshed." Naruto called out, dropping down next to the startled blonde with a grin "Hey, Yamato-Taichou says it's time to move out, so haul ass."

"You really are an un-cute tomboy, aren't you?" Sai quipped, smiling at the newly arrived redhead as he packed "Honestly...don't you know how to act more womanly? You'll never get a man at this rate."

"URUSEI!" Naruto swore, giving the pale youth the finger, Recca covering the innocent Yanagi's eyes to keep her from seeing it "Goddammit! Every time you open your damn mouth you piss me off! If you have something against me quit beating around the damn bush and say it!"

"But I DON'T have anything against you, Naruto." Sai stated, his smile seeming oddly melancholic for some reason as he turned to face the redhead "As a matter of fact, I don't feel ANYTHING towards you at all, good or bad."

The two stared at each other, Naruto's anger fading with each breath, Recca's frown one of suspicion, and Yanagi's innocent eyes wide in confusion, all three gazing upon Sai's smiling visage, until the pale teen turned away. "Please go on ahead." He insisted, resuming the packing of his belongings "I'll catch up as soon as I've packed."

"Ooh! I'll help!" Yanagi insisted, scurrying about picking up the youth's tools and a inks, whilst the other two held back "Hey…is this your picture book, Sai-san?" the girl asked, holding up a rough booklet with a hand-drawn sketch of two bows on the front and back for them to see "Hey! Since I showed you mine, do you think you could take a look at yours?"

"No." Sai countered, taking the book from her unresisting fingers, looking up at her saddened features as he spoke "It isn't finished, and I never really show it to others anyway…" he gazed down at the book, almost reverently despite his emotionless visage "because it belonged to my Aniki."

* * *

The incident with the sketchbooks behind them, Team Kakashi, led by Yamato, made good time as they hiked through the woods towards Tenchi Bridge. They marched in silence, hardly speaking unless to make note of something up ahead. They weren't exactly in enemy territory, but it was better to be safe than sorry, especially wherever Orochimaru was concerned.

Setting up camp for the night, though really it was more like Yamato had put up a house in the middle of the forest, the group settled down to work out a plan of attack, the jounin singling out Recca the first night.

"You're the only member of the group that's faced off against Sasori." He explained, looking into the enjutsu-shi's eyes as he spoke "I've already perused his file from Sunagakure, but it would be helpful if you could file in any blank relating to his personality, speech patterns mannerisms or quirks."

"The better to pull him off, right?" Recca muttered, the enjutsu-shi nodding his head in understanding, only to pause, holding his chin in sudden thought "But if that's the case, why can't I just impersonate him?"

"One, whoever this spy is, Sasori implied he's deep within Orochimaru's network, so he's most likely highly trained in detecting regular genjutsu such as henge." Yamato explained, holding up a finger "My Moku-Henge works a little differently, so he won't be expecting it." he smirked "Second, it's the jounin's job to look out for his cell, I couldn't call myself a man if I let you take all the risks."

'That, and Tsunade-sama'd have my head if Naruto got killed rushing in to haul your ass out of the fire.' The Jounin muttered, shivering at the very idea of trying to explain to an irate Godaime why her favorite knucklehead had taken on Orochimaru's underlings directly.

"Basically, our only hope is a live capture." He muttered, shaking such dismal thoughts out of his head, settling his visage "Even if it resorts to fighting, we CANNOT allow the target to be killed, or severely injured."

"Relax." Recca scoffed, the enjutsu-shi thumbing in the direction of Yanagi, who was looking particularly focused at the mention of fighting and killing "If they get a little roughed up, Hime can patch 'em up in no time."

"I'll do my best!" the blonde Hime insisted, pumping her fists, her look of focused eagerness actually unnerving Yamato, who could've sworn he saw flames raging behind her normally cheerfull eyes.

"In any case." Yamato muttered, "Since this is a delicate situation, you four will serve as my back-up." He nodded at the group "Should it be revealed I'm not Sasori, a battle will likely ensue. Then, and ONLY then, should you switch to combat mode, entering only on my signal."

He made a particular hand sign, making sure the group memorized it before continuing "Furthermore, you will fight in pairs at all times, Squad one will be Naruto and Sai, Squad Two will consist of Recca and Yanagi." He shot the ecstatic duo a look "Yanagi is our only medic, so I'll be assisting in covering her as well. Naruto and Sai are best suited because they can cover each others weaknesses, namely in regards to long and close quarters combat."

"Got it." Naruto muttered, surprising Yamato at how maturely the redhead was taking things "I told you, I'd work with this guy if it came down to it, right? The sooner we get this over with, the sooner we can head home."

Yamato smiled grimly, figuring this was really the best he could hope for, all things considered "Well said, we'll do practice drills in the morning…"

* * *

The following drills proceeded with an almost uniform sense of unease, rather akin to trying out a new set of shoes the day of a race, breaking them in whilst under the pressure of having to perform at your peak.

Recca and Yanagi, of course, were operating well enough together, or trying to at least. Recca kept getting in the blonde's way, insisting that he had to protect her, despite the fact she could punch a hole through a tree trunk or send him sprawling with an accidental slap on the shoulder, apparently Tsunade had been a bit remiss in regards to 'control' when it came to her instruction.

By contrast, Naruto and Sai, got along like a house on fire, and as anyone who had ever had the misfortune of being in a burning house can vouch, this literally meant that Yamato was hard pressed to keep their 'near misses' from ending up in an all-out bloodbath.

Despite the mature stance taken the night before, Naruto proved untrusting of the taciturn Sai, who in turn found it hard to adapt to the redhead's unpredictable style of combat. One minute the duo could be operating in fluid unison, the next it would be all Yamato could to keep them from accidentally lobbing off each other's limbs in the crossfire.

Despite this, there weren't many emotional outbursts from either party, save for the few times that even Yamato couldn't deny Sai had been asking for a smack to the face. There was, after all, only so much acting professional could bear before someone snapped, he actually applauded the redhead's sense of control, as he'd known jounin to snap earlier when faced with one of Danzo's dogs' needling.

The last night after training was spent in relative silence, each member of the cell going over their inventory, ensuring they only had what was necessary for the mission ahead, whilst taking it in turns to keep watch. This was one of Orochimaru's men after all, even if he really was a double agent, there was no way in hell the serpent didn't keep tabs on anyone directly involved with him.

Finally, the third day rolled round, and Team Kakashi found themselves crouching downwind of the bridge, behind a cluster of rocks, while Yamato made his way towards the bridge, disguised as Sasori's outer shell, Hiruko, where a cloaked figure in white stood waiting.

* * *

"Sasori…" the figure greeted, inclining his head beneath the hood, Yamato's eyes narrowing under his disguise as the heavy cowl rolled back to reveal an all-too-familiar face to the hidden Konoha nins "How time flies…"

'Yakushi Kabuto!' the jounin muttered, marveling at the sheer irony of the situation. Kabuto had been Orochimaru's most trusted spy in Konoha, infiltrating the chunin exams and sabotaging the ANBU reports so that the serpent could slip under the radar as he pleased. There was an apprehend on sight order out for the bespectacled medic, though he also managed to rate an A-class, jounin level threat, since even Kakashi had a hard time reading him.

"No tail?" he demanded, altering his voice to the deep, gravel-like growl that Recca had reported the late puppet master using in this guise, nodding at Kabuto's denial "Looks like that arm's troubling you."

Kabuto flinched slightly, his left arm moving a little stiffly around the joint from where it had been crushed all those years ago by Domon. True, for a medic of his caliber, reattaching and restoring a damaged limb was child's play, it wasn't like he'd developed chakra leprosy like Orochimaru, but even WITH the snake sennin's vast resources of human testing, there was only so much he could do, and the arm would never be 100% again.

"It's nothing." he assured the humpbacked figure before him, tone a little stiffer than usual as he brushed a lock of silver hair out if his eyes "And other than some minor disorientation from your jutsu's release, I'm fine."

"I have many questions." Yamato graveled, releasing a mental sigh of relief, as so far Kabuto hadn't appeared to have sussed him out, the medic seemingly more concerned with getting the meeting over with "Uchiha Sasuke…where is he?"

Kabuto frowned, as if contemplating something, Yamato wondering if, perchance, he'd been a little too direct, only for the medic to sigh "I have no idea." He held up his left hand to forestall an argument "I honestly don't know, Sasuke-kun never came to Orochimaru." He snorted, a dark, dangerous smirk forming across his features "Truth be told, we were hoping YOU might know something."

Yamato's eyes widened, letting out a curse as twin snakes, each twice the size of an anaconda, lashed out to entangle his wooden façade. Kabuto, all manner of geniality gone, lunged forwards, his hand glowing with chakra as he lobbed Hiruko's head off, allowing Yamato to leap free of the wreckage, eyes narrowing at the sight of a familiar figure standing behind the medic.

"Senei Ta Jyashuu!" Orochimaru called out, the snake Sennin's arm extending towards the jounin, an unnatural amount of serpents, enough to infest an entire village, lashing out of his sleeve, their fangs reaching for Yamato's limbs.

Barely managing to pull of a Kawarimi with a wooden dummy, the former ANBU captain landed in a crouch across from the duo, cursing his lack of attention, as it became clear that the air was dripping with Orochimaru's killing intent, the smell of death and snake oil almost suffocating.

* * *

"Hoh? Mokuton Kawarimi…" the snake sennin wondered, his eyes dancing with a form of dark amusement as he leveled a twisted smile at the crouching jounin, who glared defiantly at the madman, kunai in hand "You must be…"

"Orochimaru-sama…" Kabuto spoke up, the treacherous medic's eyes narrowing behind his spectacles as he stood between his master and their opponent, ready for anything the man might try to pull "Is that Sasori?"

"Kabuto…" the snake sennin chuckled, his tone chiding, as if he were speaking to a child that had forgotten to do his homework "You worked as his subordinate for so may years…and yet you don't know what Sasori looks like?"

"He's extremely cautious," the medic replied defensively, his eyes never leaving Yamato "he never revealed himself to anyone, only giving us our orders before sending us out into the world, his little puppets."

"Kabuto…" Yamato managed, the Jounin grimacing as he held his right arm, where the medic's chakra scalpel had broken the skin, drawing blood "You're supposed to be an Akatsuki spy…under Sasori's sleeper jutsu…"

"I'm afraid your Intel is a little outdated…as usual." Kabuto scoffed, smirking confidently at the Jounin as he discarded the cloak, revealing his regular clothes underneath "Orochimaru-sama released me from THAT nuisance a while back."

"So you were just pretending to be under Sasori's jutsu…" Yamato reasoned, the jounin, and former ANBU captain's eyes narrowing in suspicion "while in fact you were under the control of Orochimaru?"

"Wrong again." Kabuto countered, shrugging offhandedly "Orochimaru-sama and I share a common philosophy, I serve him now of my own volition." His smile darkened as his face took on a calculative expression "That said, who are you? You ruined our plans for Sasori."

"Patience, Kabuto." Orochimaru drawled, sounding oddly amused as he leveled a mocking smirk towards the crouching jounin "All will be revealed in due time…" his gaze flicked to the trees at the opposite end of the bridge "starting with the four baby rats skulking in the woodwork."

Cursing, Yamato waved a hand in the designated signal, his features grim as his cell leapt to the fore, Recca, Naruto and Sai landing before him, while Yanagi crouched near the Jounin, as they'd rehearsed.

"Well now…" Kabuto wondered, the treacherous medic smirking in amusement at the sight of Recca, who scowled in return as the older teen pushed his glasses up on his face with an almost mocking air "Long time no see…"

"Well isn't this a pleasant reunion?" Orochimaru chuckled, his eyes roaming over the group as a whole "The young fire-starter from the chunin exams…I haven't seen you since the fight with Tsunade." He smirked "Where's the rest of your cell boy? The mongoloid I could ignore, but I'm interested in how the Kyuubi-brat has improved."

"I'm right here, pedo-hebi." Naruto growled, drawing the serpent's attention to her, a scowl on her face as she ignored how the freak and Kabuto's eyes widening in surprise, though the Latter seemed more intrigued than anything "Now where's Sasuke?!"

"Well now…" Orochimaru noted, his stunned expression quickly replaced with a coy smirk, as if he hadn't just been floored by the teen's new appearance "Had a sex change have we? My, Konoha must be desperate to keep the population up after my last assault."

"Shut your hole, freak!" Recca snapped, earning a dark scowl from Kabuto, who stepped forward to silence the Enjutsu-shi for his insults, only to be held back by an unseen signal from Orochimaru, who continued to smirk at the teen's adoptive sibling "Where're you hiding Sasuke?!"

"You're still going on about Sasuke?" Kabuto repeated, the medic's tone intrigued as he ran his gaze over the group, his eyes hidden behind the reflective glass of his spectacles "Hoh…so he WASN'T in Konoha after all…"

"Quit messing with us!" Naruto snapped, her canines lengthening, marks on her face deepening as she glared at the snake sennin "We know you tricked him into joining you! You used that damn mark to mess with his head!"

"Is that what you think?" Orochimaru opined, his smirk as coy as ever as he looked into the redhead's eyes "Why is it so hard to accept that he might have left of his own volition?" his smirk grew mocking "Ah, I see, so that's why you changed…my the things people do for love…"

"I'm warning you…" Naruto growled, the redhead's eyes flashing a murderous crimson as she clenched her right fist, muscles tightening in the entire arm as she prepared to lunge forwards, to hell with the plan "WHERE are you hiding him?!"

"If you want me to talk…" Orochimaru drawled, his eyes as mocking as ever, though there was a hint of invitation there as well "Then you'd best be prepared to pay…" his smirk turned to a disgusting leer "…kukukuku…with your BODY of course."

* * *

It all happened so fast that, even days later, those involved couldn't quite tell what had happened.

One second, Orochimaru had just finished mocking the group, his disgusting suggestion barely out of his mouth. The next there was an explosion of chakra, and before anyone could do anything, the Snake Sennin was flung backwards through the air, his face mashed to one side as a blow worthy of Tsunade sent him crashing into the undergrowth.

'Such Power!' he exclaimed, eyes wide with amazement as he glared at his assailant, a familiar thrill rushing through as he matched the heated glare the enjutsu-shi was sending him 'So he's as hot tempered as they say…kukukuku…'

"Bastard…" Recca hissed, the Enjutsu-shi's eyes narrowing as Homura's flame vanished, already flipping through the kanji to summon Nadare as he stared down at the snake Sennin, his expression absolutely murderous "I'll flash fry you fucker!"

"I don't think so…" Kabuto countered, the treacherous medic coming up behind the hot-headed chunin, his features dark and his chakra scalpel held at the ready as he lashed out at the Enjutsu-shi's unprotected neck "You dare to touch Orochimaru-sa-!"

"Shichuurou!" Yamato snapped, his hands clapping together as the wood from the bridge rose up in a bid to ensnare that medic. Kabuto, cursing through clenched teeth, leapt out of the trap with a chakra-enforced leap, only to blink as he came face to face with a beaming Yanagi.

The blonde's fist rammed into the medic's ribs with the force of a freight train, forcing the air out of his lungs and sending him flying across the bridge to crash into the opposite side, hacking up blood, unable to move from the pain in his ribcage.

'All the ribs on my left side are broken.' The medic muttered, performing a self diagnostic as he lay within the crater he'd formed in the cliff-face 'Severe muscular damage…if I hadn't leapt back when I did, my heart probably would've been crushed.'

* * *

"Hime…" Recca gaped, staring at his beloved master in shocked awe as she touched down next to him, having sent Kabuto flying with a punch he'd have expected from Domon, rather than the clumsy, slip of a girl.

"Did you see that, Recca-kun?" the blonde asked excitedly, pumping her fist as she danced on the spot, her eyes sparkling with unrestrained glee "Now I can protect you, like you've always protected me!"

"Hime…that is…I mean…!" Recca stammered, the enjutsu-shi shaking himself out of his daze, before waving his arms in a panic before his master "That was dangerous! You shouldn't be putting yourself in danger! It's my job to-!"

"Recca-kun." Yanagi interrupted, the enjutsu-shi halting mid-rant as the blonde leveled an unusually solemn look towards her protector "Does Tsunade-sama require a constant entourage of bodyguards?"

"That's different!" Recca insisted, waving a hand to the side "Tsunade-baba's the Hokage! Those guards are there for official purposes! Hell she could probably bitch-slap anyone that tried to attack her half-way from here to Nami no kuni!"

"Do any of the other kunoichi require bodyguards?" Yanagi asked, shutting the enjutsu-shi up again, smiling at the teen as she did so "I'm not the defenseless little girl from Kurei's mansion anymore…I won't just stand aside while the people I care about get hurt."

"Hime…" Recca stammered, the stunned Enjutsu-shi's eyes filled with reverent awe as he gaped at his beloved master in amazement. He'd never heard something so regal…so profound! It was almost as if...

"Well…" Yanagi hummed, sticking out her tongue with a sheepish expression "That's what Tsunade-sama said to say if you acted up."

Recca face faulted, leg twitching spastically as Yamato sweatdropped, a deadpan expression on the Jounin's face, only to blink and glare at the opposite side of the bridge, as Orochimaru stumbled back into view.

"Magnificent…" the serpent hissed, his face pealed away to reveal the true face of his most recent host body, marred by a magnificent shiner "Truly as impressive as ever, Recca-kun…the power of those flames…exquisite!"

"Wanna sample 'em again?" Recca growled, the Enjutsu-shi getting back on his feet, imposing himself between his master and the sennin with a glare, shivering in revulsion at the man's twisted mockery of a face "So that's what you really look like."

"Hardly…" Orochimaru chuckled, wiping a hand slowly up his face, the damaged skin piecing back together to reveal his normal face "Though now I see that Konoha isn't taking any risks with Naruto-kun…assigning another monster and one of my old experiments to act as watchdogs…"

"Experiment?" Yanagi repeated, the healing princess looking round in confusion, following the sennin's mocking gaze, only to blink as her eyes landed on a stern looking Yamato, who was glaring back at the sennin heatedly "Yamato-Taichou?"

"There was a time when I wanted the power of the Shinobi fabled not only as the greatest master of Mokuton, but the only person the Bijuu referred to as 'Master'." He smirked at their shocked expressions "Oh yes, Senju Hashirama, the Shodai Hokage, so powerful even the Kyuubi bowed to his will."

"Tsunade-baba's gramps?" Recca wondered, the enjutsu-shi blinking in confusion, as he didn't recall anything about the Shodai being the master of the Bijuu from Iruka-sensei's lectures, though considering how he and the others joined late in the academic year, they probably missed that class.

"I extracted his DNA from his corpse," Orochimaru continued, sounding oddly amused as he strolled down memory lane "and inserted it into the cells of 60 children." A flash of disgust crossed his features "However, their inferior bodies rejected the superior genetic material, dieing off in rapid succession, one after another…"

The Sennin leered at Yamato, who despite the distance between him, couldn't help shivering, as the feeling of coils slithering over his skin washed over him.

"I had thought they'd all died out…" the serpent muttered, sounding highly intrigued "to think there was a survivor…perhaps I should acquire a sample before I pry Sasuke-kun's whereabouts out of you…I've really grown tired of looking for my errant vessel."

"Sasuke isn't your anything…" a low voice growled, Orochimaru blinking as a wave of crimson killing intent washed over him, gaping at the sight before him in amazement. "Don't you EVER talk about Sasuke as if you own him!" Naruto snarled, her hands on her sword as she glared at the Sennin, her tekko resting on the floor at her feet "Especially not in front of ME!"

* * *

'Here it comes…' Yamato muttered, the jounin's features grim as he covered his face with one arm to ward off the wall of dirt and wind that was summoned up by the crimson Chakra bursting out of his charge's boddy 'Just like Jiraiya-sama's report said…'

'What the hell?' Recca exclaimed, the Enjutsu-shi holding a startled Yanagi close as he warded off the wind as he best he could with his free arm 'It's like that time at the hospital three years ago…no…its worse!'

'This air pressure…' Sai noted, his normally expressionless face marred in a slight frown as he warded off the wind with his arms, his eyes cracking open to stare at his teammate's back through the haze of crimson chakra 'Like being assaulted by hornets…'

Up front, Orochimaru's eyes narrowed as the haze of chakra before him convalesced into a giant, facsimile of a fox's head, the vulpine leer sending his hair trailing behind him, only to dispel with a sudden burst of power, to reveal a crouching figure standing where Naruto had been not ten seconds ago.

The figure was tall, easily taller than Recca, but still shorter than Domon had been, standing just under six feet in height. His frame had filled out too, muscles visible beneath the black Shinobi jumpsuit, Chunin Vest hanging open to give the massive torso room to breath.

A mane of red hair fell down his back, two strands on either side diverging off to the side like tails, even as his eyes opened, revealing red slit-pupiled, sapphire orbs ringed with crimson.

"Sorry to keep you waiting…" the apparition growled, a hint of mockery in that deep baritone, the red whisker marks, more like tattoos than scratches now, stretching as he smirked at the Sennin, revealing a mouth full of sharp teeth "Let's dance, Pedo-Hebi."

* * *

For those of you wondering what the hair looks like, imagine Victor from Buso Renkin's, only red.

And yes...Orochimaru is about to get raepd...

Mira-Rose: Place your bets people!

Apache: A hundred on the redhead!

Sun-Sun: The same, on Orochimaru. (Covers her mouth with her sleeve as they look at her) What? We snakes stick together.

Halibel: What are you betting with?

Mira-Rose: The amount of rounds we get to go with scarecrow back there.

Kakashi: (Still bleached) mercy...

R&R!!!


	16. Chapter 16

Kyugan: Whooo...been a while hasn't it? You all thought I ws just gonna eave you hanging?

Halibel: *scowling, readies her sword at my neck* ...

Apache: Hurry up! The Kid's about to go balls to the wall!

Mira Rose: *Holding popcorn bucket* This is gonna be good.

Sun-Sun: *says nothing, but waves a styrofoam glove victoriously*

Kyugan: Right then...on with the show!

* * *

Awaken! Naruto's true form!

Back in Konoha, two figures paused in the middle of their individual tasks to look towards the skyline, in the general direction of Kusagakure.

One of these was Senju Tsunade, Godaime Hokage and only living relative of the Senju brothers, Hashirama and Tobirama, her Grandfather and Grand-Uncle respectively, who paused in the middle of stamping the documents being handed to her by a straining Genma, as she still hadn't forgiven Shizune enough to be in the medic's presence without snapping.

The Hokage's hand went instantly to the spot where, three years ago, her Grandfather's precious crystal necklace had hung between her notable breasts, clutching almost instinctively for that one-time cursed charm that had now been entrusted to a certain knuckleheaded chunin.

The other figure was Hanabishi Kagero, the immortal Kunoichi and mother of the current head of the recently renamed Hanabishi clan, who paused in the task of interrogating a particularly stubborn informant, her eyes seeing into the distance, resisting the urge to reach for her Eikai Gyoku and see what the problem was simply because she couldn't let knowledge of the madogu reach the wrong ears.

After all, according to Ibiki-san, it wasn't THAT uncommon for some of the scarred jounin's 'guests' to mysteriously Vanish, usually whenever Danzo's subordinates were on shift.

'Naruto…' the two women breathed, looking into the distance, concern for their adoptive son/little brother apparent in their eyes, before snapping out of it and returning to the task at hand, with decidedly more zeal.

For Genma, this was a relief, as it meant that he'd be free of his torment faster. For the unfortunate informant however…it was QUITE the opposite.

*******

_Tenchi bridge..._

'What is this?' Orochimaru wondered, gazing forward, his eyes wide, as the red-haired jinchuuriki stood up from his crouch, hands on his sword 'Why can't I move?'

Ever since he'd laid eyes on Naruto, back when the Kyuubi had first been sealed into the brat, Orochimaru had known that the jinchuuriki would be trouble. This opinion had been reinforced when they met again, thirteen years later, during the brat's first chunin exam.

Admittedly, he'd been more interested in getting his hands on Sasuke, who possessed not only the vaunted Sharingan, but the drive to seek out power at any cost, and so his interest in the Uchiha's teammates had been negligible. That ended over the course of the exam, as the trio not only outstripped his expectations, they did so in a manner that had him questioning his desire for the Uchiha at times.

But he'd persevered in his endeavors to claim Itachi's little brother. After all, what was brute force and power before the sharingan? When two shinobi of equal strength clashed, the one with superior jutsu always came out on top.

It didn't hurt that Naruto, being the vessel of a demon lord of considerable power, wouldn't have been viable as a host in the first place. And judging from the rumors he'd heard from Kabuto's information network, the same could be said for Rekka.

Immortal or not, Orochimaru wasn't presumptuous to think he could take on EIGHT Dragons of fiery wrath at the same time. He was a Genius, not a God...Yet.

Still, while Naruto's rapid growth had been surprising, annoying really, as the brat was too much like Jiraiya for Orochimaru's tastes, he had always been at a level that Orochimaru was confident he could handle without having to resort to Manda or the Kusanagi. Well maybe the latter if it came down to Kenjutsu.

Now though, staring into those eyes, those same eyes that he'd recalled looking down from as he leant over a cradle, debating whether or not to spirit the little hell spawn off with him, the Serpent found himself regretting his casual dismissal.

He twitched, one golden pupil flicking down to his right hand, which wasn't moving an inch despite the frantic signals he was sending it.

'I'm…Sweating…?' he noted, looking on in awed confusion as a drop of sweat slid down the back of his hand, to fall from his middle finger 'This can't be…' he stated, anger and pride filling his being as he glared at the offending digit 'from a child like this-?!'

"Yo…" the deep, baritone voice called out, Orochimaru's eyes snapping back to find the brat standing before him, sword drawn and resting over his shoulder cavalierly "You planning on ducking out, Pedo-hebi?"

Orochimaru snarled, biting his own tongue savagely, the pain forcing his body into action as he spat Kusanagi out, grabbing the blade in one hand as he charged the brat, only to be met halfway, their blades clashing in a shower of sparks.

"Ryukansen: KOGARASHI!" Naruto snarled, rolling forwards, transforming into a bladed buzz saw that threatened to drive Orochimaru into the ground and rend him to shreds. The sennin countered the move by leaping back, putting distance between himself and the blazing wheel of death, distantly noting a small explosion as Kabuto detonated the explosive tags they'd prepped earlier for Sasori.

_*******_

_Back on the bridge..._

"Damn!" Yamato cursed, crouched safely on the far side of Tenchi bridge, having leapt back, Yanagi in hand, as Kabuto demonstrated just how underhanded he could be "I'm starting to hate that kid…"

"Feeling's mutual." Kabuto opined, the medic appearing behind the jounin, chakra scalpel aimed at Yamato's neck, only for Recca to come in from the side, roundhouse kicking the bespectacled medic in the cheek, sending him skidding across the bridge.

"Hands off four-eyes!" the enjutsu-shi snapped, sending a salvo of shuriken laced Housenka after the treacherous medic to keep him from getting any close "You're not getting within ten feet of Hime!"

'Nice to feel wanted…' Yamato deadpanned wryly, shaking his head at being excluded from the teen's concern, only to blink, looking around the impromptu battlefield in confusion, noting a distinct absence "Recca! Where's Sai?!"

"Sai?" Recca repeated, the enjutsu-shi frowning in confusion as he weaved under Kabuto's chakra scalples, delivering a snap-kick to the treacherous medic's head, knocking him low "I thought he was with you!"

"He was standing next to me when the bomb went off." Yanagi opined, looking around in concern for her fellow artist "You don't think he was caught in the explosion?!"

At that moment, a giant, black and white Eagle soared out of the ravine, a familiar pale figure riding on it's back, racing off in the direction of the forest.

"There he is…" Yamato muttered, scowling grimly, torn between going to back Naruto up, as having one of Danzo's subordinates near the teen was questionable, let alone letting him fight a SANNIN, and protecting Yanagi, as he'd been ordered by Tsunade.

'Capturing Kabuto would give us a tactical information advantage.' The jounin decided, clapping his hands together in a 'snake' seal, a Moku bunshin splitting off from him, riding off on an extending wooden pillar to the far side of the ravine, tailing the pale ink master.

"Yamato-Taichou…" Yanagi asked, the healing princess looking up at the wood-manipulating jounin with concern in her eyes as she watched the clone vanish from sight "Is Naruto-kun alright?"

"He's strong, Yanagi-san." The jounin assured the medic, smiling in a bid to put the girl's mind at rest, before turning to glare at a certain, bespectacled thorn in Konoha's side "Right now, we have other, more pressing matters to contend with."

*******

_Woods ahead..._

"RYUKAN-SEN HIRAMEKI!"

Orochimaru grunted, switching Kusanagi to his right hand as Naruto lobbed the other off at the shoulder, blood trailing from the wound as the enraged jinchuriki's blow carried him down to the forest floor.

"Not bad, Naruto-kun." He allotted, his mouth widening with a sickening crack, the sennin pulling himself out of the damage form with a sickening squelch, covered in slime, like some parasitic worm "Still, if this is the best you can do, even with a jinchuriki's power-!"

"I'm not a jinchuuriki." Naruto countered, standing back to back with the stunned sennin, his blade tapping against Orochimaru's cheek "Write it down on your hand Pedo-Hebi…I'm a full fledged DEVIL."

Orochimaru cursed, barely managing to shed his skin before Naruto hacked him in two with a savage back swing, the redhead cutting off the tip of the sennin's grotesque tail in the process. "Where do you think you're going?" a voice demanded from midair, Orochimaru's eyes widening as a hand grabbed him by the forehead, looking up to find another Naruto bearing down on him, Rasengan in hand "I'm not done with you yet!"

The spiraling sphere of chakra rammed into the sennin's ribcage, sending the quasi-serpent spiraling towards the ground, where he splattered into a pile of mud. "DAMN! A mud clone!" Naruto snarled, glaring around in anger as he touched down in the middle of a clearing, several yards away from the Tenchi bridge "Dammit! Where are you?!"

"Kukukuku…" Orochimaru cackled, his voice echoing from all sides as the redhead whirled round, eyes peeled, nostrils flaring and ears twitching in a bid to sniff the serpent out "What's the matter little fox? Having a hard time finding the snake in the grass?"

'Shit! He's suppressed his chakra signature to almost nothing…' Naruto growled, his fangs visible as he bit his lip 'On top of that, he's covered his scent up somehow…so he's either downwind or-!'

"Beneath you." A mocking voice pointed out, the poisonous blade of the Kusanagi lancing out from below, spearing the startled redhead through the stomach and pinning him to a tree in the process.

"You really should pay more attention, little fox." Orochimaru mocked, his head rising from the rubble, somehow able to talk whilst the Kusanagi was pointing out of his gaping maw "After all, Snakes are notorious from striking from ANYWHERE."

"Look beneath th' underneath." Naruto muttered, the redhead grimacing as he gripped the blade sticking out of his guts in a bloody hand "Figures one of Kaka-sensei's teaching's be right for once…"

"Kakashi…" Orochimaru mused, the serpentine sennin spitting the Kusanagi's handle out to hold it in his right hand "The man was an able jounin, a prodigy really…" he scoffed "but a sensei he's not."

"You'd be right about that." Naruto agreed, a wry smirk on his face as he glared at the serpent, gripping the blade of Kusanagi tightly "Man'd be happy if you locked him in a room with Ero-sennin's smut for the rest of his life."

*******

_Kakashi's Lovely Suite..._

Back in Konoha, a certain copy-nin paused in the midst of turning the page of his literary nirvana, his visible eye looking up at the ceiling for a moment, half-lidded as usual.

'Someone's talking about me again…' he noted, only to shrug it off and turn back to the more important matter of turning the page and reading on.

_'The great sage stood firm before the advancing horde, shielding the awestruck snow princess from them with his body as they assailed their fortress. Just as all looked lost, his once nubile acolyte, who had been battling in the midst of the horde, released the seal and transformed, changing from her sealed state to the true, monstrous form within, a roar tearing from powerful lungs that split the earth and caused the very mountains to erupt…'_

_*******_

_Back to the fight..._

"So he's still writing that dime store garbage." Orochimaru mused, a wry smirk forming on his face as he leered at the captive jinchuuriki "I honestly can't understand what people see in it. It's merely a glorified autobiography with a few candid scenes of wanton smut."

"You're telling ME?" Naruto deadpanned, the irate redhead thumbing at himself with his free hand, apparently non-plussed regarding the poisonous blade spearing him in the gutt "I had to PROOFREAD that garbage for him!"

"You poor, poor fool." Orochimaru sighed, shaking his head in mock sympathy "Is it any wonder you leaped into death like this?" he twisted the hilt of Kusanagi, earning a grimace from the redhead as the blade turned agonizingly in his gut "Tell you what, out of respect for someone who has suffered Jiraiya's stupidity, I shall grant you a quick death."

"Thanks for the offer…" Naruto muttered, his smirk decidedly feral as he straightened slightly to look into the Sennin's eyes "But I'm not out of this ye-!" He froze, eyes widening with alarm as he clamped a free hand over his right eye, grimacing as he bared his teeth "Dammit…not now…!"

"Hmm?" Orochimaru wondered, quirking an eyebrow as the redhead seemed to grow agitated, noting with interest that the teen's chakra seemed to be fluctuating…wildly so. 'What is this…?' he wondered, his golden eyes narrowing as he glared at the youth that had caused him so much trouble 'These fluctuations…at their lowest, it's less than garbage…' a cold sweat ran down his cheek 'At their highest…they outstrip my own!'

"F-fuck off…" Naruto growled, the redhead gritting his teeth as he lowered his head, his crimson bangs shielding his upper-face from Orochimaru's piercing, inquisitive gaze "This isn't the best time!"

"**Sez you."** A tone that was both similar, and yet oddly contrasting to the redhead's mocked, Orochimaru's eyes widening in surprise, as it seemed to him thatthe new voice emanated from the same teen before him **"You've got yourself a real strong one here…lemme have a piece of the action while you take a dirt nap."**

"Like fuck I will!" Naruto snarled, the redhead's fingers bleeding as they wrapped around the blade of Orochimaru's Kusanagi, trying to tug the grasscutter blade out of his gut "The last time I let you out you-!"

"**So th' old frog gotta lil' scarred."** The darker voice scoffed, Orochimaru quirking an eyebrow at the reference to Jiraiya **"Shoulda known better than ta get in my way…something YOU'VE yet ta learn.,,"**

"I don't need you!" Naruto gritted, the redhead shaking his head determinedly as he clenched a bloody hand over his left eye, gripping his head with trembling figners "I don't need you! I don't need you!"

"**Say what ya like princess…" **the mocking voice opined, Orochimaru shivering as a jack-o-lantern leer began to form on the left side of Naruto's face **"We both know that without ME, you'd have passed out from blood loss by now."**

The bloody hand holding the Kusanagi twitched, releasing the blade to grip Naruto's right hand, pulling it away, Orochimaru shivering as he stared at that feral, twisted smile that seemed to contain more fangs than he'd seen in one mouth in his entire life.

"**Ten minutes are up princess." **The sinister voice intoned, dripping with false sweetness, the bloody left hand gripping the right down towards the ground **"Time fer a tag out."**

*******

_Forest, Another perspective..._

Naruto jerked, the redhead's skull snapping back to lease a feral snarl that echoed around the woodlands, followed by a pulse of oppressive crimson chakra that spread with Naruto as the epicenter, the crimson aura sending leaves and dirt flying in all directions, Orochimaru's hair whipping back, the sennin's arms coming up, releasing the hilt of the Kusanagi to shield his face, his eyes wide as he gaped at the figure before him, barely visible behind a crimson haze.

The wave blasted through the countryside, carrying back to the group battling it out on the bridge, washing over Sai and Yamato's bunshin, who were standing well away from the battlefield, far enough to avoid detection, but close enough that they could monitor what was going on.

'What on earth?!' the bunshin exclaimed, eyes wide as flipped through a series of seals, barely managing to erect a Moku Jouheki to shield itself from the worst of the blast, which was uprooting trees and ripping them to shreds in the process 'This chakra!'

Not even Sai, riding on his ink-beast, escaped the blast, the simulacra exploding in a burst of ink from the wind pressure and sheer potency of the lethal chakra.

'This is getting dangerous…' the pale teen muttered, holding his arms up to shield himself, landing on a tree branch with the grace of a cat 'It's too risky to get any closer than this…'

*******

_Tenchi Bridge..._

At the bridge, the battle between Kabuto and the remains of Team Kakashi paused, as they group, as one, turned to face the other side of the bridge, Yamato leaping on top of Yanagi to protect her from the chakra wave, which blasted Recca and Kabuto off their feet.

"What the hell?!" Recca gaped, the enjutsu-shi flipping in mid-air to land against a tree one hand covering his eyes as the cloud of dust and wooden shrapnel blasted over him "Did someone let off a nuke or something?!"

"That chakra…" Kabuto mused, the treacherous medic's eyes narrowing to a laser-like intensity as his glasses cracked under the wind pressure "I see…so this is what Naruto-kun's like when he's serious…"

"Yanagi!" Yamato prodded, Kakashi's replacement looking down at the healer in alarm, as the poor girl was holding herself and trembling like she was caught in a raging blizzard "What's wrong?!"

"Wrong…" the healer stammered, tears dripping down her cheeks like miniature rivers as she fought the urge to throw up at the oppressive feeling that washed over her "This chakra…it's not Naruto-kun! It's too bad! Too heavy! Too wrong!"

"So even his so called 'teammates' knew nothing about this." Kabuto mused, a smug smirk adorning the medic's features as he pushed his damaged glasses up his nose "Naruto-kun truly is a monster if he can keep something like THAT hidden from those around him."

"You shut your hole..." Recca warned, his eyes glowing dangerously as his fist ignited, the enjutsu-shi lashing out, almost clipping Kabuto's ear "Naruto isn't like you and pedo-hebi! He doesn't keep things from his friends!"

'I wish I could have as much faith as you, Recca.' Yamato murmured, as the connection he felt with his clone allowed him to witness what was happening at ground zero.

*******

_Back to the fight..._

"Interesting…" Orochimaru mused, the serpentine sennin lying low to the ground to reduce the wind resistance, his tongue sliding across his lips as the wind died down "You just get more and more interesting every time I see you…Naruto-ku-!"

He froze, a wave of palpable killing intent washing over him, forcing him to leap back, just as Naruto's bloody hand gripped the Kusanagi, the sennin's eyes widening as the redhead ripped the katana out of his stomach, sending blood flying everywhere.

'Desperation?' he wondered, only to narrow his eyes as the blood which landed began to sizzle, the earth beneath it melting away, the teen's wound smoking as it healed back up at an accelerated rate 'Advanced Regeneration?!'

"**Feh…gimme a break…" **the crass voice from earlier scoffed, the redhead twirling the Kusanagi around by it's blade like a baton, heedless of the biting edge, dipped in poison that could take even a kage-level fighter down **"This little pig-sticker was what all th' fuss was about?" **a crass snort "**Psh, yer such a pussy, princess."**

"Uzumaki…" Orochimaru began, only to scowl, the sennin's golden eyes narrowing suspiciously as he slowly stood up, glaring at the figure that dared to insult his precious Kusanagi "No…who…what are you?"

"**Hoh? Caught onto that have ya?" **the crass voice asked, laced with mock applause, even as the redhead slowly straightened up, still twirling the Kusanagi in his hand as he drew his own Katana once more **"Who am I…you ask…?"**

The head came up, Orochimaru's eyes widening at the blazing red eyes, swimming in a sea of darkness that drilled into him like lasers. The face was Naruto's, but more savage, laced with a manic intent that Orochimaru looked for in his most dedicated torturers, a look that would make a serial murderer cringe in fear, lined with bloody crimson marks that trailed down the sides of his neck and under his shirt.

"**I don't got a name!"** the abomination cackled, grabbing Kusanagi by the hilt, before lunging at the sennin, cackling at the top of it's lungs as it slashed away with reckless abandon.

Orochimaru cursed, leaping back and unleashing a horde of serpents from his gullet, the mass of writhing, poisonous reptiles, swords erupting from their maws as they swarmed the manic redhead, who merely leered at the oncoming wall of death eagerly.

"**That the best you got?!"** the redhead demanded, gripping the two swords to the side, crossing his arms before him briefly, before letting out a manic shriek, uncrossing the blades in a flash of motion.

A wave of air blasted into the wall, the serpents parting like the red sea before the wind, several of them dropping lifelessly to the floor, their heads severed or bodies slices to ribbons.

"**Pathetic!" **the redhead cackled, his manic leer laced with madness as he stood before the decimated horde, swords held to the sides, at the ready **"This th' best th' vaunted Orochimaru can do?! Crawlin' on his belly, spewin' out snakes?!"** he threw his head back and laughed **"C'mon old man! I'm fallin' asleep here!"**

"Careful what you wish for, Boy!" Orochimaru warned, his head snapping out of the rubble to latch onto the redhead's throat, fangs piercing the skin as anacondas burst from the soil to ensnare the redhead's legs.

"You surprised me…Naruto-kun." The sennin admitted, talking whilst his fangs pierced the redhead's neck, retrieving his Kusanagi from the youth "To think you'd change this much in just three years…it makes me wonder how SASUKE's improved-!"

He leapt back, biting back a curse as the oppressive smell of burning flesh filled the air, the serpent quickly shedding his skin before the face dissolved, the mouth melting away like candle wax in an oven.

"**Sauce-who?"** the redhead repeated, his tone lilting as he cocked his head to the side, the bite marks from Orochimaru already healing over as he rubbed his finger in his ear **"Sorry, don't know anyone by that name…"** he grinned at the sennin **"Still, if he's th' type that has ta resort ter that satanic hicky of yours, he can't be much."**

"Well aren't you confident." Orochimaru hissed, a confident smirk on his face despite almost having his mouth reduced to putty by the redhead's corrosive chakra "You think the Tenfuuin makes people weak?"

"**I'm sayin' havin ta RESORT to having yer Satanic Hickey branded inta them makes 'em weak."** The redhead snorted, smirking mockingly at the sennin, tapping his naked blade against the side of his head **"Snake suckin' pussies need ta learn their place."**

"And what about YOU?" Orochimaru posed, moving around the teen cautiously, like a wolf circling a kill that still had some fight left in it "You, who have even now rely on the power of your 'tenant' to help you out…" he chuckled "I never took you to be a HYPOCRITE…Naruto-kun, a FOOL perhaps, but not a hypocrite."

"**Tenant?"** the redhead repeated, quirking an eyebrow at the sennin, before nodding in understanding, mouth an 'o' of surprise **"You mean old man Kyuubi?"**

Orochimaru shivered, as the crimson teen's shoulders shook with mirth, a shiver of primeval terror washing over him as he felt the perverse, murderous glee coming of the youth.

"**Sorry trouser-snake,"** the redhead cackled, covering his face with his hand as he hunched over laughing **"But ya made several mistakes: First off, I ain't princess, so don't go callin' me 'Naruto'." **He straightened up slightly **"Secondly, this power's all ****MINE."**

"Yours?" Orochimaru repeated, the sennin's golden eyes snapping wide in stunned, unrestrained terror at the apparent implications of the figure's words "Then…you're…the Kyuubi no Kitsune?!"

"**And there's strike three…"** the redhead cackled, lifting his hand from his face to reveal a vulpine leer with far too many fangs to be considered a smile, a glint of madness in those burning crimson eyes "**sorry old man, but pops ain't around no more."**

That said, Orochimaru's head snapped to the side, courtesy of a chakra laced-backslap that made Tsunade's strongest punch feel like a love-tap. The skin actually BURNED from the contact with the youth's palm, which he noted was glowing with corrosive red chakra.

'What does he mean 'isn't here anymore'?' the sennin wondered, flipping over, shedding his skin just before the redhead lunged at him, all teeth and flashing steel 'Extracting the bijuu would kill the host…' his eyes widened 'Don't tell me…he's actually assimilated it?!'

"Senei Tajyashuu!" the sennin snapped, sending a horde of giant anacondas and constrictors at the monster, his finger twitching, tugging the Kusanagi back into his palm with a chakra thread "DIE!"

A pulse of dark chakra, emanating from Orochimaru's sleeve, coursed through the serpents, their bodies disjointing as it drew closer to the target, the snakes erupting in a fiery explosion that consumed everything in the epicenter. "Hmph…Orochimaru scoffed, dropping the severed tails of the summons to run a finger through his hair, as if preening for the camera "That was almost TOO easy."

"**That so?"** a mocking voice asked, Orochimaru's eyes widening as a shadow appeared amidst the flames, a surge of wind chakra blowing them out to reveal the redhead from before, his upper clothing completely burned away, revealing that yes, the markings DID continue below the neckline, coiling around his flank like tails, two of them spiraling down his arms, another two disappearing below the waistline.

"**So you like ta end things with a bang, eh fucker?" **the redhead jeered, his smile sickening as he raised his right hand to his face, fingers popping audibly, the grin widening as the muscles in the arm began to bulge and writhe beneath the skin **"What a coincidence…so do I!"**

*******

_Outside the battlezone..._

"This is bad…" Yamato's clone muttered, the wooden replica grimacing as it felt the Kyuubi's chakra resonate with it's own, a most discomforting feeling "I can't risk getting closer right now…but at this rate…!"

'So this is the power of the Kyuubi…' Sai noted from his perch, the expressionless teen's eyes narrowed in comprehension 'This is the power that Danzo-sama has sought for the past sixteen years…'

The duo's eyes widened as the surging chakra increased, looking on in awe as the arm of the creature that had once been Naruto distorted, the redhead holding it out to the side as something BURST out of the shoulder.

'Tails?!' the clone gaped, looking on in horrified awe as the four chakra appendages lashed around behind the youth, it's eyes widening as the claw-like hand began to morph into what was unmistakably a fox's head 'SHIT!'

*******

_Ground Zero._

'Th-this chakra…!' Orochimaru gaped, the sennin's eyes wide with a combination of wonder and primal terror as the crimson waves washed over him, looking on in wonderment as the four crimson appendages lashed behind the redhead's shoulder, even as the arm continued to mutate 'This density…this malevolence…!" a bead of sweat ran down his cheek 'This isn't good at all!'

"**S'matter snake-eyes?" **the redheaded abomination mocked, his tone lilting as he sneered at the sennin, holding his arm out, the fox head that had once been his right hand emitting sulphurous smoke from it's open mouth **"Ya scared? Should be, the old frog almost bought the farm with this one!"**

The maw of the fox opened, Orochimaru tensing as wisps of red and blue chakra began to gather there, his eyes widening as a small, rotating sphere of dark energy began to take form, the colour of old, dried blood.

"**If I were you…snake eyes, I'd be pissing my pants right about now."** The redhead warned, the tone mocking and filled with madness **"Followed by a quick prayer ta whatever gods'll have ya…that is if the devil don't already got claim."**

The very air seemed to scream as the dark maelstrom of corrupt chakra continued to gather speed, the sphere now twice the size of the teen's body. Then it began to shrink, the chakra compacting in on itself, the sphere's rotation reaching such speeds that all that could be heard was a high pitched whine as it reached the size of a marble.

The fox's maw widened, engulfing the tiny sphere, before snapping shut, the eyes lighting up, the four tails streaming behind the redhead as if in a breeze as he brought it to bear on the sennin like a cannon.

An analogy which Orochimaru suddenly realized wasn't so far fetched, the sennin bringing his thumbs to his fangs just as the maw opened wide, and everything went white.

* * *

Apache:...Whoa...

Mira Rose: That was hot.

Sun-Sun: Ichigo-sama is better.

Apache: Shit yeah but still!

Kyugan: I thought I pulled it off rather well...

Halibel: Which is why your head still adorns your shoulders.

Kyugan: Point noted. Also, for those of you asking, yes, I based Naruto's other off of Hichigo.

Also, yes, that is basically the Kyuubi cannon, only with a unique twist, since Naruto won't be assuming the fox shroud in this.

Those of you who can guess what the new design resembles, give yourselves a Nappa Cookie.

Nappa: Yay!


End file.
